Disclaimer- I don't own these Character's they belong to Kurt Sutter

Authors' note- I re-watched Season 3 opening episode and wanted to write this. This will be based around the shooting only. I had also seen it looked like they had Tara in a couple dif. places during the shooting scene so I am adding that. So this will be changing some of what all was showed on episode, then it will go on after that.

Chapter 1

I arrived with Jax on the bike to Kip's wake. I took in all the people it was amazing to see the turn out; there were SOA from all chapters, Military and a ton of Charming locals. I was proud that in the end Kip was getting so much respect. When Jax and I walked into the funeral home we made the slow journey towards Kip's casket. It took quite a while because Jax was getting hugs and back slaps from everyone. I was getting nods, hugs and a lot of old ladies grabbing my hand. It reminded me of royals getting attention and that was the last thing I wanted. After all his death was on my hands.

We finally got to the entrance and we saw most of the members of SAMCRO. When I first looked into the room and saw the Black Casket with SAMCRO and a reaper on it I had to stop. This was the man who saved mine and Abel's lives. He put himself out there for me and Abel and I couldn't even help him. I was a doctor who saved lives and I couldn't save him. I felt Jax put his hand on my back and that gave me the support I needed to walk in. I felt his hand on the whole walk to the casket. I almost lost it when I saw the cut; the guys had given him a real cut with all his rockers.

I knelt down in front of the casket. Jax had stayed back to let me say goodbye alone, in the back of my head I knew while Jax and I were in there no one else would come in, I would have all the time I want to say goodbye. So I knelt there sending out my thoughts to Kip…

I am so sorry I couldn't save you kip. I will never forgive myself for not being able to save your life or to save Abel from being taken after you gave your life for us. There is nothing I could ever say to thank you for saving us. You didn't even know you saved 3 lives that day. You are a true hero; thank you. May you finally be at peace.

I took another minute to calm myself. I knew when I got up I couldn't show the emotion I was feeling. I saw Jax tap the cut on the casket. I slowly stood and realized Clay was standing there. I turned to him when he reached out, getting a hug from Clay was still new to me but at least I knew he didn't hate me. I realized Clay wanted to talk with Jax so I went to walk away but Jax grabbed my hand. After the days of him not even functioning his hand in mine felt like being home, no matter where I happened to be standing.

I walked back to the entrance of the room where SAMCRO was standing. I walked to Opie and Lyla to talk with them. I was only partly in the conversation because I was watching as Jax and Clay talk. I saw Jax's posture change as Clay walked away. I knew whatever Clay said had hit him hard and I wasn't sure I was going to like it. I heard Lyla leaving to go check on the kids. I waited until Jax began walking toward me.

"You ok?"

He looked into my eyes "I guess, you ready to get out of here?"

"Yeah"

He gave me a quick kiss and took my hand. I turned and gave one last look at the casket before Jax and I walked out hand in hand.

We were walking behind the rest of SAMCRO; with our arms around each other and we were talking about what a good wake it was and the turn out Kip had. I was also thinking about my pregnancy and when to tell Jax. All of a sudden gun shots and screams filled my ears. I felt Jax push me to the ground and use his body to protect mine. I was scared more for Jax then myself because obviously a drive by would have SOA targets. After a minute the pressure of Jax's body left mine. I watched as he headed toward the road; I started getting up slowly and then I got up and went to help a member I seen who was shot. I had just made it there when the next shots were fired. I felt my self being pushed to the ground again but this time it wasn't Jax. I saw Juice standing in front of me with his gun drawn. That's when it hit me; if it was Juice protecting me this time where was Jax? I saw him jump to street level where the shooter was in custody.

I walked up to the edge of the yard with Juice right next to me. I couldn't believe what I was seeing… Jax was beating this guy's head against the street and he was a bloody mess. I watched Opie, Bobby and Clay try to pull Jax off the guy but Jax had snapped. I couldn't watch anymore I turned toward Juice and felt his arm go to my shoulder, I also felt Piney put an arm around me. This was a Jax I didn't know, he looked crazy and I knew everything had finally hit and I wasn't sure the Jax I knew and loved would be back. I also realized that Jax would find Abel or die trying. Finally he gave in to Opie and Bobby and the cops put cuffs on him. He looked up and our eyes met, I held them until I heard Unser call for me.

I went to jump down and stopped remembering I was pregnant. Juice Jumped down first

"Here doc let me help you"

After he lifted me down I jogged to Hale, I didn't even realized Juice had stayed with me until I stopped short at the sight of Hale and he bumped into me. I got down and felt for a pulse, there was nothing. I was going to start CPR until I realized the van had run over his head, I had no chance of saving him.

"I'm sorry; there is nothing I can do. I have to get back up there to see if I can help anyone else"

I stood up and went to walk away but Jacob grabbed my arm

"You just want to get back to those criminals instead of saving my brother"

"Let go Jacob or I will tear your arm off" Juice had stepped toward him

Jacob let my arm go quickly.

"Jacob If there was anything I could do I would. David is my friend and I want to help him but I can't. So I have the responsibility of trying to help the ones I can. I am sorry I can't help your brother."

Tara had tears rolling down her cheeks as she made her way back to the rest of the people. She met Jax's eyes again but kept moving. She heard Jax tell Juice to stay with me but I ignored it, I had more important things to do. I heard the ambulance sirens but I knew they wouldn't be here for a few minutes. I started checking people, when I heard someone call over to me

"Doc, we have a hurt boy"

I ran over seeing a little boy with a bullet wound to his belly. I knew I needed help with this, but at least he had a pulse. Just then the first ambulance showed up.

"Hey Juice get me the first EMT out of the squad. Hurry!"

A minute later an EMT showed up

"Let me see him. Get out of my way miss."

"No I am a pediatric surgeon with St. Thomas, I just need some supplies."

We worked for 5 minutes stabilizing him, and then the squad took him to St. Thomas. I went back to checking out everyone. Finally, after the last injury I had worked on, had left in the ambulance I let myself look around. There was blood all over and when I looked at my hands I was covered in blood. I felt dizzy and had to grab onto Juice until I regained my balance.

"Doc you ok?"

"Yeah, I just got up to fast I guess I got a little dizzy."

Clay must have seen it too because he came over.

"Juice get her home, she has done enough. Stay with her, we don't know what this attack was for I don't want any easy targets and I don't think Jax will be out till morning."

We walked down to the bikes and they still had Jax cuffed sitting on the curb. I was going to walk to him but I knew I needed to get my mind around what all had happened before talking to Jax. Unser called me over to check the shooter.

"Doc we need to know if we have to go to the hospital or take him in and let the jail doctor's work on him."

I met Jax's eyes as I walked over to the shooter. After I checked him out I reported to Unser and SAMCRO.

"Well Jax broke his nose, at least one cheek bone and his jaw. He has to go to the hospital. His jaw will have to be wired shut and have a feeding tube for a little while. That's all the more I can tell you without x-rays and tests. Now I want a shower to get this blood off me and go to bed."

"Do you want me to get an officer to give you a ride Tara?"

"That's not necessary Unser, we have Tara all taken care of" Clay answered

Jax spoke for the first time "I don't want her left alone Clay"

"I know son, Juice is going to take her home and stay on the couch."

"Well know that everyone is set can we go juice?" he nodded "Clay call if any of the guys need me. Everyone I sent home should be just fine but just in case call my cell."

"Thanks Doc will do."

"Night guys."

I smiled as I walked past Jax; then walked to the bikes and grabbed the helmet from Jax's bike and put it on. I noticed Chibbs and Tig had also walked over to the bikes and were getting ready to leave. I felt so weird getting on Juices bike but it wasn't like I had a lot of options. As we got ready to leave I looked at Jax one last time. He didn't look really happy about me riding with Juice but all well this was his fault anyway. I soon realized Chibbs and Tig were escorting us home. When our group got there they all pulled their guns and Tig asked for the keys. I waited outside with Juice while Chibbs and Tig checked the house.

"All clear Doc. Try and get some sleep." Chibbs announced as he walked out.

"Thanks' guy, be careful out there."

I walked in and began getting stuff together for Juice and the couch when my phone rang.

"Dr. Knowles, its Sarah at St. Thomas, sorry to call so late but I thought you would like to know everyone from the shooting tonight are stable."

"How did the boy do in surgery?"

"Just fine he is already awake and he is expected to make a full recovery."

"Thank you Sarah I appreciate the call."

I walked to the living room and gave Juice the pillow and blanket.

"Do you need anything else Juice?"

"No Doc, I think you should get some sleep." He looked nervous "You will need some rest; things will be getting worse before they get better. I think Jax just sent a message"

"Yeah that he lost his mind"

"Tara he hasn't lost his mind; I think he made a choice and that choice is no one is going to stop him from finding Abel."

"I know he won't but Juice… I don't know where I fit in with that choice."

"I don't know what to tell you but I do know that this club needs you and without you none of us are sure what Jax would do. I also think that Jax is going to try and do this alone so we all are going to have to dig in our heels and make sure he realizes he isn't alone."

"Yeah well I don't know how to help. This is all my fault."

"Nothing has been on you Doc"

"Thanks for looking out for me tonight. You really are a nice guy Juice"