Author's Note: Merry Christmas everyone! As a special treat to all who've read my previous story "Twisted Pleasure of Warped Minds" and to all devilcest fans out there in general, I've uploaded the first chapter of my new fic. As some of you may have noticed I discontinued my previous dmc fic with the intentions of rewriting it. Well, it turned into a completely new fic. Here it is: Shot To Hell!

Disclaimer: Devil May Cry and all of its characters belongs to Capcom.

Warnings: Language, Violence, Booze, Twincest, Blindfolds, Demon Sex, and Nero's Backstory That Capcom Pulled Out Of Their Ass

Mission One:

The Shot To Hell

Dante swaggered into the Bull's Eye with a wide smirk, eyeing Bobby the bartender with a devilish gleam. Lady walked behind him and snarled at him. "Dante, you idiot! It's suicide! If you're going to get yourself killed, at least have the decency of giving me my money!"

Dante glared at her. "Well, I'm dead broke. Some new asshole in town has been taking all the good jobs. If you don't want me to take Bobby's challenge then stop bleeding me dry!"

Lady grumbled, said asshole has been cutting in on her jobs as well. "I'm broke too thanks to that asshole, Gilver! He's been stealing my jobs too!"

Dante quirked an eyebrow. "Gilver? You've met him? Tell me what he looks like so I can give him a special devil hunter's hello." Dante patted his twin guns Ebony, and Ivory for emphasis.

Dante had heard of the new devil hunter, but hadn't seen him. He arrived in town a month ago the same time Dante got back from Fortuna. Dante had hoped with the Order dealt with, that he would see more jobs his way, but no such luck. With two women, and now the kid, Nero, eating him out of house, home, and pizza, Dante was dead broke.

Lady sighed. "I've only met the guy once on a job, and no, I don't know what he looks like. No one does. He keeps his face and hands covered in bandages like a mummy, and dresses like Liberace on a hot date. He uses a katana to slice demon up like sushi."

Dante whistled. "Sounds like a real circus freak. Even by our crowd's standards. Well, as much as I would like to find this mummified Liberace, I got a bar bet to win."

Dante slammed a fifty on the counter. "Bobby, I'm taking your challenge! Give me a Shot To Hell, please!"

The bar fell silent, then people gathered around to watch the latest idiot try the bar's strongest drink. Bobby shook his head. "Son, I've had this challenge up for close to thirty years, and no one's won it. Dante, I like you, and I'm not going to lie. This drink has flat out murdered the livers of even the strongest of men. This is drink no mortal man can handle."

Dante gave Bobby his best shit eating grin. "Well, good thing I am no mortal man. Give me my drink please!"

Bobby sighed and disappeared under the counter. He came back up with a paper, and a fishbowl stuffed to the brim with various sizes of bills. "Put your money in the fishbowl, sign this consent form, and I'll have someone ready to call an ambulance for you."

Dante signed his name with gusto, while ignoring Lady's pleas to back out. Dante put his money in with rest of the money Bobby has collected from suckers over the years when Trish strode in. Dante gave Trish a big grin. "Trish! Glad you're here! I'm about to hit the jackpot!"

Trish looked at Lady for answers. "What's he talking about?"

Lady sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose. "Don't ask, just watch the latest jackassery unfold."

Trish turned to Dante. "Dante, I thought you'd like to know that I've got you a job. A client has been having trouble finding a hunter willing to take it, and doubled the bounty. He said he hired another hunter by the name of Gilver, and its first come first serve. You want it?"

Dante growled angrily at the mention of the asshole who's been putting a dent in his wallet. "Hell yeah! I ain't letting that asshole steal more of my kills! Right after my drink."

Lady snorted. "If he's still alive that is."

Bobby cleared his throat and addressed the growing crowd of people. "Alrighty folks! We got ourselves another idiot willing to swig down my strongest poison: The Shot To Hell. For those who don't know, anyone able to drink The Shot To Hell without passing out, wins all of this here money. Let's cheer on this brave bastard that's going to be shot to hell in the morning!"

The crowd cheered and chanted Dante's name, who crowed like rooster. Bobby got out a huge martini glass, several bottles of liquor and some rather unusual ingredients. "Right, to make one Shot To Hell, you start with a shot of Jack Daniels, a splash of bourbon, a shot of the Appalachian's strongest Moonshine, juice from an unfrozen blue raspberry popsicle, Red Bull, the worm from a tequila bottle, some skittles, and the weirdest ingredient of all: a drop of spinal fluid from a slain Hell Lust. Then we wait for the worm to start twitching. If all goes right it should start eating the skittles."

Bobby mixed them all in the glass, and when he added the drop of demon's blood the bar waited with bated breathe. Then the worm started moving and mutating into something that belongs in hell. It swam toward the skittles and devoured them with all the ferocity of a sugar starved kid. Bobby smiled. "Right. Now we stir with a home pregnancy test until it turns positive..."

Bobby stirred the insidious looking drink with the pregnancy test, then a pink plus sign appeared indicating somebody was going to have a baby shower. "Then we set on fire so the worm burns up, blow it out, and serve."

The bar watched in fascination as the Bobby lit the drink up, the fire turning many different colors. The technicolored fire burned up the demon worm, making a horrible screech as it turned to ash. Bobby blew the fire out, and the smoke took on an ominous skull shape. The drink was a bubbling red concoction that looked and smelled like something Satan pissed out after binging on Halloween candy. Bobby slid the drink over to Dante. "Bottoms up, Dante."

Dante sniffed it, and flinched as his nose hairs got singed by the smell. He pinched his nose and chugged the whole thing in one gulp. Dante coughed after he swallowed the last drop of the foul drink, and threw his arms up in victory. "I'm still standing! I'll take my money, and that job!"

Bobby put up his hand. "Wait for it."

Dante took two steps and then had the unusual sensation that he could only describe as being trampled by a herd of unicorns with an after taste of sugar, shame, and sex. His whole world lit up with an explosion of light and color. Then a warm pleasant feeling shot straight to his groin, and his head was filled with the bittersweet memory of his first time. Ghostly sensations of familiar hands and lips so similar to his own caressed him. That euphoric feeling of something that was so wrong, and yet so right was enough to bring him to his knees. Dante gasped that forbidden name under his breath. "Vergil..."

His head felt like it was swimming in rainbow sprinkles but he remained conscious. He shook his head of the memory of his twin and of blissful days he drank to forget. Dante dragged himself back up the counter, and stood on shaky feet. He remembered he was at the bar, but wondered if this place always had the disco lights he kept seeing. He snarled at Bobby, who for some reason had purple skin and pink tusks. "I'll take my damn money now, ya purple bastard."

The whole bar stared at the sight of the first man to be standing after drinking the Shot To Hell. Dante took the fishbowl and shoved handfuls of bills into his pants, and boots. Dante stopped at stared at Trish in fascination at her new fluffy white bunny ears. Dante giggled at her, and poked her fluffy looking bunny ears, but only felt air. "Okay you wascally wabbit! Where's that job?"

Trish looked at Dante with worry. "It's at the new strip joint, the Silken Sin, but Dante you don't look-"

Dante cut her off with the joy of a boy on Christmas. "The Silken Sin?! Hot damn, let's rock!"

Dante ran out the door with speed that only a Blitz could rival. A feat considering obvious bulge in his pants. Lady looked at Trish with wide eyes. "The Silken Sin? Isn't that the job I dumped onto you?"

Trish wrinkled her nose. "Yeah, now I'm dumping that shit job onto Dante. I'm surprised you didn't cut out the middle woman and dump it straight to him."

Lady groaned. "I gave it to you so you could have the opportunity to burn a strip joint to the ground. One less place for Dante to blow his money on."

Trish sighed. "You think Dante will be okay in his condition? Those demons aren't looking for food."

Lady laughed. "He's the son of Sparda. I think he can handle himself just fine. Besides better him than us. The last time I cleared out a breeding pit, a demon tried to shove its tentacles in places the sun don't shine."

Trish shuddered. "I hate tentacles..."


Author's Corner: Thanks for reading and please review! The more reviews I get the faster I'll update it.