Rain outside, a thunder from time to time, an empty house, and my soul. In these moments of loneliness, I can be myself, just me and nothing else exists, but no matter how much I try, I also think about the things I can't talk to anybody, my fears.
Growing up with my insecurities could make anybody go mad, but somehow I managed to survive in such a cruel world. Hiding my true feelings from my family, my friends, even from him, the one I love, I shield myself in a cool attitude, but by doing so, I just sink deeper in my low self esteem, although nobody seems to notice or maybe nobody really cares.
In the darkness of my deepest fears, while I'm alone, looking at the rain drops in my window, I cant' help thinking of him. I wonder where he is, what is he doing, but most of all, I would like to know what is he thinking. After all the time we have spent together, I still don't know him, but actually, I don't think there is someone who really does.
Of all the things that could have happened to me, the one I never expected was to fell in love like this. I still don't know how it happened, but the one thing I'm sure about is that I would have rather never to feel the way I do now, especially because he hurts me with everything he does. I know he has no idea about this, he can't imagine that when he looks at me, with those deep golden eyes, is like the ice in my heart melts down and I'm unprotected, all the shields I've placed to conceal my soul disappear, my true self is exposed.
When he talks to me, I get lost in his voice, my heart beats harder, and when he smiles at me, it's like nothing else matters, like only we both exists and there is nothing else, but then, my fears come to torment me, and my happy moment turns in to a bitter deception. I wish I could tell him how I feel, but my stupid insecurities and fears won't let me. How could he love me, when even I don't.
To love and be loved must be the most wonderful feeling, and some times, I'm about to tell him everything, to tear my heart open so he can listen, but then, a shudder in my back warns me about the danger, I'm afraid to get hurt because I know those wounds in my heart will never heal.
Every day, surrounded by the wish of one word, one touch, one kiss, again I go unnoticed, and all I can do is sit and wait, hoping the day will come when he realizes I'm there, watching, longing.
Agony surrounded by fear, fear of not being able to overcome this feeling, fear to give my heart, fear to be hurt, fear of not being loved by him, but most of all, fear of not being able to tell him my true feelings, 'cause that might be the thing I've come to fear the most…