Author's Note: This story takes place 8 years after John is born and Ricky finds himself turning into a monster. This is a peak into a future that could be.

Beginning of Redemption.

Ricky Underwood groaned as he woke. His head pounded as if war drums were playing in his head. He slowly walked towards the bathroom as he felt the vile of throw up in his mouth. Never again, he thought bitterly. After splashing some water on his face, he examined himself in the mirror. Being a father at such an early age had taken its toll on him physically. He looked as if he had aged twenty years. He slowly groped at the stubble on his chin. Eight years, where had the time gone?

When he left he bathroom, he noticed his love in the bed. Amy, how the hell did you end up with me? He thought of waking her, but decided against it. The toll on him had been great, but on her it was far superior. So he left the room, allowing her to sleep a bit longer. As he walked down the small hallway, he passed his son's room. He poked his head through, and saw John laying asleep. His room was a kid's paradise. Despite their money issues, Amy had been determined to give him a loving home.

Then the memories of last night crashed into him like a semi-truck. He wanted to shout. Why damnit, why! Ricky shouted in his mind. As he looked on his son, he couldn't help it. He swore he would never... that he would break the... Now here he was suffering from a major hang over and while looking into his son's room he felt... aroused at the sight of him.

When he entered their small kitchen he slowly fixed breakfast for himself. His breakfast consisted of a bologna sandwich and a cold soda. He sat at their small table, and wondered how on earth Amy picked him. Looking back he had been a jerk. He thought back to when he and Ben were enemies. He had gone out of his way to make poor Ben uncomfortable and he was the ultimate reason why Amy broke up with him, whether she understood this simple fact or not didn't matter.

Ricky had pondered what John's life would have been like if Ben had stayed around. If he had married Amy instead of himself. Ben may have been a naive teen when this started. But he could provide. Every once and awhile when Ricky flipped through the morning paper, he would catch Ben's name in the paper. After his father died Ben had turned his father's business into a true Meat Empire. Now Boykewich would be expanding into all corners of the states, and there had been rumors of spreading in the U.S. Territories.

What did Amy get from him? Ricky had ended up dropping out of high school. The demands of providing proved to difficult on a part time job. He had always meant to get his GED, but he could never find the time. So now he was stuck at a dead end job and getting wasted every other night. Amy had been a fool, should have picked him. I shouldn't have allowed her to pick me, should have kept silent.

But the occasional time of coming home drunk, and the dead end job was the least of their problems. What the hell did I do? He wanted to shout it. Wanted to release this anger. Sometimes when he lay awake at night, Amy sleeping blissfully inches away, he privately wondered if his own father felt like this. During the day he knew better. His father was a sociopath. He didn't give a damn about anyone but what pleased him. On his more cynical days, which became more frequent as his drinking habit, he wondered if he would turn into that. It became harder and harder to resist.

It started off as just fantasies. But while on the Internet his hands roamed the keyboard and slowly he began searching. He wasn't sure what he was searching for, but something in him. Something evil was searching for something. He had always wondered how freaks, like himself Ricky mused, found these sites. Wondered how the police had trouble taking them down. But somehow he had found himself on a site that was advertising children the same age as John. When he realized this his heart beat quickened, his palms grew sweaty and his breathing came in short gasps. He quickly exited the Internet and wept freely into his hands cursing God and everyone he could think, except for Amy. Never Amy.

But late at night when he wasn't considering what his Father had felt, he fantasized of exploring the website. To unlock its secret treasure.

Soon these fantasies were not enough and one night when he was alone, Amy and John were going to spend the night at her parents house, he found that website again. He wasn't sure how and he doubted he would ever. But it was there before him, and his eyes began to devour. When he looked over at a picture near the computer, he freaked. It was Amy and John at the park smiling back at the camera. Grace took that picture. He wondered if Grace had ever wondered if the smiling faces of those two would someday be accusing him? He grabbed the picture in a fit of fury and threw it at the wall. The glass shattered.

Again he wept into his hands. He hated himself. He despised what he was becoming. How do you stop a monster that resides within your very soul? When he tackled his anger, he slowly picked up the pieces. The broken glass on the picture of his two greatest loves became a symbol to him what he would cause.

Soon his apatite became to strong for pictures. He had managed to get extra smashed one evening. He wasn't himself, he told himself the next day. But perhaps that who he really was!

As he finished his sandwich and his reflection on the events that happened. He decided it couldn't continue. Not now not ever.

Slowly he reentered his wifes room and for a moment he was in awe of her beauty. She deserved better then a monster. He quietly packed a few things. Mostly clothing and a hundred dollars. He hated taking the money because he knew she needed it more then he did. He could get by for awhile. Perhaps he will have to stay on the streets or maybe he will find a shelter. But he needed some money to start. For the last time, he bent over and kissed his wife on the forehead.

Amy stirred.

His heart beat raced. If she were to wake up, how would she react to him with a duffel bag full of clothing? But all she did was smile. Thats right Amy, smile. Smile that you will no longer have to sleep with a monster inches from you.

As Ricky past John's Room he wanted to apologize. In fact, he wanted to do more for him. But he had taken far to much from him and a few petty words would never suffice. So he walked on and turned his back on his son forever. It was for the best he told himself. He will hate me with every fiber of his being, but he would accept this. Someday he hoped John would understand why he didn't get to grow up with his real father. Someday Ricky hoped he would forgive him, but if he couldn't do that. Ricky would understand.

He left their apartment, and walked down the stairs. He no longer believed he deserved the luxury of the elevator. He didn't deserve a lot of things, but that was Ok. He grew up on the streets, and thats where he belonged. Maybe he will start up in a different city. Maybe he will bear another Son and do right by him.

Ricky was now standing in front of the Apartment building. He took one last look at his apartment, where his love was probably still sleeping. Where John was having a wonderful dream of flying through space to discover new planets, ones without him.

Ricky fought back the tears that began welling in his eyes. These were not the tears of fear or anger. They were not that of sorrow either. They were of Joy. In the end he was stronger then his father. It was true he came close to becoming him... but he wouldn't. He would rise above this and maybe one day Amy will accept him back into her home.

But that was unlikely, but that was Ok. With that, he walked away down the street unsure where he was going to end up. All he knew was he wouldn't have to become his father.

He broke the cycle.