A/N: To ease up my wait for Kimmo's Crack Wrestling Story that must be released, and to relieve my stress, I present you a crack Promotional Story of Kagutsuchi Wrestling Federation: Eight-Way Royal Rumble Mixed Wrestling Match! More shit to say at the end.
NOTE: Do not take this seriously.
At the Kagutsuchi Wrestling Federation CEO office, everyone inside was busy working on their designated jobs. One brunette angrily typed down on the keyboard as she gritted her teeth. Burrowed eyebrows were shot to her screen, her scowl was grimmer than the Grim Reaper itself. Her two officemates, the only remaining on the room, were doing their best to do their respective job to not possibly piss her off more. But it was futile when the brunette roared in anger as she threw up the stacks of paper in the air. The young boy, with a goofy hat worn on his head, jumped from his seat at the impact of her fists on his hat. The poor male felt a lump inside his shorts, he grimaced at the sticky feeling between his butt crack. He shit himself from intense fear. Adding insult to injury, he pissed his pants as the brunette, who happened to be the CEO of this company, was glaring daggers toward him. He was now quivering non-stop, sweating bullets as the office was now flooded with a smelly sweat.
The other officemate, robotic-looking lady who donned a proper business-woman suit, glanced up at the scene, then returned to her task. She was not going to bother on stopping the CEO nor protect her younger brother. She didn't care, she just need to get this promotional shit done. This was the first time in the century, and there was a certain contestant she was rooting for ever since she debut. This wrestler better win and kick that chunk of metalman's ass to oblivion. Ignoring the obvious noise on the background, she rapidly typed down on her own keyboard as she listed the contestants for the match, as well as making sure to add notes on how to make the damn promotional video.
"GET YOUR WIMPY ASS MOVING, YOU LITTLE SHIT!" The brunette took hold of the poor kid's collar, as she puffed out angry breaths straight to his face. She shook him up and down, throwing him across the room and returned to her desk, typing her anger away.
The kid cried his eyes out, slowly filling up the already flooding room. "SIS! ADA! ACE BULLIED ME AGAIN!" He wailed, louder than the last time.
"Oh, you stupid wimp..." Ada muttered under her breath as she approached the CEO and held out a flash disk. "I'm done with my shit. If you have any questions, just ask me."
Ace brightened up, dissipating whatever anger she had earlier. "Oh, thanks, Ada! As I promised, you'll choose who'll win in this match!" Giggling, she patted her shoulder as she glanced on her younger brother. "And sorry for throwing him like a rock on the road."
Ada rolled her eyes, shaking her head. "Tsk, it's nothing. You can beat Carl up for all I care, I don't give a shit."
"HEY! DON'T TELL ME YOU'RE DITCHING ME BECAUSE I'M ROOTING FOR THE CELICA-KILLER CHAMPION!" Carl weakly waved his arms to get their attention. "YOUR BULLET DOESN'T STAND A MATCH AGAINST THE STRONGEST MAN ON EARTH!"
Ada leered, pointing a finger at him. "Don't you dare talk shit to the manliest woman alive. I bet if she wrestled Celica, she'll definitely get killed in under five seconds!"
The siblings glared at one another, creating a spark on their eyes. Teeth gritted, fists clenched, eyes burrowed into the deepest glare possible, they slowly approached each other to intimidate the opposing person to prove their worth. None of them blink an eye as the sparks connected, creating a thin line in between. It went on and on, for who knows how long. Ace slowly crept into the front view and waved. She placed her hand in the air and pulled down a title card.
Next on KWF: 8-Way Royal Rumble Mixed Wrestling Match! Coming soon!
"What the shit?" Carl shook his head at the promotional video the three of them watched. It was absurd, stupid and didn't featured the rest of the roster.
Ada blinked her eyes, scowling. "Who the hell invented this video? I sounded absurd."
Ace sighed, throwing the copy in the air. "Lastly, our latest works." She turned to look at the two, grinning. "This is going to be the best one so far. Running with an epic soundtrack, and lasted less than two minutes, we'll win."
The video starts with an epic-sounding soundtrack. A block of white text slowly appeared on the screen. "Coming soon on KWF..." It disappeared, a fire emerging on the bottom screen as another text comes. "A never-before seen match..."
A bright red silhouette replaced the text, as the male announcer's voice was played. "THE WINNER IS THE RED DEVIL: IRON TAGER VIA TECHNICAL K.O!"
Another voice took over, a smooth-sounding and deep female voice. The silhouette got replaced with a yellow coloured one, intimidation seeps on its invisible aura. "I'm going to show that I can kick the male's asses no problem."
A dark red silhouette was next, with a gruff-sounding male voice being played. "That bimbo?" Knuckle cracking was loud enough to be heard from the song. "I can beat the champion no problem."
"I can do this... I must do it for my fans!" With a cute female voice, it revealed a dark blue silhouette.
Another blue silhouette emerged, this time, lighter in hue. "Hmph. I can take the belt without sweating a lot."
"No matter how tough…my fists will break you! " An orange silhouette emerged rather comically as a voice of a boastful young lady was heard.
A grey silhouette replaced the previous one, this time, the voice is flirty yet commanding. "Ladies, I'll show you why I got the title of "The Playful Gentleman."
Lastly, the brown silhouette appeared, crushing the grey one. "Feed... me... more!" Roaring was the last thing the voice said, sounding like a wild animal.
The screen faded to black for a second, then the glamour of KFW appeared. A text said, "A never before seen match! The battle between eight wrestlers to get the KWF Championship Belt!"
The silhouettes were shown together, as their names were labeled as "?". "Eight different wrestlers, one champion belt. Do they have what it takes to beat the champion?"
"Royal Rumble making an unforgettable history... It's a MIXED WRESTLING MATCH! EVERYONE CAN PARTICIPATE, WHETHER MALE OR FEMALE! NO DISQUALIFICATION, NO COUNTOUT, NO TAPOUT! THE ONLY WAY TO WIN IS TO NOT LET THE OPPONENT GET BACK TO THE RING!"
Another moment of darkness until the glory and glamour returned. This time, placing the rosters in a promotional card. "KAGUTSUCHI'S WRESTLING FEDERATION: EIGHT-WAY ROYAL RUMBLE MIXED WRESTLING MATCH! COMING SOON IN THE GLORY OF YOUR TV!"
The three of them dropped their jaws as the video they worked hard for was goddamn fabulous to not watch! Carl quickly took out the copy and ran to the door. The other two tailing behind.
"WE HAVE TO GIVE THIS TO THE PRESIDENT! IT'S SETTLED! THIS IS GOING TO HAPPEN!" The three cheered as they roared in laughter. What an achievement! They couldn't wait to see this happening! With Carl and Ada as the commentators, no way in hell this was going to get boring!
A/N: As stated above, this is a promotional story for Kimmo's upcoming Crack Wrestling story. It'll be co-written by me. I'm going to give early warnings as the following story will have the following:
- Out of Character: Heavily focusing in one or two traits of said character to make it too comical.
- NOT AN ACTUAL WRESTLING STORY: This is a CRACK. DO NOT throw your Wrestling knowledge on the story as this is a parody that came to life just to be an entertainment to people.
- THE WINNER IS ALREADY DECIDED: This is not going to be, "Vote for your favorite character in order for them to win" kind of segment.
With those three kept in mind, I hope you will wait patiently for its release as well as enjoy this little promotional story.
Warning: I don't write like this in any of my story.