As the rain fell heavily from the grey New York sky in what seemed like buckets, the blonde Yale student roughly brushed past commuters on the sidewalk as the Bushwick apartment block came into view. It was rush-hour for commuters getting home from work and everyone seemed to be going in the opposite direction to her. They weren't lying when they said that Bushwick was the last place you wanted to be after the working day had ended. The rain began to fall faster, drenching her in seconds as she squealed in annoyance and picked up her pace, bowing her head against the ice-cold wind. Jogging past people which could only be described as "New York Suits" while holding a hand over her knit-beanie to stop it moving over her eyes, Quinn ducked into the doorway of what she knew to be Rachel's, Kurt's, and more importantly, Santana's apartment building.
Shivering involuntarily Quinn started to run her finger down the list of names on the apartment intercom, searching for the number of her friends' apartment. Before she could get through the list she heard familiar voices from inside the building, echoing throughout the foyer. Peering through the fogged up glass of the front doors through her cupped hands, she saw Kurt and Rachel exiting the elevator and walking towards her, deep in conversation. Quinn knocked on the glass and waved to them from outside in the rain, signaling for them to hurry up and let her in before she was completely soaked to the bone. Rachel quickly opened the front door to the apartment block for her, standing aside and allowing the blonde to duck into the building.
"Quinn? What are you doing here?"
Rachel asked in surprise, stepping back to avoid the raindrops that were being pushed into the building by the wind before closing the door.
"Are you on school break?"
Kurt questioned, looking at the blonde skeptically as she removed her knit-wear beanie and revealed her wet hair sticking to her. Quinn ran her fingers through her wet hair and removed it from her forehead before rubbing her hands together and blowing into them, hoping that some warmth would return to them before long.
"I've come to see Santana, is she upstairs?"
Quinn responded quickly, eyes darting towards the elevator as she shoved her beanie into her shoulder bag and set it on the floor as she shrugged herself out of her now wet leather jacket. Before either Kurt or Rachel had a chance to respond the blonde had picked her overnight bag up once more and had started towards the stairs, not having the patience to wait for the elevator to return to the ground floor. As she took the stairs two at a time and rounded the corner she heard Kurt sarcastically yell up after her,
"It was nice to see you too Quinn!"
This was followed quickly by Rachel making some comment about her lack of manners which hadn't change since high school. At that moment, the blonde didn't care what they had to say about her, to her face or behind her back. All she cared about was getting upstairs to Santana.
The last time she had seen or spoken to the Latina was before she had fallen asleep on the night of Mr. Schue's would-be-wedding. What had happened that night between them was indescribable and unexplainable, but no matter how Quinn thought of it and or how her memory was tainted by the alcohol, she also knew that she had felt happier in Santana's presence and in her arms that night than she had in a long time.
Lying in bed after making their encounter what Santana had dubbed a "two-time-thing", the blonde had leant forward, grabbed the Latina's arm and pulled her towards her so that they were both lying down next to each other. Without thinking anymore about it Quinn rolled over and nestled her head into the darker girls' neck, resting her soft pale cheek on Santana's naked chest. She let her head rise and fall with every breath that the other girl took, timing her breathing with the heartbeats that shook the raven-haired girls' body. She felt Santana wrap her arm around her as she gently traced circles on the small of her back, while she let her free hand rest on her toned abs. Without a seconds hesitation Quinn had laced her fingers with those of the other girls, letting her thumb rub the back of Santana's index finger. As much as Santana loved getting "down-and-dirty" as she liked to call it, Quinn also knew she was a sucker for cuddles.
The blonde sighed audibly as she let her thigh rest on top of Santana's, closing the remaining space between them. She felt Santana freeze under her for a second before relaxing completely into the other girl. In that moment Quinn didn't need an explanation of what had just happened between her and her best friend. All she knew was that it felt right. Like it should have been happening for their entire lives but they were just too close-minded and stubborn to admit it to one another. This. Quinn in Santana's arms. This should have been happening way before the alcohol and the wedding-that-wasn't. But that didn't matter now. They would figure it all out in the morning, and right now all the blonde girl could do was smile as she was lulled to sleep by the rhythm of Santana's breaths and the rise and fall of her chest. Or so Quinn thought.
She had woken up the next morning to an empty hotel room and a note from Santana. All the note had said was "I'm sorry. S." Quinn rolled out of bed as fast as she could manage without getting tangled in the comforter and reached for her phone that lay charging on the other side of the room. No messages. No phone-calls. She quickly scrolled down her contacts list to T and double tapped on Tana, putting the phone on loud-speaker while she stumbled around the room trying to find her underwear. She felt relieved when she heard the line connect as her call went through, but after two rings the phone was abruptly put down on her. Quinn pressed redial straight away as she unzipped her overnight bag and pulled out her jeans and a white tank top. This time Santana's phone went straight to voicemail.
The blonde felt her heart sink into the pit of her stomach at the realization of what had just happened. Santana did not want to talk to her. She pressed redial one last time, and once it went to voicemail once more she hung up. Quinn sat down softly at the end of the bed, raising her knees to her chest as she looked over to the pillow which only a few hours before had had the Latina's raven hair sprawled out over it. The blonde rested her forehead on her knees and before she knew what had happened she felt tears running down her cheeks. She hugged her knees tightly against her chest as she let her tears fall from her hazel eyes. She felt used. Used as the rebound to help get Santana over Brittany. She couldn't believe she could be so stupid. How could she have thought she was anything else? She shook her head angrily at herself as she wiped the tears from her eyes with the back of her hand and stood up. Not bothering to clean up the mess the two girls had made the night before, Quinn slipped on her jeans and top, tugged on her ankle high boots, zipped up her bag, and headed out of the hotel room without a single look back.
As she walked down the hallway towards the elevator as quick as she could, she didn't even notice Santana who had been hiding out at the other end of the corridor, pacing back and forth, fighting with herself whether to go back into the hotel room or to get on the next flight out of Lima. As she heard the door click softly down the hall she saw Quinn quickly turn the corner before she was out of sight. As the blonde disappeared so did Santana's chance.
Santana could not believe what happened last night. Even in the cold light of day it seemed like a dream. When she looked back on it now she could see that the entire day and night had been leading up to that moment when, on the dance floor, Quinn had whispered into her ear, "Let's go upstairs," before placing a gentle and hidden kiss on the nape of Santana's neck. Santana had felt shivers run down her spine and collect in her stomach as she gulped and felt her grip tighten against the blonde. She didn't understand what was happening between them or how it had happened so quickly, but she knew that she wanted it. In fact, she had wanted it since high school. There was always a little part of her that been in love with Quinn, even if she didn't want to admit it to herself. But in that moment, that was all that mattered. She hadn't been able to keep her eyes off of Quinn for the entire night. Even when Brittany and Sam had been dancing like fools in love right in front of her, she had barely given them a second glance. She had been consumed by everything that was Quinn, and that thought scared her. But when she thought about it, she had always had a soft spot for the blonde that had been her friend, and then her enemy, and now her… lover?
As they had stumbled into the hotel room close to midnight and Santana had slipped in after Quinn with her arms above her head, she barely had time to register what was happening before the blonde had pushed her up against the door. The door clicked shut as the Latina remained pressed up against it, her face so close to Quinn's that she could feel her hot breath tingle her lips. Her eyes glanced down to the blonde's lips as Quinn bit her bottom lip seductively; sending shivers throughout her entire body once more. Quinn had one hand on either side of Santana's shoulders, and the Latina could see that although she had had the nerve to ask her up to her room, she didn't have it in her to make the first move and close the distance between them.
Santana moved her head slightly to the left and leaned forward so that their lips grazed lightly over each others, their hot breath mixing and making each girl head-light. When Quinn didn't move away, Santana closed the rest of the distance between them and pushed her lips softly against the blondes, breathing in deeply through her nose as what felt like fireworks went off inside her. Quinn responded quickly by moving her hands up Santana's bare arms and to the Latina's hair, tangling her fingers inside the raven locks as she pulled her into her. Soon their lips were battling for dominance as their kisses turned from sweet and tender to passionate and out-of-control. Before either girl knew what happened they had collapsed onto the bed, consumed with one another.
Santana had taken control almost immediately, making fast work of the blonde's clothes as they fell to floor beside the bed, not that there was much to take off. She was consumed by all things that were Quinn. Her touch, her smell, her taste. They spent hours exploring each other's bodies, giggling playfully as their lips and fingertips moved over ticklish spots and moaning seductively at every intimate touch and lingering gaze. Santana wanted to show the blonde what she had been missing out on all these years being with boys, and she wanted to show her that she could make her feel better than anyone had ever before. She was amazed at how comfortable she felt with the blonde, and how much she trusted her to just let go of her inhibitions. Santana was shocked when Quinn had pulled her under the blankets next to her before snuggling into her chest and falling asleep. As much as she hated to admit it, Santana was definitely a cuddler and had no problem holding the other girl close to her as she let her fingers trace shapes across her soft pale skin.
A few minutes later Santana felt Quinn's body grow heavy on her chest as her breathing deepened and regulated. As she felt the blonde snuggle impossibly closer into her the Latina found a smile play itself along her lips as she bent down and placed a gentle kiss on the other girls forehead, before closing her eyes and letting herself drift off to sleep.
The next morning Santana had awoken with a start as the sun crept through the window opposite the bed and splayed across her face. The Latina groggily rubbed the sleep out of her eyes and snuck a glance over to the sleeping girl that lay snuggled up next to her left side. The Latina let out a small sigh as last night's memories came rushing back to her. All of a sudden all of the doubts that had dissipated last night when their lips had locked for the first time came back full-fold. Had Quinn really wanted this? Had she pushed her too hard? Was it the alcohol that had given her confidence to make the first move? Was it something that Quinn had wanted for a while or was she only using Santana to get over her professor at Yale? Or did she just feel sorry for Santana because of whole Brittany-Sam thing?
Not really wanting the answers to any of these questions in case they were the answers she wasn't looking for, without letting her mind wander over these thoughts anymore Santana gently eased herself off the bed, grabbed her red dress and heels that she had worn the night before, before heading quickly to the bathroom. She didn't want to be here when the blonde woke up and they had to have that awkward morning-after conversation. She couldn't bear the thought of Quinn regretting last night and knew that she did not want to be here for that conversation. Slipping her dress back on she tip-toed over to the desk that stood in front of the window, scribbled a quick note that she then placed on the bedside table next to the sleeping blonde, and crept out of the hotel room.
Santana felt her heart drop into her stomach as Quinn disappeared down the corridor and out of sight. The Latina ran her fingers through her hair as she sat down on the carpeted hallway of the hotel with her back against the wall, hugging her knees close to her chest. Letting out a sigh she rested her forehead on her knees and took a few shaky breaths. As she breathed in all she could smell was Quinn's perfume, on her clothes, on her skin, all over her. She breathed in deeply once more trying to control the tears she knew were threatening to overtake her, but was unable to control them as they spilled down her cheeks. She had just messed up what had possibly been one of the best nights of her life, and she had no one to blame but herself.
Santana allowed the tears to continue to fall as she hugged her knees closer to her chest. She couldn't believe what she had just done. Quinn didn't trust anyone easily, whether it was a friend or a lover, and she had allowed her walls to be broken down for Santana last night, and what had the Latina done? Everything she promised herself she wouldn't. After having been left in that hotel room by herself there was no way that Quinn would ever forgive her. She had treated her just like everyone else had in the past. As these thoughts continued to dominate her Santana heard familiar voices echoing down the corridor, and quickly stood up and dusted herself off, not wanting anyone she knew to see her like this.
Hearing Kurt's and Blaine's voices getting nearer and knowing she looked terrible with tear stains down her cheeks, Santana quickly ducked into the stairwell behind her. She didn't feel like having to explain why she was sitting by herself in the middle of a hotel corridor, and knowing Kurt he would want to know every last detail. Plus. they weren't exactly being discrete last night and Kurt and Blaine would definitely put two and two together. Leaning against the wall Santana hugged herself in the dark corridor. She waited a few minutes until the voices had disappeared and then continued down the stairs towards the reception. She scoured the reception area looking for the blonde, hoping that she would catch a glimpse of her, but it seemed she had already left. Bowing her head so no one could see the mascara-stained cheeks and the tears that still threatened to overwhelm her, the Latina exited the hotel, signaled for a taxi, and headed straight for the airport.
Quinn had waited for weeks for text, for a phone call, for anything, but nothing ever came. There had been so many times where she had thought of contacting Santana first, but she had no idea what she would say to the other girl. Santana had left her in the hotel room. Obviously she had no intention in talking to her. As the hours turned into days and the days turned into weeks Quinn grew increasingly agitated at the fact that her best friend hadn't made any attempt to talk to her. The blonde had tried to push that night at the hotel out of her mind and to just focus on her university work, but it was becoming harder and harder to do. As soon as Quinn had returned from Ohio she had broken things off with "Professor Patches", as Santana had dubbed him during their blow-out over Thanksgiving. She had realized that the Latina had been right about everything she had said during that fight. She did let men define her life. Every guy she had dated had defined her, and she was tired of being defined by anyone other than herself. But when she was lying in the Latina's arms that night, she had felt loved and accepted for who she was. She didn't feel as if she had to say or do anything to make Santana think more of her. The Latina made her feel perfect just the way she was.
She knew if she could just talk to Santana that they would be able to sort everything out. She knew that from her side that night was not a mistake. It had been a defining moment of her life. If Santana believed that she had made a mistake by sleeping with Quinn that she would have to live with that, but all she knew was that she needed her best friend back in her life. She had never felt more alone or abandoned and she was sure that the moment she spoke to Santana that everything would sort itself out one way or another. The blonde also knew that the Latina would not answer any of her texts or her calls. So without another second's hesitation she had packed an overnight bag and got the next train to New York City.
Quinn rushed up the stairs towards her friends' apartment, and before she could knock on the door she heard music coming from inside and the beautiful sound of Santana's deep and husky voice as she sang along to a song the blonde had never heard before.
It's the same thing everyday,
It won't go away.
Round and round on an old Ferris wheel.
It taken over everything I've got,
A ride I can't get off,
Babe you know how I feel.
'Cause your habit is so hard to break,
I don't know how much more I can take.
'Cause every day I wake up.
Every day I wake up,
Every day I wake up dreaming of you.
Quinn felt her heart beating hard against her chest as she let the words wash over her. Everything that Santana was singing a few feet away was exactly what she had been feeling for the past few weeks that they hadn't been talking. Maybe Santana had been feeling the same why she had all these weeks, and just like her had been too scared to make the first move. All Quinn wanted to do was knock on that door and be enveloped in the arms of the girl that had held her while she had slept all those weeks ago. As she was about to raise her knuckle to the metal door and knock she heard what sounded like a sob come from inside the apartment before the girl inside continued singing.
I'm so sorry for the things I've done,
I know I've done you wrong,
If I could only take back the time.
I could never ask to be apart
And I want you bad,
Before it breaks my heart.
'Cause every day I wake up.
Every day I wake up,
Every day I wake up dreaming of you.
Quinn felt a small smile play its way across her lips as she heard these words slip through Santana's soft lips. She had always loved listening to Santana sing. Although the Latina hid behind her bad-ass persona, she knew that she didn't really believe in herself and had such low self-esteem, but Quinn could never understand why. She had been one of the best singers in the Glee club over the three years, and no matter how many solo's she got Santana never seemed to understand what other people were talking about when they told her how amazing she really was. As the song came to an end Quinn heard another sob escape what could only be Santana's lips. The blonde couldn't wait anymore. She raised her knuckle once again to the door.
Knock, knock, knock.
"'Tana? Please open up. I need to come in."
All of a sudden the music was turned off in the apartment and nothing but silence followed. Quinn tried again,
"Santana…"
She pleaded, resting her forehead on the door of the Bushwick apartment. She waited for a few seconds before knocking again, softer this time.
"I know you're in there Tana, I've already spoken to Kurt and Rachel. You can't hide from me anymore."
Inside, the brunette scrambled out of her blankets that were securing her in bed. She hadn't moved all morning as she watched old re-runs of F.R.I.E.N.D.S episodes. It was the only thing that could pick up the somber mood she had found herself in since she had left that hotel room all those weeks ago. Santana rushed to the door knowing that the soft, tired-sounding voice on the other side could only belong to one person, the one person who had made her feel someone other than despair, rejection and loneliness since she had graduated high-school all those months ago.
She had wanted to call Quinn so many times. She had built up the courage to dial her number, but she could never go through with it. What could she possibly say to the blonde girl that would make up for how she had treated her. After being so nasty to Quinn over Thanksgiving about how she let men define her life, the blonde had trusted her and let her in, only for Santana to do exactly what everybody else in Quinn's life had done. She just hadn't known what to say to rectify what she had done and how she had hurt her best friend. She hadn't meant to hurt Quinn, and she couldn't believe what she had done that morning in the hotel. Santana didn't like to admit it to herself, but she was in love with Quinn. She always had been. And after that night in the hotel, the Latina had thought that Quinn would wake up thinking it was a mistake, and in all honesty she couldn't wait around to hear those words that were bound to come. But she couldn't leave her friend outside her door, no matter what had happened.
Santana unlocked the door, rested her hand on the door handle and closed her eyes in attempt to steady her before pulling the door open. God only knew how this was going to go down.