Welcome to my take on the Glee characters at Hogwarts. I'm only writing this because no one ever places the kids in the right house. I have a very long rant on my Tumblr about why each kid belongs in which house... I get angry about these things. This is crack, but not this chapter. This chapter is just setting you up for the crack. Enjoy. Oh, and in case any of you want to know now where and why I've sorted everyone-
slytherin for the win .tumblr. com/post/6749311691/house-sorting (Remove the spaces.)
Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. When Kurt had first been excepted, he was sure it was a joke. His letter came in the mail on July 20th, five years prior. His father seemed to be as confused as he was when an old barn owl flew into their home early one morning during breakfast. Kurt still remembers the look of pure horror on his father's face when the letter dropped in his bowl of porridge.
"Kurt, it's addressed to you," His father had grumbled, staring down sadly at the ruined food. Kurt sighed, removed the apron he was wearing, and took the letter from his father.
"Do owls usually deliver mail?" Kurt asked his father curiously, noticing the address of the letter. It was far too specific for Kurt's liking.
"I don't think so," Answered Burt, eying his son carefully. He'd thought this might come sometime soon.
"Dad, what's H-Hogwarts?" Kurt asked, skimming the letter quickly. He'd never heard of any school called Hogwarts, and he was sure magic wasn't real. How crazy that someone would try to prank him like that. He was very curious as to how they trained the owl to fly through the window like that.
"Kurt, I knew I was going to have to explain this to you eventually." Kurt noticed that his father looked rather forlorn and couldn't help but wonder why they prank would make him so sad.
"Explain what to me?" Kurt was feel extremely impatient, clutching the letter tightly in his hands.
"There was something you didn't know about your mother," Burt began, staring at his son. "Something a little strange."
"Go on, then. What is it?" Kurt was standing on his toes, bouncing up and down. He didn't remember much about his mother, but he certainly didn't think there was anything particularly strange about her.
"Before I met her, she went to that school," Explained Burt, pointing at Kurt's letter.
"Dad, I don't understand. Magic isn't real. Wizards aren't real. How can this, this Hogwarts place be real?" Kurt demanded to know. What was his father trying to tell him?
"Son, I swear to you, it is."
Kurt stared at his father for several long moments, and then fixed his gaze back upon his letter. He need supplies and school robes and an owl, cat, or a rat? Kurt rather liked the idea of owning an owl, but where did one buy something like a large black cauldron? Or Standard Book of Spells level one? Kurt had so many questions for his father that he didn't know where to begin, though he'd eventually figured it all out.
Kurt could hardly believe how much his life had changed since that day. For starters, he actually had friends. In elementary school no one ever spoke to Kurt. They all thought he dressed weird, played weird games, and sang weird songs. None of them had even bothered to get to know Kurt. At Hogwarts, however, most everyone was nice to him. He had several really close friends, and as of almost four years ago, he had a brother.
Finn Hudson was a Hufflepuff. Of course, when Kurt first met the boy, they hadn't been sorted yet, but still. There was something odd about the boy, that Kurt liked. When he'd first seen him at Kings Cross Station, he knew they were going to be fast friends. It just so happened that Finn and his mother Carol ended up having to approach Kurt and his father.
"Excuse me?" Carol asked, tapping Burt on the shoulder gently. "You wouldn't happen to know how to get onto Platform 9¾ would you? I noticed your owl and assumed your son was also headed to Hogwarts." She whispered the last word as though it were taboo, which Kurt supposed, maybe it was.
"Ah, yeah. I don't really remember. My wife told me once, but I don't think I heard her right." Kurt's father closed his eyes in thought for a minute and Kurt gave Finn an awkward wave.
"I like your owl," Finn said happily.
"Thank you. His name is Pavarotti," Kurt told the other boy, a smile on his face. He was proud of his owl.
"That's a nice name." Finn smiled and Kurt decided it was a nice sight.
"Could you call your wife?" Carol suggest kindly, bobbing nervously. The large clock on the wall said five minutes to ten.
"No, no. She's passed on," Burt explained, before slowly hitting himself on the head.
"Oh, I see. I'm sorry."
"All I remember her telling me is that you're supposed to run at the wall in between platforms nine and ten, but that doesn't sound right at all," Burt mumbled to himself, and before anyone knew what was happening Finn began pushing his trolly quickly towards the wall. Kurt bit his lip tightly, expecting a crash. Instead he saw the boy disappear though the wall.
"Wow! Cool!" Exclaimed Kurt, running after him. He, like the other boy, vanished and ended up in a busy train station.
Kurt wasn't sure what happened after Finn and he were safely on the train. He assumed Burt and Carol bonded in the short time they were alone together, and well, the rest was history. A year later they announced to the two young boys that they were getting married and they all moved in together.
"Kurt, an owl just arrived for you!" Finn yelled up the steps to his brother. Kurt let out an annoyed sigh and stomped down the steps.
"You could have been a good brother and just brought me the letter," Kurt snapped at him, taking the scroll off the owls leg.
"Since when have I been a good brother?" Asked Finn jokingly, and Kurt shrugged.
"Never, I guess."
"So, who's the letter from?" Finn stuck his head on Kurt's shoulder, and attempted to read the sloppy scrawl. Kurt turned around quickly, blushing a deep red.
"Kurt, come on! Tell me who the letter is from," Whined the larger boy, as he tried to take it from Kurt's hands.
"Finn, I will hurt you!" Kurt yelled loudly while slapping away Finn's hands. The letter he had been holding happened to be from his best friend, Blaine Anderson, the boy Kurt was madly in love with.
"Is it from that Potter kid?" Finn asked, eying his brother curiously. "'Cause if it is, I promise I won't judge you."
"What are you talking about?" Kurt was used to his step-brother's stupid questions considering he was asked about ten every day, but usually they at least made sense. Usually.
"He's a total flamer, isn't he?" Finn had asked innocently, looking down at Kurt.
"No, of course not, Finn. How would you even know? You've barely spoken to him," Kurt told him, and he tried hard to keep his voice even. The truth was, Kurt had been pretty certain Albus was gay, and just didn't want anyone to know, and that was something he could respect.
"No, I'm pretty every dude in Slytherin is gay," Finn said seriously, which caused Kurt to scoff at him.
"Finn, I'm in Slytherin," Kurt said angrily, though he wasn't really sure why.
"Doesn't really help the case," Finn mumbled. He stared over at Kurt in an attempt to see his reaction. Kurt hadn't technically come out to the family yet, but everyone pretty much already knew. Even someone as naive as Finn.
"Alright, fine. Maybe you're right," Kurt said hesitantly, suddenly finding his shoes extremely interesting.
"About Potter being gay? Yeah, I know," Finn smiled at the smaller boy, and Kurt's face fell.
"Finn, sometimes you're just stupid," Kurt told him harshly, and Finn opened his mouth to retaliate. "The letter was from Blaine, by the way."
"Oh, Blaine," Finn said, rolling his eyes. He'd never really liked Blaine much, though Kurt wasn't sure why. Everyone else seemed to love him. He was nice, funny, cute, smart, talented, and did he mention cute?
"I don't understand why you don't like him," Kurt grumbled, looking at Finn expectantly.
"He's just- I don't know. He's weird." It was obvious to Kurt that this wasn't Finn's actually reason, but he didn't want to push the subject too hard.
"You know, I get along with Noah alright, despite some of the things he says. You could at least do the same for me," Kurt was trying to keep the hurt from his voice, and failing.
"Yeah, I know," Finn muttered as he gave Kurt his "gassy infant" guilty face. "I'll try, okay. It just bothers me how the girls are always talking about him and stuff."
Kurt almost laughed aloud at Finn's remark. If there was anyone close to being out and proud at Hogwarts it would have been Blaine Anderson. He didn't yell it down the hallways everyday or anything, but he would tell you if you asked. Kurt had just always assumed that everyone knew Blaine was gay, but apparently they didn't.
"Finn, I doubt you'll have to worry about Blaine getting all the girls," Kurt told the other boy, rolling his eyes. Finn seemed to be confused so Kurt when on. "He's gay."
"Oh!" Finn exclaimed. He was unable to keep the smile from his lips. "So you two are like, together?"
"Finn, your gay jokes make my life a lot more difficult than it has to be." Kurt glared, and Finn put up his hands in defense.
"Hey, man. It wasn't a joke! I was being serious," Finn said quickly as he tried to redeem himself.
"Okay, Finn. If a person is gay, they can't be forced out of the closet, okay? They need to be given time so that when they're ready, it won't be as hard for them," Kurt explained, his tone raised dramatically as he spoke.
"Alright dude. Just let that person know that we'll all still be here for him when he is ready." Finn patted Kurt on the shoulder and then walked into the living room. Kurt couldn't help but smile at his brother's words. "By the way, though, if you two are a thing, I'll seriously need to have a talk with him."
"Finn, we're not," Kurt tried to sound annoyed, but he couldn't stop himself from laughing. Always the protective one, Finn was.
Kurt, finally being left alone, was able to read Blaine's letter.
Dear Kurt,
Not gonna lie, life at Dalton kinda sucks. I get back home next weekend, though. We should totally meet up whenever you can. My last day is Friday, so I'd be good any day after that, but it's up to you. The Warblers are all trying to read this over my shoulder, and they won't shut up. It's bad enough that I have to deal with them all at Hogwarts, then my parents send me to this awful camp for half the summer so that I can "bond with other young wizards in a safe and fun environment". What does that even mean? Do they think I'm five? I'm fifteen years old, for Merlin's sake! I feel like they just wanted me off their hands. I refuse to come back next summer. I love the Warblers, I do. But I'll see them at Hogwarts. I will sort of miss the performing, though. We were a pretty good acapella group. Anyway, get back to me about when we can hang out. I miss you.
Love, Blaine Anderson
Kurt felt his heart beat faster at the signature. It did indeed say, "love". Kurt almost got up to happy dance when Finn walked into the room again, a pompous smirk on his face.
"What are you so happy about?"
"Nothing, just making plans for me and Blaine to hang out. As friends," Kurt added when he saw the look on Finn's face. "What about you? Why do you look so smug?"
"Oh, I just got done talking to Rachel," Finn answer nonchalantly.
"She knows how to use a phone?" Asked Kurt, mildly interested. Both of Rachel's fathers were wizards and usually wizards didn't use electronics.
"She's been staying at her Aunt's house for the past couple of weeks. She's a muggle, so she taught Rachel how," Finn explained, a bright smile sat on his lips.
"How interesting," Kurt answered sarcastically. "What happened to Quinn? Weren't you guys-"
"Her and I hit a rough patch the other day," Said Finn, cutting Kurt off.
"So now you're trying to get back with Rachel?" Kurt shook his head at the sheer stupidity that was his brother. He'd never actually met anyone who went back and forth between girls as much as he did.
"Actually, no. She was giving me advice on how to make up with Quinn," Finn told Kurt this like it was the most clever plan anyone had ever had. Kurt gaped at him like it was the stupidest.
"You asked your ex-girlfriend how to make up with your current girlfriend? Are you an idiot?"
"She didn't seem to mind too much! Rachel's good at that kind of stuff, smart too. Why wouldn't I ask her for help?" Finn asked defensively.
"Because it probably just broke her heart," Kurt snapped at him. "And because both of these girls are in Slytherin! Which means they're evil and most likely have about nine different ways to kill you, and each other, mapped out in their heads."
It was when Kurt and Finn began arguing that they really seemed like brothers. Though they'd only been living in the same house for four years, they acted more like they'd been together since birth, which sometimes wasn't a good thing. Especially when Finn did something stupid. Which happened a lot.
"It's not my fault I don't understand how girls think!" Finn yelled, frustrated that he was constantly messing things up.
"You could try listening when they talk instead of just staring at their chests," Kurt suggested, then gave Finn one of his famous bitch stares that he usually saved for Rachel.
Their arguments could last anywhere from twenty minutes, to two hours, to two days. Finn usually forgets why their fighting in the first place and starts yelling at Kurt about random other things, while Kurt thinks of witty things to say in response. That day, though, Kurt was in a hurry to write Blaine back, and didn't much feel like arguing with Finn.
"I can't help it, alright, I'm a guy!" Finn said defensively, and Kurt just rolled his eyes.
"Alright Finn, whatever. You win. I'll be in my room, if you need me." With that, Kurt ran up the stairs quickly, lock himself in his room, and pulled out a piece of paper and a quell.
Dear Blaine,
I'm sorry you're not having a very good time at camp. I wish I could have gone this year to keep you company. It sure would have beat sitting in my kitchen arguing with Finn practically every day. If only it wasn't so expensive. Oh well, I'm sure I'll live. Anyway, I am free any day next week. Saturday, if you want. Just send me back a date, time, and place. I miss you too, of course. Life is pretty boring when you don't have your best friend to talk to. Oh, and about the performing thing. I had an idea the other night that I thought you might like. We'll talk about it in person next week. See you soon.
Love, Kurt Hummel
Kurt read and reread the letter over and over again to insure that he hadn't made any silly writing mistakes and smiled when he decided it was perfect. He wasn't sure about signing the letter "love" or not, but assumed it would be okay because Blaine had first. Still, the idea made him nervous. He walked over to his dark colored owl, Pavarotti, and tied the letter to her leg.
"Give this to Blaine," He whispered in her ear, and the bird took off out his window excitedly, as she usually did when asked to go on a mission.
The following day passed by without any word from Blaine. Kurt found himself worrying slightly that he shouldn't have signed the letter "love, Kurt" or that maybe his owl had somehow gotten lost and Blaine would think Kurt was just blowing him off. He was panicking so much that he even tried to start an argument with Finn to distract himself. Sadly, his brother was in too good a mood to bother with Kurt's insults as he and Quinn had just made up. Kurt found himself pacing his room for most of the night until he realized how incredibly stupid he was being, and went to lay down.
It was at that moment that he saw his bird flying quickly towards his room. He jumped out of bed, opened his window carefully, and allowed the bird in. Pavarotti hooted happily in Kurt's direction, flying all around the room.
"Calm. Down. So I. Can get. That. Letter!" Kurt said between snatches toward his owl.
Kurt finally manged to grab onto his owl and pull off the small note attached to her.
Dear Kurt,
Saturday sounds lovely to me. How about around two? I'd say your house, but then I'd feel like I was being rude, just inviting myself over. But I'm going to say your house anyway. See you then?
Love, Blaine.
Kurt jotted down a quick, "Yes, that sounds great," before excitedly flailing around on his bed. He couldn't believe how adorable Blaine was, or that he was signing his letters with love. Or that he was going to get to see him soon, after almost a month. Kurt didn't even care how pathetic he looked. He was just damn happy to be alive at that moment.
This was gonna be total crack, but it's not yet. Once they get to Hogwarts it's gonna be pretty cracky, but still follow a story line and make sense. There going to be pretty much every ship known to man in this fanfiction. Yes, it involves second generation Potterkids. Yes, a couple of them are going to be main characters. And yes, I am a big supporter of a Finn/Kurt bromance. :) Reviews maybe?