Used To
It had been one of the longest days for both of them. After leaving Nick at the hospital, recovering from being buried alive, Grissom offered to give Sara a ride home. Reluctantly she accepted. The drive there was quiet. Both lost in their own thoughts, but both sharing the same thoughts. Their past, together. When Grissom finally pulled up to her apartment building, he parked the car.
"Thanks." She said, turning to face him.
"No problem." He replied, also turning to face her.
Turning back to the door, she placed her hand on the door handle before looking back at Grissom.
"Um, Griss?" She asked shyly.
"Yeah?"
"Would you like to come in? I just…I don't want to be alone right now." She said honestly.
Taking a minute to think, he nodded his head to her and smiled slightly.
"Yeah, I'd like that."
Slowly they made their way in to Sara's apartment, where she poured them each a glass of wine. This soon turned to another, and another, just enough to make them more comfortable talking to each other.
"Hey Griss?" Sara asked from her position curled up in the middle of the sofa.
"Hmm?" He answered from his position by her side.
"I was just wondering something." She said, taking another sip from her wine.
"Wondering what?"
"Umm. Do you ever…do you ever think about us. I mean not now, but before all this. Before Vegas. When it was just us in San Francisco?" She asked sincerely.
"All the time." He answered honestly.
"I miss it." She confessed, shifting uncomfortably on the sofa.
"Me too." He said, sinking further into the couch.
"Things are just so complicated now. I mean it takes Nick getting kidnapped for us to be able to have a meaningful conversation. You used to talk to me like I was the only one around." She said sadly.
"I know. Just like you used to lean on me." He replied.
"Well, the only other choice was falling down." She said laughing, both remembering when they first met and she was running late for class. He was walking down the path, nose in a book, while she was running down the same path towards him, but looking through her bag for her notebook. Neither saw the other coming before they crashed into each other, both falling down, Sara landing on top of Grissom.
"That was quite an introduction if I do say so myself. From there on out we were together. You used to walk with me like we had no where we needed to go." He recalled grimly.
"Always nice and slow." She added.
"And to no place in particular." He said with a smile.
"What happened to us Griss? We used to have this figured out." She said solemnly.
"Things are different now. We used to breathe without a doubt. Now, there's always someone looking over our shoulders." He answered.
"I remember when we used to lay out in the grass at night staring up at the sky. When the nights were clear, you were the first star I would see." She said with a sad smile. "I miss that. I miss you."
"God Sara, we used to have this under control. When you first came to Vegas, but now, it's so hard to see you everyday and not be with you." He said, moving closer to her on the sofa.
"But we never thought…" She started.
"We used to know. We used to know where we stood. We knew the rules and accepted them." He interrupted.
"Well, at least there's you and at least there's me." She said despondently.
"Can we get this back?" He asked, taking her hand in his. "Please, Sara. Can we get this back?" He pleaded.
"To how it used to be?" She asked.
He nodded and they sat there for a moment in thought before Grissom broke the silence.
"I used to reach for you, when I got lost along the way. I'm lost Sara. I'm lost without you."
"I used to listen. You always had the just right thing to say. God, I used to memorize everything that came out of your mouth." She said with a small smile.
"I knew you recorded everything I said." He joked, squeezing her hand gently.
"I have always held on to every last thread of hope when it came to you. That's why I came here. I used to follow you, never really cared where we would go. Fast or slow." She said, squeezing his hand back.
"I vaguely remember us going to anywhere in our hearts." He replied with a large smile.
"Griss? Can we get this back?" She said as tears stung her eyes. "I tried to get over you. To fall out of love, but I can't do it. If anything, it just made me love you more. Please, can we get this back?"
"To how it used to be? I want to. I just don't know if we can." He said bleakly.
"When I come home after a long shift, I look around me and I want you to be there, 'cause I miss the things that we share. And then there's you. I look around you. It's empty and you're sad, 'cause you miss the love that we had. And it breaks my heart Griss. I want you. I want to be with you." She said as the tears fell.
"I want it to. We can figure out a way. I can't live without you anymore Sara. You're my life and I love you." He said powerfully as he wiped away her tears with his thumb, letting his hand linger on her cheek.
"I love you too." She whispered softly as she leant into his touch and they each inched forward, ending in one loving and tender kiss, making up for lost time.
The rest of the night was spent in love, remembering the old memories, and creating new ones, re-familiarizing themselves with the other. They would find a way to be together if it's the last thing they do.
-The End-