A/N: Did anyone else find Crookedstar's Promise just... super depressing? Well, I thought I'd take a little break from Forever in a Moon to write this two-shot, while the story is still fresh in my mind.


Broken


Where did I go wrong? Crookedstar buried his face in Willowkit's fur. He pulled his daughters closer to him, holding on to the little flicker of warmth that was fading quickly from their pelts.

I'd give all my lives and a lifetime as leader to save you...

Crookedstar didn't know he was sleeping, until he woke up to an all-too-familiar smell of dank, musky trees. He didn't even open his eyes; just let his grief swallow him whole. Maybe if he felt enough remorse, or wished just a little more, he'd wake up to his kits mewling by Willowbreeze's belly.

His ears pricked when he heard a rustle in the bushes to his side. Crookedstar instantly pushed away the naive hope that it was Willowbreeze. He let out all his pain in a moan, thrusting his face into the thick bracken, hoping he could just sink through it and sleep peacefully.

That was when time caught up with Crookedstar, and he remembered his meeting with Mapleshade just a few heartbeats ago. It all seemed like an eternity, and it seemed like an eternity was stretching ahead of him; one filled with pain and grief, one he could not go through without Willowbreeze.

"Finish me off now," Crookedstar's voice caught in his throat. "You win! You win, Mapleshade, you win. I just don't care any more, just let me fade to nothing. Rip my claws out one by one if it will take me away from this suffering."

There was no response, which only made Crookedstar's grief morph into anger. "Didn't you hear me? Come out and get your revenge! Finish what you started, for StarClan's sake! Don't make me live like this... I can't live like this anymore."

The leader collapsed to the ground, the fallen, brown leaves muffling his wails of pain. He reached out a paw and crushed a particularly crumbly leaf, feeling it turn to dust between his paws. Crookedstar reached out again and again, crushing as many leaves as possible in a futile attempt to simulate the way his heart was twisting and bending itself. It must be close to its breaking point; for his own sake, Crookedstar found himself pleading to unyielding spirits that it would just snap in half.

With a jolt of surprise, Crookedstar felt a smooth tongue smooth his ruffled fur over and over again, and he felt himself lapse into his past. He was in the nursery once more, as Stormkit, with Rainflower's praise hanging in the air. He was young, and his ambitions were high. His mother loved him, his father was the most powerful cat in the forest, and he had total faith in his leader.

His mother loved him.

His mother thought he was handsome.

His mother was proud of him.

"My son."

The voice of the cat that was washing him made Crookedstar bolt up, his claws unsheathed, ready to take on the whole of the Dark Forest. But the sight that came to his eyes was just about the last cat he was ready to fight.

"Just leave me alone," Crookedstar wailed, trying to back away from Rainflower's starry form. "Let me bear my pain without having to think about how I've failed you."

Rainflower opened her mouth to say something, and there was that flicker of hope again. That his mother really did still love him.

Crookedstar's hopes dropped to a new low when Rainflower closed her mouth again.

No! Say you love me! Say you never stopped loving me! Crookedstar stared at his mother, pleading silently, like he had done with his dead daughters bodies in his arms just moments before. Please! Just say I'm still your Stormkit! That you still believe I can be leader! There was a long silence.

At least tell me you're proud.

The seconds ticked away like moons.

Please.

"I wasn't ready to be a mother," Rainflower said at last. "I was too young. I hadn't an idea what was important, what to value."

She walked closer to him. "Then, I thought higher of the most handsome cat in the forest than the cat with the best heart."

"And which am I?" Crookedstar whispered, still pleading.

"You are neither." Rainflower turned away suddenly, her voice taking on a new tone. "You are something different. What I saw in you frightened me." Her eyes slowly bore into his once more. "What I overlooked was how your accident had nothing to do with your heart twisting into something evil. What I overlooked was how hurt you were when I abandoned you."

Crookedstar waited for her to say something more. Nothing came.

"So... that's it?" Crookedstar could hardly believe his ears. "You come here after all these years and you can't just say three simple words that every mother should say to her kits?" Crookedstar's world was falling apart, and he was just now finding out his mother never loved him.

"No." Rainflower's counter came after a second's hesitation. "I was stupid, and I smothered your brother so much, I forgot to teach him that he wasn't invincible. The barn cats did that for you, so you turned out much better than he did."

"But it's not about that!" Crookedstar's tail lashed back and forth rapidly. "I don't care if I'm better than Oakheart or not. All I want to know is that I've made you proud."

Crookedstar's voice broke at the end. Rainflower walked towards him again, slowly, and her tail began softly stroking his back.

"Stop trying to please me. I don't deserve it. Don't spend your life trying to live up to my expectations, or anyone else's, but yours."

Rainflower turned, and began to walk away, her pelt fading into the stars up above.

"Just tell me something! Anything!" Crookedstar yelled desperately after her. "Anything to let me know I made you happy!"

That stopped Rainflower. She didn't look back as she spoke. "I love you because you didn't."

Crookedstar could only watch as his mother disappeared forever into Silverpelt. When he opened his eyes to the smell of death lingering on his daughter's bodies, he realized his mother had given him the life she was always meant to; forgiveness.