Summary: Mariah loves Ray but he leaves her alone all the time because he works hard and she feels neglected so she founds love in someone else's arms. But will everything go as planned? What will happen in Mariah's life?
Disclaimer: I don't own it. If I did,Bryan would be the protagonist.
Author's Note: New multichaptered fic. It will be completed in seven chapters. This story is written in first person in Mariah's POV. If you pay attention to the first paragraph you might guess the plot. If not...then I dare you to keep reading.
Beta Reader: the one and only; MarianQ
Chapter One: Ambitions and Heartbeats
I never put on much thought on how I wanted my life to be. I always thought that I would grow up, meet the guy of my dreams, get married, have many children and that would be pretty much it. I could never think of the turn my life would had taken when I saw him. The man who changed my life, who changed who I truly was. He was not the man I would marry today, he was someone else. That someone wasn't here anymore.
I have always been called "sweet" but I never realised why people thought that. I was kind, I cared about others but I wasn't who they thought I was. To them I was a little girl with long pink hair coming from a little village in China. Selfless and sweet, that's what I was to them. All that knew me thought I was perfect and innocent but I knew well that I was far from that. I couldn't be like that when I knew what I had done. My story is mine to tell.
First thing I remember is one cold Saturday evening when I was twenty one and had a beautiful life in Hong-Kong since I was living there with my then-boyfriend, Ray. He was the boy who had stolen my heart ever since I was a little girl. The boy who meant everything to me but Ray wasn't the boy I was going to meet that day.
My life was beautiful. That's what they said. People even said they were envious of what I had but I didn't want what I had. I wanted more time. That's what I wanted at that period of my life. Ray was always busy with his work. Always. Though I knew it was for us. I hated being up alone night after night, sleeping in front of the TV, waiting for him to come home. I had enough of this. I didn't leave because I loved him; I stayed only to watch myself becoming more like a shadow than a human being.
Until I met him, the man who turned my life upside down. He was everything I wanted at that time and he was willing to give me as much time as I needed, he was willing to spend all of his night watching me sleeping, just to make sure I wouldn't go away. He was there for me. But he was a secret. Nobody could ever know about this affair. Nobody could know I was so greedy, wanting two men in my life.
I never truly understood why I did everything I did. I was driven by my emotions. I would only listen to wherever my heart might lead me to. And it led me to him. The person who said he would give me everything. Maybe, he would in the end but that's something I'll never know. Did I have more ambitions than where I was at that time? I did. I dreamed of a family life but no ring was on my fingers. I thought Ray, the boy I'd be marrying soon, didn't love me as much as he once said he did. My heart belonged to him but my body belonged to another.
This affair had been going on for six months. The most secretive months of my life. I lived in fear. Fear that somebody would us together. Fear that Ray would find out about it. What would he do? What could he do? I spend my mornings wondering about that and then when the night came, I'd go to him and forget about everything. It wasn't just physical needs. I think it was something more than that. I wanted to be with him, as much as I wanted to be with my boyfriend. I couldn't choose and I decided to play that game of three until it was over.
That Saturday evening, I was going to meet my other man. A boy with grey hair and big silver eyes. I took a glance of myself in the wing-mirror of the car one last time. I don't remember how I drove to that same old place. I just knew I got there sooner than expected. Quickly, I opened the door of the car and stepped out, walking in the direction of the bar where we were supposed to meet.
Bryan had suggested that place. He believed it was the most faraway place we could go. It only took me forty minutes to drive there night after night. It was just outside the downtown area. Not many people would go in there since it was small and smelly. At times, I'd wonder what I was even doing there but as soon as I would see Bryan, all the negative feelings would go away. I was feeling something between excitement and anxiety. Excited to see him but anxious if somebody saw us. I was walking with my head held down, pacing slowly just to make sure my heels wouldn't make little sound. I took a deep breath and stepped into the bar.
There was a dim light and a large amount of smoke in the air. A couple was sitting in the back of the room talking quietly whilst the middle of the room was empty. It was really quiet. More quiet than what I expected it to be. God knows what I expected it to be. I entered the bar, and at that moment Bryan motioned to me to come and sit next to him. I was approaching him slowly while Bryan did not seem to ever take his eyes off of me. Maybe he thought I was beautiful, I wanted him to think that, most likely though, he thought I was sexy.
"I missed you" he whispered when I was standing next to him looking at him with a worried look in my eyes. I only shivered before I sat down in my chair on the table across Bryan.
"Stop thinking about him" Bryan said sounding severe and harsh.
"It's not that easy" I retorted taking a deep breath.
"I have already told you that we can make this situation a lot easier, remember?"
His voice came out sterner than before. Bryan was sweet, but there was a coarseness to him when it came to Ray. To him Ray was his worst enemy. And I was the battle he was fighting and the prize in the end. But that's what I loved about Bryan the most. When he wanted something he would get it, he would fight for it and win in the end but Ray... he was quiet. He never wanted much trouble.
My face stiffened. The Russian had already asked me to go away with him. Bryan wanted me to go away and live with him in Russia. In Noborisk, the city where he was living right now. He had a house there, he had his friends, he had roots. He could give me a better future. In fact we could go anywhere. Anywhere, as long as we were together. He did not care. Of course, there was always Plan B: Tell everything to Ray. No, that could not happen. I would surely kill Bryan if he did. I did not want Ray to know anything because I loved him, no matter what I was doing right now. And then there was always shame. What will I tell my loving parents? What will people think? That I am some kind of a slut who can't decide what she wants? They would turn their backs on me. My family was too considerate and believed in all these traditions to let me get away with something like that. No, if people found out, I would lose my family. Though it would be a lot easier if Ray was aware. Bryan knew that if and when Ray found out about our affair, he would break up with me and I would be his.
But I cared. I loved Ray; I loved him for too many years to stop now. But... Bryan was fulfilling my dreams. He was the man I always dreamed of. He was kind, soft to the touch and he always showed me how much he cared about me. He was there for every little problem I had. Even if it concerned only clothes or ambitions. For every little thing Bryan would be there for me. Unlike Ray.
It was those little things that made me happy. The remembrance every day that I am beautiful, that I am fun to be with, that I am worthy to be by his side. Bryan made me feel like a princess. In more ways. But I could not leave Ray. Because I loved him. I loved him enough to hurt him like this. Enough to cheat on him for the last six months. "Six months" I thought and felt disgusted with myself at once. All this time, I would regret it and promised myself I would tell Ray the truth but every time I stopped and I would come back for more. Bryan would be there for me now and Ray would be there for me eventually. How nice, having two men at once.
Ray must have realised something. "Sooner or later he will realise something and then everything will be over. Over. And it will be all my fault." Once a week I would sneak out from the apartment I was sharing with Ray and go out to meet Bryan. Every time I would come back to the house with a new lie, a new excuse, a new explanation. And every time Ray would believe me. Because he loved me. Because I loved him. Because he did not know what was going on.
Bryan brought me back to reality by leaning over to press his cold lips against mine. I could only let him kiss me believing that if I wanted to end this affair, I would be able to do it anytime...In fact, Bryan's kiss both drew and repulsed me. It was a sin and a blessing at the same time. I loved him for it and hated myself for it, for what we were doing.
Pulling back for some air, Bryan looked at me closely. To him I seemed like the sweetest perfection. He never really cared about Ray. Truth is, even if Ray and I knew each other since we were little children, we were only together for a year. "How long has it taken that bastard to understand that you're an angel?" Bryan would say and his face would always darken at those words. "What about all of his life? That's how long he fucking knows you!"
Our thoughts were interrupted by the waiter who came to take the order. Tequila shots. As usual. Always the same place, the same dark corner, the same table, the same drinks. Never to be seen. What would happen if somebody saw us or if they figured out something about us? Tragedy. This is what would happen, what would feel like for me if Ray knew what I was doing and what I was planning on doing later that night.
"So... how are you?" Bryan asked me trying to sound polite and friendly. I gave him a death glare and just looked around to make sure no familiar faces were in the same room.
"Nobody is making you stay if you don't want to" his voice was unsympathetic and his tone was unforgiving.
"Shut up, will you?" I hissed under my breath and locked my arms around myself, proving I was feeling uncomfortable. Our relationship, or better, affair was not based on conversation. I closed my eyes trying to block all my thoughts.
"I'm just trying to lighten the mood" Bryan chuckled.
"Why don't you shut up?" my voice predicted a lot of anger now.
"Perfect, it is always better when she's angry" Bryan would have probably thought to himself because I noticed a smile forming in his lips. I only lowered my head, at that moment I didn't care about what Bryan was thinking, just how miserable Ray would feel if he knew the truth. "Would", as in he doesn't know "yet". I smiled and lifted my head to look at Bryan. This time it was she who made the first move, kissing him passionately. For now, I had chosen my man.
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