Lord of the Munchkins
Disclaimer: I own none of the characters or places or anything of the sort, but Ruby and Talis are the creations of a friend and myself, so there.
Prologue
Saruman sat and stared into the black oblivion of the Palantìr. "There is nothing worth watching," he muttered, picking up a small rectangular gadget and pressing a button. "Destruction." Click. "Destruction." Click. "The beginning of some destruction." Click. "The doom of some unimportant town." Click. "Death." Click. "Ooo. March Madness."
His servant Wormtongue dashed up the stairs to answer his master's calls a few minutes later. He burst into the room, huffing and puffing from the effort ascending the stairs.
"Popcorn!" the old wizard demanded.
Wormtongue nodded his round, knobby head.
"If UC loses," Saruman continued, "I will give up on the whole 'Ring' issue."
He nodded again and said, "Master, if you were not informed of this earlier, the Ring has been found. By a Halfling, sir."
Saruman roared with melodic laughter. "A Halfling!"
"It is true, sir! You may even consult the Palantìr. Oh, and perhaps that Gollum creature may know a thing or two."
"Then let us waste no time!" Saruman stood, draping a cloth over the Palantìr. "No one shall stand in our way." And with that, he stormed out of the room and up the stairs to the top of Orthanc. He then chanted:
Dark Lord of the South, give me the power
To have all of Middle-earth in the palm of my hand
Within the hour
If this call, you will not heed,
then may you choke to death on a sunflower seed!"
Wormtongue, who had arrived early enough to hear this outrageously stupid spell, said, "Uh, sir"—
"I know, I know. That was lame. But I made it up off of the top of my head."
"No, no. The party guests are here."
"WOOT!"
Disclaimer: I own none of the characters or places or anything of the sort, but Ruby and Talis are the creations of a friend and myself, so there.
Prologue
Saruman sat and stared into the black oblivion of the Palantìr. "There is nothing worth watching," he muttered, picking up a small rectangular gadget and pressing a button. "Destruction." Click. "Destruction." Click. "The beginning of some destruction." Click. "The doom of some unimportant town." Click. "Death." Click. "Ooo. March Madness."
His servant Wormtongue dashed up the stairs to answer his master's calls a few minutes later. He burst into the room, huffing and puffing from the effort ascending the stairs.
"Popcorn!" the old wizard demanded.
Wormtongue nodded his round, knobby head.
"If UC loses," Saruman continued, "I will give up on the whole 'Ring' issue."
He nodded again and said, "Master, if you were not informed of this earlier, the Ring has been found. By a Halfling, sir."
Saruman roared with melodic laughter. "A Halfling!"
"It is true, sir! You may even consult the Palantìr. Oh, and perhaps that Gollum creature may know a thing or two."
"Then let us waste no time!" Saruman stood, draping a cloth over the Palantìr. "No one shall stand in our way." And with that, he stormed out of the room and up the stairs to the top of Orthanc. He then chanted:
Dark Lord of the South, give me the power
To have all of Middle-earth in the palm of my hand
Within the hour
If this call, you will not heed,
then may you choke to death on a sunflower seed!"
Wormtongue, who had arrived early enough to hear this outrageously stupid spell, said, "Uh, sir"—
"I know, I know. That was lame. But I made it up off of the top of my head."
"No, no. The party guests are here."
"WOOT!"