It was worse than when Katniss would hide. It was worse than when she would revert into her mind after a nightmare. She was a shell, no emotion, no feeling. She laid catatonic in her bed, not eating or sleeping. Haymitch had been tasked with caring for her, but Effie had come with him to help out. After all, she no longer had a place in the Capitol, the government and her former acquaintances made that quite clear.
They tried to get her to respond, to speak, to move, but nothing worked. She was so deeply shattered by her sister's death and her mother's subsequent abandonment that it was as if she no longer had a soul. More often than not, Haymitch would prop her up in bed so that Effie could feed her or at least somewhat bathe her. It was almost as though she was an invalid. They worried, begged and pleaded, but their words fell on deaf ears.
Her spark had gone out, and they weren't sure if it would ever be relit. But they couldn't leave her, not when she was like that. They stayed in her house in the Victor's Village in order to keep a closer eye on her, afraid that she might try to commit suicide. In the beginning, there had been talk of moving her to a rehabilitation center in the Capitol so that they could watch Peeta as well, but it was quickly agreed that she wouldn't be able to make the trip. So the months passed, Katniss completely detached from reality, Effie and Haymitch desperately trying to bring her back.
It killed Effie to see her girl so destroyed. She knew Haymitch felt the same, though he tried not to show it. She felt guilty about leaving Peeta in the Capitol without anyone to support him, but Katniss was the priority. At least Peeta was functioning and responding to treatment, which was the only reason she hadn't gone back to be with him. Well, that and she knew Haymitch couldn't handle Katniss on his own.
As the months passed with no change in Katniss' condition, she wondered if they'd ever be whole again. The answer of course, was no, they could never be after two Games and a war, but as whole as they could get. She wasn't sure, but she hoped the answer was yes.
It was six months after she'd been brought back from the Captiol that Katniss woke up, and eight after the war had ended. She didn't know what had caused it, had convinced her to come back to life. She took a deep breath and blinked, really focusing on something for the first time in months. She felt weak and exhausted, as though she'd spent an eternity fighting some invisible enemy. And perhaps she had, because she had certainly been fighting a mental battle with her crushing grief. She still felt empty inside, like something had died that could never be replaced, but for the first time since she'd seen those bombs drop in the square she had hope that it could be filled or revived.
She lifted her head, looking around and just accepting that she was finally home. It was then she noticed Effie at her bedside, slumped in a chair asleep. She didn't smile, or show any sign of recognition, but her eyes warmed, just a fraction, just a moment. Where there was Effie there was Haymitch, and the thought made her feel less empty inside. They were doing what they had done throughout her Games and the war; they were protecting her. Ironic that this time the threat was herself.
She swallowed, trying to coax her throat into speaking after months of silence.
"Ef-" she croaked before beginning to cough, but it was enough for the woman to snap awake.
She looked bewildered for a moment, as though seeing Katniss moving of her own accord was something out of a dream. But then she snapped into motion, lifting her up so she could breathe and rubbing her back. Once the girl had settled down she pulled her into a crushing hug, and Katniss could feel tears wetting the top of her head.
"We thought we'd lost you," Effie whispered, never loosening her grip. "Haymitch!" she screamed, the sound hurting the younger woman's head.
She could hear his footsteps thundering up the stairs, and his strained breathing.
"What?! What's wrong?" he panted as he entered, no doubt thinking something had happened. He stopped suddenly as he saw the scene in from of him, Katniss sitting up and Effie wrapped around her. "Well I'll be damned. Welcome back, sweetheart."
His voice was thick with emotion, and it pierced through the veil of numbness around Katniss' heart and mind. She reached up slowly and wrapped her arms around Effie's shoulders, hugging her with as much strength as she could muster. And then she began to sob. Heartbreaking, soul-wrenching sobs.
Effie gasped and held her tighter, desperately trying to stem the flow of her own tears. Haymitch joined them on the bed, wrapping them both in his arms. Effie laid back against him, taking Katniss with her.
"That's it, that's it, darling. Let it out, let it all out," she said, voice cracking with emotion.
"It hurts so much!" Katniss practically shrieked, raw pain evident in her voice.
The two adults said nothing, simply held her tighter and allowed her to sob out her pain. She was properly grieving for the first time since everything had begun. And though it shattered their hearts and took a piece of their soul, Haymitch and Effie allowed her to do it, knowing she couldn't begin to heal until she had. After several minutes, Effie couldn't hold herself together anymore and let loose with another round of tears, some for the fallen but most for the girl in her arms. Haymitch felt what was left of his heart break as he listened to his two girls sobbing their hearts out.
He had never been one to deal with emotions well, he had left that up to Effie, but this had broken her. Watching their girl, their daughter, go through such loss and grief had damaged a part of her personality irrevocably. He almost wished the war would never have happened. Almost. He definitely wished he would have done a better job of protecting them.
Katniss would never be the same as she was before the events of the past three years. Effie had lost the part of herself that always seemed to find the bright side of life. And he, he had made the biggest mistake of all. He had thought had nothing left to lose, but he was wrong. He had had everything left to lose. He just hadn't realized it at the time.
And it was because of that that he failed at protecting them, his family. He laid his head atop Effie's and let a few of his own tears slip out, hoping she wouldn't notice. But she did, because she was Effie. She simply grasped his hand with the one not wrapped around Katniss' back and held on tightly. They grounded each other, and they supported one another.
Gradually, each of the women tired out, Katniss being the last to do so. Haymitch, by this point, was supporting most if not all of Effie's weight, and tensed as he felt Katniss grow heavy as well. Effie was drowsy but still awake, combing her fingers through Katniss' hair. The girl, with a final sniffle, laid her head on Effie's chest, content to listen to her heartbeat. He shifted them so that Katniss was in the middle before lying back against the mattress.
Katniss clung to Effie as she was prone to do, but surprised him by searching out his hand. She didn't feel so empty anymore, and she felt safer than she had in perhaps her whole life. She supposed it was because they always protected her, or at least tried to.
Haymitch and Effie locked eyes over her head. A look of relief was mirrored in the other's eyes. Katniss had finally come around. They finally felt the knot of worry come undone, and pressed closer together. They would be all right, they had to be.
They had failed to protect her where it mattered most, but they wouldn't fail her again. She was their girl, they were her protectors. They were a team. They were a family.