Together
"Magnus!"
The cry is almost thrown from Alec's mouth as he shoots upright, his eyes wide and his sleep forgotten.
"Magnus?"
This time, it's no more than a questioning whisper, a soft sound echoing in the silence. Alec can't help the panic that rises in his chest when he finds that the other side of the bed is cold, stiff, crisp, in the first rivers of golden sunlight falling through the curtains.
It's as if someone's taken his heart from his chest, pulled it apart, and roughly shoved it back in without making sure it'd stayed intact. It might be that the morning confusion is sending his logic haywire but he doesn't know for sure, so the worry bubbling inside of him is relentless.
He jumps out of bed faster than the blink of a child's irritated eye and navigates his way to the other rooms in their apartment, something in the back of his mind telling him to find the warlock that should have been asleep next to him despite the utter bewilderment running through his veins like a lion chasing after its prey.
"Mags?" Alec whispers, hesitantly stepping on the lush carpets.
He remembers the first time he'd woken up like this, shocked to find a desolate half of their bed. He'd thought that Magnus had left him behind to go and pursue a better, more stable relationship. Of course, the reality had been very different and Alec had eaten the best omelette ever made for him that morning.
Which is why he has faith in the High Warlock, almost fully certain that he's not left and that there's a perfectly logical explanation to why Alec hadn't noticed his return. After all, optimism is a way of life taught to him by Magnus – one of the only lessons he hadn't realised he was learning until dire circumstances presented themselves as the equivalent of an examination.
Alec refrains from talking as he walks through the open doors to their living room, his shoulders hunched, his jaw clenched, and his hands half curled into fists.
It's such a relief to see the sleeping form of a tired warlock draped over the couch that Alec doesn't even try to stop the soft smile that attacks his face. He simply glances over the warlock to look for any injuries and, when he finds none, gently sits beside him.
"Magnus?" he asks quietly, not really expecting an answer.
He gets one.
"Alec?" Magnus' voice is tired, slurred, but still full of love. "What is it? Is something wrong?"
"Not anymore," Alec replies, leaning his head on the warlock's shoulder and relaxing into the familiar touch of magic and affection.
Magnus smiles and wraps his arm around the shadowhunter, letting sleep wash over the two of them as if they'd been born to rest. Somehow, sleeping is easier when they're together.
And so Alec is initially confused when he wakes up the next morning, wondering why their silky bed has turned into soft fabric. It only takes a few bleary blinks and the sight of Magnus smiling widely to make him remember what had happened.
"Are you okay, love?" Magnus asks, brushing Alec's hair into a quiff.
"I dreamed that you'd died," Alec whispers plainly, knowing that any attempts to sugar coat his dream will end up in a disaster of miscommunication.
"It'll take a lot more than a nightmare to get rid of me," Magnus promises, lighting kissing Alec's nose before waving his hand to brighten the lights around them.
Alec grins at Magnus, throwing his arms around the warlock as he fully wakes up. Magnus laughs with surprise and Alec lets his eyes close again, simply listening to the heartbeat beneath him, using the soft thudding as a tether to consciousness.
"Aren't you hungry?" Magnus asks, stroking Alec's hair.
"Mm- mm." Alec's response is a clear no, even if the majority of the population wouldn't be able to tell.
"So, what, are we going to stay here all day?" Magnus inquires, bemused.
"Maybe?" Alec's voice is surprisingly quiet.
Magnus only takes a second to realise what the shadowhunter means. Of course the lone word doesn't signify a simple answer; it's much more than that because Alec values simplicity and abbreviations, even if that makes their conversations much more complicated to outsiders and eavesdroppers.
"You have a mission, don't you?" Magnus asks softly, the question acting as its own answer.
Alec sighs, finally unwrapping himself from Magnus and sitting back with his legs crossed. "I have to go."
"I don't understand, darling. Why is this any different to your other missions?"
Alec swallows nervously, biting his lip so hard that his eyes water. He winces immediately, and Magnus grabs his hands, gently brushing circles over his runes. They stay silent for at least a full circulation of the clock's hands, until Alec builds up the strength to say the words stuck on his tongue.
"I might not be able to come back," he blurts eventually, swallowing visibly.
Magnus blinks.
"You might not…?"
Alec nods. "The clave has a way of getting there but they don't know if a return journey is possible."
Magnus takes a deep breath as Alec glances over the room, as if suddenly interested in architecture. This time, the silence between them is anything but comfortable. It's loud and piercing and brimming with worry.
"When do you leave?" Magnus asks. He knows that asking Alec what they're going for won't provide any answers but he has to know how much time he has left, he has to.
"Today," Alec whispers, already regretting not having told his boyfriend sooner, "We leave later today."
"Alexander…" Magnus sucks in a breath. "Are you telling me this might be our last few hours together?"
Alec shrugs.
"I won't let that happen." Magnus shakes his head. "I can't let that happen."
"Magnus…" Alec's tone is pained, remorseful.
"Alexander, why didn't you tell me?"
"I didn't-" he waves a hand helplessly- "I wanted you."
"If these were our last few hours together, I wanted you to be you. I didn't want you to be worried or sad, I just wanted to see your smile so I could leave you without a goodbye," Alec continues, "I didn't want to say goodbye, Magnus, I didn't want to make it final."
"And you thought I would be okay with that? Alexander, I have lost too many people to see you walk away and expect you back, only to find that you purposely left me with a loose end." Magnus' voice is deadly quiet, full of truth and love and regret.
"Magnus, I-"
"No. No. You don't get to make that choice for us, Alexander. You don't have the right."
And, with that, Magnus is gone, and only the faint smell of glitter and warmth remains in front of Alec.
His emotions twist in his stomach, writhing and knotting themselves into a trigger for his tears. He lets his tears fall, squeezing his eyes shut tight and rocking back and forth. He's not sure what he regrets, he just knows that he should have chosen a different path, a better path, a path that included Magnus. He should have chosen a path where the two of them ended up together.
By the time he figures out how to stand, there's an alarm ringing from his phone to tell him he should be heading back. He stares at it in a numb shock, unsure of whether he'd woken up late or if he'd spent half the day exhausting his tear ducts.
Either way, there's no time to think about where and when the time went.
Alec quickly gets himself ready, washing his face to banish the redness in his eyes. As he leaves, he slings his jacket over one shoulder, trying to ignore the echo of his boots on the pavement, the dull hum of mundane life buzzing like a painful reminder of the hurt look in Magnus' eyes and the alarming crack in his voice.
It's still early when he reaches the institute so he heads to find his team, knowing that they'll all be ready and waiting, equally as nervous but determined. He doesn't pay attention to what happens next, blurring everything out until they're standing at the portal that leads to their mission.
Then, suddenly, the world is clear again; He can see the magic waiting for them to step through. It's a reminder of Magnus' warm embraces and magical touches, the way they cuddle under the stars and kiss in the rain.
The others all go before him, steeling themselves and almost racing to get it over with and find out if they'll survive, while Alec takes a deep breath as he clenches his fists.
Just as he lifts a foot to step through, a hand slips into his.
His eyes widen.
"No." A breathless, disbelieving whisper.
"Quite the contrary," Magnus replies gently.
"Magnus…"
"Did you really think I would let you go?" Magnus asks, raising one prefect eyebrow.
Alec smiles. Despite the rage and confusion and alarm spiralling around his head, he smiles. He smiles because he's once again assured that Magnus does truly love him, and that he need not fear the warlock leaving or being disappointed in him.
"We go together."
Magnus squeezes his hand and Alec feels one of his rings digging into his skin, but it's a comfortable reminder of their interlocked fingers and matching smiles.
"We go together," Alec echoes.
The portal blinks at them as they step through, eyes closed, hands clasped firmly together, grinning sadly, hopefully. Alec can feel Magnus being tugged away by the portal but he holds on, leaning towards him and wishing nothing but for the two of them to remain with each other.
When they step through, he can't help thinking that his heart must be exhausted from the pain he's put it through. He doesn't care though, only worried about Magnus' hand in his and the way their gazes meet like an eclipse.
"Together," they chorus, turning away from the portal.
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