To the Death and Forever!

by Thieving Alchemist

"Well, Fullmetal, this is what you signed up for." Colonel Mustang looked down grimly at the younger boy... "You can't back out now."..."I-I killed a man… I killed someone…" he rasped. "I… I'm a murderer." oneshot warfic

OwlCookies: after church… I somehow thought of this warfic o-o it's going to be VERY long but it's because I want to make this a one-shot. THIS. WILL. NEVER. HAVE. A. CONTINUATION. So don't follow it =.=

OH YEAH, and in this fic, ed has his full body because if he has any automail, he'll be screwed and useless… cuz… yknow… this is war…

-x-x-x-

"Well, Fullmetal, this is what you signed up for." Colonel Mustang looked down grimly at the younger boy as he loaded the supplies into the truck. "You can't back out now."

Ed clenched his fists and gritted his teeth as he scowled at the sandy ground beneath him. "I knew the risks and I told you I was prepared for anything the damn military threw at me." He looked up defiantly at Mustang. "Don't give me your pity, I don't need it."

First Lieutenant Hawkeye walked up next to Mustang and saluted. "Everything has been loaded in, sir. We're all ready to go."

Mustang nodded at her. "Alright. I'll be right there." He then pivoted his head back to Ed. "Hurry up in your self-wallow." He managed a small smirk but it was only half hearted. Both he and Hawkeye walked away, barely any conversation between the two was exchanged.

"Sir, what are you thinking?" Hawkeye asked him. Her head remained straight ahead but her eyes had wandered to him.

Mustang looked straight ahead. "By the end of all this, I assure you that Ed will be traumatized just like you and I once were. You can't say I didn't try to protect the kid, but he's a man now. He'll learn how to grow up in all this."

Hawkeye turned her head and looked up at him distantly and then looked back at Ed who had begun walking behind them firmly. She noted the dimness and ambition shining in his eyes. He was afraid of becoming a murderer.

"This is only a border war, not an extermination," Hawkeye reminded him.

Mustang grunted. "I know, but Aerugo has been pretty aggressive these past months. It's no wonder why the Fuhrer declared war. But to send Central Soldiers all the way down south…" He ran a hand through his hair. "What's he planning?"

The rest of the walk was made in silence until the two had reached the truck that would take them south to the border war. Master Sergeant Fuery was at the wheel. He gave Mustang and Hawkeye a half hearted wave. He too, was afraid. As was Breda, Havoc, and Falman. They all waited for Ed to get in and then left.

"So tell us chief," Havoc grumbled. "How's war like?" He looked at each individual in the truck until his gaze lay on Mustang's grim face.

Mustang down at his feet, his eyes clouded. "This is a border war, Havoc. Lucky for you, you don't have to go through the hell that I've been through. You won't have to commit the sin's I have committed."

"All war is the same, sir," Ed scowled. "Whether it's a border war, a civil war, or a world war, they are all the same through and through. It's all war and it involves the bloodshed of other people." He clenched his fists and looked down. A mixture of grief, angst, and anger made its presence in his mind.

His superior sighed and closed his eyes. He then opened them and looked at Havoc. "War is canons and bombs exploding, the continual pattern of the clicks of guns, and the insidious crackle of hidden land mines. All engulfed in a column of death and smoke. There's the symphony of sounds. Screams of pain, cries of horror… They all combine into one ridiculous melody. Its harsh sounds can be heard throughout the shredded landscape with the looks of a complete nightmare. What you thought was good for this country disappear past your tortured senses, knowing that your comrades may die in front of you at any moment. Our minds and bodies slowly succumbing to the inevitability of death… All the previous remnants of glory or patriotism… those are all gone… They've all been obliterated by the incessant screaming of the battle field." Mustang closed his eyes again. "That, Havoc, is what war is like."

Havoc looked down, his arms swaying between his legs. "That's deep, chief. That's deep."

Hawkeye looked at Mustang sympathetically. The past of the Ishbal extermination replayed in her head as she looked back at him. Truth spoke through his mouth. She had been there. She had been there. Hidden underneath the brush, hidden behind buildings, hidden somewhere far away. But she had been there. Her finger, firmly placed a millimeter away from the trigger of her rifle, was prepared to shoot the enemy at any hesitation's notice. She was there; she heard the symphony of explosions, screams, cries, and gun shots. And she too, had added to that noise with the clicks of her gun and screams of pain she had caused.

Mustang had been part of it, a big part of it. He had been the hero. With just the snap of his fingers, he had scorched many lives until they were gone. He had blazed through the Ishbalan desert, setting fire to their hearts and flesh in a gory mess. Mustang he inhaled all the smoke with death in their scent. He had been there along with Hawkeye. He too, knew about hell. He had been Hell's servant. He had done its dirty work. He had done its bidding. And he could nothing but feel guilty about it.

By sunset, they had reached the Southern area of Amestris where camp was. Mustang and his subordinates grabbed their packs and began setting up their tents. Once they were done with that, Mustang rounded them all up.

"Alright men," he announced. "From this point on, we'll probably all be split up. You've all been briefed about your duties and if you weren't paying attention, I'll repeat them." Mustang first looked at Hawkeye. "First Lieutenant Hawkeye, you will be stationed with the other snipers at 0900 hours. Second Lieutenant Havoc, with all the other gunmen, you will also meet at 0900 hours." He continued down through his subordinates until he reached Ed. "Fullmetal, as an alchemist, you will be with me. We've been stationed on the front lines later today from 2300 to 0300."

Mustang's subordinate's saluted their understanding.

"Dismissed."

Around 2100 hours, Ed was found sitting at a camp fire alone with his bowl of cornmeal, salted pork, and dried peas. Every few minutes or so, he would lift his spoon with food to his mouth then chewed slowly. The last thing on his mind was hunger. He was just too deep in thought.

So this was it huh. He never expected to be shipped off to war while he was so close to getting the Philosopher's Stone. War. Hell, Ed didn't even know if he would be going back home to Al, to Winry, to Granny Pinako… Yesterday could be the last day he would ever see them again.

"Brother! You can't go!"

"Ed…"

He had left them with tears.

"Brother, if you go, then I'm going with you!" Al had been defiant.

"No Al! If you go, then you might die!" Ed had vowed to Al that he would come back home safe and sound.

"But what about you, brother? What if you die?" Al was persistent.

"I promise I'll come back."

How long was this going to last? Even then, sitting down and eating, Ed could hear the bullets, the battle cries, and the explosions. The Aerugoean forces really were stubborn. But as stubborn as they were, Amestris was equally fighting back. A few meters behind him, Ed heard a soldier cry out in pain as medics carried the soldier away from the battle field. Ed shoveled into his food again and took a bite. Then he put the half empty bowl down on the gravel next to him and took a long drink out of his canteen of water.

"What am I doing?" he grumbled to himself. "I haven't done anything yet and I'm moping around. Snap out of it, Elric. You aren't being yourself." He sighed as he put the canteen down next to his food.

Ed looked up when he heard the crunching of gravel next to him. Fuery stood there with his bowl of food and a plastic cup of water in his hands. He had a rifle strapped to his back. Sighing, he sat down next to the blond.

"Mind if I sit here?" Fuery asked.

The blond boy stifled a laugh. "You might as well, you're already sitting."

The master sergeant smiled. He then began eating, wolfing down his food. "You aren't hungry?" he asked, eyeing Ed's food.

Ed shook his head. "Not really."

"You should eat," Fuery said. "It'll keep your strength up."

Still not very hungry, Ed took his advice and ate his food until it was completely done. "Have you been out yet?" he asked.

Fuery nodded. "Honestly, I was completely scared because I was sent to the front lines. We hid in some pits and behind buildings. And I… I killed people, Ed. I killed at least 5 people," he admitted. "They were right there, 15 meters away. There was a group of Aerugoean soldiers holding their guns and rifles, ready to fire. I was behind a building when they began shooting at us. The soldier right next to me stepped out and fired. He hit someone but got shot as well." He paused.

"Who was he?" Ed asked quietly.

The black haired man shook his head. "I never got his name. But the impact of the bullet hit his abdomen pretty hard. It sounded like a pop sound when it hit him. His blood splattered on the ground and he was pretty much sent flying back." He looked down. "I was scared. But crouching on the ground, I aimed my rifle at the guy who shot him and pulled the trigger. I remember that my ears were ringing from the sound of it. Well anyway, when the bullet made impact, it felt like I was him. It was as if the bullet hit my shoulder." Fuery looked at Ed. "I hope I'm not scaring you."

"What happened next?" Ed urged on the older man. If he was here, he might as well know what was going on.

"He fell to the ground and died. The soldiers around him didn't flinch though, they must have known it was coming because they started firing in my direction," Fuery continued. "So I fired back. I shot them because I wanted to live, Ed. I shot and killed them because I didn't want to die. What once were neat and organized formations for those Aerugoean soldiers was now a blood splattered mess with bodies of fallen soldiers everywhere so you could trip over them and then get shot as well. But one of those soldiers who had tripped and died fell on a land mine."

"They all died, didn't they?"

Fuery nodded. "Everyone who was at the source died. Thankfully, even though I got caught in it, I managed to escape with everyone else."

Suddenly, there was the sudden sound of a gunshot nearby. Fuery and Ed jumped up in shock. As Ed did so, a bullet quickly whizzed by and scathed Ed's cheek. Immediately, his wound began bleeding. The blood began running down his cheek quickly.

"Bastard!" Ed shouted, clapping his hands and slamming them on the ground.

The ground rumbled. A few meters away, behind some boulders, the ground shot up causing an Aerugoean soldier to fly up into the sky, screaming in surprise. Even if he landed back down on the ground, he immediately took his gun and aimed at them. With little hesitation, he fired at him. Quickly, Ed and Fuery dove to the ground.

There was another gunshot. This time, it hit the Aerugoean soldier right in the middle of his forehead. Both men gasped as the spun around. Hawkeye stood there with her rifle raised. A stern look was on her face.

"Are you two ok?" she asked walking toward them.

Ed looked at her surprised. He felt sweat on his forehead as he watched her walk toward him. That's right, she's a murderer, he thought to himself. Ok, Ed knew killing was involved, but that was just scary. Before all this, he thought of Hawkeye as a gentler yet stern woman. But now that he had seen what she could truly do, Ed wasn't so sure he felt comfortable around her anymore.

Next to Ed, though, Fuery looked at her in relief. "Thanks, lieutenant."

"Y-Yeah, th-thanks…" Ed added.

Hawkeye walked up to the two. "Don't let your guard down," she warned them. "And Edward, you should be going now, it's almost your shift."

Ed saluted. "Y-Yes sir. I-I'll get r-right to that." Quickly, without so much as a glance at her, Ed scurried away past her.

She raised an eyebrow at him. "He seems nervous… Fuery, what did you tell him?"

"Wh-Why are you accusing me?" he asked. "He was fine when I was talking to him."

"Maybe he was just in shock," Hawkeye suggested. "I do hope he feels better soon. Emotions aren't exactly ideal on the battlefield."

Fuery nodded in agreement.

When Ed was a good distance away from Hawkeye, he began to walk at a normal pace. He felt jittery. Why did he feel nervous around her now out of all times? He had seen her in action many times before but… but… why was this time any different?

"Ah, Fullmetal, you're finally here. I thought you might have chickened out." Mustang smirked, trying to lighten the mood. "You ready to go? Armstrong's coming along with us."

"Yeah, yeah," Ed retorted, rolling his eyes.

He seems to be doing better than I anticipated, Mustang thought to himself. "Alright then, let's get going."

The three alchemists headed straight to the front line. Ed glanced around, nervously twitching as he saw the building where Fuery had probably been stationed for he saw a dead and rotting body with dried blood at a building wall. He heard what Fuery had heard. The many gun shots and shouts rang through his ears. Ed took in a deep breath to calm himself.

No, no, he thought to himself, this isn't bad, no; it's just like fighting Envy.

That thought calmed him down.

"Edward," Mustang calmly said. "If you hesitate, remember that it's all you. And if you don't have the guts to kill them and you panic, think that they just called you short. Got that, runt?"

"I'M NOT SHORT, DAMN IT!" Ed shouted.

That attracted the attention of some Aerugoean soldiers who began shooting at the three alchemists. Instinctively, Mustang snapped his fingers and incinerated the opponent. When the smoke and debris cleared, Ed saw the burned bodies. He inhaled the scent of burned flesh. Shocked, he looked up at his superior. Mustang was looking down at him.

"Do not hesitate to kill them or you will die."

Ed closed his eyes for a moment. When he opened them again, his eyes were stone cold. "Yes sir."

Mustang then looked up at Armstrong. "Same goes for you, major."

Armstrong stripped off his shirt. "Of course, colonel!" He flexed his muscles. "I am the Strong Arm Alchemist! I shall not fail!"

"Good. Then I expect every Aerugoean enemy to be exterminated or out of commission." Mustang marched off to the group of Aerugoean's who had aimed all of their rifles at him. He snapped and a flame exploded in front of them.

Seeing Mustang and Armstrong occupied, Ed scanned the area for the enemy. A rain of bullets began falling down behind him. Surprised, Ed tensed up and spun around. No one was there. Another gunshot was fired and a bullet had lodged itself in his prosthetic arm's hand. He glowered as he realized that the gunmen who were firing at him were snipers.

"Bastards," he scowled.

Before they could fire again, Ed clapped his hands together and slammed them on the ground. Alchemy light appeared before him as the ground in front of him shifted into a large hand. It began advancing toward a high tower. From that tower, bullet appeared, trying to shoot the fist away. Ed grunted as the fist picked up speed until it made impact with the lookout tower.

Another gunshot. Ed spun to the noise and realized it was from somewhere else. He clapped his hands and placed them on the ground. As the blue alchemy light came, he slowly lifted his hands. From the ground came a large halberd. Ed gripped the halberd with his hand as if his life depended on it. His eyes quickly scanned the battle field.

There!

He charged to an Aerugoean soldier who had a sword in hand. After hearing Ed's battle cry, the Aerugoean also began charging at the blond boy. They two clashed.

"Why'd they send a beansprout to the front lines? Amestris truly is weak!" the Aerugoean soldier cackled.

"I'M. NOT. SHORT. DAMN. YOU!" Ed shouted fiercely.

He raised his halberd and jabbed it at the older man. The enemy dodged and slashed his sword in Ed's direction. Ed leaned back but the tip of the blade cut his chin. Quickly, the boy lifted his legs from the ground, kicked the older man's chin, and flipped backward back onto his feet. The older man staggered backward long enough for Ed to raise his fist and jam it in the Aerugoean's rib cage. He heard a large popping noise and the opponent's scream in pain. But he continued by spinning around and kicking the man's face with his foot.

In a desperate attempt, the Aerugoean man tried to slice at his leg. He managed to slice a long wound down Ed's leg causing it to bleed on his arm. Ed's leg began burning intensely but he ignored the pain. Instead, he staggered forward and took a swing with his halberd. It lodged itself in the older man's collar bone. Again, Ed heard a popping sound. But it was accompanied by a crack and a shrill scream.

Roughly, Ed removed his weapon from the man's collar and walked away, wincing as he favored his bad leg. Quickly yet cautiously, he dove for shelter behind a building where the battle was behind him. Multiple swear words crossed his mind as he tore of a piece of his white military coat and wrapped it around his bleeding leg. He breathed heavily as he did so. No, no, he wasn't a murderer yet. He didn't kill that Aerugoean soldier, he had only injured him. Right… right?

Even though it was dark, Ed could see perfectly fine. The brilliantly bright blasts of flames from Mustang and the bright alien objects up in space produced enough light from the boy to see all that he could. If he closed his eyes and blocked out the booms of Mustang's fires, the roars of Armstrong's battle cries, the gunshots fired from the Aerugoean's, and the pained cries of those dying, the night almost seemed completely peaceful. But it wasn't. Mustang was right, this was hell. It was a blood bath in hell. Ed looked down at his leg, it was still bleeding. If he stood up, it might bleed through the fabric. He swore to himself again.

Ed checked his pocket watch. It was 0100. They've been at this for three hours now. Two more hours remained until Ed could finally rest. He took in a deep breath. Sand, dust, gravel, blood, fire, death. That was all he could smell. He yearned to remember the smells back home. Grass, stew, even milk. Everything was so different here. You had to be on guard every moment or it would be the end of you. It hadn't been long before Ed began jumping at the slightest noises. The rolling of tumbleweed, the calls of birds, even small things like that set Ed's warning alarms off. His heart would beat rapidly. But finally, he would calm down after he realized what the noise was.

And now, now Ed realized how tired, hungry, and thirsty he was. Fuery was right; eating all of his dinner was good. He was thankfully he listened to the older man. Ed licked his chap lips. Every muscle in his body hurt. Either from throbbing or from an injury. His lungs felt dry, like he had run across the Earth or something. And he felt uncomfortable. There was sand and gravel all over him. Underneath his clothes, on his arms, legs, and face. Some dirt may have even gotten into his wounds. He was blood caked and dirty. This was how war was like.

There was a large explosion next to him. Ed's eyes shot wide open and he backed away, wincing as he felt blood seep through his leg wound. He began coughing as he inhaled the smoke. Ed was reduced to wheezing when it was gone. Standing there in the shadows, illuminated by the little fires still on the ground and on the plants, was a tall figure. He seemed to be looking down on the boy, finger ready to snap. When the smoke cleared completely, Ed saw that it was Mustang.

"Ed? What are you doing he-" Mustang looked down at Ed's leg. "That's a pretty nasty laceration." He advanced toward the boy. "Let me help."

Mustang skillfully unwove the fabric off Ed's bleeding leg. He looked at Ed.

"Do what you have to," the boy croaked.

His superior nodded. As Mustang used his flame alchemy to close Ed's wound, Ed turned his head away and gritted his teeth. The fire was scorching hot and he felt as if Mustang were burning his whole leg off. But when he felt a cool breeze blow past his leg, he realized it was still intact and that only a burn while a long scar running down the middle remained.

Mustang held out his hand and helped Ed stand up.

"I told you to watch out," Mustang scolded.

Ed scratched the back of his head in annoyance. "I did. I was in the middle of a fight; he used his used to cut my leg while I was kicking him."

"Don't run away flame alchemist!" a voice boomed overhead.

Gun shots rained down on them as the Aerugoean soldier fired his gun at them. Scowling, Mustang raised his arm and snapped. A thing blast of fire erupted and exploded on the man. The Aerugoean gave a loud shriek as he fell from the building he was standing on, burning like a shooting star falling from the heavens. When he landed on the ground, the flame extinguished. He lay on the ground in an awkward and crooked position with multiple third degree burns all over his body. The man's gun fell 3 meters away. He looked so severely wounded; Ed thought he might have been dead.

"I'm… not… done… yyet…" he quietly scowled. The burned man reached out his arm put twitched as he screamed in agony. He then pointed at Ed. "You… there…" he wheezed. "End it… or I'll kill you…"

Ed pointed to himself confused. "Wh-What are you talking about?"

"Kill me!" the Aerugoean ordered. "If I'm going to die… I'm going… to die with pride… and dignity… Fighting and then dying for… my country…"

Ed swallowed and nodded as he raised he hands and clapped them together. He hesitantly placed them on the ground. Blue alchemy light surrounded the fallen man. Then, two slabs of hard packed dirt rose from the ground and slammed themselves down on the Aerugoean. Ed gulped, sweat and tears running down his dirty face. They streaked his mud-caked face, cleaning it in the process. He remained kneeling on the ground, looking down, hollow-eyed and hyperventilating.

"I-I killed a man… I killed someone…" he rasped. "I… I'm a murderer." Ed's frightened and hollow face snapped up to look at Mustang who was looking down at him with a girm yet stoic face.

Mustang helped the boy up, staggering at his weight a bit. "It had to be done. This is war Fullmetal. There isn't anything you can do about it." He checked his pocket watch. "Anyway, we should get going. Our shift is over."

Slowly, Ed nodded, the trauma settling in. As he limped next to Mustang, he looked at his hands. They were dirty with traces of blood. What he saw could always be washed away, but the meaning far beneath his skin could never be washed away. After what he had done today, he was no better than the Fuhrer himself. He was a murderer. He had killed a man.

-x-x-x-

The flap to Ed's tent opened to reveal Hawkeye's head. Ed looked up at her from his lying state. He was on his back, an arm draped over his forehead with his hair tossed all around from his constant movements. His sleeping bag was barely on him and his pillow had found its way to his right foot.

"Edward, are you alright? I could hear you moving all the way from my tent." Hawkeye let herself in, crouching down at his feet.

Grunting, Ed slowly sat up. He looked down at his feet. "I… I'm scared," he admitted.

"We're all afraid." She lightly put her hand to his shin, making sure not to touch the burned area of his leg. "It's natural."

"I know but… But today… I just…" Ed clenched his fists. "I don't think I could ever forgive myself for killing him." He looked Hawkeye straight in the eye.

Hawkeye closed her eyes and took in a deep breath. "None of us can, Edward. All of our hands have been soaked in blood and as much as I wish I could tell you that everything will be just fine, I can't because I have to be honest with you. Someone once said to remember every person you killed because they would never forget you. If you think back to each and every person you've killed, you would have forgotten them. But take this war as a life lesson. This is life. Everything you do is like a little waging war inside of you. But everything ends one way or the other."

Ed would never admit this to anyone, but he had begun to feel teary eyed. As he felt the tears run down his cheeks, he noticed that Hawkeye had wrapped her arms around him. She said nothing but instead stroked his messy hair until he stopped.

"Lieutenant?" Ed asked. "Why… Why is there war?"

Hawkeye managed a light smile. Ed looked so small, as if he were a young and curious child once again. "There are many reasons for war. But every war is started because it's human nature for people to have rivalries. Isn't that why you react when people call you short?" she teased.

Ed chuckled. "I suppose you're right. Thanks for… you know…" He looked away, embarrassed to continue.

She nodded. "You're welcome." Hawkeye then left.

Ed had managed to survive this first day. He knew there were many more to come but now, he was sure he could manage it. He would come back to Winry and Al alive. Whether he had to kill more people or not, he would make sure that he would see the very end of this war. And when Al finally got his body back, Ed would quit the military. Immediately.

-x-x-x-

OwlCookies: cheesy? Im sorry… and if ur may SOMEHOW be thinking "wow! This description is really good! Was she every in war?" no… im not… im not 16 yet so no… and after writing all this and researching about war, I REFUSE to join the military. I REFUSE!

Lol u probably never thought that… but… yknow… just in case?

the title may be kinda like... happy... but... i couldnt think of a better title... so... gomen...