Hello, I've decided to put this back on top of the updated fanfiction stuff!
I think this is a pretty intriguing story. Plus, I love making spoofs off of absurdest plays!
Two figures appeared out of the mist that blanketed the area. There was nothing of particular interest in the area, a few cliffs, many dead trees, and a simple country road. The terrain itself was gray and boring.
By far, the two figures were perhaps the most interesting feature of the area. One of them appeared to be a very calm and solemn man. His grey-tinted hair was pulled into a ponytail, leaving two thick locks to frame his face. His face was that of an old youngster. So many times, there are boys who are forced to burden the responsibilities of adults. His face sported this burden in the form of two lines under his eyes. His eyes were, by far, the most intriguing feature he had. They were crimson red, and three tomoe surrounded the pupils.
The other man was of greater stature. His skin was that of turquoise, like the great sea. There were several slits under his hungry eyes, one could speculate that these were gills. A large object was strapped onto his back. Whatever was in it, it was wrapped in cloth. The only giveaway for this unique item was a large golden handle that protruded out of the top. One could imagine that it could be a sword.
"Are you sure we are on the right route, Itachi?" The blue man asked.
The one named Itachi stopped, and barely turned his head to answer, "Wherever we are going, I pray it may be the right way".
The blue man paused for a minute to digest the queer answer. He then appeared to be satisfied with Itachi's answer, and moved like a predator along the path.
More hours passed while the two men trotted along the path. The tall man then bent down to pick up something.
"Kisame" Itachi inquired, "what did you find?"
"A coin" Kisame replied, "See? It has two sides, heads and tails, heads and tails"
Kisame looked at the coin as a predator analyzing his prey. He put it on his thumb and flicked upward, casing the coin to accelerate to the heavens, and back down again. Kisame caught it with no effort and revealed his prize.
"Heads" he spoke with a grin.
This process resumed for the remainder of the trip. Itachi heard nothing but the chime of the coin flip, the slap of the hands, and the word "heads" uttered after this process. The men approached an abandoned village.
"Heads!" Kisame laughed for at least the 80th time since they arrived.
"Did you get heads eighty time in a row?" Itachi inquired.
Kisame paused to look for an answer, but his partner proceeded to carry out his analysis of this anomaly.
"I cannot begin to grasp the concept of a coin landing on heads for eighty time in a row. The probability for such a feat is practically one-half to the eightieth power. This either means one of two things. A higher being is toying with you for your amusement, or you have quite a consistent flick and catch"
Kisame gave a look of confusion from this outburst and replied, "Hah! Itachi, overanalyzing things as usual. There are only two constants in the world, the predator, and the prey. Be thankful you are the predator."
"Predators compete with each other for the prey," Itachi countered, "There was a time I was the prey. Does being a predator mean you are evil?"
"Yes! We are terrible men! Remember when you encountered your brother for the second time! I nearly shed tears for the little boy!"
Itachi paused, as if something were bothering him, he then began to move along the road.
"Where does this road take us, Itachi?" Kisame asked.
"It will lead us where we need to be, at the right time"
"I wanted to get in on some action! I'm tired of waiting!"
"Waiting is the only thing we know now, when leader assigns us somewhere, there will be action, we best be prepared for it."
The two then came across a traveling caravan. The men were possibly the most peculiar they've ever seen. They were dressed in flashy costumes, dancing and laughing. One of the members, possibly the leader, marched up to the men with a sort of swagger, and announced "Greetings ye good travelers, we are the players of whatever-the-hell-you-want, we provide-"
A blue hand grabbed the man's neck, and lifted him up to a shark-like face.
"Itachi" Kisame interrupted, "might it be best that I toy with this caravan a bit? I haven't seen action in days."
"Kisame" Itachi sternly replied, "We are not here to make a scene."
"Oh ye have made a scene alright!" the player butted in, apparently not disturbed at all by Kisame's choke-grip, "Ye walking around with your mysterious swagger, not a worry in the world, nice nails by the way."
Kisame released the man, along with something along the lines of "you intrigue me". The man kept elaborating on both akatsukis' patterned cloaks and colored nails, and inquiring if they were queer or not.
"This one is really starting to get on my nerves," Kisame grimaced, "please Itachi, just one life, his friends don't seem to have a care at all about him." The old player, in response to this, grinned at his friends who were busy with a drinking game, apparently not frightened of Kisame's aggressive actions.
"They're not worried about me!" the player proclaimed, "I'm gonna die anyway! And so are you! Say, we players do sell death pretty well!" Itachi and Kisame were shocked with the speed of his subject change but they had no time when the player turned 'round and yelled "Maxi! Play dead"
The boy named "Maxi" began making gagging noises before lying down motionless on the dreary terrain.
"See?" the player said, "We sell some pretty good death! But that's not all! We could sell you violence! Tragedy! Romance! Dancing! Fistfights! Rapiers! Rape! Or a combination!" After each one he listed, the actors responded by imitating what the player described. Itachi grimaced when he saw their depiction of "rape." Apparently, all the players were men.
Kisame, meanwhile, lightened up in his mood after seeing the players' various ... performances. "More!" Kisame demanded, "More! This is a refreshing alternative to shredding you all!"
"Ahh yes" the player responded, a lot more melancholy, "Ahh yes, there is just a wee fee you'll have to pay in order for you to see our perfomance"
"One problem" Kisame responded, apparently discouraged by this new discovery, "I'm not willing to pay any fee."
"How 'bout that neat little coin there? Say, we'll gamble for it! We'll pick the side we think it'll land on!"
"Alright" Kisame said, preparing the coin, "what side will you take?"
"Heads!" the player shouted, Kisame, after hearing this, sported a look of defeat and promptly put the coin away.
Itachi finally decided to put a stop to this and intervened with "what is the point of all this? You men have wasted our time long enough."
"We don't waste time!" the player protested, "we act out life! Life is nothin' but a stage. God is the director, and we're the actors! Play yer part right and ye go to heaven!"
"Sorry" Kisame replied, "I'm an athiest"
"Well, then you'll ain't have much fun in life. In life, we need stage directions, or else, it ain't worth living!"
"Well, my purpose is to better myself in my shinobi techniques," Kisame answered.
The player turned abruptly away from Kisame and turned to Itachi, "so" he inquired, "what script to you follow?"
Itachi opened his mouth, then paused, closed his mouth, and walked into the distance.
Kisame looked at Itachi, then the player, and said "Sorry, I've got to get going."
The caravan was left behind in the gray dust. Ahead, the two men could see greener pastures.
"We've got an assignment from leader" Itachi said, stating it as a matter-of-fact "the Kyuubi and his squadmates are en route to one of our hideouts."
"Ohh, he decided to give himself to us?" Kisame replied with his typical predator look.
"The leaf ninja are in pusuit of the Ichibi, who leader said that we are needed for the extraction. We are also assigned to keep the leaf ninja away while the extraction takes place."
Kisame smiled, a fight was coming, and he was going to be prepared for it.
Itachi, reading Kisame's face, interjected, "We are going to use puppets to stop the shinobi, it is too risky to enter battle ourselves while we are extracting."
Kisame's face fell, after a moment, he inquired, "Itachi, does the future bode well for us? Can we redeem ourselves in the eyes of the world?"
Itachi replied "are we going north? That is merely a direction made by us humans for our convenience. We walk the path that we are convicted to walk on, despite the fact that to others, we are walking the wrong path, but this shapes our reality."
"So, am I dreaming?" Kisame asked. Itachi merely looked at him, and gave him a rare smile. They were running short on time. The stage directions required that Itachi and Kisame be communicating with their leader. The two figures strode through the distance, off to fulfill their dreams and goals.
Tails
