Linden the Fairy
And other slightly strange one parters
Linden the Fairy
There is something quite strange about seeing a 34 year old man dressed up as a fairy. There really is. However there is something even stranger about actually being the 34 year old man dressed up as a fairy, as Linden will happily tell you.
How he had ended up agreeing to this he could not remember and certainly did not wish to. But he has a vague recollection of Connie Beauchamp holding out a piece of paper in front of him and telling him to sign her petition for a new cardiothoracic monitor. What he was pretty sure of (though as he could not remember the situation all that well he could not be completely sure) was that she did not mention the fact that by signing the petition you were also agreeing to take part in the even that was to raise money for her new machine. Linden wondered bitterly how many of the 11 other male fairies around him had made the same fatal mistake.
"Linden you look… amazing."
Great now on top of everything else he had Jayne Grayson standing next to him with her mouth pursed in the kind of way that suggested she was trying not to laugh. He wasn't quite sure what to say to her comment, there were many things he would have loved to have said but didn't feel they would be entirely appropriate. So instead he said the only two words he could think of. "Thank you". 'Thank you', why on earth had he said that? After pulling his bright pink tutu up so that it covered a little more of his chest hair he began thinking of ways to get away from her.
"Another drink?"
Linden had already had far too much to drink; something that was pretty obvious as he could no longer standing up unaided and so was leaning against a rather scary naked statue. Was it dark when Connie has furnished her mini mansion? But he thought that it would give him the ideal opportunity for escape so nodded.
As Jayne walked away he stumbled around for around a minute before deciding he should go and hide somewhere no one would ever find him. After a bit more thought he decided that this place was upstairs. Grabbing onto the banister with all his strength he made his way upstairs. Why was he dressed up as a fairy anyway? How on earth would that help Connie's cause anyway? Was it just a ploy to have them all dressed up like idiots?
After a couple of minutes he reached the top of the stairs; but where to go now? He thought for another minute before deciding that he was better on all fours; rather to sit down than to fall down. On his knees he began crawling towards the nearest room. Oh now the tutu was starting to ride up… and up… and up. Uncomfortable and also in quite a bit of pain Linden reached the room, dragged his body onto the bed, and collapsed.
"Ahh so that's where you're hiding."
No, this couldn't be happening. Jayne couldn't possibly have found him?
Jayne laughed and sat down on the edge of the bed. "You let me go and get you a drink and then you come up here. Are you trying to tell me something Mr?"
"Yes, I mean no. I mean."
Shit. She had leant over and was now kissing him. This wasn't real. He had to get her off him, but how? He could feel his fairy costume coming off. Ouch; she'd just stabbed his back with the corner of the wings. Stupid white feathery things.
That was better. He was now lying there in nothing but his underwear. Maybe this wasn't such a bad idea after all; at least he was comfy now. But she was still kissing him. He tried to roll over and in doing so saw the picture on the side. It was of a little baby that looked like she was dressed up in the mini version of. Connie's favourite designer suit. So this was Connie's room.
Jayne saw what he had been looking at and knocked the picture over. "I don't think we want her seeing this." Hang on where had his pants gone? On the floor; how had they got there? Looking back at Jayne he saw that she was also naked and realised.
His final thought before he passed out was 'oh well if I'm going to end up having drunken sex with my boss I may as well do it in Connie Beauchamp's bed.'