"They say that love knows no boundaries".
They say, that when you love a person, you unwillingly commit. You give yourself, your whole being ,without asking for compensation. Every fiber of your being belongs to him. Even your body…
Am I stupid? Am I being reckless? I don't know how to answer those questions. After all, I've been robbed of my sanity. There isn't even a single shred of reasoning left in me. I'm broken… lifeless… more of a doll than human…
But still… as I'm writing this, I can't help but think… maybe it was love after, all. Or maybe that's what I want myself to believe.
I'm confused. I think I don't deserve any of this, at all…
"Oi! Tetsu!"
That voice rung in the stillness of the room. My nightmares still yet come to haunt me even when I'm awake. And as I struggle to keep my voice still, I sink in deeper to the shadows. I breathe in shallow breaths, not daring to make even a small sound. But all of this is futile, I know. My nightmare knows me like the back of his hand. Sooner or later, he'll manifest and show his form.
Light. And the sound of the closet door, being opened.
"Oi… you're supposed to answer when I'm calling you, damn it."
I jumped out and gave an excuse, avoiding his stare towering on me,"I was busy…"
"Tsk." He clicked his tongue. "Writing in that little notebook, again?" He growled.
I put it inside my pocket. "That's none of your business…"
"Aren't you being a little ass today, huh?" he smirked. "Want me to set you out straight?"
"What gives, Aomine-san?" I look back at him "What do you want today?"
"Don't be like that.. You're being all bitchy. That's why you don't have any friends." He said cockily.
"And you're being a prick. If you have no business with me, I'll go…" I gave him a curt nod and walked away. That is not how you do it.. I thought. I know well-enough that I overstepped a line. That I ignited a fuse that can blow up any second. I begin to get scared.
"You're turning me on." He closed the distance between us and roughly pulled me to him. I know very well what will happen next. We both do.
I don't resist him anymore. After all, I know I can't do anything. I'm weak like that, so I let him do as he pleases. He ravages me like a wild beast until he's satisfied. I lost track of how many times I was defiled. For us, this was beginning to be in a daily basis.
And after a few thrusts, it's all over.
" I need your notes." He said while putting his clothes on.
"You could have said that before you decided to cum all over me." I said, wiping the sticky fluid all over my body. I feel weak and I feel sore. I've got these huge patches and bruises all over my body and they hurt. He was never gentle to me. He mishandles me and throws me around whenever we do it.
"You're one to talk.." he smiled. "Not when you moaned like a bitch in heat."
I kept silent. I am guilty as well of the crimes he committed. It was all too much... the pleasure, the relentless surge of ecstasy, the... What am I saying? This was clearly rape. He used me. He defiled me. He violated me.
That was what I'm supposed to say.
"I don't have it with me. I'll give it to you later..." I relented.
"Sweet." he snorted. "I'll grab you after practice then." He said and left. Like he was talking to some item he's keeping an eye on in a store.
Why am I putting up with this? Even the question doesn't make sense anymore.
For you to understand we need to look back in its roots.
But now... I am too tired to write and my words are all blurry. Maybe some other time.. When I have time. For now, Aomine-san wants my notes...
After practice.
Nobody notices me. And I'm fine with that. But for some reason, he always seem to know where I am. I watched from afar. I'm nothing more than a shadow. And he's like the sun. Dazzling and shining. That's why I don't get near. His light will swallow my existence.
"Tet-chan!~"
Startled, I jumped.
She gave a smile then asked in a pout, "Mou... why are you hiding out here?"
Satsuki Momoi. I could never hate her. Even though she sounds annoying at times. And pokes her nose into things she's not supposed to know. But I envy her, scorn her even. She has things that I want. A chance to be with him.
She's nice to me. Momoi Satsuki is such a good person. She's so perfect, that it makes me want to puke.
"Did Dai-chan forced you again to lend him your notes?" she figured. "That guy- ! Geez.." she puffed. I've never seen a human being this beautiful when mad.
"I'll go talk to him..." she patted me. "Don't worry... I won't let Dai-chan bully you any further." she reassured me with another pat and smiled .
Oh. The things that this woman doesn't know.
I stayed and watched for a while as the pink-haired approached him. It appears he gave some sort of excuse to her. He will not tell the truth. I know. He will not admit that he's having sex with someone as disgusting as me. That he's actually enjoying it. More so to the girl in front of him... the girl that he likes.
I can actually see him lit up as Momoi appears to relent to his wishes. He teasily messed up her hair and gave a laugh. Those sweet little things he'll never do to me.
I look at him with cloudy eyes, refusing to bare the emotions already welling up inside of me.
My chest hurts.
It hurts.
He will never look at me the same way he looks at her. I'm nothing more than a plaything, created to satisfied his whim.
And I'm sick of it...
I woke up in the middle of the night by a call. The loud ringtone, too harsh for my sensitive ears. In my annoyance, I threw my phone on the wall. Not caring if I won't be able to use it anymore. I need sleep. That seemed to have done the trick, for everything went silent. I relished that stillness and immediately drifted off.
But my happiness would be short-lived, it seems. Because after some time, there was heavy knocking on my door. I struggled to get up, thinking that maybe I forgot to pay my landlord the rent.
The relentless knocking continued. Geez, that old man couldn't wait for his money.
Wait. And as it suddenly dawned on me, and I was awaken from my stumbling euphoria, I realized.
...
I've already paid my bills a week ago.
Too late.
I opened the door.
"Why are you not fucking answering the phone?" a huge male with dark skin yelled at me.
Aomine Daiki is at the front door of my flat. And only this piece of wood called my door can save me. I decided in that moment to slam the door shut but he anticipated it and stopped it with his hand.
"Do you always open the door looking like that?" He looked at me from top to bottom apparently sizing the tangle of mess in front of him.
Nights are incredibly hard for me, and the air too humid to be fully clothed. I'm wearing nothing but my boxers and an oversized shirt. And as my knees started to give way as I finally grasped the situation I'm in, and as I begin to lose my balance, he held my two hands and lifted me up, raising me up in the air until my face is on par with his.
"Why are you dressed like that?" he said with a dark smirk in the corner of his mouth "Are you trying to seduce me? "
I gave a slight whimper. His grasp was hurting me. Binding me like chains. I struggled to breathe as I forced out a shaky "n-no..."
And as if that was his undoing, he lost control and tossed me on the bed. He removed his shirt and started unbuttoning his jeans.. "Better for me... less clothes to take off..."
He lunged at me like a hungry beast. l try to keep myself together, to force him away, to make him stop. He merely grunted and continued to give my neck sloshy bites.
"A-Aomine-san! Stop... I'm in no mood for..." I said, pushing his face away from ravaging me.
"Since when did I care if you're ever in the mo-" His brows furrowed and his jaw went hard. "What happened to you?"
The idiot must have finally gotten a good look of my face. It was pretty funny really, all my begging from before and now my mess of a face seemed to have finally done it.
"You got in a fight with your boyfriend or something?" he asked in an assertive tone, wanting me to explain what the puffy eyes are for.
Of course, I cried. I cried for him and his love for her. I cried for me out of self-pity. And I cried for him because he won't ever feel the same. After all, I am human. And I am fragile, even though he had broken me to the core. But of course, he doesn't know that. So I decided to make something up...
In my lousy state, I managed to make a half-assed smile and said, "Yeah. If everything went well, I would have asked him to beat you up. "
He raised an eyebrow. "Don't screw with me, kid. I'll beat him to a pulp before he can even cry for help."
The logical side of me kicked in and I countered, "Why would I date somebody inferior to you. You can't beat up somebody who's bigger and stronger..." Of course all of these are for a show, I am not one to score boyfriends or cry over them for that manner. But I had confidence in my voice. Like everything was actually worth believing.
And it was actually working. Too well in fact. He seemed pissed. Everything about him screams danger now. And I can feel that I'm in it for a beating. I desperately wanted to apologize.
But before I could begin, he crushed his mouth on mine. Fervently and more hungry than I have ever felt him before. And his tongue slid in, claiming territory inside my mouth. The kiss was rough. There was nothing passionate about it. Just plain rage and pain.
He was already hard. I can feel the bulk of his jeans pressing against me. And for an instant, I wish I had taken back those words.
"Damn you." he muttered, letting me go. He traced the outline of my now swollen lips as he looked at me panting. God, he was incredibly sexy. And as he towered over me in all his magnificence, I stopped myself from shamefully pleading him to take me.
"Damn you too." I retorted.
That only got him angry and roughly cupped my face, wanting me to spill out the truth. "Do you realize what the fuck you're saying?"
"Yes." I was feeling pretty bold. "That I let a man take me while you were fucking me." I hissed.
That. That is how you play with fire. He roughly took hold of me and made me lie on my back. I can hear the sound of the zipper and jeans hurriedly being cast aside. It wasn't before long when I felt his hard erection pressing against my entrance.
And without warning, he entered me.
The pain was excruciating. I was far from ready and my walls still small enough to accommodate his big thing now plowing inside me.
I let out a scream as I felt the pain slowly enveloping me. There were tears in the corners of my eyes and I grasped the bed cover beneath me.
"Stop. It fucking hurts, Aomine-kun." I said under short ragged breaths.
"That's because you're so tight." he whispered as he bit my ear.
We've done this innumerable times, more times than I can remember and yet I am still not accustomed to how big he is. How big he can still be.
I felt him get bigger and his thrusts go faster. He was nearing his limit, I can feel it. And with one suspended motion, he pulled out and came.
My back is now a hot, sticky mess. The vanilla silently soaking on my shirt. My whole body was spent. I felt dead-tired. I want him to leave, so that I can close my eyes, as was customary of him when he's satisfied.
But to my surprise, he lay down beside me. He just looked up at the ceiling and stayed silent. I watched him for a while, studied him, and wondered what sick joke the fates are playing.
"You only seem to call me "kun" when we're doing it." he sprawled the words like he was talking to my whitewashed ceiling.
"Correction. Fucking. "when we're fucking", Aomine-san" I added as I took off my shirt removing the gooey consistency pressing on my back.
"Whatever. It's not like there's any difference. " he growled, not wanting to get hung up with the mechanics.
"There is." I quietly pointed out, as I threw him the shirt which he swatted away with a mere flick of his hand.
"Its not like I care."
"Of course you don't, that's why you're always rough." I muttered under my breath, letting the words suffocate themselves as they leave my mouth. Hoping that they die before they reached his ears. God knows what he'll do when it does.
"What?"
"N-nothing." I looked away and pretended the opposite wall was of high interest.
He took my shoulder and forced me to face him.
"Let's kiss." his voice was raspy and he looked at me quite sternly.
Fate is really fucking with me right now. That, I figured. I was perplexed, and so the most that I managed is a, "Ha?"
"I want to know how you kiss that boyfriend of yours." He jerked his thumb at my mouth.
The gods must have been crazy when they made Aomine Daiki.
But I wanted him. Right there.
I reached out to him, careful not to show what my true feelings are. That I'm hungry for his mouth.
I started the kiss slowly and gently as possible, exploring his insides. My tongue melting with his. But then it became unbearably sweet. I lost control and pushed my tongue further inside his mouth,more roughly and more passionately than what I intended to do.
And then he broke off. I bit my lower lip. Fuck, I want more. That's what my brain screamed. It's like having my oxygen cut off, I can't breathe. I need it.
"That was shameful." he said with a laugh. "So... you guys kiss like that?"
I have nothing to say. More so, to defend my imaginary relationship with my imaginary boyfriend. I just stared at him, dumbfounded. I had no idea what I looked like. I just know that I look stupid.
"Are you sulking?" he asked, teasing me.
I didn't reply. The capability of speaking and conversing has left me.
"You know..." He poked my now exposed chest."You taste sweeter when we do it slow." He grabbed me and suckled on a nipple, delicately coating it with his tongue. He sucked on it and bit on it, all the while massaging my other breast. I almost let myself moan out of pleasure as he caressed me with those experienced fingers of his. He felt me shuddered and then he looked up, "Crap. You're so flat." he snorted. Flames of heat fanned my face. He laughed, one of those scratchy voice that seems to be rough on edges and then... he kissed me.
It came like a sudden surge. Like a bolt of lightning. Deadly yet it brings heat. Warmth. And to my soul who's been dead-cold for a long time, it was one that I welcomed.
His tongue were smoldering embers, begging for attention, for interaction. And now that he's doing it slow, my mouth felt on fire. My whole body felt on fire. It was as if I was bound on a petrifying spell, ridding me of all movements.
He let me go for a while and caressed my now-red cheeks, whispering, taunting, "You liked that."
I was stupefied , unable to move. I went full scarlet as I gripped the sheets underneath me for support.
"You don't have to say anything." He laughed and gave one of those devilish grins. "Your face shows it all." He was clearly having a good time. Making fun of me, that is.
I bit my lower lip. This is not good. Aomine Daiki is a man of thrill. And right now, I'm probably giving him the thrill of his life. I need to get away. To stay away. Anymore, and this might turn into something nasty.
"I'm washing myself." I said brushing off his hand on my cheek. I started to walk to the shower, a bit reluctant of my own stark naked body parading in front of his eyes. But that's the least of my worries. I need to get away, fast.
I am never a match for Aomine Daiki when it comes to speed and intuition. He grabbed hold of my wrist and said, "Where do you think you're going?"
"You're finished , right?" I said.
"Like hell I am." He drew himself closer and enveloped me in his arms. My back against his chest. He was warm beyond all recognition. Like the sun. "Can't you feel it?" I felt heat rising up as I realized what he was talking about. His hard member pressing on my back. "You're hard again?" I asked.
"That's not a bad thing." he said in a low voice. He must have heard the unusual note in my voice that I seem to be able to produce when I'm scared. I am scared.
"I won't be rough this time , don't worry." he brushed off the strands of my hair on my shoulder and carefully nipped my clavicle. His teeth lightly grazing my flesh.
I shivered. "A-Aomine-kun?"
I am more afraid than ever. New things and discoveries make your heart go off at a ludicrously high beat. May it be good or bad. It usually means excitement. But there are always two sides of a mirror. It may be just as fear, itself.
Aomine Daiki is being gentle.
I might have that haunted look in my eyes. The one that screamed scared. So he leaned towards my face and gave me a light tap on my cheeks. That got me to calm down. "You'll feel good. That's a promise." He let go of me and went back to the bed. Motioning for me to follow.
I tried to digest what he meant. He said it with such an air that I had troubled breathing. Did he just said that I would feel good? That HE would make me feel good? But there were sublime truths hidden behind those folds. I'm planning to unearth further underneath.
I pdressed my lips and with a deep breath I said, "It sounds almost like you go around and say those things to women. Just how many did you manage to make "feel good"?" It sounded almost like I'm angry.
"What?" he growled. "None." he looked at me.
His stare was weighing on me, heavy. "But you sound..-"
He cut me short and reached for my wrist roughly pulling me to him. "Like I'm sure?" he asked. "Like hell I'm sure, I know you like the back of my hand." he murmured to my ear, sending shivers to my spine.
"I know all your favorite areas." I can almost hear the grin from his voice. "You like it when I lick here." he teased me as he bit my ear and then sprawled his tongue over the bite.
"Or here..." he caressed my nipple and perked it, making me lightly moan.
"I know the things that make you shiver." He put a palm against my neck then kissed the exposed skin.
"And the things that make you moan." he bit my neck and I stifled a gasp as I felt a tinge of pain washing over me.
"And more importantly..." he grabbed my hips and lay me down on the bed as he loomed above me. "I know how to make you ache."
With that, he suckled on my nipple, toying with his tongue. Under his mouth, it felt like my bud was melting, smoldering in fire. I let out a moan as he started to caress the other with his abled hand. And as if teasing me further, his hand started to crawl down my body and found my sex. I gasped out of pure carnal pleasure as his fingers enveloped my manhood. I find my body convulsing as he stimulated me, jerking me off. This guy. He really was speaking the truth. I find myself aching, wanting... craving... for...
I let out a cry, more of a whimper. and he immediately looked at me, that idiotic grin plastered on his face. "Already?" he chuckled. "Why can't you just be honest with yourself and say that you want me?" he teased.
I pressed my lips and willed my mouth shut. I am not going to say such ridiculous things. I still have my pride for that.
My pride is going to be crushed.
"You won't say it, huh?" he opened my legs.
I bit my lips. Waiting for it.
He laughed. "Let's see about that."
I almost went insane. It was detrimental and I lost myself all together. I pushed his head out of me as I begged him to stop. I convulsed and I shooked as he lapped me up with his tongue. His warm saliva dripping constantly with my juice. It was more than I could ever hoped to handle.
"S-Stop..." I pleaded. Almost whining like a little girl. It felt so good but it has done nothing but amplify the ache. I am now at my limits.
"You taste sweet." he muttered licking his lips. "It's throbbing. Does it want more?" he teased.
I didn't reply. I'm basically short on breath. I just lay there panting.
"Now be honest and say what you really want." he growled, becoming impatient all of a sudden.
I bit my finger and reluctantly said, "It wants you..." I shamefully gripped his hardness and guided it to my orifice.
"Good." he snapped. "I'm at my limit, if you would have played coy I would just have jammed it inside."
He slowly entered me. The tip was the first. Grazing my walls, greeting the wetness. Bit by bit, inch by inch, he entered. The pain and the pleasure was too much. It slowly drove the ache, building up inside of me.
But good lord, Aomine Daiki did it.. so... agonizingly... slow.
He entered and withdrew with a tempo so slow that I practically convulsed with every thrust. It just felt that ridiculously good. I can feel him inch by inch entering me. I felt him when he was whole. And I felt him when he was gone. He was draining me. And I almost begged him to go faster. Harder.
I know that this was incredibly hard for him. His face was at a distorted anguish like mine. This requires control and Aomine Daiki was a man of little control. His patience is at his peak, too.
"D-Daiki...! Please stop." I cried out of heavy panting. I'm at my limit. Anymore of this, and I feel myself dying.
He issued a low animal-like noise and he came. He spurted his seed inside of me as he panted and gasped. "Did it feel good?" He asked between shallow breaths.
"Ah..." I nodded, feeling guilty and ashamed.
"Good." He smiled at me and reached out for my mouth, lightly kissing me.
"That was hard. Doing it slow." He complained. "You better be thankful." He collapsed on my body and snugged his head on my chest.
"T-thank you." I reluctantly said while I put a hand on his hair, stroking it.
...
"Tetsu..." he muttered. "Let's just stay together like this for a while." he drawled on slowly.
"Okay."
"I'm so tired..." he whined.
He's heavy.
"Tetsu... Call Satsuki and say that I'm staying here for the night. Don't say what we're doing. Just say that I'm studying with you."
That shook me out of my reverie.
I pushed him away.
"O- oi! What's the -"
"This is wrong..." I blurted out.
I just slept with him. This is more than a sin. It's addicting and its making its way into my system. I had to stop it or else -
And then he's face changed. Like he just realized something. "Oh- You have a boyfriend."
...
I closed my eyes and tried not to cry in anguish.
This is stupid.
He decided that he wanted a talk with me. So we sat there, pillows propped on our sides like kids telling children stories. Let me tell you, it was far from that.
"Just what did the bastard do to you? " he growled.
Like the brute can talk, he did me wrong enough to last me a lifetime.
I looked to his eyes and replied. "He never loved me."
That seemed really confusing for him somehow. He stammered as if he wanted to say anything, maybe a form of comfort, but stopped.
"He kept on doing me. But he never loved me." I added.
"So he was fucking you?" his eyes went wide. "Why did you fucking let him?"
Aomine Daiki never fails to surprise me. I know that he's stupidity is beyond human comprehension but this is too much.
I bursts into a chuckle and smiled, "Cause I loved him."
He stared at me like he thought it was impossible. After all, I am a guy who doesn't get notice. Always a shadow.
"And I kept on dreaming... " I muttered as I play with my fingers. "that one day - One day, he'll start to like me and maybe notice me"
I struggled to keep my voice firm and intact. I will not show any further that I'm weak. After all, I'm enough pitiful as it is. I breathe in for a while and slowly count, steadying myself.
But it's no use. Drops of tears formed on my lap and very soon, I felt like I was drowning. But I felt obliged to continue the story, after all, I owe him that much.. "But you know.. I really am an idiot. There was no reason to like me." I can feel hot tears streaming down my cheeks... "And there was more than enough reason to like her."
"But you know what?" I brushed the tears off my face and managed a smile. "I think Im awake now."
I put a hand on his cheek and gently stroked it, memorizing his every feature. He didn't do anything, letting me go on. It's almost as if he knew what was about to happen. Almost.
And then finally, after a deep breath, I pulled him in for a kiss for the very last time and said, "The stupidity ends now..."
..."I'll stop liking you."