Disclaimer: I am a broke film student; I own nothing. I would be forever grateful if you could get Rob Thomas to give me the rights to VM.
A/N: Hey sorry I've been MIA lately. I was super busy with moving and now I'm super busy with film school. Today in class though, I got this idea and I just had to write it.
The room was quiet except for the loud clock ticking away on the wall. None of the lights were on in the room and it was dark enough outside that little light was coming through the window. The small opening in the window caused a cold draft in the room. Veronica closed her eyes for a brief moment before she heard footsteps approaching the door. As the door opened, Veronica slowly sat up, waiting for the inevitable fight to come.
"Hey," he said softly, as he entered the room. He approached her slowly and sat down next to her.
"Logan," she replied just as quietly. He tried to get her to look at him but he wouldn't meet his eyes.
He took a deep breath, preparing for a fight. He knew getting angry was going to get him nowhere; he had to keep his voice soft. "Do you want to talk about it?"
"Not really," she admitted. she turned away from him and sighed.
He knew this conversation wasn't going to go well. He needed to get through to her but at the same time he knew she hated feeling vulnerable. He didn't want her to feel like he was just there to protect some helpless being; she needed to know just how he felt about her.
"I love you," he whispered, "I love you more than anything, Veronica. You have to know that."
"I do," she told him with conviction. "I love you too, Logan. I love you so much." She turned her face into the pillow so she didn't have to see how sad he looked anymore. "It still doesn't change anything."
Logan took a deep breath and reached out to cup Veronica's cheek next to the pillow. "I'm sorry," he said so quietly that he was afraid she wouldn't be able to hear him. "I am so, so sorry."
She lifted her head to finally look him in the eyes. His eyes were filling up with tears and she knew he had to be trying hard to hold them back. "I know you are, Logan."
"I hate when we fight," he said after a moment of awkward silence.
She reached out to touch his face gently. She knew exactly how he felt. No matter how much they fought, it would always be extremely unsettling when they did. She loved him so much; all the conflict between them was agony. She was too tired to fight anymore, but being her she couldn't just give in.
"Please Veronica, would you just reconsider?" he practically pleaded with her. He would do anything at this point to get her to listen to him.
She flinched at his words but kept her hand against his cheek. She closed her eyes again, trying to block it all out. She didn't want to deal with this anymore. "I do get what you were saying," she told him, "but it still doesn't change anything."
It took all his self-restraint to not get angry. He wanted nothing more than to yell and beg and plead until he got through to her. He shouldn't be surprised at how stubborn she was being; it was Veronica after all. He sat up straighter, finally pulling away from Veronica, and put his head in his hands. "Please." It was just one word, and he didn't think it was actually going to do anything, but he had to try anyways.
"Logan," she warned. His head was still in his hands, and she leaned in closer to him. "You know I love you so much, Logan; you are everything to me. I can't stand down though. This is what I need to do, and I hope you'll support me in that."
He lifted his head and she saw the tears that were beginning to fall down his face. She reached up and wiped the tears off his face with her thumb. "I'm so sorry, Logan. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry." He could tell that she was trying really hard not to start crying herself. "I love you. I'm sorry."
"Shhh, Veronica," he said, trying to soothe her. "I love you, Veronica. I have loved you since we were sixteen years old Veronica and I will love you long after we both are gone."
"You are such a sentimental sap," she said with a small forced smile.
"Yeah, I am," he admitted, "but you love it."
"Yeah, I do," she laughed shallowly. they were both still visibly upset, but at least some of the tension had cleared between them.
"Does this mean that you will change your mind about your decision?" he asked. He knew it was doubtful that she would actually say yes but he was so desperate that he had to try.
She leaned forward to close the distance between the two of them and pressed her lips to his. Breaking apart, she ran her hand down the side of his face again. "No. You know I have to do this. We've run out of options, Logan."
"We could try again," he pleaded.
"And what if it doesn't work? I can't do this anymore Logan." She started fully crying now, like she hadn't since they had first found out. Logan was really the only person keeping her from doing this. As heart-crushing as it had been when her dad had died three years ago when he was investigating a particularly difficult case, a part of her was glad that he didn't have to see them go through this.
Logan was quickly losing his any remaining composure he had left as he watched his wife cry. "I can't lose you," he said on a sob. He had tried to be strong for her, but it was becoming increasingly difficult. She grabbed his hand and intertwined her fingers with his. He kissed the back of her hand before he brought them down to rest in their laps.
"It'll be okay," she told him even though she knew he wouldn't believe her.
He looked up at his wife who was still the most beautiful woman he knew, even pale and sickly, with her head shaved. Losing her was going to crush him beyond repair. He would never be ready for this.
"I am so sorry Logan," she said again. "I can't do chemo again. It hasn't worked yet, so I can't see yet another round of pain and nausea working."
Veronica saw the pain flash across Logan's face. After the last round of chemo failed, she was given an decision to make: go through another round of chemo that probably wouldn't work or live whatever life she had left until she couldn't anymore. Logan and Veronica had been fighting about it ever since. He was desperate to keep her alive, and just wanted her to try the chemo one more time. Veronica, on the other hand, was so tired of it all. She just wanted to spend the remaining time she had left with Logan.
He sighed. He understood where Veronica was coming from and he knew that ultimately it was her choice but he just wasn't ready to let go yet. "I know, baby, I know. I get that you don't want to go through this again, but we can't just give up."
"It's not giving up, Logan. It's stopping putting chemicals in my body with the hopes that they will fix me so I can just focus on you."
"It's not me you need to worry about, Veronica," Logan told her, starting to get angry. "I'm not the one who is sick."
"I am so sick of that!" she exclaimed, clearly getting pissed off now.
"Of being sick?" he asked, understanding how she would be angry about that.
"No," she said sharply, "of you treating me like I'm sick. I'm tired of you treating me like I'm made of glass, Logan. I'm not going to break if you raise your voice a little bit or if you touch me more than just the occasional kiss!"
She was completely exhausted by this point, and slumped back down on the bed. Logan laid down next to her and turned to face her. "I'm so sorry, Veronica. I just didn't want to upset you."
"I know, Logan. You don't have to be superman though. Yes, I know that's hypocritical coming from me, but I'm terminal Logan. I am going to die and you are going to have to learn to live without me. It's okay to be sad and it's okay to be angry."
Logan couldn't keep calm anymore and he completely broke apart. "I am angry! I am so fucking angry and I don't know what to do anymore! I am so angry that we had spent nine years apart only do get a few years together before this happened! I love you, Veronica, you can't leave me."
He had broken down sobbing by this point, after having finally let it all out. Veronica knew how strong he had been since the doctor had told her that she had stage four lymphoma. He was clearly hurting but he had been trying so hard not to upset you that he wasn't taking care of himself. Letting this all out had to be good for him. He would never be able to grieve and heal without expressing how afraid and angry he was.
Veronica just held him while he sobbed into her arms. She didn't want to leave him but it was time. She may only have a couple weeks left, or a couple months, but she was going to spend it all with him and the people she cared about. It was going to be hard but they were going to be okay. She wished she had been able to live a much longer life with Logan, but she just had to be grateful for what they did get. She knew it was okay to be angry and it was okay to be scared. She was as angry and scared as Logan was but she knew it was time to let go.
"I love you, Logan. I have for a long time, and I always will. It'll be okay baby. It'll be okay."
Logan wasn't crying as much anymore. He held Veronica to himself and whispered into her hair, "I believe you. I have to believe you."
And he did. He would be crushed when she died but he was going to be okay. He would never forget how much he love her but he had to let go.
