Cheesy Lines, No Waiting
Rachel had stopped by her locker on the way to homeroom when it started. Matt walked right up to her and said in his best pirate accent. "I'm a love pirate and I'm here for your booty. ARRRGGGHHH!"
Rachel frowned. "Matt. Are you feeling okay?"
"Sure. See you in Glee." He gave her a friendly smile and a wave and walked off to find Mike.
That was weird.
Finn was waiting outside homeroom for her. The big lug was very sweet but Rachel hadn't been able to forgive him for lying about sleeping with Santana. They were friends again, but she didn't feel like they could be anything more.
Today however Finn looked nervous, twitchy and kind of embarrassed. Rachel walked up to him. "Is something the matter Finn?"
"."
Rachel tilted her head in confusion. "I have no idea what you just said. Take a deep breath and try again."
"If I said you had a nice body, would you hold it against me?
Rachel quirked an eyebrow. "Finn, while I appreciate that you are still infatuated with me you must try and move on as I have. It is not healthy to obsess over a relationship that lasted such a short time." She patted him on the shoulder sympathetically and walked into class.
Finn remained standing outside the door dumbfounded.
After homeroom Rachel had some spare time so she went to the library to browse for any new ideas for Glee.
Artie rolled up beside her. "Hey Rachel, are your legs tired?"
Rachel gave him a puzzled look. "No, why?"
"Cause you've been running through my mind all day!"
"It's still morning."
"Hmm, yeah. I didn't really think this through." Artie shrugged "I'll see you later."
As Artie left Rachel raised her head and saw Tina hovering nearby. "Do you need something Tina?"
"I'm sorry, were you talking to me?" Tina replied.
"Yes."
"…It only works if you say no."
Rachel was confused. "I'm sorry I don't understand."
Tina's eyes darted around. "Never mind." She then bolted from the room.
It was turning into a very strange day for Rachel however she decided not to let it bother her as one day she knew that she would have to deal with odd fan encounters and the bizarre actions of her friends were just providing her with the opportunity to practice her poise.
As she was leaving the library Mike jumped out at her. "Giant polar bear!"
Rachel almost leapt out of her own skin in shock. "What?"
Mike grinned. "It broke the ice." He then ran off and high-fived Matt.
Rachel had no idea what was going on but she was going to find out. Then she was going to kill Matt & Mike. Slowly. Probably through extra Glee practice.
Puck was waiting for her outside Spanish. Rachel rolled her eyes. "What do you want Noah? Are you planning on making some lewd suggestion involving the back of your truck?"
Puck pushed off from the wall he was leaning against and shook his head. "No. I just came across an interesting piece of music trivia I thought you might want to know."
Rachel was slightly mollified but not altogether placated. "Really?"
"Yes. Did you know that Clarinets are wood and trumpets are horny, but a trombone can do it in 7 positions?" He ended with a wink and a smirk.
Rachel's expression suddenly resembled a thundercloud and Puck realised that she was fast on her way to a Category 5 Berry explosion. He backed up so fast he almost got a concussion from colliding with the lockers in the hall. "Easy now Berry."
"Explain to me, why members of the Glee Club have been coming up to me all day with cheesy chat-up lines? Or I will go to your mother and along with informing her of your love of pork products I will also give her enough information to make sure your meshuga ass is grounded for life."
"It was Finn's idea." Off Rachel's look Puck added, "Well, sort of."
Rachel's eyes narrowed. "Explain quicker."
"We've all noticed that you'd been down since that Jesse kid broke your heart. Finn thought we should do something about it 'cause you're our leader (His words, not mine) and you can't exactly lead us to victory at Sectionals if you're all depressed." Puck shrugged.
"So we thought maybe receiving cheesy chat-up lines would lighten you up a bit, make you laugh, plus it seemed like a fun game to kill some time."
It had been a sweet thought; Rachel just wished they'd told her sooner. "There's a game aspect to it?"
Puck nodded; glad she hadn't asked who had the chat-up line idea. "We all put a dollar forward. Whoever you rate the best gets the pot."
Rachel's mind began to think about all the possibilities; she would have to rate all attempts so far, but how? On a scale of 1-10 or perhaps some kind of graph. "Uh-huh. Thanks for the talk." Rachel spun on her heel and walked off, mind already elsewhere.
Puck couldn't resist one final comment. "Hey Berry, nice job breaking out the Yiddish. Makes me hot."
"Can it Puck." Rachel replied, not even breaking stride.
Brittany found her only a few minutes later, said "I want to have sex with you." And then she kissed Rachel on the lips.
Rachel blushed. "Um, Brittany I'm not sure you understood the rules of the game."
Brittany looked at Rachel with a blank expression. "What game?"
At the beginning of lunch Kurt & Mercedes approached Rachel, she rolled her eyes and told them to get on with it.
Mercedes sat down opposite Rachel. "What's a nice girl like you doing in a place like this?"
"I often wonder that myself." Rachel muttered. "Kurt?" She waited on him expectantly.
Kurt sighed. "That sweater doesn't look good on you at all, it would look better on the floor of my room." There was a pause. "Actually it would still look horrendous."
Santana found Rachel by the end of lunch. She strutted towards Rachel looking like pure sex on legs, as usual. She stood right in Rachel's personal space, grabbed her left hand and thrust it onto her ass. Then Santana asked. "Can you pull this heart-shaped arrow out of my ass? A damn little kid with wings shot me."
Rachel couldn't speak for half an hour.
It was almost time for Glee Club and Rachel had yet to see Quinn, she was the only member of the club who hadn't tried to use a cheesy pick-up line on her and the deadline was fast approaching. Rachel tried to tell herself that her concern was purely down to a need to compare all chat-up lines equally and nothing to do with the light feeling in her stomach whenever she saw Quinn in the halls.
Quinn was standing outside the Glee Club rehearsal room and it seemed like she was waiting for Rachel. "Hey."
"Hi." Rachel replied, when Quinn didn't say anymore Rachel felt compelled to fill the silence. "Have you got something you want to say to me?"
"No. Why?" Quinn replied airily.
"Come on Quinn, I know."
"Know what?"
"There's a competition going on amongst the Club, delivering cheesy chat-up lines to me. And you're the only one who hasn't given me one yet."
Quinn raised an eyebrow.
"A chat-up line, you're the only one who hasn't given me a chat-up line." Rachel's cheeks colored slightly in embarrassment.
"Really? Well then I best come up with a good one." Quinn took a moment and looked like she was deep in thought trying very hard to come up with a chat-up line. Rachel was pretty sure Quinn was just trying to wind her up, and desperately trying not to rise to the bait.
Eventually Rachel ran out of patience. "Hurry up Quinn. We have to get to practice."
Quinn leaned in and breathily replied. "That sweater is very becoming on you. But then again, if I was on you, I'd be coming too."
Rachel flushed scarlet. "That was… acceptable."
Quinn could only smirk in reply.
Rachel entered the rehearsal room to find the rest of the Glee Club and Mr Schue looking at her expectantly. Though Mr Schue seemed to be expecting a diva moment from Rachel, presumably he had found out about the Club's plan at playing matchmaker and thought it would blow up in their faces.
Rachel cleared her throat before speaking. "As I'm sure you all know today there has been a competition going on amongst the club to try and woo me with incredibly cheesy chat-up lines."
There were cheers from the Club and Rachel smiled. "I would like to thank you all for trying to cheer me up, it worked and I am ready to lead this Club towards the bright future I know awaits all of us."
"For now however I have a job to do, as I believe the winning chat-up line has to be decided by me. I took a considerable amount of time comparing and contrasting the various chat-up lines used and after careful deliberation the winner is… Quinn!"
There was a mixture of boos and cheers from the Club, Quinn looked pleased with her victory while Puck was muttering mutinously on how he should have gone last. Artie, who had been looking after the pot handed it over to Quinn and applauded her good fortune.
"Okay, settle down everyone." Mr Schue said. "Now that little morale boosting exercise is over with I have an idea for our opening Sectionals number."
The club worked hard for the next hour, trying out Mr Schue's new song and attempting to build a dance routine around it. As usual time flew by and before they knew it rehearsal was over. Everyone left the rehearsal room in exhaustion except Rachel & Quinn.
Rachel stood by the piano, making notes on her copy of the song and potential adjustments to the arrangement when she heard a gentle cough to her left. She looked up to find Quinn standing in front of her with a pleased smile on her face.
"Can I help?" Rachel asked, feeling light-headed at the sight of Quinn's dazzling smile.
"I hope so. I was wondering when you wanted to go out?"
"Wait, what?" Rachel almost shouted in surprise.
Quinn sighed and adopted a no-nonsense tone that she thought the brunette would appreciate. "Rachel, you judged my chat-up line to be the best. Correct?"
"Yes."
"Well then, that means I have successfully chatted you up." Quinn got a determined look on her face. "And when Quinn Fabray chats someone up they go on a date with her."
Rachel smiled. "I guess I don't have much of a choice then."
Quinn smiled back. "Nope."
"How do you feel about tonight?"
"Tonight's good." Quinn wrapped her arms around Rachel's neck. "Can I just ask you one little question first?" Rachel nodded. "Is your name Mona?"
"No."
"It will be by the time I'm done with you." Quinn's eyes smouldered with promises of pleasure to come as she leaned in and kissed her.