title: The Definition of Love
summary: The legend of Cupid and Psyche, rewritten: This is what happens when you don't wear gloves.
dedication: To Naiya12, for reviewing every one of my SasuSaku stories. :) Also, this is Naruto in togas, though I hope you won't mind.
notes: The story of Cupid and Psyche is probably my favorite Greek myth, though technically it's not an actual love story.
I'm using the Greek names more, except when referring to the original legend. Also, Eros in this story is the son of Nyx and Erebus, not Aphrodite and Ares.
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One
"SASUKE!"
The god of love tore his eyes away from his bow, just brought back from the blacksmith. Seeing his employer's frizzy hair, red face, and a rather—dare he say it?—ugly scowl, Sasuke raised an eyebrow.
"Karin."
Behind a temple pillar, Naruto chuckled, his armor clinking softly as he did. But the god of light and medicine shut up as soon as Karin transferred her glare to him.
"Sasuke," said the goddess of love and beauty, turning from Naruto, "what do you have to say for yourself?"
Sasuke understood only too well what Karin meant, but he chose to stall. He studied a mirror-wall on the left with particular interest and said, "Hm . . ."
Karin exploded.
"SASUKE UCHIHA!" Her voice bounced off marble walls, creating an unpleasant chorus of screeches. "DO YOU FIND THIS FUNNY? DO YOU SUPPOSE THAT USING YOUR POWERS AGAINST OTHER IMMORTALS OF MOUNT KONOHA IS FUNNY?"
Sasuke wondered if he could die just from the constant abuses of his eardrums. But then he remembered gods were immortal, and therefore could not die. Damn.
"Are you even LISTENING to me? This is NOT a laughing matter! YOU—HAVE—MADE—THE—GODDESS—OF—HEALTH AND HYGIENE—FALL—IN LOVE—WITH—THE—GOD—OF—TOOTHPICKS!"
Heedless of his company, Naruto burst out laughing.
Well, it wasn't really Sasuke's fault, what happened. He'd just gotten his bow back from Juugo earlier that day, and he wanted some target practice. Then he met Naruto, who was also the god of archery, and the competition just sort of . . . unfolded.
And really, it wasn't Sasuke's fault that Genma had once again mistaken him for the god of the underworld's son. Sasuke hated it whenever people asked him that. He was the god of love, the son of Fugaku and Mikoto—the personifications of darkness and night themselves! He was a force to be reckoned with and looked nothing like that creepy Orochimaru.
"It could've been worse," Sasuke pointed out. "I could've created a bigger mess by making Shizune fall in love with Jiraiya."
The king of gods had not cheated on his wife for several decades. Sasuke was kind of a part of that. He had made a pact with Tsunade: No more Jiraiya-philandering for at least a century and she would forgive him for running off, chasing his mad brother those years ago.
"Heavens forbid, you're still making excuses!" Karin shrieked. "One of these days I am going to skin you alive and pluck out your wings and—"
Then, suddenly, she stopped.
"And?" Sasuke prompted, curious to see what his murder by Karin would be like.
A calculating look came over Karin's face halfway through her screaming fit. Then she smiled, which a smile so beautiful, so fitting of the goddess of love, it would've made babies giggle.
"Sasuke," she said sweetly. She leaned toward him, drawing circles on his chest.
Behind Karin, Naruto's eyes went huge, and he gaped at Sasuke with his mouth hanging a foot open. Sasuke didn't let his emotions show, even though he was equally surprised. What was Karin doing?
"Sasuke," she repeated, "you have been a very naughty boy."
"What do you want, Karin?"
This was always what stopped him from shooting himself with an arrow when he watched other couples walk pass him hand-in-hand. Women were such fickly creatures, even if they were immortal. All too annoying.
"I'll make you a deal, Sasuke," she breathed into his ear. "Do me a favor."
Naruto held his hands up as if to ask, Whoa, whoa, whoa, what the hell? How come I don't know about this?
Sasuke shook his head. Shut up, Naruto. I have no idea what she's planning right now.
"No deal," he told her. "I don't care what bait you'll throw me, I won't take it."
She smiled into his neck. "Naruto, dear, why don't you stand outside while Sasuke and I have a little chat?"
"But—"
"Just go," she hissed.
Naruto, knowing better than to cross Karin, gave Sasuke a meaningful look before stepping out the temple.
Karin detached herself from Sasuke, now smirking.
"Sasuke . . . if you do me a favor," she pushed up her glasses, smile widening, "I'll cure your brother's madness."
His body went rigid. "That's impossible," he said. "Queen Tsunade said so herself—it's not—"
"It's not a-hundred-percent," she admitted, "but I've been working on love potions recently. The healing properties of love potions—healing heartaches, healing emotional pain—might be applicable to insanity. I just need a bit help from Sir Gai and Sir Lee—you know, the masters of madness and merriment?"
He flexed his fingers, trying to act nonchalant. "And why aren't you lying?"
"Because I know you'll give me hell if I am, considering this is about your brother."
He stared at the marble floors for a long time, contemplating. Finally, he faced a smirking Karin.
"What's the favor?"
.*.
"You know, bastard, I think it's time for Konoha's most eligible bachelor to get a girl," said Naruto as they walked down the hill of Konoha. He then amended, "Well, most eligible bachelor after me, of course."
"What makes you think that?" Sasuke asked, annoyed. A few lesser deities passed. All of the females swooned when Naruto grinned at them, waving his hand.
"Aw, c'mon, teme. I know Sai makes fun of your sexuality and all—but hey, he's the only guy Muse out of the four. And," Naruto leaned back, arms outstretched, "besides, don't you want to fall in love yourself? It's not always that bad if it's mutual, y'know?"
"An example being?"
"Well . . . there's Asuma and Kurenai," said Naruto.
"That's one."
"And there's . . . um . . . Chouji and . . . his pork chops?" Naruto paused and then shook his head. "Well, that's not the point! The point is, true love can be a great thing. Or a bad thing. But you never know until you try! Look at those mortals down there. You're the god of love, and you bring them true love and happiness! What's so bad about that?"
Sasuke frowned.
"There's no such thing as true love," he said bluntly. "What those mortals foolishly chase after are illusions created by my arrows. I am a god. I'm not like the rest of them."
"But there is true love. It does exist. I would know."
At this point of the conversation, Sasuke averted his eyes.
It hadn't been a common knowledge that the "shining" Naruto, god of prophesies and Konohan womanizer, was in love with his twin, Hinata. The goddess of hunt. Sworn eternal maiden.
Sasuke himself had offered, in his vague, roundabout, don't-think-I'm-doing-this-to-be-nice way, to get rid of Naruto's feelings many times. Naruto always refused. The truth was, the god of love had no sane idea what caused this attraction between the two. His friend always said he had loved Hinata since the day he was born, but he never took it for anything other than sibling love until Hinata committed to maidenhood.
"But I will wait for thousands of millennia, if that's what it takes," a drunken Naruto had once confided in Sasuke after the nymph Haku turned into a laurel tree. "I know Hinata hates men now . . . but I can see one day in the future where she will return my affections. In what way, at what time, I don't know. But there will be one day."
You couldn't argue with the prophet.
Thinking of all this, Sasuke sighed.
"None of that matter," he said. "There's no one in Mount Konoha I actually feel attracted to. It's not possible when I control love. And I've seen enough of what these arrows can do to not . . ."
"Stab yourself the next time Ino walks by?"
Sasuke gave him a sour look. "And do I need to remind you that the goddess of wisdom is a sworn maiden too?"
"Oh yeah . . ." Naruto winced. "Ouch. What luck. Though you wouldn't have known, the way she talks to Shikamaru . . . or Sai . . . or Kiba, for that matter." He sniggered.
Glad with the change of topic, Sasuke said, "As long as she doesn't get an arrow, nothing serious will happen."
"Like you would dare to shoot her." Naruto snorted. "Tsunade will kill you for breaking a maiden's sacred oath. Well. Not unless Sai slips her the alcohol again."
"You're not really serious about this, are you?"
.*.
Thousands of miles beneath the palaces of Konoha, a human girl named Sakura watched as her father, king of Konoha, rode away on a stallion. He was traveling across Fire Country in search of an oracle to find the princess's seemingly nonexistent husband.
But little did she know what awaited her that night, when the love god would take his visit.
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a/n: The thing about incest—
I don't usually do incest (er, don't look at Ode to Joy). But this is Greek mythology, and so, quoting my English teacher, "They didn't have much of a choice."
Plus, gods technically don't have DNA. :)