Fullmetal Alchemist: The True Story
Hohenheim ran off with a gay politician and made passionate love on the light of a romantic sunset.
Trisha died in an unfortunate accident involving a sheep, an umbrella, and a very difficult 500 piece puzzle.
Ed and Al tried to complete the very difficult 500 piece puzzle, but one of the pieces fell under the couch. While trying to retrieve it, Ed's arm and leg were eaten by a mutant chipmunk-spider mix.
Al read a Grimm brothers picture book and wished that he could be a knight in shining armor. His magical fairy godmother granted his wish, but for a price. The price was fifty two box tops.
Ed and Al don't have fifty two box tops. They are on a journey to find fifty two box tops so that Al won't be in debt to the fairy godmother anymore. He thinks that if he isn't in debt with her, she might feel more comfortable having sex with him. He secretly loves the fairy godmother.
Ed doesn't think that the fairy godmother exists, but he pretends that he believes in her because he loves his brother and wants to give him good self-esteem.
Actually, Ed doesn't love his brother, but Winry thinks that brotherly love is cute and Ed wants to impress her.
Winry doesn't exist either. Al pretends to believe in her because it gives his brother good self-esteem, since his fairy godmother thinks that brotherly love is cute.
Ed made up the whole story about the human transmutation because he didn't want to be the only main character with a non-angsty past. Al plays along because he is a minor character and that's what minor characters do.
THE. END.