Hi guys, it's a bit important to read the notes so if you could just pause for a second…
-I'm a slow writer so this fic is based on an old episode, the one where Alan has a heart attack. This fic will act as an alternate ending or alternate canon where Walden actually got Zoey to leave and Charlie never came back from hell to give Alan that fake epiphany.
- The pace of the fic is choppy and short because it's mimicking the sitcom style.
- I am not a TAAHM expert so don't expect any series details and continuity.
- As you may or may not be aware TAAHM is not at all a serious show but this fic does get a bit serious so to accomplish that a lot of things will be OOC.
Personal Note: I really don't care for TAAHM (in fact I despise it), especially not the ones with Charlie but I adore Walden and I love Walden and Alan together; the old Alan and Walden (they've become horrid characters over time). This is my fix it fic.
1
"What do mean I'm 'moving out'?"
"Well 'moving' usually means-"
"I know that, you ass, I mean why am I being put out?"
"Well, Zoey, it has come to my attention that your staying here has not been as awesome as I was hoping it would be."
"…this is about Alan isn't it?"
"…no…"
"Walden-"
"Hey, you brought him up, not me."
"But that's what this is about, I swear, you seem to love him more than me."
"…"
"You're supposed to deny that Walden."
"You didn't give me enough time."
Zoey threw her hands up in exasperation.
"You know what? You don't have to make up any excuses because I am, as you say, moving out. I'm taking Ava and you and I are over."
"Come on, Zoey, don't be like that."
"Then ask me to stay, Walden, ask me to stay and let Alan go." She looked at him with pleading eyes.
A beat.
"I can't do that, Zoey. He needs me, I promised him he'd always have a place in my house and kicked him out too easily. He's my friend and if you can't accept that then maybe it is time for you to go."
Thirty minutes after that she was gone and Ava with her.
Walden waited for incoming hurt of her absence. It never came. Of course he cared about Zoey but he never truly loved her, not like Bridgette. And that particular ship has sailed its course. Zoey was a filler for when he was lonely.
The Alan thing was a bit more complicated. He hasn't known the man for long but he had a kind of loyalty to him, even if he was just using him as a place to stay, which he truly didn't mind. Hell, he told the guy that he could have anything from him and all he asked for was a place to lay his head when he could have easily taken a blank check and left. From the moment he met Alan he knew that he was man that could never grab a decent foothold because life was always kicking him down and dire straits made him seem sleazy but the poor guy was just trying to get by. He was going to get Alan a place, take care of his basics and all; he just needed put on a show for Zoey. But then he started having that heart attack and immediately he took it as Alan trying to save his hide. He nearly killed him.
He'll be back from the hospital tomorrow and with Zoey out of the way Alan will have nothing to worry about (not even Jake, he'll get rid of him for a while somehow). They'll get back on the right foot soon.
2
"Home, sweet, home," Alan said drily to himself as Walden walked him to the front door "or at least temporarily."
"No temporarily, this is permanent, you're moving back in."
"Back in? But what about you and Zoey?"
"Zoey and I aren't happening." Walden mumbled as he opened the door and lead the two inside.
"Oh God, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to cause a rift between you two."
"It's okay Alan, it was for the best but right now we need to focus on your stress free life." Walden helped him out of his jacket. "Now would you like something to eat or do you just want to get comfortable, what you say goes."
Alan looked a bit surprised for a moment, as if it was truly hard to fathom that he had an absolute say in something.
"Um, take out would be nice."
"Then takeout it is."
After some arguing on the phone twenty minutes later they were on the couch watching an old movie.
"You know this movie is a TV show now." Said Walden, turning his way.
"What, you mean Teen Wolf?"
"Yeah, only it's more serious and Stiles is way cooler, it's good, me and Bridgette used to watch it together every Monday."
"Well I say if it ain't broke don't fix it."
"See, that's what I thought at first but I was wrong, trust me, you should check it out."
"I think I'll pass."
"Suit yourself." He held up his hands in mock defeat.
Silence.
"I know you said it was okay but I feel like scum because of what happened between you and Zoey. I just want you to know that once I get better I'll take Jake and be out-"
"Look Alan, there will be no Zoey, our original agreement stands. You stay here as long as you like. If she couldn't accept you as a part of my life then I couldn't let her be a part of mine."
"I-I'm a part of your life"
"Of course you are, without you I would have eventually killed myself or, worse, still be hung up over Bridgette. You were the diversion I needed when I needed to stop and think and to kick you out like that, well that's just plain ungrateful."
"No offense, but you were going to do just that."
"That's was just for Zoey's benefit, I was going to help you get a place. I just needed her to be convinced that you were gone but due to obvious circumstances stress took a toll on you," He heaved a sigh. "I'm sorry I didn't believe you, that was despicable of me."
Alan gave a dark chuckle.
"But it was understandable, I'm Alan Harper. The mooch. The sponge stooping down to desperate dirty lows to continue my feeble existence."
"…you're not a sponge, Alan, life just hasn't been great to you and no one gives you a chance. So I'll be the one who does."
"Well...well thank you," Alan said picking at a sprig of broccoli, "that means a lot."
"You're welcome, buddy."
3
Alan woke up to the smell of waffles. He pushed himself to sitting up position with no little effort.
"Time to face the day, Mr. Harper." He murmured to no one in particular before standing up to get into a shirt and some shorts. He walked into the kitchen to see Walden busy at the counter and Berta at the table with some coffee.
"Hey Skippy, how ya feelin'?"
"A bit like I've been ran over by a bus but all in all, still together. Walden can cook?"
"Don't kid yourself, it's Eggos."
"Hey, I could cook if I tried." came an indignant protest.
"Oh yeah, ya gonna cook dinner?"
"I'm good."
"Thought so."
Alan cracked a little smile while watching the exchange. Not to disrespect his brother's memory but it was nice to wake up to playful banter and not the usual booze, the talk of women, the derogatory and emaciating comments. He couldn't even hear the messy sound of Jake's eating, speaking of…
"Where's Jake?"
"Oh, I sent him out for the day, even encouraged him to get a job since Judith's been hounding you about it. No stress, remember." Walden set the plate of waffles and bacon in front of the other man and went to pour him a cup of coffee. "Eat up, we have to get you to your spa appointment."
Alan stopped halfway through his bacon.
"Spa appointment?"
"Yeah, they have this awesome series of treatments catered specifically to victims of stress. I guarantee that after this you'll be absolutely boneless."
"You sure I need that? According to my peers I'm already spineless."
"You're not spineless Alan-
"Thank you, Berta."
"It's just a bit rubbery."
"Thank. You. Berta." He said with gritted teeth.
After his last bite Walden appeared beside him with some clothes.
"Ready?"
4
"I have to tell you, Walden, after a session with that chick with the heavy handshake I think I could melt right through this chair."
"What did I tell you?" Alan took a swig of beer. After a day at the spa and a light lunch they were relaxing on the deck listening to the sound of the ocean (a sound heard every day but never gets old.)
"I have to say that this has been quite a good day."
"You deserve it."
Alan wanted to believe that but he couldn't help but fear life flipping him off around the corner, a thought that came from years of living with a drunk, sexual deviant brother who should have, by logic, met his end way before his train (*cough* Rose) accident but instead always had the world in the palm of his hand, right to the day he died. It hardly makes sense for fate to start rooting for him now.
"Hey, Dad, guess what."
And here we go.
"What Jake?"
Jake and Eldridge stumbled onto to deck looking quite pleased with themselves.
"We got jobs!"
Alan looked over to Walden, who shrugged.
"Really?"
"Yeah, we're gonna be all we can be."
"Oh, God."
5
"How could you let him do it Alan?" Judith sobbed through tears as Walden stood awkwardly by.
"Judith, I'm just as devastated as you but I can't undo it, I tried. Plus, Jake is eighteen he can make his own decisions."
"Maybe if you had been there instead of running off to your stupid spa date he wouldn't have signed up. I swear every day you do something that makes me remember why I divorced you."
"Now wait a minute, Judith, I've always been there. Even when you were taking my child support and going to Cancun instead of buying clothes for my son, I've been there."
"Quit changing the subject."
Alan was losing what little cool he had plus his left arm was aching, he rubbed it a little.
"Okay, I think that's enough," Walden came in between them, gently pushing Judith towards the door. "I'm very sorry, Judith, but there are some things we can't change."
"I'm not leaving until he takes responsibility."
"Judith," Walden grasped her shoulders tightly as if hoping to press his coming words into her skin. "Your son is an idiot. He is an idiot and he always will be, he's also an ungrateful idiot and I haven't known Alan for long but he, as far as I've seen, has tried his best with what little he has, especially with you feeding off his carcass. Jake's going to the army, sad but true. Mourn your son all you want but don't blame it on Alan and remember that it's his son too."
He opened the door to send her out.
"You can come back when you've calmed down." He closed the door on her protests and went to Alan. "You okay Alan, need to sit down?"
"Nah, I'm fine but thank you for that."
"You know you can just do that yourself, you don't owe her anything." Alan gave a chuckle of mirth.
"Old habits die hard I guess."
"Just let me know if you need anything." Walden pulled him into his arms, the other man, though surprised, hugged him back.
Walden had no idea why he hugged Alan, he just felt he needed to. It was quite nice actually, so nice that Alan was saying his name.
"Walden, Walden are you awake?
"Hmm? Oh, sorry about that, spaced out."
"Happens to the best of us," though he wasn't sure of that. "I'm gonna go take a shower."
While Alan disappeared Walden plopped on the couch. That was weird; he didn't want to let go, must be the residual effects of loneliness.
He scratched his head and turned in himself.
6
"Where's Skippy?" Berta said while giving a spot on the counter a furious scrub.
"He left with Lindsey, I think." He took a thoughtful bite of his sandwich. For some reason that bothered him. They had just seen Jake and Eldridge off that afternoon, a surprisingly touching moment for families that were so emotionally congested.
"Want me to get his bed ready? Cause ya know she's just gonna work him like a mule and send him back."
"I hope not, I told her he's not up for hard work. They're probably just having sympathy sex."
"Doesn't that count as hard work?"
"Not if you do it very carefully."
They hear the door close.
"Alan, is that you?" Walden called.
No answer.
"You think Lindsey didn't listen?"
"I'm gonna go check on him."
When he made it Alan's room the sight that greeted him was Alan lying face down across the bed.
"You okay."
"…maybe." Came a muffled reply.
"What happened?"
"…Lindsey dumped me."
Walden's heart leaped for a second but he ignored it and came around to sit at the foot of the bed.
"I'm so sorry, Alan. Why did she dump you?" Why now?
"Apparently it's my fault that Eldridge left and she's tired of dating a 'slightly evolved meat sack'. Her words, not mine."
Walden really didn't know what to say that.
"Um, there will be other women, Alan."
At this the other man pushed himself up in a huff.
"Maybe for you! With your money, your looks and your," He gestured at Walden's crotch. "Your thing, but me, look at me Walden. We all know that Lindsey only stayed because she could use me all she wanted, no matter what; I'd always be there at her beck and call. I don't have options, I don't get to be choosy, I'm just supposed to be grateful. So thanks but no thanks, let us "regular" guys have a moment of peace!" Then he was back to lying prone.
Walden was at a loss. He wasn't great at giving comfort in the first place so he had no idea what to do when comfort wasn't immediately accepted. He was great at giving hugs but a hug (no matter how much he wanted to) seemed inappropriate right now. Or he could try something else…
"Do you want to go for ice cream?"
It was a long shot but it was one of the few things his mom did when she had a hankering for actually being a mother. They were welcomed; few and far in between though they were.
But apparently Alan didn't find it as welcoming.
"Okay, okay I get the message." He made his way toward the door feeling just a bit hurt until he heard a mumble.
"Walden?"
"Yes?"
"Will there be cookie dough?"
7
"This is some good ice cream." They were sitting in the park enjoying their frozen treats. Alan with his cookie dough, Walden with his rocky road.
"I've never understood the appeal of pistachio." Walden said with a lick.
"Me neither, Judith loved it though."
"Somehow I'm not surprised by that."
They sat in a companionable silence watching the odd bird pick at the ground.
"I'm worried about Jake," Alan said suddenly. "I'm downright terrified."
He said it like it was something wasn't supposed to be said by him; like some deity would come down and smack him for uttering even one syllable.
"…It's okay to be afraid Alan, it's your only son-"
"No you don't understand, I've never been afraid for Jake. I made sure of that. I made sure that no matter where I ended up Jake would never be without." Every breath seemed to hurt. "It was the only place I was competent and the only place where it counted. That's how Judith truly hurts me; she could call me worthless all she wanted but not while Jake didn't have decent shoes. And then that flatulent idiot goes walking into the damn army and can't protect him."
"I-" Walden began but then decided it was best to keep quiet.
"You don't have say anything."
Walden pressed his lips together and gave a nod as he reached over and squeezed Alan's hand and left it at that.
8
After ice cream they decided it would be appropriate to get drunk.
"-and so after that Jake wasn't allowed to go to the water park with no one else except me or Judith." They both burst into laughter at Alan's anecdote though if anyone had decided to ask them what the story they just heard was about they would have nothing to tell you, they were just that drunk.
"You know," Walden said with a hiccup, words slurring a little. "sometimes I think want to have kids and then I hear stories like that and change my mind."
"Aw, parenthood isn't bad like that all the time." Alan took a swig of his late brother's bourbon. "You could do a better job than me and Judith, easy. Make him...make him a rocket scientist or somethin'"
"Funny, I wouldn't dare raise a kid without you here."
The older man turned to look at him with a feigned serious expression that was further ruined by his unfocused eyes.
"Walden, are you asking me to have your babies?" No sooner than he had said this he snickered uncontrollably at his own stupid joke.
Walden leaned forward, not to be outdone and gave a parody of a supplicant as he grasped Alan's hands.
"Would you *hic* do me the honor?"
"As long you're okay with them having no spines."
They could only keep it together for so long and soon they were falling over each other with laughter. Red faced and breathless they finally got their wits about them, what little they had anyway, and looked each other. Alan's brow was crinkled in a way that said he was trying to chase some sort of drunken thought. Walden's inebriated brain fleetingly thought that was cute so he did the only logical thing.
He kissed him.
It was all sloppy coordination and a little bit of tongue but it was, surprisingly, returned. When they parted they descended into an awkward silence.
"I'm-I'm gonna go to bed. Yeah." Alan said pushing himself off the couch nearly stumbling into coffee table. Walden eyes followed him until he disappeared upstairs before running his hand over his face, feeling disoriented but not sure why.
9
Walden was too drunk to brave the stairs so the next morning he woke up on the couch with a massive hangover and his mouth tasting vaguely like ass but at least the house smelled like breakfast.
"You're up, genius?"
"Ugh, what time is it, Berta?"
"Noon, but I made breakfast for you anyway."
Walden made his way to kitchen nearly downing the pitcher of water Berta set out for him before he could even think about touching his scrambled eggs. After he felt a bit more human last night came back to him like whiplash.
"Where's Alan?"
"He left early this morning, guess he didn't drink as much as you."
Walden knew that wasn't the case and so the implications of Alan's early leave settled like a rock in his stomach. Alan was avoiding him.
But Alan had kissed him back, right? And Walden wasn't one of those people who foolishly thought that things said or done under the influence were false; that they were, in fact, the opposite. That fact won't stop Alan from being awkward as hell around him from this point on though.
"I screwed up." he groaned.
"What's that?" Berta asked.
Walden contemplated not telling her but he needed to talk and out of all the people that traipse into this house she was the best one to talk to besides Alan.
"I think I'm in love with Alan." he deadpanned.
"I knew it!" she exclaimed before sitting down, her outburst causing more throbbing in his skull. "Spill."
And so Alan told of his unconscious attraction to Alan that only came to his realization after a drunken kiss.
"Honey, I could've told you two a long time ago with the way that you look at each other but I felt that that was something you guys needed to find out on your own."
"I wish you h-wait, what do you mean by 'each other'? Alan doesn't look at me!"
"Oh yes he does, Skippy looks at you all the time when you're not lookin' especially lately. He looks at you like he can't believe he has you all to himself. Which he does."
"Then why didn't just face me this morning, Alan knows as well as me that alcohol gets the truth out."
Berta shrugged.
"Maybe he will eventually. Give him time."
Walden picked at his now cold eggs, if Alan needed time then he'd give it to him.
10
He hasn't seen Alan in days. No matter how early he wakes up he can never seem to catch the older man,in fact, Walden was almost sure he had just stopped coming to the house altogether. He was tired of waiting. That night he made a show of getting up from the couch and going to bed feigning sleep coming to the conclusion that Alan must some how spy on him to know when to avoid being seen.
He faked slumber for about four hours and was going to resign himself to Alan not even coming home until he heard scrambling outside this house. They sounded like they were coming from Alan's room. He crept his way to Alan's room, gently opening the door upon arrival. The window was open and there was Alan climbing in to the room.
"Alan?"
Upon hearing his voice of surprise Alan started to climb back out in a hasty retreat that would undoubtedly make him fall.
"Oh no you don't." He grabbed the older man by the arms right before he was about to lose his balance, hustling him to sit on the bed. Walden closed the window with clear finality and turned to his housemate.
"Why have been avoiding me, Alan?" he cut right to the chase.
"I haven't been avoiding you per se, more like looking out for your best interests."
"My best interests don't involve not seeing you for days Alan. I was worried about you." he moved to sit next to his friend. "Especially with what happened between us recently."
"Exactly, it's better this way. You won't be embarrassed by the sight of me but won't have feel guilty about putting me out."
"Embarrassed? Alan I kissed you first and if I'm not mistaken you kissed me back. We both wanted it, or are you naïve enough to think alcohol doesn't speak the truth?"
No, of course I know that but, Walden, you just feel like this because we live in close proximity and you pity me and so you're getting the feelings confused with love."
"I think I know what I'm feeling, A-"
"No you don't!" Alan interjected, visibly shaking and refusing to look at Walden. "Because if I even dared to hope you meant it you would just wake up and realize the mistake you made and kick me out. For real."
Walden was at a lost for words, he never knew what say in situations like these and cursed that inability to infinity at a time where expressing himself would be crucial so, in a movement that felt like deja vu, he kissed the other man.
It was nothing like the semi coherent and heated meeting of the lips like last time, this was chaste with his hands holding the older man's face in a gentle but firm grip while his thumb caressed a cheek. They parted with reluctance, noses nuzzling.
"I want to try this, I want to do this." Walden implored him. "If you're worried about your stability then we make an agreement, a contract, to ensure that should I ever not want this, you'll be taken care of. Are we clear?"
Alan gave a timid nod.
"Now come on," Walden went to lie down pulling Alan with him and pressing the man to his chest. Both were emotionally exhausted and the softness of the bed was calling them.
"Good night Alan."
"...Good night."
11
Walden woke to the unfamiliar sensation of a body curled next to him, he smiled and held on tighter having enough sense to remember who it was. He was content to just lie there until Alan decided to wake up but wanted to do something. He pressed moist kisses to the back of his now lover's nape, grinning when he felt his partner squirm. Feeling more daring, he attacked the neck before him with light little nibbles until Alan started to wake.
"Well, someone's frisky this morning." Alan said huskily as he turned over and Walden heart leaped at the levity of that statement even though he could still see uncertainty in the other man's eyes. There was nothing he could do about that except prove him wrong; he pulled the man close and they shared a tender kiss that turned into a lazy morning make out until Alan decided to be the responsible adult and pull them up to start the day.
The day progressed as normally as any other day after that, except for perks of them being more than housemates and it was just as nice as Walden hoped it would be with little touches, kisses in the kitchen (that had Berta cheering), and cuddles on the couch were they actually got around to watching Teen Wolf after Walden begged.
"You know, I'm sure if the people I knew saw this right now they'd say I told you so." Alan said draped over Walden's left side.
"How come?"
"Well, everyone always had these suspicions that I'd turn out you know...gay."
"Does that bother you, Alan?"
"Well, yeah, because I'm not. Not really." Alan took a steadying breath "I mean, I like you but that's it; it's just you. I still love women and other guys are still just guys."
"It's the same for me too, you know, it's just you. And if people have a hard time understanding, who cares?. In the end, we have each other."
Actually doing anything past kisses and hugs came weeks later when they laying under the covers, breath mingling until they met in a familiar kiss. But there was more behind this, there was heat and an unspoken question that had them rushing to push the other's underwear down. Walden pressed wet open mouth kisses to Alan's neck and shoulders while stroking his partner's hard length, biting when Alan reciprocated. It was quick but, completely exhilarating.
"That answers that question." Walden said in the afterglow.
"Yeah..." not even bothering to make Walden clarify, he was pretty sure he knew.
"I love you, just in case you didn't know that by now." Walden turned to pull him close despite the heat and the mess. "Contract or not."
"I don't need one." Alan pressed his forehead to his lovers. "I think I'm good."