THURSDAY 30TH DECEMBER
Weight 121 pounds, Cigarettes 2 (am on best behavior), Shag flashbacks (Oh thousands)
9.30am.Just rang Shazzer and Jude. Jude has only just got back off her honeymoon with Vile Richard, (who seems to be getting less viler by the day), and wanted to now if I could make 192 next week to celebrate her not being a Smug Married, but just being A Married. It is good now that I don't have Jude ringing me up saying 'Its Vile Richard heggggg'. Not that I don't like Jude calling me, it's just...Oh Telephone!
'Bridge it's Shaz.Simons asked me to go to Venice with him'
Errgh. Have horrible flashbacks of when I went to Rome to interview Colin Firth. I fucked it up totally by questioning him about his wet shirt when I should have been asking him about his new film, Fever Pitch (obviously female readers of The Independent didn't seem to mind me questioning him about it). I have the interview framed though. In my bathroom.
'Bridge are you bloody there?' shouted Shaz.
'Yeah sorry. You should go. You like him, he likes you. Go for it. Hes committed enough to go, so you should go.
Yeah. Cheers Bridge. Are you coming to 192 tonight?'
I feel I'm going to regret saying this to her.
'Well I would but I'm err, packing.'
'Packing? Where in the name of arse are you going?'
I took a deep breath.' Im moving in with Mark'
'WHAT!?' Shaz exploded.
Oh dear. Feel that this will not put me in a good enough mood for tomorrow's Turkey Curry Buffet, though Mark has promised to protect me from Geoffrey and Una.
FRIDAY 31ST DECEMBER-NEW YEARS DAY
Weight 130 pounds (obviously will lose 25) boyfriends 1, calories 2225 not including 2 helpings
Of turkey curry.
NEW YEARS RESOLUTIONS!
I will not drink more than 10 alcohol units a week
I will not smoke
I will keep lovely boyfriend, and love him for his mind, not his looks
I will go to the gym as have paid 200 quid for two year membership, in which have gone twice in year
I will not stare at Mark while he sleeps
I will not obsess or fantasize about any of the following:
Mark
Mark and me
Me and Mark and children. Our own obviously, called...GAAHH!
Me and Mark performing sexual fantasies
Me and Mark getting married.
8.45am.Wonder though, if I would have a white or cream dress.
8.46am.V.bad start to year. Have already broke two of my resolutions before they are even meant to commence. Had a sneaky cigarette outside of Mum's window, but unfortunately, when cigarette dropped to ground, mum's prize chrysanthemums were singed.
8.47am.Had better get dressed. Feel like cappuccino and chocolate croissant, but Coins cafe is approx.150 miles away. Damn.
8.50am.I will meditate, to take the stress out of life.
9.30am.Mark Darcy has still not woken up.
9.45am.I know, will go and have breakfast, so as not to disturb him.
10.00am.Is bloody typical. The moment Mum stops trying to force me into a relationship she is asking me when I'm getting married. The conversation went like this
'Bridget stand up straight. So you and Mark.'
Silence.
'Me and Mark?' I prompted, wondering the hell what she wanted now.
'Well, when are you, y'know?!'
Oh god. She wasn't going to ask me if I was going to sleep with Mark was she? Which would be impossible, as I have been for the last year, despite Mum telling me that it would put Mark off me (to tell the truth has done the exact opposite).
'Well when are you getting married?' she whispered as if it was a dirty secret.
'What!?' I exploded, wondering where the hell she'd got this idea from.
'Well it's just that M&S have got some lovely cerise numbers in, which would go perfect with some table covers I spotted in the Conran shop'.
Could not believe what I was hearing. My mother had planned my wedding before I had even considered it! Though obviously have considered it, approximately 2 million times.
11.00am.Mark came down as soon as my mother had finished speaking (thank you Jesus) only to be rounded into a conversation with Geoffrey.
'So Mark, how are you and Bridget getting along? Not getting out of cabs with other girls now are weeeehhh!' He said maniacally. Mark looked deeply embarrassed, but recovered himself quickly when he saw me.
'Ah hello Bridget.' Then he pulled me into his arms and kissed me right in front of Uncle Geoffrey.
5.00pm.Mum and Dad are on top form with each other, Dad's arm around Mum's waist, and Mum looking into his eyes dreamily. Feel happy for them, especially as this time last year Mum was being held hostage by Julio (though she didn't seem to mind). Can't help behaving smugly to all of Mum's friends, half of whom were convinced that I was a lesbian. Just as me and Mark were excusing ourselves as we had to head back (actually just fucking bored), I spotted someone with long blonde hair which swished in Rebecca-like manner turning around. It was she.
'Oh Bridget! Hi!' She walked up and kissed me on both cheeks as if nothing had happened these past months. I was trying to reply 'You fucking whore!' but it wouldn't come out. So I just turned, grabbed Mark's hand and left.
Sorry it's been so long but I've just been on holiday to Canada! Please leave your comments and feel free to email me with suggestions
Love from
Julius XxXx