1: How Ridiculously Crack-y

Summary: Because the explanation just wouldn't fit in the summary box outside. Ahem. This masterpiece is inspired by the minds of myself and my good friend Lawrence who would sit together in the school library and draw random-ass comics during first and second period spare. What came to be, after a new-found-love for Stargate Atlantis was this hunk of whatever the hell it is. It has a plot, just not a very good one, every character you come across, canon or original is completely out of character (Yes, even our original characters are fucked) And furthermore, due to this piece of crack, it may be offensive to hardcore Atlantis fans (Which I am, I'm simply a little more twisted than most =D)

So now, without further delay, I give you the greatest Crack-fic (probably the most hazardous ever introduced into this category) Ever written by two geeks (one with an iron mullet, the other with a half shaved head... you sure you wanna trust this?) Please, for the love of the gods... don't hurt me.

ONWARD! -

It was a rather normal summer night in the small town in Manitoba, Canada; The faint chirping of crickets could be heard in the evening summer warmth, the sky still glowing a faint twilight as the last rays of the sun were slowly being smothered by the far off horizon. All was mostly peaceful, except for one young man gallivanting about in what was often referred to as the 'LARP grounds', an area of multiple kinds of terrain which the nerds and geeks of this town found reasonably decent to hit people with foam swords upon... dressed in medieval costume. Anyway, the young man, Lawrence was his name, was having a grand old time skipping along the dark trails of the forest surrounding the 'no-man's-land' of the grounds. Why was he out there are this time of night? No-one truly knows, what is Larry's is Larry's and thus it should not be questioned. It was not long into his gleeful skipping, however, that a ragged branch from an old black-spruce tree caught the tail end of his mullet thus releasing the most blood curdling screech ever delivered by a male of the same species. Nearly frozen with fear, Larry slowly turned his head to the side only to release is held breath with a sigh of relief. Easily untangling his mullet from the branch with a silly smirk on his face, he suddenly noticed something he didn't remember being there before.

Peeking out from around the black-spruce tree that had caught him earlier, he made further note of the pretty pale blue light emanating ever so softly a short distance away, view of the source, obscured by many trees and bushes. As if drawn to it, like a mosquito to a fluorescent light, he made a slow and mesmerized trek toward it. He reached out and moved the last of the branches from his path, finally able to see the tall, circular structure from which his pretty blue light was glowing from. Blue/grey eyes widened with the curiosity only a small boy with a brand new toy could match. Larry took in the sight of what stood before him, it was slightly crooked, it appeared, the watery image within the circle seemed zappy and unbalanced and the outside of the ring appeared to be dented, cracked and even missing pieces. Larry took another step toward the ring and reached a hand out to touch the shiny shell of the structure, it sparked, causing Larry to withdraw his hand immediately. He looked up the full height of the thing, amazement still written on his features. As the glow bounced off of his face and the forest surrounding him and a slight hum of electricity filled the air, Larry could only think to say one thing:

"Whoa..." He gasped with eyes wide as saucers, "I wonder what it does..."

Now, if Lawrence were a small child, his next move would seem acceptable, but the truth of the matter is that Lawrence is at the ripe age of eighteen years... thus he has no excuse. Out of blatant curiosity or simple stupidity, he began a walk directly toward the center of the ring itself. He reached out his hand again and attempted to touch the water-like image cast within the shiny metal build. Upon realization that his hand went through the image, he was delighted by the discovery and simply could not keep himself from being pulled in.

(Before we continue, I would like to state to all of you 'Stargate' fans out there, that this is no ordinary 'Stargate'; oh no, in fact, it is the very first attempt at 'mimicking' so to speak, the gates abilities. Needless to say it was a complete failure with a multitude of malfunctions and it only lead to one place. It was also built by Tribbles... do not ask how.)

A tingling sensation overwhelmed his body as he flew through the speeding lights and blurred imagery. He would swear he could feel himself smile even though no matter how hard he tried, he could not look down and see himself. There was a brilliant blast and a loud clash and Lawrence could feel wind... a breeze if you will. He felt weightless, as though he were floating. He looked about himself and caught sight of his burgundy hoodie flapping about him, he then looked down and no longer felt weightless. He was falling, and at an incredibly fast rate, might I add. You see, this is how the fail-gate worked. It just found a path it knew, latched onto it and dropped whatever was transporting through it out of any little wormhole it found... this one just happened to be passing over a water planet... a particularly relevant water planet, might I add.

"Aahh!" Was the only thing Larry managed to exclaim as he felt himself hurtling toward the water below. He then realized that in this water, was a massive city... which irked him even more and only lead him to want to scream more loudly. With a final squeel, and loud 'Kersplash!' Lawrence hit the water below and found himself unconscious.

Meanwhile...

It was a rather calm and lovely day on the water planet where the city of the ancients resided. The water was fairly calm, the breeze was soft and the air was warm, all seemed to be well. Out on a balcony, sipping happily upon some tea and taking a break from their usually hectic lives, were Rodney and Teyla, immersed in some quiet but decent conversation. In the midst of a sentence that Rodney just so happened to be speaking, there was a loud 'boom' sound, relatively close to that of a jet breaking the sound barrier. Teyla was the first to look up, pointing to the object falling from the strangely lit sky above.

"What is that?" She exclaimed, rising from her seat.
"It looks like a... person... a person? What?" Rodney rose as well, squinting to take in as much of the falling object as possible.
"It looks like lunch..." Todd's voice suddenly sounded behind the two who shot him a rather dirty and questioning glance.
"I meant, a person... Yeah..."

Finally with a resounding 'Kersplash!' The object hit the water as the three stood watching and wondering what to do.

"Soo..." Teyla began.
"Call Ronon?" Rodney added, Teyla simply nodded.

End Prologue