A/N: My newest fanfiction. Every chapter is named after a song, the song I listened to while I wrote it. Enjoy! :)

Disclaimer: I do not own Invader Zim or any of its characters.

Chapter One: Judith, Renholder Mix (A Perfect Circle)

He was lying on his floor in his bedroom, surrounded by papers, empty soda cans, dirty clothes, and other trash. He laid there, motionless. Another episode again. His blank eyes looked up towards the ceiling, unseeing. His phone rang a few times, but he was in such a state that he didn't hear it. The orange prescription bottle sat on his desk, forgotten. He was lost. Lost inside his own mind.

The black outs were becoming more frequent as his condition worsened. The doctor had given him medicine. She had said that it would help. It hadn't. Something was jabbing him in his back as he lay there, but he couldn't feel it. He was nearly comatose.

Pictures covered his walls, tacked chaotically. A visual monument to his obsession. Candid shots, some up close but more often from farther away. His target, usually unaware of his stalker, was in various poses. There were older pictures of him sitting at a desk when they were still in school, some of him walking his dog, some of him standing outside his base watering his grass, since he had no flowers.

His bed wasn't made, pillows and blankets were strewn over the mattress and floor. His computer was off, he hadn't touched it in hours. He didn't hear his door when it opened. He didn't hear the sigh or see those small black boots step cautiously through the doorway. He didn't feel the green, naked fingers touch his face.


"Good morning Dib. Have you slept?" She asked. Her name was Dr Hothman. She was tall, slim, blond. She was pretty. She was nice. And he had no interest in her.

He sat on a couch in her office. It was a nice place, cozy. Comfortable. He hated it. It gave him a headache.

"No." He answered. He ran a hand through his messy black hair. He had long ago given up on taming that horrible cowlick that dominated the top of his head. She frowned at him and continued.

"We might have to increase the dosage on your medication. We'll talk about that later. Have you had any more lapses?" She inquired, gently prodding. She was a good doctor. The best he had had, so far.

"Yes. I had one last night, I believe. I woke up in my bed. I don't remember getting there. It lasted about nine hours, I think. I'm not really sure." He said, quietly. His head was down. He rarely looked at her when she spoke. He rarely looked at anyone. Except one. His obsession.

"Do you know if anyone saw you go out? Or were you home the whole time?" She asked.

"I'm not sure, but I think I was home. I had the same clothes on. I didn't have shoes on and my feet were still clean. My clothes weren't really dirty." He said. He had checked, to be sure.

"Good. At least it hasn't progressed to that point yet." She consoled him. "Now, tell me of Zim. How is that going?"

Dib took a deep breath. This was the part he hated talking about the most.

"The same. I haven't seen him, I've been trying to stay home. But I do hear... transmissions... with my equipment in my room. I sit by the window and listen, with my headphones. He is still there." He answered, hesitant.

"Like I've told you before, I don't think this aspect of your condition is too harmful. I'm more concerned about the blackouts and the injuries." She looked at him while he sat there, silent, picking at a piece of lint on the arm of the couch.

"Have you had any more injuries?" He asked, studying his face.

"No. I haven't gone out. So no." He answered. He hated it here. But it helped. He needed the help. He could admit that.

"Good. Now... Tell me what you hear in these transmissions."


Dib walked to the counter of his doctors office and signed out, like he did every week. She handed him a small white square of paper with a new prescription on it. He grimaced, this meant he would have to go to the pharmacy in town. He didn't like going out in public, at least not during the daylight hours.

It was chilly outside when he walked out the glass doors, it felt great to Dib. He liked the fall, it was easier than the suffocating heat. Days like this, when it was so overcast that everything looked a little grey, were his favorite. His car was parked far out, at the back of the lot. He didn't see the point in fighting over a spot close to the door, like walking an extra sixty seconds would kill him. Some people were just lazy, but not him. He liked to be out in the back, where there weren't a lot of people to watch him sit in his car for fifteen minutes before he could finally make him self put it in gear and drive away. Everything was a fight these days.

He was relieved to see that the pharmacy wasn't very crowded. There were a few people browsing, but there was no line. He waited at the counter while the pharmacist typed in his information at the computer. This part made him uncomfortable. The pharmacist always gave him a sympathetic look, as though he was mentally handicapped. Dib had a lot of issues, hence a lot of different medications, but he was still sane. He could still function.

"It'll be about forty minutes before its ready." The man said kindly. Dib just nodded and walked away. Not willing to browse the shelves for forty minutes, Dib stepped outside into the cool air. There was a cafe across the street, but it looked too crowded. He stood outside the door to the pharmacy and watched people walk by him on the sidewalk, always turning away if they looked at him. Pulling his headphones out of his pocket, he placed them in his ears before pressing play on his iPod. People usually didn't try to talk to you if you had headphones in. He used this tactic a lot in public.

He was dreading the drive home. Since he had come to the pharmacy, the route home would take him passed the house... a house that had drawn him like drug addict to his favorite fix. He could always take another way home, a longer way. But he wouldn't. He just wanted to look. Just once. Then he would go home.

He let the music drown out the world as he waited for his medication, time passed more quickly when he was lost in song lyrics and soothing melodies. His hand ran through his hair, pushing it off of his face as the slight breeze tossed it around. He was glad he had worn his long coat. He always wore one, but he had his trench coat for colder weather. He was grateful for it today, it seemed to be getting colder and dark the longer he was out, even though it wasn't' yet noon. Maybe it was going to rain.

After checking the time on his phone, he walked back inside. It had only been about thirty minutes but maybe he would get lucky and it would be done early. He pulled his headphones out of his ears and shoved them back into his pocket before walking up to the counter. The pharmacist saw him and smiled.

"Just finished." He said. He rang up the small paper bag that held the little orange bottle and had Dib sign for it. His insurance always covered his medication. Thanking the man, Dib walked out of the pharmacy and towards his car.

Dib always thought that he was lucky. His life wasn't hard. He graduated high school at sixteen, college at nineteen. By the time he was twenty, he was working in his dads lab, one of the best scientists Membrane Co. had ever seen. He was a prodigy. His dad couldn't be prouder. But what was the saying? Genius is a small step from madness?

He had been working in the lab less than a year when the blackouts started. That was a few months ago, now he was forced to stay home and do what little work he could from his apartment. His dad was generous, he had given him lab equipment, assignments that could be completed without a full lab. Every now and then he went into the main building to use one of their machines, but most of his work he completed at home. It was better for him, convenient. And it made all the other employees, who all thought he was insane, more comfortable.

He sat down in his car and put the key in the engine, his hands shaking. This used to be so simple. Go to the house, that weird green house, and run passed the gnomes to get to the front door. Sneak in, plant cameras or confront him, whatever. It used to be easy. When had it gotten so complicated?

He started the car and put it in gear, pulling out of the parking space. As he drove he kept trying to tell himself that he just wanted a glimpse. Just a small glimpse.

It didn't take long to turn onto his street. Everything looked the same, it had been weeks since he had been here. He could almost see the green house, pulling him like the proverbial moth to the flame. His hands shook as he pulled up to the curb on the other side of the street. He knew that little green alien was in there. He knew. No amount of doctors and specialists could convince him that his nemesis didn't exist. It simply wasn't possible. They had been through too much.

Dib's heart jumped into his throat when he saw the curtain move in the window. He jerked his hand up and pushed his glasses up his nose so hard that it almost hurt, and squinted in the direction of the house. Then it was there. Large red eyes looking directing at him through the window. It was him. Zim.

Dib's hand was on the door handle before he could stop himself. He got out of the car and stood, his hand on the open door. They stared at each other. Zim's eyes were wide at first, but they narrowed in suspicion when Dib stepped out of the car. His small frame easily visible through the window. He had grown, but not much. He was still about half Dibs size. His face left the window and Dib felt the sudden absence like a punch in the gut. He gripped the door to his car tightly.

The door to the house opened, slowly. He could see Zim, but he was standing farther back in the house. He didn't have his disguise on, so he couldn't be too near the door unless others were watching.

Dib felt as though he was in a trance. He wanted so badly to go into that house, to see him, to prove to himself that he existed. He took a step. A rain drop fell on his face, and he looked up as another fell on his glasses. He looked back to Zim, to see him backing away from the door, from the rain. He shook his head. Dib almost called out to him when the door shut. He stood there, in the street as the rain started falling harder. There was nothing in the window.

Dismayed, he felt himself falling deeper and deeper into the depression that led to his blackouts. Suddenly afraid to be out in the open when it happened, he jumped back into his car and put it in gear. It hurt him physically to drive away from that house, but he managed. He sped back to his apartment and parked haphazardly. His chest hurt by the time he got out of the car, it was hard for him to breathe and his vision was dimming.

I just need to make it in the door... I need to be inside the house so no one will find me.

He ran up the steps to his door, as fast as he could manage while gasping for breath. He was nearly falling when he reached it. Jamming the key into the lock, he leaned heavily on the door as his head started to pound. He could feel it coming. When he turned the knob, his weight against the door pushed it open suddenly and he fell in the doorway. In the back of his mind, he registered a small sound, a rattle almost. Too far gone to care, he barely managed to push the door closed with his foot before the darkness took him.