AUTHOR'S NOTE: This is the first one-shot I wrote after ending My Everlasting Love. It's completely in line with canon and features the Sirius and Remus we know from OOTP. The first half is written from Remus's pov and the second part, which I will post later this week features Sirius's thought. Hope you enjoy!

DEDICATION: GiddyGirlie. We made a deal and I'm a girl of my word, so there! :-)

A Trip Down Memory Lane (Part One)

Remus Lupin apparated into the hall of Grimmauld Place. It had been a hot and sunny day in early June and although the sun was already setting, it was still pleasantly warm outside - somewhat humid even - and there was a hint of approaching Summer in the air, but the house that once belonged to the aristocratic Black family was oozing dark- and coolness as ever. A striking difference with the outside world. Not that the person he was about to meet had been outside for days, or even months.

Remus sighed and hoisted the wooden box he was carrying a little firmer under his arm. He still wasn't sure that what he was about to do was right, but Dumbledore said that if anyone was able to pull their friend out of his isolation, it would be him. But he hardly talked about himself these days, and Remus knew him well enough that forcing him would have the opposite effect. Nevertheless, they had all agreed something should be done and rather sooner than later, because their friend was focusing more and more on Harry, without thinking rationally. And one of these days, Voldemort might take advantage of their close bond, and that would be very dangerous – for both of them.

He looked back at the front door. It wasn't too late – he could simply leave again and ask Dumbledore to do the talk after all. Remus sighed again - he was starting to think that delving into their collective history wouldn't be less confronting for him; already there were images of a young brown-haired woman with remarkable blue eyes popping up in his head. With an admonishing shake of the head, Remus forced himself to realize that this conversation would be far more devastating for his friend and he instantly walked towards the kitchen with firm steps before he could change his mind again.

His friend was sitting at the kitchen table. The man seemed to be lounging at ease as he was tilting his chair back on two legs and Remus was oddly reminded of the man taking his OWL's in the Great Hall of Hogwarts so many years ago, with only two differences. For one, the man looked like a mere shadow of his former handsome self as he was the reading the Daily Prophet and two, his feet were resting on the table, which would never be allowed in any public room at any time at Hogwarts. The man still hadn't noticed him and after another moment of hesitation, Remus finally walked up to him. "Hey Pads."

The man merely waved a hand without looking up from his newspaper. Apparently he already knew this visitor was Remus because he had been called by his old nickname. He did not invite him to sit down, though, so after a long moment of silence, Remus decided to sit down on the chair opposite him. The table was full of half-empty bottles of whiskey and Butterbeers and he could smell a vague stain of alcohol. "Sirius…" he began hesitantly. "I'm sorry you had to spend the past days on your own, but the Order had to take care of some-"

"-I wasn't alone," Sirius interrupted shortly, still not looking up from his paper.

Remus was about to ask him who had come to Grimmauld Place when Kreacher suddenly trudged past the kitchen door, while he muttered about "filthy half-breeds and wizarding riff-raffs such as werewolves being allowed to set foot inside the house of his noble mistress" and he smiled despite himself. When Remus looked at Sirius, he noticed the flash of a grin was crossing his face and he felt somewhat relieved. "I see your point."

Sirius finally looked up. "And we all know that ancient excuse of an elf isn't the best company one could have. Which is why I'm so glad I have Jack."

Remus frowned. "Who?"

Sirius pointed to a bottle of the famous Muggle brand of whiskey called Jack Daniels and Remus arched an eyebrow. "Ran out of Firewhiskey, I presume?"

"It's not so bad," Sirius replied with a shrug. "Dung gets it for me for a reasonable price."

"Yeah right," Remus snorted. "I bet he's demarcating you for at least one Galleon a bottle."

Once again, Sirius shrugged. "It's not like I don't have the money to spend. Want one?"

He was holding up the bottle, but Remus shook his head. He needed to stay focused. "Just coffee, thanks."

"Suit yourself," Sirius said and he added a rich amount of whiskey to his own goblet before reaching for Remus's wand to conjure him a large cup of coffee. "Cheers."

Remus watched Sirius put down his wand back on the table and briefly thought of the wand in the box. Mary's wand. He had been planning to give it to Sirius ever since he got out of Azkaban, but every time he tried to bring up the subject, Sirius had always cut him off. Talking about Mary – let alone Erin – seemed be off limits at all times. Until now, Remus thought grimly before taking a sip of the coffee and looking at Sirius, who once again had gone back to studying the Prophet. "What's it about?" he asked in an attempt to get his attention back.

"Harry," Sirius growled. "They keep saying he and Dumbledore are dangerous lunatics for trying to convince everyone Voldemort has returned and that they need to be stopped. Those idiots..."

"Well, we all know the truth and that's what matters."

"Even so, it must be hard for Harry to walk around Hogwarts and know that everyone is calling him a liar behind his back," Sirius was saying when his eyes suddenly fell on the box Remus had put in front of him. "What's that?"

Remus placed his hands on either side of the box and waited for a few seconds to see if Sirius would figure it out on his own, but he didn't say a word and Remus sighed. "Memories. They're memories."

Sirius shot the box a weary look. "What, you mean pictures?"

"Among other things, yes."

"Why?"

Remus shot him a cautious look and noticed that Sirius didn't look pleased at all. "I… Well look, it's not like you ever talk about them, about her... And I-"

Sirius was gazing down his goblet as if he was attentively studying a crystal ball. "Why should I?" he muttered after a pause.

For a moment Remus was lost of for words. Was he for real? "Well, for one," he said a lot more sternly than he had intended. "Because it would be an insult to her memory to ignore that you once wanted to marry her, that she had your child, that she… that she loved you. And what about Harry, Sirius? Doesn't he deserve to know who she was? How much Mary meant to you?"

Sirius had literally flinched when Remus mentioned her name, but only a few seconds later his indifference had already been restored. "I just don't see what good it would do."

"What good it would do?" Remus called indignantly, baging his fist on the table. "Damn it, you're simply denying Mary ever walked this earth. And she did, she did," he repeated as he opened the box and cast several pictures on the table. A picture of Mary and James collecting food from the house-elves in the kitchens at Hogwarts, a picture of Mary simultaneously hugging Lily and James at their wedding, a picture of Mary walking hand in hand with Sirius on a beach, a picture of Mary next to a beaming Lily while she is holding a newborn Harry and finally, a picture of Mary trying to succeed in getting a laughing Erin to wave at the camera. "She lived, Sirius, and she died, just like Lily and James. L-like Brice. She was real and you lost her."

Sirius was now gazing intently at an old wine spot in the table and Remus realized he was currently trying hard to block out his emotions. "Why do you never talk about her?" he asked in a milder voice. "Not to Dumbledore, not even to me. Don't you care about her at all?"

Sirius suddenly jerked up his head and his grey eyes flickered dangerously; for a brief instant he looked just like the Sirius before Azkaban. "Of course I do," he hissed before he pulled a hand through his untidy hair and fixed his gaze on the wall and sighed. "I have never stopped doing that," he said quietly. "I think about her every day, and that is more than enough torment, I can assure you. I just don't see why Harry should know anything about that."

"Because he would understand you better," Remus said simply.

Sirius made a scornful sound. "He would understand better how much I really screwed up. That I not only got his parents killed, but that I failed to protect my own two girls as well. He would know what a complete failure I was. Am."

"Come on Sirius, you know Harry wouldn't-"

"-He might not say it but he sure as hell would think it. And it's all very well that you're trying persuade me to talk about Mary, but tell me Remus, when did you ever mention Brice to him?

Remus took a moment to let the vivid and devastating memory of him carrying the lifeless body of his old girlfriend out of a cave that got accompanied by a sharp pain in his heart wash over him before it slowly faded away. He looked down at a picture of Brice and Lily building a snowman in front of Hagrid's cabin together and sighed as he finally looked up at Sirius, who was slightly smirking at him. And for a very brief moment, Remus sincerely hated him. Hated what Azkaban and this old place was doing to him. "I definitely plan to one day," he said as calmly as possible. "But I cannot talk about Brice without mentioning Mary and I wanted to leave the honor of introducing her to you, so…"

"Well, I already said I'm not going to. I will not Remus," Sirius said resolutely when Remus was about to object. "Now just drop the subject."

Remus finished his coffee before he shook his head. "I can't."

Sirius shot him an annoyed look. "What do you mean?"

"I can't," Remus continued grimly. "Because I promised her."

"What?" Sirius called sharply, his eyes full of shock and, as it appeared to Remus, sudden interest. He finally had his friend where he wanted him, although he was not taking any pleasure in stabbing into these old and never fully healed wounds at all.

Remus sighed and looked down at the box. There, in the very middle, buried among several more pictures of the Marauders and the girls, lay an ivory-colored flask, filled with a bright cloud-like content of whitish silver that was moving around ceaselessly. He hated as well as cherished this memory, because it was the last thought he had of Mary. At last he looked up again and found Sirius's eyes, still looking shocked and somewhat weary of what he might say next. And there was no way that Remus could easily reassure him now. "I was there, Sirius. I… she wrote to me the Death Eaters were inside the house and begged me to come, but I had just heard about James and Lily and it was a stormy night – the owl must have had some trouble to find me. Long story short, when I finally got at your place, I… It was already too late."

Sirius's voice was barely more than a whisper when he asked: "Dead?"

Remus had to swallow a lump the size of a potato away and at first, he merely nodded. But after another short pause he managed to say: "I found them upstairs in Erin's room, Mary was right in front of the baby's crib." He saw that Sirius made a sudden movement as if he wanted to say something, but Remus continued quickly: "I thought they were dead. Erin was… I think it must have been the killing curse, but Mary… Well, remarkably enough, she was still breathing. Faintly, but she was still alive. I immediately apparated to St. Mungo's, where they told me there was nothing they could do for her."

"What… How?" Sirius croaked after a tense moment of silence.

"Cruciatus," Remus replied, and he noticed the sudden steeliness of his own voice. "Probably four or five times. According to Pierce it was a miracle she survived that far."

Sirius stared down at the fireplace and didn't say anything for a long time. His eyes seemed to be burning as fiercely as the flames below, but Remus couldn't possibly tell what he was thinking, or planning. At last Sirius looked up and cleared his throat. "I'm not sure if I even want to know this, but do they know who… I mean, it cannot have been Voldemort. Was it just Peter or…?"

Remus shook his head. "No, and there has been no trial, because the Ministry never caught the perpetrators. There are rumors, though. Theories… Because of what they did to Frank and Alice Longbottom a few weeks later, there are people who – I have reason to believe – it was the work of the Lestranges."

Sirius was grinding his teeth and looked like he could let the kitchen explode with just the fierce glare of his gleaming eyes, but he said nothing and this time it was Remus who cleared his throat. "So… How did you find out that Mary and Erin were killed?"

Sirius suddenly seemed to be gripping his goblet of whiskey a lot tighter. "Peter," he growled. "Right before he blew up that street, he hissed - so that I was the only one who could hear him - that he never thought I could have been evil enough to sacrifice Mary and Erin to Voldemort and the Death Eaters like that."

"And you believed him?"

"At first I didn't," Sirius answered grimly. "I finally had him cornered and was going to kill him for what he did to James and Lily. I remember thinking I was stupid to let him distract me like that, for making me believe that something could have happened to Mary and Erin. But then…"

Sirius reached inside the pocket of his robes and pulled out an object which he carefully placed on the table; it shimmered brightly in the soft light of the candles and fireplace and Remus recognised it at once. "Mary's engagement ring," he whispered, looking astonished. "I've always wondered where it had gone."

"Well, Peter took it, obviously," Sirius said as he also looked down at the twinkling jewel. "I'm not sure if I can believe he actually killed her himself, though. I've always thought Mary would be able to take him down with her bare hands."

Remus agreed and smiled slightly. "I dare say she would."

He was about to get Mary's wand out of the box when Sirius suddenly started to talk very quickly, as if he had finally decided to speak freely for a moment and wanted to get the words out as soon as possible. "Believe me when I say that I haven't forgotten about them, about her. How can I? I always carry her ring with me, it's the closest I can get to having her back. The reason I don't speak about them because I can't. It's too hard. Every time I as much think of her I'm consumed by guilt. It's my fault she's gone, I should have stayed home, I should have done many things differently, I know that now. I killed her, I killed them both. I- I killed my own baby girl. Do you realize she would have been of the same age as Arthur Weasley's daughter? Every time I look at Ginny… And when I think about what Mary had to go through before she and Erin died… I can hardly bear the fact that she didn't know the truth. She must have thought I betrayed James and Lily, betrayed her. Merlin, she died hating me more than anything in the world and I was never able to put things right. I never will be, and that's just unbearable and- and..."

His voice suddenly got caught up in his throat and he looked away. When Remus spoke up, he noticed his voice had become steely again. "No," he said hoarsely. "No, Sirius. You could not be more wrong about that."

Sirius started and slowly looked back at him, his eyes still a little wet. "What are you talking about?"

Remus reached into the box and got out the ivory flask. He put it down on the table, right next to Mary's engagement ring. Sirius stared from Remus to the flask and back to Remus again several times before he swallowed audibly and tried to clear his throat once more. "What is that?"

-End of Part One-

A/N: Thoughts, anyone?