1000 Ways to Epic Fail
Parody of the TV show: 1000 Ways to Die
Authors Note: This was a lot of fun. I wrote this with my friend, Sam, who continually told me about the TV show, "1000 Ways to Die". Her obsession with strange deaths and my constant failing inspired this strange and funny fanfiction.
Number One
Run into an open door.
Calico: I know from experience.
Sam: Me next!
Calico: I'm rolling my eyes at you. Can you see?
Sam: I'm a ninja of course I can.
Calico: We're getting off topic.
Sam: WATERMELON!
Calico: I'm hitting you! Can you feel it?
Sam: Owwww….my Cowcow rib…..
Calico: The audience it getting bored with us.
Sam: Can we go find a dead body? That would be interesting.
Calico: You're going to be a dead body if we don't get back on topic!
Sam: What was the topic again?
Calico: Running into an—
Sam: Hehehe, you're not supposed to run into the door when it's open.
Calico: I didn't mean too.
Sam: Oh well, karma.
Calico: I'll karma your face!
Number Two
Picking up something only to drop it again.
Sam: I did that with my reed guard.
Calico: Oh yea. I bet Tyler got tired of picking it up.
Sam: Yup.
Calico: Hey where did you get those waffles?
Sam: From the table over there marked 'props'.
Calico: You know those are plastic…
Sam: No they're not. They just don't have syrup.
Calico: That's for our next segment! Put those back.
Sam: NO! Quit chasing me it's hard to eat!
Calico: I'm not gonna quit until you give my those waffles!
Sam: Cough, cough. I think I'm choking.
Calico: I told you.
Sam: Cough, cough.
Calico: Am I going to have to perform the Heimlich maneuver?
Sam beats on her chest and spits the waffle piece right in Calico's face.
Calico: Why you little---!
We are sorry, but the next scene may be too graphic for younger viewers. We ask that you remain and enjoy the picture of the adorable pandas and free cookies until the set is safe.
Number Three
Eat waffles without syrup.
Calico: Well this one's a downer.
Sam: Why?
Calico: Because you ate the d*** waffle props!
Sam: But they were yummy.
Calico: It doesn't matter. I frown upon your soul!
Sam: Don't make me spit another waffle at you.
Calico: Oh, haha, I'm so scared.
Sam: I do have to say, the fork was kind of overboard. That hurt.
Calico: Well at least I don't steal people's spoons.
Sam: As long as you don't have a knife we're fine.
Calico: Yes, I believe that even the directors fear me and my knives.
Sam: You're going to rip my heart out with a spoon and burn it!
Calico: No, we're going to do that to Martin after was handcuff him to the playground.
Sam: Why don't we just stab him in the face with a knife?
Calico: Too violent.
Sam: Like yours isn't……
Number Four
Trying to open a door and think it is locked only to have the next person come along and open it.
Sam: That's when I have my blond moments.
Calico: Haha, don't you mean one of your many?
Sam: …..maybe…..
Calico: I'm right.
Sam: Sparkles!
Calico: Irrelevant.
Sam: You're just jealous.
Calico: Of what?
Sam: 'Cause you don't have an imaginary sparkle friend.
Calico: What if I don't want one?
Sam: Then you're the one with the blond moments!
Calico: What? That has nothing to do with it!
Sam: But that's how this whole this started.
Calico: True…we get off topic so easily. Hopefully the audience still found it funny.
Sam: Please, it's only funny when you hurt me.
Calico: Yea, I know. Hey audience! You should tell us whether you think it's funny or just your opinion in general.
Sam: Well, as long as it's nice.
Calico: Yep. Shoot us a review with any funny epic fail ideas too. You might just see it and your name in one of our future chapters!
Authors Note: Those of you who have accounts, I can't seem to find out how to view my non-anonymous reviews. It would be great if someone could tell me. I'm kind of new and confused. Thank you!