Hello! Here's another SnK fic, but this'll be just a collection of oneshots, mostly death related because I just need to get all these feels out somehow *cries* There'll be multiple pairings, but the ones you'll see most often are Eremin, Rivetra, and jeanmarco. Then, of course, I'll have the random ships here and then when I feel like it. Anyway, the first one is jeanmarco! Hope you enjoy(?) I mean, you know, if you're into death and stuff...
Disclaimer: Yeah, Marco would be alive if I owned SnK.
Smile
There are times when Jean Kirstein just wants to give up. Wouldn't it be easier, he sometimes thinks, to just stop breathing? These thoughts fall across his mind more often than he'd like to admit, and yet, there they are, relentless and persistent, like the beating of his own heart.
He realizes how selfish he is, how he can practically beg for death when so many of his fellow comrades have fallen in his stead. At least in death, one doesn't have to witness the agony of being alive when your friends are not. That's what Jean likes to think sometimes. He finds himself blaming those who are dead, for pushing this fate worse than death onto himself.
But then he grasps at the air, looking for those ashes that have long since scattered. He searches for the flames that have long since burned out. He finds an empty space where his best friend once was.
Jean remembers the promise he made, so long ago, the promise to ashes in the wind. He then sternly rebukes himself, for how could he ever take his life for granted?
If Marco was still alive, that freckled boy would certainly be disappointed in him. And Jean only wants to remember smiling Marco, the Marco who would cheer him up and always be at his side.
The black-haired boy's eternal smiling face got to Jean, more than anything or anyone had before. Jean remembers the first time their lips had touched, how infectious Marco's smile had been, and how they'd ended up laughing, their foreheads up against each other. That was only the first of many kisses, but it was the one Jean remembered with the most vivid detail. After they'd gotten out all of their young, hearty giggling, Marco had stared and Jean for a few seconds before saying, 'You're handsome when you smile.' To this,Jean merely scoffed and asked Marco why he smiled all the time. Didn't he feel terrible sometimes? Jean reminisces the feeling of Marco's finger tracing over his upper lip as Marco had answered, 'Because I want to always be happy in front of you. Because I love you. When you hurt, I'll smile and take away your pain.'
At times like this, Jean would put a finger to his lips, closing his eyes and envisioning the feel of the freckled boy's mouth. Then, he would smile, just as Marco had taught him to.
Yes, Jean has thoughts of accepting, in hope that it will ease the pain. But then he sees his best friend and remembers to smile. Even when he's in pain, especially when he's in pain, he'll smile. For his best friend.