Her eyes were wider than her mouth, the gap that let air slip in out of her
shocked and violated body. Now, when she tried to move, she trembled. When
she tried to think of what he said, she felt sick.
Her face grew a little hotter and the revelation was just too much.
"You what?" She choked out from her constricting throat. Her head was spinning; her mind was spinning; the whole God damn room was spinning and all she wanted to do was make it stop.
His eyes burned and he looked to the floor. When his eyes met hers again, they were bloodshot and red.
She shook her head. "No. No, no you can't. You can't have..." Her eyes were growing heavy and she felt dizzy and wanted to throw up. "You can't." She kept shaking her head. "You can't!" And she cried. "You can't!" She screamed.
"Because if you do! Oh God, then I do!" Her whole body shook visibly now and the thought of it brought him to a place so dark and so deadly that he wanted to die.
He reached out to touch her but she pushed him away. She threw her arms above her head but they fell against her shoulders. Her tears turned to sobs and as she sank to the floor, he wrapped his arms around her for what he felt would be the last time.
Rei fought back his own tears, but a few escaped him. He held her fiercly, tightly and kissed her forehead. Her body convulsed in sobs underneath him and he knew this was where it would end.
"Good-bye." He whispered to her as he stood up and made his way to the door.
Rei walked down the stairs of his apartment and outside to the motorcycle that awaited him. He knew she didn't have it, the disease that no one wants but people still get. He had gotten it when he strayed from her. He had gotten AIDS when he had fucked around on her. That's why he kept pushing her away. That's why he hadn't slept with the one he loved more than anyone else. That's why he was leaving.
And as he drove away, he started to cry. He started to weep. He started to sob. He pulled his bike over and fell onto the ground. He wasn't going to let her live with him. He wasn't going to let her keep him while he died. While he died, what a horrible thing to think. Not if he died, while he died. And if he came off as cruel, fine! If he came off as heartless, great! She would remember him like that, hatefully and bitter. She would forget how to love him. Maybe, she would even forget him. That's how it had to be.
So why did it hurt so God damn bad?
He couldn't live with her, and he couldn't live without her. Eventually, he wouldn't even live at all. Kashino brought himself back to what he had been so long ago and somehow made his way back to his seat of the only thing he had ever been able to do right in his life.
He remembered the bridge up ahead. He felt the wheels turn in his head. He pushed down on the gas. And as he fell through the air and pavement and wonderful world, he thought of her and the life they had made. Of the life she would make. And he closed his eyes. And everything was good again.
Her face grew a little hotter and the revelation was just too much.
"You what?" She choked out from her constricting throat. Her head was spinning; her mind was spinning; the whole God damn room was spinning and all she wanted to do was make it stop.
His eyes burned and he looked to the floor. When his eyes met hers again, they were bloodshot and red.
She shook her head. "No. No, no you can't. You can't have..." Her eyes were growing heavy and she felt dizzy and wanted to throw up. "You can't." She kept shaking her head. "You can't!" And she cried. "You can't!" She screamed.
"Because if you do! Oh God, then I do!" Her whole body shook visibly now and the thought of it brought him to a place so dark and so deadly that he wanted to die.
He reached out to touch her but she pushed him away. She threw her arms above her head but they fell against her shoulders. Her tears turned to sobs and as she sank to the floor, he wrapped his arms around her for what he felt would be the last time.
Rei fought back his own tears, but a few escaped him. He held her fiercly, tightly and kissed her forehead. Her body convulsed in sobs underneath him and he knew this was where it would end.
"Good-bye." He whispered to her as he stood up and made his way to the door.
Rei walked down the stairs of his apartment and outside to the motorcycle that awaited him. He knew she didn't have it, the disease that no one wants but people still get. He had gotten it when he strayed from her. He had gotten AIDS when he had fucked around on her. That's why he kept pushing her away. That's why he hadn't slept with the one he loved more than anyone else. That's why he was leaving.
And as he drove away, he started to cry. He started to weep. He started to sob. He pulled his bike over and fell onto the ground. He wasn't going to let her live with him. He wasn't going to let her keep him while he died. While he died, what a horrible thing to think. Not if he died, while he died. And if he came off as cruel, fine! If he came off as heartless, great! She would remember him like that, hatefully and bitter. She would forget how to love him. Maybe, she would even forget him. That's how it had to be.
So why did it hurt so God damn bad?
He couldn't live with her, and he couldn't live without her. Eventually, he wouldn't even live at all. Kashino brought himself back to what he had been so long ago and somehow made his way back to his seat of the only thing he had ever been able to do right in his life.
He remembered the bridge up ahead. He felt the wheels turn in his head. He pushed down on the gas. And as he fell through the air and pavement and wonderful world, he thought of her and the life they had made. Of the life she would make. And he closed his eyes. And everything was good again.
