He was so distracted. Since sectionals his life had just started crumbling away one piece at a time. In just a few short weeks he had lost so much. His girlfriend, his unborn child, his best-friend, and now he was being put through losing his father all over again. Being forced to wave goodbye to his child-hood house to move in with Kurt was just yet another slap in the face as his life continued to spiral downhill. Having to sit back and watch Puck serenade the baby and get permission to be at the birth was like a bullet in the chest.
He stormed out as soon as they were dismissed and made it all the way to McKinley's front entrance before realising he had left his entire back-pack in the choir room by the drum-kit. When he got back the room was empty except for his lonely and abandoned back-pack sitting innocently in the corner. He strode quickly over to it, swung it forcefully over his shoulder and turned to re-attempt storming out, only to be stopped in his tracks by a small blonde figure standing in equal shock on the other side of the piano.
She had changed out of her gaga outfit and back into her normal clothes that made her baby bump somewhat more noticeable. An awkward, tense silence rooted him to the spot despite his desperate desire to bolt out the door. Not knowing what to do he simply froze where he was standing and stared longingly at the door as his back-pack slowly began to droop off his shoulder. After what seemed like a good ten minutes of paralyzing silence, Quinn decided to break it off.
"You left your back-pack."
"Oh did I?"
"Yeah. But it looks like you've got it now."
"Oh. Probably yeah."
It was the most awkward and pointless conversation but it was all that seemed to be able to break through the layers of thoughts and emotions they'd been burying and trying to contain over the last few weeks.
"I left my spiky Gaga spiral thing."
He looked over his shoulder and saw the totally obvious giant spiky Gaga spiral thing that he epically failed to notice when he first entered the room. She tentatively moved over to the benches where her spiky gaga spiral thing was, clearing the pathway between Finn and his beloved exit. However the sound of her voice which seemed so foreign to his ears nowadays had only rooted him to the spot further.
"So Beth huh. It's pretty…. I mean it's not as good as Drizzle but whatever."
"I was just humouring him. I don't think we get to name her anything, her parents should get to decide that. After all- oh!"
She suddenly doubled-over in pain, clutching at her stomach, causing Finn to instinctively rush over to her with a pale look of horror across his face.
"Quinn!"
"Its ok, she's just kicking. Girl kicks harder than Rob Bironas… or even Kurt!"
He breathed a heavy sigh of relief as his heart began to beat as normal again.
"Oh….. Wait how do you know who Rob Bironas is?"
"From all those reruns you used to make me watch of Titans games. I only used to pretend to fall asleep so that you would get the hint and turn them off, which of course you never did. Wow she's really going for it! Here you want to feel?"
He didn't want to. He didn't want to be anywhere near her and the baby. It became impossible to ignore all the pain and heartache she'd put him through when he was.
But she reached out and grabbed his arm before he had time to react and placed his large, clammy hand on the edge of her stomach. He felt it. He felt the life inside her kicking and was so overwhelmed with amazement he lost his guarding shield and the pain it was storing underneath. She softly giggled at the sight of his goofily astonished face as the baby continued to kick ferociously against her belly and Finn's giant hand.
This was how it was supposed to be like. This is what she had fought so hard to make it be like. Finn was supposed the father, the guy she wanted to share all these new experiences with her. The guy who deserved to share all these experiences with her.
"You can be there too if you want. At the birth. You should be there with Puck."
The sound of his name snapped him out of his momentary blissful relapse and the reality of the situation came down on him like a ton of bricks.
Puck.
Puck's the father.
She slept with him and now they are going to have a baby together.
Their baby.
Not his.
He jerked his hand away feeling as though it had just been trespassing on her baby bump, and walked away from her as the blood started boiling in his brain.
"No you know what, this isn't fair! Stop getting me involved in this. You should never have got me involved with this – with her!"
He scrunched his hands in his hair as he prepared to continue with his outburst, but was quickly interjected by Quinn who saw an opportunity to unleash what had been going around her head for months.
"I know. But I needed you to be involved with this. And I know that was selfish but I was so scared Finn. I have never been so scared about anything in my life. I don't expect you to forgive me, I don't ever see me forgiving myself and you're right it isn't fair, but I know you still care about her. I saw your face during Puck's speech and don't think I haven't noticed you staring at her during rehearsals. You should be there. Puck may be the biological father but no one has cared or supported for this baby more than you have and she deserves to meet you when she comes into this world. Hate me all you want, but I know you don't hate her."
"I can't be at the hospital! Don't you get it? I can't go and meet her and then sit back and watch someone else take her away. I've already dealt with losing her once and I just don't think I could do it twice. And I won't have to say goodbye if I don't say hello."
The magnitude of the situation, of how deep she had in fact dragged her poor ex-boyfriend into everything hit her once more, and she couldn't help but sink to the choir benches in a flood of tears. And in watching her do so, the magnitude of the situation hit him, stunned him in fact. His last words echoed in his mind and made him realise, that she would have to say hello. And all the pain he'd been dealing with over the last few weeks would soon be her pain, only a million times worse. He'd seen all the suffering she had been going through since sectionals and convinced himself she'd deserved it, but he'd never really thought about the suffering she would inevitably endure once the baby was actually born. But he thought about it now. And the thought surrendered him into joining her on the bench.
Their heated words continued to swirl around his brain as he stared at the pregnant blonde who was now more broken than he had ever seen her.
"For the record I don't hate you. I should, I wish I did and I've been trying but for some really stupid reason I can't."
"If it helps, I'm pretty sure I hate me enough for the both of us. I'm so, so sorry Finn."
He had grown so accustomed to diverting his attention to the floor when she was around, but for the first time in weeks, he managed to lift his gaze and look directly into her tear-filled hazel eyes. And for a moment it was as if some force of gravity locked them in position again. That unspoken connection that always used to be so strong between them started to burn again and they both felt it.
It had always bewildered him how she could be so strong yet so vulnerable at the same time. So assertive and yet so afraid. Quinn Fabray was just one confusing oxymoron who was just too complicated and impossible to work out. He was the closest to understanding though. Their relationship had been a short drama but somehow out of all the people in her world, dim-witted Finn Hudson had always come closest to understanding her and being able to see her potential. And not just see it but love it.
And for that, he was all she ever wanted. All she ever needed. But all she had destroyed.
They sat in silence for a while, both at a complete loss as to where to go from here.
He had secretly longed for a confrontation. A chance to vent out all his anger and pain onto her but now it was here none of it seemed to matter anymore. The pain had lifted and the anger had subsided, and now all that was left was heartbreak at the sight of a distraught Quinn who looked on the verge of hysteria again.
"Urgh, I'm sorry, I'm such an emotional wreck. I can't remember the last time I got through a day without crying. I haven't been able to wear make-up in like a month. God I'm such a loser. I must look worse than the jackass from the 'leave-Britney-alone video'. I don't know what to do anymore. "
It was a funny scene to witness. And it made him chuckle to watch the former head cheerleader bitch about herself to herself.
"We could always go on The Jerry Springer Show. I hear they're in need of emotional wrecks who don't know what they're doing!"
It was a weak joke but it made her laugh just the same. Mainly because the irony was they probably would be accepted onto the show, given the messed up situation theirs had escalated into. And to be able to laugh at it all was just what she needed. And once again it had been Finn Hudson to deliver.
….."Finn? Can we be friends again?"
He mulled the concept over, trying to work out if he and Quinn were ever friends in the first place, and whether just a friendship would ever be enough for the two of them.
"…Friends….. For now."
He swiftly got to his feet and extended an arm to assist the heavily pregnant blonde in doing the same. As he assisted her to her feet he was tempted in making a joke about her ever increasing weight, but conscious to fact that this was an extremely hormonal Quinn Fabray wielding a gaga spike, he wisely decided against it. For a moment their hands lingered together as a goofy lopsided smile from Finn forced a genuine smile of happiness across the face of a girl who hadn't been happy in weeks. And in that moment they both knew that this was the beginning of something even better between the two of them. She knew that he would walk away and continue his pursuit of Rachel Berry and he knew that in just a few weeks she would give birth to a beautiful daughter whose existence would solidify a life-long connection between her and Puck, but it didn't matter to either of them. It would take time to heal, and while their paths were heading in opposite directions they knew in that moment that eventually their paths would cross again. And both the crumbling quarterback, and the tortured cheerleader were able to fill the spaces in their hearts that had been vacant since their break-up with a soothing hope, that one day, it just might be possible, that they could be in love again.
