The usual. The characters Dean Ambrose, Roman Reigns, and Seth Rollins do not belong to me and I have no legal rights to them. They are the property of the WWE And/or the actors/sports entertainers who play them. This story is intended as tribute only and no money was paid to me to write it, nor has anyone paid to read it.
Chasing The Moonlight
"What do you suppose is taking him so long?" Seth asked, for probably the eleventh time in the last three minutes.
"It's a week before Christmas, and he's in a toy store," Dean said, trying to keep the sarcasm out of his voice. "I can't think of anything that might slow him down."
They were in the latest of a string of rental cars, headed to the next town, the next gig, or they would have been, but as they were pulling out of the parking lot of the motel, Roman had gotten a phone call from his fiance. This was not usual, they spoke every day and quite a few times it was while they were driving. But this time she had a request to make.
"We have to stop at the Toys R Us on Grove Street," he informed him when he ended the call. "It's not that far out of the way."
"Why?" Seth asked. Seth was driving the first leg of the journey, and even though he questioned what was happening, he was programing the GPS to find the store.
"Because they actually have a Doc McStuffins Get Better Check-Up Center," Roman explained, managing only to look slightly sheepish. "And they were actually willing to put it aside so I could pick it up."
"A what?" Seth asked, staring at his teammate as if he'd managed to grow another head.
"A Doc McStuffins Get Better Check-Up Center," Roman repeated. "It's a toy, no, not just a toy, it's the number one toy on Leah's Christmas list. It's the only thing she really wants. And this Toys R Us has one."
"Couldn't she find one at the local Toys R Us?" Dean asked. "Or have them ship it to her?"
"Dean, I don't think you understand, this is the toy this year. This is the Cabbage Patch, Tickle Me Elmo, and Nintendo 64 of the '10s," Roman explained. "Every kid wants one. Jessica has been trying to find it, and she hit the jack pot. The store here got four in. Four. It's a miracle they got any in this close to Christmas, never mind that they are actually going to sell one to us."
"Yeah, interesting," Seth said, as he finished programing the GPS. "If it's that hot, why are they selling it to you? They probably have a waiting list of hundreds who'd buy it."
"Uh, well," Roman began, then looked down at his feet.
"Let me guess," Seth interrupted. "The manager-"
"-Or assistant manager," Dean joined in.
"-Is, or knows someone-"
"-Who's a huge wresting fan-"
"-So your fiance agreed-"
"-That you'd give them a T-shirt-"
"-Maybe some action figures-"
"-Some 8 x10 color glossies, -"
"-Signed by all three of us," Seth finished.
"Uh," Roman said again, "Just one T-shirt signed by all of us," He admitted. "And I have to sign a couple of action figures that they'll be providing. But you can wait in the car, Jessica told them I was traveling alone."
While Roman had assured them once they got to Toys R Us that he would be "In and Out" that was proving not to be the case as Seth and Dean waited in the parking lot, getting more and more bored by the second. "Start up the car," Dean griped, "I'm getting cold."
"It's not that cold," Seth muttered as he started up the car, then added, "If he's not out of there in five minutes, I'm going in,"
"I wouldn't," Dean advised, leaning forward and stretching out his hands to the heater vents to warm them up. "He's probably being mobbed by every woman in the place. 'Look, Maggie, it's Roman Reigns!'" His voice fell into it's usual higher pitched, semi-sarcastic mode it always did when he pretended to be one of the many women who were always hitting Roman. "Ooh, Roman," he continued, "'you're so talland so manly! I'd be happy if you'd reign over me."
"Stop it," Seth said.
Seth was laughing as he said it, which meant, to Dean, that Seth's protest was merely a token to show that he would not sit by idol and allow his friend to be insulted. With that out of the way, Dean continued. "I'll bet even half the fathers in there are sliding all over him, too." He changed into an overly done back woods accent that sounded as if it was straight out of a bad Deliverance parody. "Why it's Roman Reigns. Anyone ever tell yew, Mister Reigns, dat yew have such purdy hair? All soft and shiny, like a leetle gurls."
"Dean, stop it!" Seth said, again his laughter not lending much credence to his words.
"An' dat mouth," Dean cheerfully continued in the same voice, "Thems are kissin' lips, Mister Reigns. Why, I'll bet yew put lard on 'em every night, keep 'em from chappin' up."
"Dean, stop!" Seth insisted, but still laughing. "If you don't stop, he's going to come out here and we'll have to explain why I'm laughing, and that will make it worse."
As if saying it out loud were the cue, they saw Roman heading over to them with a large box. "Oh great," Seth muttered. "I've got to get out and help him with the hatch and he's going to know I've been laughing and want to know why."
"That's the risk when you travel with me." Dean leaned back in the backseat, trying not to look smug. His day wasn't complete unless he could get at least one, preferably both of his teammates laughing.
Seth managed to get his laughter under control as he helped Roman get the large box into the trunk of the rental car. "Are you going to take that on the plane when you head home?" Seth asked.
"Nah," Roman shook his head. "At the next stop, I'll find a UPS or FedEx place and ship it home emergency overnight."
"You know," Dean commented as Seth drove out of the parking lot. "Correct me if I'm wrong, but this is one big Pain In The Ass, isn't it?"
Roman didn't answer at first, but instead fastened his seat belt to buy time to think about how to respond. "Uh, well, yes, but it's okay."
"Oh?" Dean shifted so he was in the center of the back seat, leaning forward. No matter how many times they told him he should, Dean refused to wear a seat belt when he was in the back seat. "I like to move around," he argued.
"Yeah, it's a pain," Roman admitted. "Getting it was a pain, finding the UPS place will be a pain, but it's a pain that's worth it. Leah has been asking for this for weeks. She even told me that it's the only toy she wanted, that if it was the only toy she got, that was okay. And Jessica's been knocking herself out trying to find one online. She even tried to buy one on eBay, but the bidding got up to five hundred bucks and then someone sniped her. But that's how desperate she was. So, by doing this, not only will I make Leah the happiest kid on the world on Christmas morning, but I'll make my lady pretty happy, too. And when she's happy..." he paused, letting a smug grin spread over his face. "I'm happy."
"So," Dean said, "You're doing this to make Leah happy, and to get laid, right?"
"I wouldn't put it like that," Roman said, scowling. "It's not just about that. I mean, if she wants to show her gratitude in a...physical way, I won't refuse." He hesitated again, the scowl leaving his face and his voice getting softer. "I like making her happy. I mean, Leah's my daughter, of course I want to make her happy, but I like making Jessica happy, too. Even if all I get is a smile, when she's happy, I'm happy."
"Aw," Dean said, putting his hand on Roman's shoulder. "That is so touching. It's nice to know my brother is a total sap."
"Bite me, Ambrose," Roman suggested, turning in the seat and raising his fist as if he was going to punch Dean.
"Children, stop it!" Seth called out, in a mocking parental voice. "Don't make me turn this car around."
"He started it!" Roman objected, a mock childish tone coming to his voice.
"You have to forgive Dean," Seth said, still playing parent. "He's never had a serious girlfriend, he doesn't know the crazy things people do when they're in love."
"Tell me about it," Roman agreed, going back to his normal voice.
Dean scowled and leaned back in his seat. Roman and Seth were his brothers by choice and while he was pretty sure there was nothing the three of them wouldn't do for each other, he sometimes got annoyed when they assumed things about him, things that weren't necessarily true. Sure, he didn't talk about ex-girlfriends, but that didn't mean he didn't have any. Yeah, okay, a lot of his experience came from one night stands, there were always girls that got off on sleeping with wrestlers. When he was in his hard core days, he practically had to beat them off with sticks. Apparently, there was something about a guy that played with chain saws, forks, and reciprocal saws that got certain girls all excited. But that didn't mean he'd never had any serious relationships.
"So," Roman said to Seth. "What's the craziest thing you've ever done for a girl?"
"Oh god, I could write a book," Seth groaned, as he took the entrance ramp to the highway. "I let this girl in High School copy off my algebra test. We weren't dating, but I sure wanted to go out with her. I thought if I let her cheat off me, she'd look at me as more than a friend."
"Did it work?" Roman asked.
"No," Seth sadly admitted. "It might have helped if I was better at algebra. We both failed the test."
Roman laughed. "Okay, that was just stupid. I'm talking about crazy. Something that you never would have done for anyone else, not even your sister or your mother, but because you loved them, you did it. Even if it was the last thing in the world you wanted to do, you did it because it was something they wanted or needed you to do."
Dean slumped further in the back seat, still scowling, but let Roman and Seth talk. He didn't want to admit it, but he was curious to see what Seth would say.
"Uh, let me think," Seth pondered, as he studied the oncoming traffic, and eased onto the highway. "Oh, I got it. I went out for tampons."
"Yeah, that's never fun," Roman said. "Especially if that's the only thing you're getting. If you've got a list of stuff it can be easier."
"Oh, that was all she wanted," Seth said. "And she was in a pretty nasty mood. This was the girl I dated a few years ago. Honestly, she was one of the nicest girls I ever dated, but every 28 days, she became the poster woman for PMS. It was like Doctor Jekyll and Ms. Hyde. So, she send me to the store. And I grab all this other stuff, like deodorant, cough medicine, aspirin, a couple magazines, a quart of motor oil, a car air freshener, all this crap you know? Figuring that I'd have the whole belt at the register filled with stuff, the clerk would be too busy ringing it up to care, and I'd get out and home."
"Should have bought chocolate, too," Dean muttered.
"I did!" Seth said. "I grabbed two Symphony bars, because sometimes chocolate was the only thing that would sedate her. Anyway, so I have all this stuff on the belt and the cashier, who was this young guy, he's ringing it all up, everything is going well until he gets to the tampons. I picked the one box that the bar code is messed up. I guess it got wet and the ink ran. So he's trying to scan it and he can't. Then he tries to read the numbers off of it and he can't because they're blurry. A line is forming behind me and this guy is holding up the biggest box of tampons they sell, twisting it all around, studying it. I tell him how much the box cost, but that isn't good enough, he needs the numbers or else he can't ring it in. I'm about to tell him, 'look, just void the sale and I'll go grab another box and get in line again,' even though I'm mortified. But the guy grabs the intercom and yells into it, 'I need a price check. Kotex Extra Heavy duty Tampons, 120 Count box!'"
Dean had stopped slouching and was leaning forward again to listen. Roman was trying to look serious, but failing miserably. Anyone looking at him would have seen he was ready to laugh. "Wow," he finally managed to say, "That must have been... awful."
"Oh, that's not the worst," Seth continued. "It was a smaller store, and it was late at night, so the only people on were the cashier and another guy. The other guy was this old, half deaf man who got on the intercom somewhere in the back and said, 'Can you repeat that?' and the kid yells, 'I need a price check on the Kotex Heavy Duty Tampons!' By this point, everyone in the line was either pissed off at me because they just wanted to buy their crap and get out, or they were giggling. There were two teenage girls right behind me who thought this was the funniest thing they'd ever seen in their lives. And a few seconds goes by and then the old guy in the back goes, 'I didn't catch that. One more time?' By now the cashier was getting annoyed so he grabs the intercom and screams into it, 'I NEED A PRICE CHECK ON THE KOTEX EXTRA HEAVY DUTY TAMPONS 120 COUNT BOX!'"
Roman burst out laughing. "Then what happened?"
"The old guy finally comes up, because he still didn't hear the kid correctly," Seth continued. "He looks at the box and meanders off to find another box. I offered about six times to go get it, but the kid just isn't listening. So, old dude shuffles off. About ten million years later, over the intercom we hear, 'Is that the 120 count box or the 96 count box?'"
"At least he just asked for counts," Dean said. "That was better than before."
"It would have been," Seth said, "But the kid was getting frustrated too, so he grabs the intercom and goes, '120 COUNT! 120! FOR THE LAST TIME, THIS GUY NEEDS THE 120 COUNT OF KOTEX, EXTRA HEAVY DUTY TAMPONS!' At this point, the two teenage girls can't hold back so they start just looking at me and laughing, unable to stop themselves. If I hadn't been worried about going home without the stupid things I would have walked out of that place. As it was, when we finally did get it straight and I paid for them, I went home and I've never stepped foot in that store again. Even though it was about a block away from where I lived."
"Okay, that was pretty bad," Roman admitted. "I don't know if I can top that one. I mean, I've gone out and bought stuff like that for Jessica when I've had to, but I've never had to have a price check." He chuckled again, then turned his head to look into the back seat. "Okay, Dean, your turn."
"According to you guys, I never had a serious girlfriend," Dean muttered, still stinging from Seth's earlier remark. "So I don't know what it's like to do crazy things like that."
"I was just teasing!" Seth protested, as he shifted into the high speed lane to pass a group of cars that were puttering along below the speed limit. "And, face it, Dean, you don't talk about anyone in your past that you were seriously involved with."
"Maybe I'm just not the type that likes to dwell on the past," Dean said, still not ready to be pacified.
"Aw, don't be like that," Roman said. "He was just giving you grief. C'mon, Dean, I had to go and get the Doc McStuffins toy, Seth shared his adventures in buying feminine hygiene products, it's your turn. What's the craziest thing you ever did for love?"
"I shot her dog," Dean said, his voice almost a whisper.
Even though Dean's voice was barely audible, it was as if he had screamed it at the top of his lungs. Instantly, Roman and Seth were silent, trading glances at each other, not knowing how to react. Should they laugh? He was joking, right? He had to be joking.
"That's from an old promo you did," Seth said, finally breaking the silence. "You talked about how everyone was always blaming you and one of the things you mentioned was this girl who had this dog, a basset hound, right?'
"Boxer," Dean corrected.
"Yeah, a boxer," Seth agreed. "And the dog barked all the time and kept her up. She was a student and needed to study so you claimed you shot the dog so it wouldn't keep her awake." Seth looked at Roman, "It was pretty funny, in that dark way."
"I've seen the promo," Roman admitted. "It's one of those things you laugh at and then feel guilty for laughing. Because he pulls it off so perfectly. 'So I shot the dog, and suddenly I'm the bad guy!'" He laughed and then stopped abruptly. "But that's just a story, right Dean?"
"No." Dean's voice was still quiet. Any trace of humor was gone. "She was a real girl, I was really dating her and I really shot her dog. And I really did tell her I did it because the dog kept her awake at night and I knew she needed to study."
Again, Roman and Seth looked at each other, then away. Seth stared out the window, trying to focus on driving, but every few seconds, he glanced at Dean through the rear view mirror. Dean was staring out the left hand window, not saying anything.
"That's not funny," Roman finally said. "I'm not sure I believe you, but it's not funny. The promo might have been funny, but this isn't."
"It's not supposed to be funny," Dean said. "You said what's the craziest thing I've ever done and I told you. I shot her dog. I told her it was because the dog kept her awake at night and she needed to study. I think that's pretty crazy, don't you?"
"Yeah," Roman said. "And if it is true, which I still doubt, it's a pretty sick thing to do. I know you're a little crazy. You're our lunatic fringe, but that's too much, even for you."
"I'm with Roman," Seth said. "That's just not cool. I hope you're just bullshitting us, because if you're not, then I'm pretty disgusted."
"I swear, I am not bullshitting you," Dean said, his voice flat. "I shot her dog."
Silence ruled the car for a good ten minutes, nobody knowing what to say. I never should have said anything, Dean thought to himself, staring out the window at the passing cars. He had shared a lot of things with his Shield brothers, more than he had ever shared with any other human beings, but this was...different. Yes, he had done the promo where he told the whole world about it, but like Seth and Roman had, Dean knew most people just dismissed it as the usual, 'Dean talking crazy.' And there was a reason why he put it in that promo too. He had a feeling she would somehow find it and watch it, and he wanted to make sure she still knew he'd shot her dog. And that he'd do it again. That he was just that type of guy, the type of guy who would shoot your dog because it barked at night and he'd think he was doing you a favor when he did it.
"Well," Roman said, trying to keep his voice calm, even though it was pretty obvious he was feeling anything but, "If it is true, then I'm not sure if I really know you."
"Suit yourself," Dean said.
Another long bout of silence, nobody knowing what to say. Although he didn't want to admit it, Dean knew he had pushed this too far. He had two choices, he could laugh and go, "Wow, I can't believe you fell for that!" That would be the easy solution. Seth and Roman would laugh and pretend to be annoyed that he had got them, but they would also be relieved, because their world would right itself. Everything would be the way it was before he'd told them. It would just be typical Dean, seeing how far he could take things. Crazy, funny, Dean.
The other solution was to tell them the truth. The truth that nobody but he knew. Was he ready for that? Could he tell them? And when he was done, what would they think of him then? Sometimes, you have to take the risk, he thought to himself. Either they'll understand or they won't. And if they don't, you'll deal. The world won't come to an end. He opened up the cooler that always traveled with them and pulled out three bottles of water. He leaned forward and put two in the cup holders on the end of the main console. The third he opened, and took a long swallow.
"Do you want to know the story?" he finally said, keeping his voice even. "I mean, I don't care what you both think, but, eh, we've got nothing else to do."
Seth and Roman looked at each other. Finally, Roman nodded. "Yeah," he said, his voice even. "We'd like to know the story."
This is it, Dean thought, taking another sip of water. You've committed yourself now. "It was a really long time ago," he began, "And there was this girl I dated..."
