Usopp knew that it was a bad idea to begin with. But it was an unusually boring day on the Going Merry, and the only fun he could think of was a game of cards.
He would've played with Nami, but she only played if there was money involved, and she always cheated.
Robin? Way too scary.
Chopper then?
Chopper doesn't know any card games and Usopp wasn't bored enough to teach him.
And Luffy...
Well, Luffy isn't able to stay in one place longer than 20 seconds, and he would probably try to eat the cards or something.
So Zoro and Sanji were the only options. Bad idea. Very bad.
Usopp could only blame himself for being stupid enough to even think about playing cards with the two of them.
Because of his idiocy, he was currently trying to ignore the verbal fight around him by repeating the mantra "I'm an idiot I'm an idiot I'm an idiot" in his head and keeping his eyes and ears on his cards. Not that it helped much.
"Oi, you ass of a cook, put that thing out. I'm about to lose this game and I don't want lung cancer as a bonus."
"Well excuse me ass face, but what can I do about the fact that you suck at poker?"
"You could stop cheating you asshole!"
"What's with the ass on every sentence? Did you swap from a pirate to an assassin?"
"Well excuse me, but my life has been a bit ass-centric lately. And it's because of you."
"Oh, you have a problem with my ass? Didn't hear any complaints about it last night."
"I am not complaining, you fucking-"
"Changing the subject are we? Now you have a problem with fucking? Well that's easily solved, fucker. Or should I say, ex-fucker?"
At this point Usopp's (who was half-dead from the shock) survival instincts kicked in and he stalked away from the quarreling pair before their conversation would cause him permanent brain damage.
On second thought, Robin isn't that bad. Maybe she could borrow him a book. A nice book about an isolated village in the mountains. Something with peace and quiet. Or a book with pictures. Happy pictures. Happy thoughts.
Yes!
Happy thoughts..