All rights reserved. Except for reviewers quoting brief passages in a review, no part of this work may be reproduced without permission of the author.
Some characters and events in this story are fictitious. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental and not intended by the author.
Acknowledgments
Very special thanks to the Walt Disney Company for Star Wars characters and concepts.
Although the owner and distributor is unknown, versy special thanks to whomever that may be for the concepts involved with the game Glück am Drücker.
I used the website random·org to generate some random numbers necessary for this story before switching to OpenOffice Calc.
Preface
Although the Star Wars site has apparently discontinued its annual This is Madness tournaments, it hasn't stopped others from continuing the tradition. I enjoyed my parody of the 2016 tournament enough that I decided I want to parody the rest of the tournaments.
Because 2013 was the first year of the tournament, I decided the tournament should be more low-budget as it starts out. So, I've chosen to use the German version of Press Your Luck known as Glück am Drücker [Good Luck on the Trigger] that ran for five months in 1992. Game play is similar to the US version with these exceptions:
» There are only three questions in both question and answer rounds, meaning a player can receive a maximum of six spins.
» The game board has 16 squares arranged along the perimeter of a five by five square as opposed to the usual 18 squares.
» The actual game board sequentially updates all odd-numbered squares followed by the even-numbered squares at a slight offset. My board updates each together, randomly selecting one of the three even-numbered layouts and one of the three odd-numbered layouts.
» Instead of whammies, an animated vulture named Raffi torments players and takes away their winnings. Landing on Raffi four times still results in elimination from the game.
» The game's square Fette Beutte translated to Big Booty or Big Loot. I've chosen the latter translation. This is the game's equivalent of the Big Bucks square.
» Directional squares aren't always helpful; some direct a player to a Raffi space!
» There are no prize spaces in this version; all players' winnings are entirely in cash.
⁂
For the sake of the tournament, spins will once again be allocated at random. Each player will receive at least two each round with the restrictions that no player can have more than six and there can't be more than 12 total spins awarded in a round-a perfect round giving one player six and the other two players three each. The lowest seed will receive the least spins and the highest seed receives the most.
Also, I will continue my convention of enclosing announcer dialogue in [italicized square brackets].
Finally, I will post board samples on my twitter account.
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To view only the Glück am Drücker introduction, visit youtu·be/sgunh7xeafU
For a full episode (entirely in German), visit youtu·be/Icc6UWCf6Kw
Note: Passages enclosed in «angled quotes» represent dialogue in Ewokese.
⁂
What sounded like the game's theme music played as the game board updated and the display turned around, revealing the three contestants.
[These three players are here to be part of the madness! Here is Good Luck on the Trigger with our host, Alan Tuumen.]
"Welcome to Good Luck on the Trigger and our madness tournament. We took 32 of your galactic favorites, ranked them by popularity, and invited the top 31 to participate in a championship tournament. The top 25 individuals automatically qualified with the next six playing in two play-in games to round out the field of 27. Unfortunately, this means our 32nd seed, Dengar, won't be joining us. We'll be sending him a gift card redeemable for either a refresher brush or a plunger—whichever he prefers.
"In this game, players receive a random allocation of spins they can use with our big board to earn cash. The player with the most cash after two rounds wins. But watch out for that vicious vulture, Raffi. He'll take away your winnings and make fun of you in the process. Worse, finding Raffi four times eliminates you from the game and the tournament.
"Let's meet our players real fast. First, we have our 31st seed, Lando Calrissian."
"Thanks, Alan," Lando replied. "I don't suppose you'd like to get some Mustang 54 after this?"
"That might be a conflict of interest, but I hope you're ready to try to earn credits and try to advance in our tournament."
"It certainly sounds interesting. Han would have fun with this I'm sure."
"Next, we have our 28th seed all the way from the middle of nowhere in Endor: Wicket the Ewok."
«Can we have fun yet?» Wicket asked.
"Soon, Wicket. Soon. Finally, we have our top seed today. She's a Jedi turned Sith acolyte turned bounty hunter. Let's meet Asajj Ventress."
"Thanks, Alan," Asajj replied. "Anything that lets me earn credits without putting my life on the line is a good thing."
"Indeed. Let's go ahead and get started. Lando and Wicket each get two spins and Asajj receives six at the top seed. Our board is already in motion, so let's see how many credits everyone can earn. In the event of a tie for spins in the first round, we start with the player farthest to my left. Lando, that's you."
"Alright," Lando said. "I want that big loot to start off... stop!"
"Two hundred and 12 credits; that's not bad for your first spin. You have one more. You can take it, or you can pass it."
"I gotta have more, Alan. Let's get something bigger here. I see 1000 credits up there. How about that? Stop!"
"Four fifty credits. Lando, you have 662 credits, good enough for the lead. Next, we go to Wicket and his two spins."
Wicket silently studied the randomly-updating board before stopping it.
"Eight hundred credits. You move out to the lead with one spin with one more left."
Wicket pointed at the board and chose to take his next spin.
A harsh sound reminded the audience that Wicket landed on a Raffi space. As the audience groaned, an animated vulture appeared. As it pointed and laughed at Wicket, an anvil fell on top of his head. Also, an indicator popped up from Wicket's display.
"Bummer," Alan said. "You picked up the first Raffi and your score resets to zero. That was your last spin for now, so we now go over to Asajj and her six spins. You've seen what happens when someone gets credits or Raffi, so I assume you know what to do here."
"Let's hope Wicket here used up the only Raffi in this round. I want credits. Stop!"
"Three hundred credits. That's 362 behind Lando for first place, but you still have five spins."
"I'll go again. Let's get something better this time. I want the lead and stop."
"Three hundred more, doubling your score to 600. You're just 62 behind Lando with four more spins."
"I'll go again, Alan. I want to see what happens if I land on Big Loot. Let's get that space. Stop."
"Stop on 300 and a spin. You took the lead with 900 credits, and the spin you picked up keeps you at four."
"She has a 300 fetish," Lando quipped.
"Will you spin again or pass to Lando?"
"It's my turn and he can't have them... for now. I'll go again," Asajj stated firmly. "Stop!"
"Stop on 300 yet again. It's a working formula for you to the sum of 1200 credits. Three more spins to take."
"I'll go again. I want to break out of this rut. Let's get something other than 300 credits here... stop!"
"One hundred credits. That's not 300. You have 1300 now, not quite double Lando's score. You have two spins left."
"I'll go one more time. I want Big Loot or that big space on top. Let's get it and stop!"
"Stop on 550. Asajj, you're up to 1850 now—1188 more than Lando. Do you want to take that last spin?"
"Alan, I want to pass."
"You can do that. Since you're in the lead, it goes to the player with the next highest total—Lando in this case. Lando, you have to take this spin. Let's see if you can avoid Raffi."
"Let's get a big value to close the gap on Miss Baldy here. I think I know someone she might be interested in after the show... Stop!"
"Stop on '100 plus 1 Vulture Gone'. Lando, you haven't hit Raffi yet, but you still get the 100 credits. After our first round, Lando has 762. Wicket has nothing but a Raffi. Asajj, you have the lead with 1850 credits as we prepare for round two."
⁂
"We're ready for the second round of play," Alan told everyone. "The computer was a little more stingy this time. Lando has two spins. Wicket and Asajj each have three. However, our winnings are bigger this time as the top value on the board is 3000 credits.
"We start play this round with the player having the least amount of credits. Wicket, that's you with three spins."
Wicket looked enthralled by the updating board again. As before, he silently stopped it.
"That's 1000 credits. That moves you up into second place now with two more spins."
Without hesitating, Wicket took his next spin.
"Twenty-five hundred credits!"
«Hooray!»
"Wicket, you now have 3500 credits, not quite double Asajj's score. Do you want to take that last spin?"
Wicket nodded and stopped the board again.
"Ay-ay-ay!"
Wicket sighed loudly upon hitting Raffi for a second time. This time, Raffi appeared to saw open a hole from where he pointed and laughed. The piece he had sawed fell down on his head and knocked him out from sight.
"Wicket, you have bad luck with Raffi today. You're back to zero again with no more spins. Let's see what happens. Next, we go to Lando with 762 credits and two spins."
"I want credits that get bigger and bigger, so let's hope I have good luck on the trigger! Stop," Lando called out.
"Six fifty for you. Your total is 1412, 438 behind Asajj. You have one more spin."
"I have no choice, Alan. I have to take it if I want to win. I want some big loot in my last spin. Let's make it count. Stop!"
"Stop on 250 more. You finish with 1662, 188 credits shy of Asajj, who now plays with three spins of her own."
"Just keep those creepy vultures away and I'll be happy... stop," Asajj said.
"Stop on 650 again. That gives you 2500 with two more spins."
"I'll spin again to try to extend my lead. I want that Big Loot so I can advance. Let's send Lando back to the clouds! Stop!"
"Five hundred credits. You have an even 3000 and lead Lando by 1338 credits. You can take the last spin yourself. If you land on Raffi, Lando will win. Or, you can pass to Lando and hope he gets less than 1338 credits for you to win."
With the audience split with its advice, Asajj answered, "Raffi has a thing for final spins, so Lando can have it just in case."
"Alright, Lando, you need 1339 credits for the win or something with an extra spin. Here we go."
"This would be a good time for that Big Loot. I won't spend it all on recreational beverages, I promise... Stop!"
"Three hundred credits is not enough. Our winner is Asajj with 3000 credits."
The audience cheered as the closing credits began to roll.
"Asajj, you advance to the main tournament. Next time, we'll know whether you'll face Yoda and Jango Fett or Luke Skywalker and Jabba the Hutt."
"Sounds interesting, either way," Asajj replied, shaking hands with her opponents.
"Indeed, join us next time as our play-in features IG-88, C-3PO, and General Grievous next time here on Good Luck on the Trigger. Take care."
[Good Luck on the Trigger is a Mallet Media Production.]