"Porcupine Embrace"
Author's Introduction: I don't own anything, its Hideaki Anno's baby. This is not a shipping fic, not in the conventional sense – it does have a very blatant Shinji / Asuka thing going on (which was the original intent,) but ended up becoming something else. It takes place before, during and after Episode 16 (the encounter with Leliel), but the timeline might be a bit wonky in some parts. I consider it to be an alternate take on a certain part of the canon storyline. This was fun (and harrowing) to write, went into unexpected territory, and ended up in a place of its own making. Out of habit, the chapters were all named after Zeromancer songs. The title is a play at the "Hedgehog's dilemma," as you might have guessed. Hope you enjoy it.
Prologue
(V)
"Hello."
"I brought you some lunch... or dinner. I'm sorry, I know it's kind of late for lunch..."
"I'm only allowed to bring in two at a time, I don't know why. It's just the rule. I would bring more if I could, honestly. Drinks, too. I'm sorry that I can't."
"I tried my hand at a kaiseki yesterday. It turned out better than I expected, but I couldn't pack anything steamed, not properly, so I did a triple portion of the sashimi instead. Misato found these little porcelain-like cups; Styrofoam, but painted to resemble them. Semi-insulated. The miso soup I made just before coming along, it should still be hot for a while."
"Oh, and, uhh... the second one is a bit simpler: rice and, well... NERV doesn't let me order foodstuffs for my own amusement unless it clears a checklist, something about hormonal balance... and there's a second checklist for this place. I was going to have them fly in some bratwurst and put that in as well. So instead I put in different kinds of sausages; plus, two halved tomatoes, some lettuce and packed in spices for a back-up."
"They don't let me get anything liquid in here. Especially that carbonated stuff you like. Too much caffeine. I'm sorry."
"...I know you won't speak to me. That you don't want to. I don't really understand any of it, but I know, at least."
"I just wish we could talk, still. I know I am talking, because I have to talk for two, since you won't. But it's not really a conversation, and it's... well, dull, after a while."
"I'll bring my cello tomorrow. You can listen to me play, not really well, mind you, but still. It'll be something different. Of course, not sure they'd let me in with it, but I don't intend to give them a choice. They know me as the Commander's son, high time I made someone think my father would do anything for my sake. Say his name, everyone's faces change. They say he's hardly ever around... wonder why that is. Wonder why that always was."
"Oh, while I remember... Unit 03 is being flown in from America. They won't tell us what it was, but from what Rei heard from my father, there was a Unit 04 too, but it... disappeared somehow. I have no idea what that means, either."
"We don't know who the pilot is yet. I hope it's someone good. I want to meet him, or her, but at the same time, I don't want to. I have many reasons, I think, but I guess it feels... too much like they'll be coming to fill your place."
"I've asked about that, too. Dr. Akagi says that it's not that. We'll just have four EVAs instead of three. She said... what was it... that we'd look for another pilot if you were to quit or... you know..."
"But that's good news, I mean, you are still the only pilot of Unit 02. You're still on the roster, and they're expecting you back. Dr. Akagi said there was no reason to change that."
"I've told you all that before, haven't I?"
"You know... there were times when I wished you just wouldn't say anything, wouldn't talk to me... but now, I can't think of anything I'd rather have you do."
"I'll go. I'll leave the food here."
"Well, then. Goodbye. I'll see you tomorrow."
"...why?"
He stopped, one foot out the door. He turned to glance at her. She hadn't moved. She was sitting cross-legged on the bed, her hands on her lap, staring at her palms. Her hair was masking her face.
He considered his response. It'd have to be perfect, it wouldn't do to have it any less – but he didn't understand the question. It could have been any number of things.
But then again, when have I ever been able to read her?
"Why what?" he asked.
"...why do you keep coming back?"