I watched as the small boat sailed away from my island, my prison, and the soft smile I had held on my lips melted away. It had taken so much just to put it on my face; I felt relieved that I could finally take it off. I grew tired of acting fine with having my small glass heart being thrown to the ground every time a hero came to my island. Did they not know how long it took to find all the pieces? I myself did not know. After all, time cannot be held a prisoner on Ogygia like I can.
I mused that for every tear shed I found one shard of my heart. Maybe I should cry more- then maybe one day I could find all the shards that Percy had left behind. The blame could not be placed on him though, I reminded myself. It wasn't his fault he refused spending forever on my prison. A sharp laugh escaped me. Why did the gods even bother to make Ogygia plentiful of plants and beauty? At least they could have given me a true prison so I wouldn't be taunted by what the true freedom could taste like, or delude myself into thinking my island was a gift from the gods and not a curse.
Yes, I could grow plants and take care of animals, cook food if I didn't want my invisible servants to conjure up some edibles, but could I have true freedom? No. The gods are crueler than I once thought of them- they tease me like one could tease a dog by giving it a bone. A dog can enjoy the remnants of meat left on the bone but it never receives the actual meat, just a faint ghost of what it could enjoy. For me, the gods throw me the bone of freedom- I enjoy it, but I can still taste the remains of true freedom; the succulent, savory freedom I once had.
I stayed on the beach for hours, even though I lost sight of Percy perhaps ten minutes after he set foot on the boat. The soft noise of waves making contact with the sand on the beach quelled the hurt and anger that tried to escape from me. Years of rejection had taught me that the ones who broke me should not enjoy seeing the pain they caused. Instead, they saw a smile that told them lies- that I was fine, I would soon move on, and to not worry about me. I just wished once someone would see through my act and see what the smile hid- my hurt, my pain, and most of all, my needs. I need someone to hold me when I'm hurt, cradle me when I cry, and more importantly, I need someone to love me. You can only love yourself so much.
A rogue tear escaped my eyes at my last thought. My instinct was to wipe it away and refuse to let another one break through the walls I had built, but instead, I let it slowly trek down my check until it reached my chin. Once there, it fell off and landed into the sand below. "Not even my tears wish to stay and comfort me." I whispered to myself bitterly. With that revelation, another tear escaped my eye, and then another, and another, until I lost count of how many had fallen.
"Traitorous eyes. You're supposed to keep the tears in, not let them escape. They're the prisoners of my pain." I mumbled, though there was no feeling to it. To my surprise the tears felt good. They were an outlet to the pain I felt- the pain that never went away. The pain I had held in for so long and now, that could finally escape.
Once my eyes ran dry and the tears I had held in so long had all been shed, I left the beach. There was still pain in my heart, but it felt like a small prick compared to the previous hurt. My face felt sticky from the tears and so I walked to the lake to wash it off. Before I washed my face, I looked down at the water and saw my reflection. I looked horrible. My eyes shone a soft shade of red and my face had blotched from crying.
A small smile grew on my face. It felt good to look bad. I finally felt. . . normal. Everyone cries, and it felt good to finally be part of everyone. Just once, I didn't feel like Calypso, a sea nymph forever to be imprisoned on an island, but Calypso, a person who had a bad day. My hands dipped into the lake and splashed water onto my face, shattering the reflection and my train of thought.
The cool water soothed me; it washed away the remnants of my tears but left behind a feeling of relief. The small smile stayed there, even after my face lost its prior stickiness and returned to the normal color. I laid down in the grass near the lake and peacefully listening to the water slide across the sand and pebbles. My heart felt lighter than it had in years.
Maybe my musing was right. Every tear shed I find a shard of my heart, and after Percy's leaving I had lost count of the shards I found today. Now all I needed was time to put them back together- and on Ogygia, time never runs out.
A/N: hey everyone! how did you like the story? I'm sorry for my good 4-5 month disappearance. There has been a fair amount of emotional stress going on in my life, and I haven't had time to update anything, especially my Paying The Debt story. I promise that i WILL get to putting up the rest of the chapters. . . . eventually. Once things start to settle down, I pinky promise that the rest of the Paying The Debt chapters will get added along with a bunch of other stories :) In the mean time, i hope this little one shot can tide you over! Thanks so much for being patient!
-Kygii
(P.S please review! I LOVE feedback- even the criticism. And if you really liked it or want to make me happy, favorite it too!)
