Your name is Dave Strider and holy fucking shit this is the worst birthday of your life.
Not that birthdays are more than a day filled with irony; presents and love and fun and junk food, seriously? Who needs a special day for that? Your life is like that every damn day. Well, maybe not the love part, but who cares about that?
So far, you've gotten the slightest of smirks from Bro as you left for school, where a few bullies decided to throw your chump ass into a locker and make you miss first period. When the locker finally opened, the girl who owned it screamed and nearly fell back. How do the people at this school not get that shithead jocks are gonna stuff kids into lockers all the time? You step out of the locker and brush off your pants, meeting the girl eye-to-shades before you zipping up your coat and walking away. Yeah, great way to start your birthday.
ectoBiologist began pestering turntechGodhead at 9:07
EB: dave!
TG: yo
EB: where were you today? you totally missed math class again! ms. young is gonna kill you!
TG: sorry man had some serious shit to take care of
TG: ill be in english dont worry your pretty little head
TG: you wont have to go much longer without the amazing dave strider by your side
EB: haha whatever dave!
ectoBiologist ceased pestering turntechGodhead at 9:09
Great. Just fucking great. You just lied to your best bro - and maybe possibly definitely unrequited love - John. You let your remorse boil for a few seconds until it turns gooey and starts sticking to your thoughts. Shit. You're a Strider. You shouldn't feel bad about lying; lying is a thing that Striders do when they need to, and do not feel bad about ever because Striders aren't supposed to feel bad about things.
You are so caught up in your flurry of thoughts and trying to get back on the Strider track that you don't notice when a tall, thick figure looms behind you. After a few seconds you feel a pair of huge hands dig into your shoulders and pull you back until you're flat on your ass. A sharp kick collides with the side of your head, and the last thing you remember is seeing your glasses slide toward a locker at top speed. You wake up what you assume is nearly fourty-five minutes later because all of the kids are just coming out of class and finally noticing you lying on the floor. You slip on your cracked glasses and walk home.
Your name is Dave Strider and you're starting to think you would be better off dead.
== Be the other kid.
You are now John Egbert, and you're really worried about your friend Dave! He missed math class, which actually wasn't that uncommon for him and his stupid cool kid front, but then when you pestered him asking him where he was he just apologized for not being there. Seriously, how much farther from Strider status can you get than apologizing for something tedious like skipping class? Even if you can see through his lame-o facade, noticing how hard he tries to be like his brother instead of just being his regular goofy self. You wish he wasn't so insecure about his actual self!
You let out a huff of breath just as the bell for the end of the day finally rings. You really hope Dave made it to his other classes, because he sure wasn't in the two he had with you! It's not like Dave to skip out on the two times he gets to actually hang out with you during school. Maybe you did something wrong? Upset him or made him pissed at you somehow? You dismiss that thought as dumb right before you feel your phone vibrate in your pocket.
turntechGodhead began pestering ectoBiologist at 15:22
TG: hey
EB: dave! where have you been all day? ive been seriously worried about you
TG: woah there egbert i know its hard not seeing me for so long because youre madly in love with me
TG: but try to handle it for a bit
TG: i felt like shit so i went home no biggie
EB: youre sick? i thought striders were immune to stuff like colds hehe
TG: this aint no cold egbert this is full on cooties this shit is vital
TG: i might not be at school for the next few days
EB: wait are you serious about the not going to school for that long? dave oh my god are you okay?
TG: calm your shit bro youll scrape by without gawking at my face for two hours each day
EB: daaaaaave! this isnt funny you seem seriously sick!
EB: do you want me to bring you something like soup or some nic cage movies?
TG: nic cage movies fuck that are you trying to make me even more sick
EB: hey nic is the best actor ever and you know it!
TG: yeah right
TG: literally the only reason he gets parts in movies is because he doesnt need to act like the biggest douchebag ever
TG: he just is
TG: no acting required
EB: daaaaaave!
TG: alright alright stop with the whining
TG: im fine man seriously no need to worry ill be back up and running before you can say casey
EB: i knew you liked con air!
turntechGodhead ceased pestering ectoBiologist at 15:29
Talking to Dave managed to ease your nerves a tiny bit, but there was still something off. His insults were more half-assed than usual, and not even ironically half-assed like he usually does to make him seem 'cool'. You think it just makes him a huge tool. You decide to skip the bus ride and bring him some medicine and microwave meals so he doesnt die in the next few days. He didn't really specify what kind of sickness he had though, so you end up buying $50 worth of stuff he'll probably never use. Luckily the store and school are both close to his apartment, so it doesn't take more than 10 mintutes before you're in front of his apartment door and knocking.
Something seems a bit off? The air doesn't feel right. No, that's not it. The air doesn't smell right. It smells like.. is that blood? Oh god that is so totally the scent of blood and now you don't know what you do and the groceries are on the floor and you're banging on the apartment door for a solid 3 minutes before you remember the spare key they leave above the door stoop. You're running inside before you can even remember putting the key in the lock, and you stop in your tracks when you see him.
Your name is John Egbert, and your best friend just tried to kill himself.