Title: This is where the dragons went
Rating: PG-13
Spoilers: Up to start of season 5 to be safe. Set in season 5.
Word count: 638
Disclaimer: Don't own anything, not being paid.
A/N: Huge thank you to thekatebeyond and Cha Oseye Tempest Thrain for the beta.
Summary: I'm here to make sure you're safe, Petty Officer, not read your books.
"You know, you could always read one, instead of fondling them."
Tony stopped mid-step and guiltily pulled his finger away from the spine of the book that he'd just reached. One for the Money stared at him, next to Two for the Dough. The brightly coloured covers continued all the way up to Lean Mean Thirteen. At least there didn't seem to be a visible trail of his aimless shelf-touching – there wasn't a dust mote in sight.
He straightened his jacket and turned to the person who had spoken: one Petty Officer Yvette Petrosian, Navy computer specialist, yachtswoman and owner of more books than most public libraries. She was standing at the doorway to the room, a mug of something hot and steaming clutched in her hands, her wet hair falling limply around her face.
"I'm here to make sure you're safe, Petty Officer, not read your books," Tony pointed out, moving to the shelves on the other side of the room. An incredibly fat book titled Magician stared out at him.
"Going to be a long day, then," Petty Officer Petrosian observed.
Tony couldn't help but agree. The Petty Officer's TV had apparently given up the ghost three days beforehand. She didn't have any magazines that Tony would be interested in, her music collection was kind of pitiful, and that left him with the intimidating mountain range of books while they waited for someone to possibly try to break in and kill her. An all round fun day in Tony Land.
"Here." The Petty Officer pulled a book off the shelf, a little to the right and above him. She'd put the mug down on the shelf beside her and stood on tiptoe to reach. "You'd like this one, I think."
A red dragon, fire pouring out of its mouth, was being attacked by a man with a large sword and another with a bow and arrow. Guards! Guards! the title read.
"Dragons and men with big muscles and even bigger swords." He smiled, slightly sarcastic. "You really know me well, Petty Officer. What's it about?"
"A world that's a disc carried around on the backs of four elephants that are on the back of a giant turtle flying through space." She picked up her mug and took a sip.
Tony raised his eyebrows. "Where's the dragon come into it?"
"Read it and you'll find out."
For some reason, books had never really caught his imagination like movies and TV did, but anything would probably beat being bored for the next six hours. Of course, he might still end up being bored anyway. Petrosian picked another book of the shelf, settled down in one of the soft armchairs in the room, balanced her cup on the arm and opened the book up to the first page.
Copying her movements, Tony settled in a harder chair (easier to jump out of in case of anything disastrous happening) and opened to the first chapter of the book.
This is where the dragons went.
Petrosian had been right. He'd liked the book, so much so that he'd bought the following books in the series. After a little thought and lots of laughter, he'd started to notice the resemblances between some of the characters and his team. Gibbs had to be Commander Vimes, leader of the City Watch, which would make Colonel Mann Sybil Ramkin. She'd definitely tamed at least one dragon. McGee could be Detritus the troll – after all, Detritus was smart when his silicon brain was cooled. Ziva was most definitely Angua, predator and gorgeous woman rolled into one, and Abby was Cheery, the Dwarf Forensics expert who wore skirts and high-heeled boots.
Tony himself, well, of course he was Carrot, hero and rightful king. And with the rest of his City Watch, he could take on the world.
A/N2: One for the Money, etc. are by Janet Evanovich, Magician is by Raymond E. Feist and Guards! Guards! is by the amazing Terry Pratchett.