Shepard.
You did it. Somehow I think I knew you would. I knew you would either save humanity, or die trying. I just… didn't think you would die succeeding. I didn't think I would have to walk away from this without you. I don't know why it didn't occur to me as a possibility. It's selfish, I know, but part of me had taken solace in knowing that if the reapers won, at least I wouldn't have to live without you. There'd have been comfort in dying with you.
Don't get me wrong - I'm so incredibly grateful to you, and I don't mean to sound as though I'd rather be dead. I would never dream of squandering your sacrifice by even thinking about such a thing. Everyone left in our world is alive because of you.
I keep thinking about that first time I bought you dinner. At Apollo's. And how you said it would be nice to have someone to live for. Well, in the midst of all this loss and grief and trauma that I think would otherwise kill whatever is left of me, that's what I'm doing. Living for you.
But I don't think I can convince myself to go on if I go about life like you're not here. Like you're not with me somehow. So I guess that's why I'm writing to you. It probably sounds silly. If you were next to me right now you'd probably laugh at me and call me a sap. You'd be right. But I don't know how else I can remind myself to stay where I am. Alive. Along with the rest of humanity, a testament to your unyielding resolve.
I wish you were here.
With all the love in the world,
-Kaidan.
