AN: Pure silliness, that aficionados of campfire songs may recognise! I hope someone out there gets a giggle out of it.
I don't own Sonic or any of his friends, enemies, or relations.
The Quartermaster's Story
There's definitely something very strange going on in my storeroom. Knuckles has been refusing to go in there for a month now, and the Master Emerald knows he doesn't scare easily! But he won't enter the stores at any price; he's been foraging for food rather than set foot in there. And after I ordered in extra grapes for him, too! I should really throw them out; they'll have gone all horrid and mouldy by now.
Don't mistake me though, I understand why he's nervous. Just last night I heard a commotion in the storeroom and went to see what was happening. I imagined it would just be Sonic trying to steal a midnight snack; I didn't for the life of me expect it would be Rouge! I don't keep anything shinier than pots and pans there, so she has no interest in the place normally, but there she was. Stranger still, Doctor Robotnik was there too. Was he perhaps doing a deal with Rouge? Or were they fighting? Both sound halfway plausible, but why would they choose the storeroom for a place to do it?
Neither theory explains why Rouge was wearing that hat, either. I confess I never thought of her as the cowgirl type.
Well, whatever they were doing, they weren't having much luck with it. Little Cream and that Chao friend of hers were crawling around the floor, tripping them up and upsetting things. They caused a gravy flood that really warranted Ark building; I'm still cleaning up after that. Robotnik slipped and fell flat on his back in it. He cussed like a sailor and grabbed for them, but he missed, and got his hand stuck in the mangle instead. Rouge tried to grab the kids as well, but she missed too, and somehow ended up knocking a packet of soap flakes over into the instant cake-powder tin.(I didn't see this very clearly, as Robotnik was in the way, and I didn't realise what had actually happened, I'm shamed to say, until today at lunch-time. Poor little Amy Rose tried to make up cupcakes with that mixture without realising, and gave everyone absolutely terrible stomach ache in the process.)
It was about then that I made my exit. None of them had noticed me peeping round the door, and I'm afraid I was cowardly enough to want to keep it that way. After an hour or so I dared look again, but by then Robotnik and Rouge had both disappeared, and Cream and her Chao had gone to sleep in the soup tureen.
Now that I relate this all, I begin to wonder whether they were even there in the first place. It all seems so implausible. I'm sure I wasn't dreaming-the mess attests to that!-but perhaps I mistook what I saw. I hope for my sake I've not begun hallucinating, but it was dark in there. Maybe it's time I had an eye test…
…there were grapes, grapes, hairy as great apes,
in the quartermaster's stores.
There were bats, bats, wearing cowboy hats,
in the quartermaster's stores.
There were eggs, eggs, running round on legs,
in the quartermaster's stores.
There was cheese, cheese, crawling on its knees
in the quartermaster's stores.
There was gravy, gravy, enough to sink the navy
in the quartermaster's stores.
There were fingers, fingers, caught in automatic wringers
in the quartermaster's stores.
There were cakes, cakes, made of soap flakes,
in the quartermaster's stores.
There were cakes, cakes, that gave us tummy aches,
in the quartermaster's stores.
My eyes are dim, I cannot see,
I have not got my specs with me…