OPERATIC INTERVIEWS
Written by Kalli, of course, who managed to keep herself in tight rein when she got to meet Erik. ;)
Kalli: I'm glad you were able to agree to this interview, Monsieurs.
André: Our pleasure, mademoiselle. But can we please get on with it?
Firmin: Yes, we do have a show going on in ten minutes.
Kalli: All right, I'll get right to the point. The subject of this interview is the Opera Ghost.
Firmin: And that's why they put you on as interviewer, hmm?
Kalli: What do you mean by that?!
André: Firmin, shut up. He means nothing at all, m'selle..
Kalli: Good… now. What are your feelings about the opera ghost? Firmin?
Firmin: He's an annoying bugger, and probably quite mad. But, in a desperate attempt to mollify you the Erik Fan, he isn't all bad. He did get rid of that tremulous Miss Daaé for us. And gossip is worth it's weight in gold, after all!
Kalli: Um. Thank you. André?
André: I agree with Firmin in the first part, but not the rest. I don't think this is any way to run an opera house! We shouldn't be running on a shoestring cast, with the grapevine as our ticket seller, and half our profits streaming out of our pocket and into the hand of that masked murderer!
Kalli: But Erik -did- build the opera house, train your … well, leading anyway… soprano, and supply you with weeks worth of sold-out houses.
André: Perhaps. But what good does that do us when he takes so much money?
Kalli: Thank you for your opinions, monsieurs. Could you please send in Christine Daaé when you go out?
Firmin: Gladly. Good bye.
Christine: Oh, hello!!
Kalli: Good morning, Christine. Sit down.
Christine: Okay!!
Kalli: Christine. The subject of this interview is the Phantom…
Christine: Eeek!!!
Kalli: Ooh, three exclamation points… anyway. Why exactly do you scream and look pathetically faint whenever someone mentions the Phantom? --here are some smelling salts, wake up now…
Christine: Oh…! Goodness! He is a killer!! Dreadful man!!
Kalli: But he taught you how to sing! Without him you would be nothing, just some Swedish ditz with a famous yet dead dad!
Christine: Oh… must you talk about my poor papa that way?!
Kalli: Sorry. Not. But, really, Christine, Erik gave you his music… and you went with RAOUL!?!?
Christine: Don't shout!!
Kalli: Honestly. You really are a ditz. Next!
Christine: *to Raoul* Darling, she's mean! Don't be nice to her!
Raoul: Of course, my sweetheart…
Kalli: Sit down, monsieur.
Raoul: What do you mean by frightening my fiancé like that?!
Kalli: Have you also got a case of chronic exclamation points? Too bad.
Raoul: I demand an answer!
Kalli: To tell you the truth, she's the one who gives blonde a bad name. Anyway, back to the subject at paw…
Raoul: Hand.
Kalli: Maybe for humans, but I do happen to be a cat. Anyway. Erik.
Raoul: What about him?
Kalli: Well, how do you feel about him?
Raoul: He is evil incarnate!
Kalli: That's pretty harsh, isn't it?
Raoul: He deserves it. He murdered Buquet, he murdered Piangi…
Kalli: He did the world a favour by killing off that mooseish bass!
Raoul: He killed! And he frightened my darling Christine.
Kalli: Why do you like Christine so much anyway? And be honest.
Raoul: Cos… cos… well… because everyone else is so much smarter than me!
Kalli: Poor dear. I feel so unsympathetic.
Raoul: Boohoo..
Kalli: Buck up, monsieur. Next!
Meg Giry: Bonjour.
Kalli: Good morning, Meg. Now, I'm frankly quite annoyed at the morons in this opera house, so let's hope you can restore my good opinion of the theatrical world of Paris.
Meg: I hope I can.
Kalli: Good. Now, Meg, what are your feelings on the Phantom?
Meg: Well, mama always said he was ev--
Kalli: Not what your mother thinks, what you think.
Meg: What… I think?
Kalli: Yes…
Meg: Oh… I… um. I don't know…
Kalli: Please, we're running short of time here!
Meg: I love him!
Silence.
Kalli: What?
Meg: He has such a wonderful voice, and he got rid of that scary Buquet and that awful voiced Piangi, and I don't like Christine nearly as much as I used to and she doesn't want him… look, I have his mask!
Kalli: Erik…
Meg: Hey, give me back my mask!
Kalli: It's not yours, it's Erik's. And he's mine, too!
Meg: Hey! Hey, stop it! Where are you --??
Christine: Is she gone?!
Meg: Yes… not fair!
Christine: Hey, Meg!! Don't run after her!! Meg!! Meg!! I need someone to help me dress!! Meg!!!!
Raoul: Don't worry, my love, with my amazing wealth gathered from champagne sales, I can hire someone better than Meg to be your maid.
Christine: Thank you dear!
Erik: Well, all's well that ends well, I guess, and the cat ran away.
Christine: Eeek!!!
Raoul: Foul minion of darkness!
Erik: I am not an onion!
Raoul: Minion, you fool!
Kalli: I say, that's a bit harsh from you, Raoul!
Raoul, Erik, and Christine: Eeek!!
Meg: Give me my mask!!!
Kalli: Never! Erik! Protect me!
Erik: Good gods, no, you crazy girl!
Kalli: If the Ghost has forsaken me… all I have left is… this mask!
Meg: COME BACK!!!
Erik: Wake up Christine…
Raoul: You keep away from her!
Author: Let's END this interview, okay?!
THE END.
Carlotta: Hey! I didn't get intervie--
THE END THE END THE BLOODY END ALL READY
Carlotta: Ouc--
THE END I SAID!
GOOD.
THE END.