This is your basic mushy, corny Remus and Sirius slash. (Just a reminder: They have never kissed and only shared a good friendship up until now.) It takes place the night during the end of their fifth year when Sirius tells Snape how to get into the tunnel beneath the Whomping Willow, where Remus is spending the night as a werewolf. I think it's pretty much self-explanatory from that note but, what happens is Sirius goes to talk to Remus in the Hospital Wing and they discover that really they had a strong relation all along, both depending on one another to get through the day, and it has the grounds for becoming something that's more than a good friendship. So the question remains: Will they take their relationship to the physical level? And how will James, Peter and everyone else react if they do? (WIP; Please R&R).
A Kiss of Pain and Pleasure
Snape turned, tugging lightly at his black sleeve, pulling it down to its full length around his wrist. As it slid down his pallid skin, a skull with a snake's head coming out of the mouth began to blaze a dark, rich green light from beneath the dark fabric. A tight wince pressed momentarily over his features and after a quick glance around for any other prying eyes, he commenced to walk briskly down the hall, robes flying out behind him. It was clear that he wanted to escape any other questions by Dumbledore and Madame Pomfrey and the best way to do that was to return the Slytherin lair. Soon, he had disappeared down the sparsely moon drenched hallway.
Sirius and James rested silently, backs pressed against an adjoining stone wall. Their chests rose and fell steadily, heaving in and out with each gulp of air they took in. A look was exchanged between both of them. They knew what they had just witnessed. The dark arts really had made themselves present in Hogwarts and now their main loathed enemy, probably as well as most of the other Slytherins they usually targeted with their pranks, had a Dark Mark. It glowed when summoned by the evil wizard Voldemort. For the first time, Sirius agreed with Dumbledore that things could only get more complicated and more dangerous.
He knew James had wanted him to stay in that empty corridor with him, so they could discuss the events they had witnessed that passed day. It had been so hectic, that Sirius could barely think straight about it, but he knew what he had to do. He had to go talk to Remus, no matter what time of night it was. He could still see the feelings of the betrayal he felt and shame that Remus harbored in his toffee eyes every time he closed his own. Sirius had been crushed as his friend searched his face earlier that night for the answer to his question, "Why is Snape here?"
The moment was frozen horribly in his mind, forbidding him to escape the painful memory. He could still see Remus's weak form and sickly manner as he dragged himself out from the tunnel beneath the Whomping Willow, being beaten with branches as he crawled out. His face was pale and ashen in the soft, yellow moonlight. Eyes thickly sunken in to the cavities of his face, and vacant of their usual luster, while his expression looked weary and disenchanted, like that of an old man whose years had caught up with him. Sirius could still hear his voice rasp out feebly to Snape, "Did I hurt you?" It was filled with fear—a greater dread than any Sirius had ever experience. He could tell Remus detested the answer he predicted he would receive. Luckily, Snape had given the proper negative response before heading back to the castle, causing Remus's body to nearly collapse with relief. Sirius caught him as he staggered backwards, legs buckling under his weight. The Whomping Willow had smacked him around pretty well, and that coupled with the energy depletion transformations cost him, Remus was in bad shape. His left arm was coiled up, close to his chest. A bone jutted out of his wrist at an odd angle and his eye was already showing signs of darkening. Sirius gently let him rest on the long, dewy grass. The cool water droplets collected around his outline, and traced lightly over his exposed skin. His robes were barely hanging on to him. As his body finally relaxed on the grass, he groaned in pain and curled into the fetal position. "I feel sick," he moaned wretchedly. Just as the last word left his mouth, he vomited the scant remains of food he had eaten at dinner the night before and moaned loudly in pain again. By that point, Sirius and James had both unanimously consented that Remus needed to be moved. Sirius leaned down, and as delicately as he could, he wrapped a strong arm around his friend's back, rolling him into a position that he could be easily lifted from. Careful to avoid his broken wrist and any gasps of pain that were stoppable, he enfolded his arm around Remus's waist and pulled him into an upright posture. James took his good arm and draped it around his shoulder as Sirius supported him on the left side purely by his own strength. Remus's head lolled onto Sirius's shoulder and he made a faint comment about needing to return back to the Shrieking Shack in case he changed again. James assured him softly that he was in a too injurious condition to be left alone for the rest of the night with out medical treatment and that if he did change, he and Sirius were capable enough now to handle him in his weak state. Remus seem to nod and permitted his two best friends to half carry, half drag him to Madame Pomfrey in the hospital wing. As soon as they sat him on a bed though, Dumbledore was requesting their presence in his office with Snape, so Sirius had to leave Remus. A last fleeting look into Remus's tired, honey-colored eyes confirmed Sirius growing belief that Remus felt very much betrayed by him and quite alone and weak in his present state. The feeling cut sharply in Sirius's gut.
That was why he had to go see him now. After finishing the conversation with Dumbledore, explaining how he had enlightened Snape of the secret to getting into the tunnel beneath the Whomping Willow, thereby leading him to his death and arising the need for James to save him, he and James had followed Snape into the empty halls. It was very late at night, or very early in the morning, depending on you point of view. The corridors were dark and empty, perfect for stalking Snape. It was a necessary thing, but it had left Sirius with no time to see Remus again in the last several hours.
He crept silently into the Hospital Wing, careful not to awaken Madame Pomfrey. He slunk across the rows of beds, searching for the one that held Remus in it. All were empty except for the one in the way back, against the back wall. Sirius edged silently over to the bedside.
Remus lay halfway underneath the thin, white, linen sheet. It had slid down to cover only that up to his belly button. His cinnamon hair flayed out in tufts on his pillow as he slept soundly and peacefully. Pink lips were parted somewhat, so that small intakes of breath wheezed pleasantly through his mouth. His naked chest rose and fell in a steady, soothing beat. Muscles were carved leanly under the flawless, milky skin. A trace of tone around his stomach, indicating a firm six-pack of muscles lay just beneath. A jagged scratch slithered along the arc of his right rib. It was deep and began to slightly ooze blood again.
Sirius was compelled to place his hand over the scar to cease the bleeding, so he knelt down and stretch a hand across the sleeping form. The cool, tough skin on the palm of his hand cradled the warm, silky, wounded skin. Remus took a sharp intake a breath as the sensation registered with him and stirred. "Mm, that tickles," he mumbled. Sirius regretted waking him up. He deserved his time of serenity. The gentle eyes fluttered open daintily and searched the cluttered darkness for the cause that had awoken their owner. The registered on Sirius's dim features. A soft, pleased, familiar luster filled them as they recognized him.
"Sirius," Remus whispered drowsily. Sirius gave him a small smile. He raised his hand and placed it on the spot that the jagged slash was embedded in his skin at. Surprise over came his face as he felt Sirius's hand beneath his. Sirius saw the questioning look in his friend's eyes and his own ashy gray eyes sparkled in a mysterious new wonder.
"Y-you were bleeding," he stuttered quietly to Remus, trying to account for the placement of his limb.
Remus moaned in response and clutched Sirius's hand under his own. His eyes clenched as the waves of pain transmitted again throughout his now awakened body. His one eye was already so swollen and black and blue, it could barely open anyway. It was then Sirius accounted for his other arm, which was bandaged along his side. The bone was not jutting out anymore.
After several tense, silent moment, Remus's eyes re-opened as best they could. He looked weary again, and the hurt that Sirius had caused him was showing back in his eyes again.
"Are you okay?" Sirius questioned apprehensively.
Remus nodded shallowly, not really asserting the fact very compellingly.
"Are you sure?" A tensed, pleading look was his reply. He felt a freezing clamp bind around his heart. "I-I just wanted to make s-sure you're a-all right." The words were getting caught in his throat. His face creased with worry and self-loathing as he peered down at Remus.
A small, soothing smile flickered for a moment across his face. "I'm okay, Siri," he wheezed placidly. His eyes turned downwards and his face fell. "Is Severus all right?" he questioned quietly. It was weak and anxious, the words riddled with Remus's self-esteem troubles.
Sirius nodded somberly. "Yes." He wanted to tell Remus about the Dark Mark he and James had seen on Snape, but he decided this was not the best time.
They sat in silence for a few minutes. Remus avoided Sirius's eyes. His face was flexed in a way that showed that he was in great pain, be it both physical and emotional. Sirius's hand was still pressed firmly against his scratch, and Remus's palm was delicately stroking the back of it. Neither seemed to be aware of their unintentional actions. They rested together in the dark.
"I need to know, Sirius," Remus declared softly, raising his eyes to peer into the great, swirling, murky pools that were his companion's pair. Sirius's face contorted. It was clear he had hoped to avoid that question. "I need to know why Severus Snape was there—how he knew." Sirius's full, flush lips tightened as he regarded the question. "Please, Padfoot," Remus pressed. Insistence illuminated his usually calm, liquid amber eyes.
Sirius knew he had to comply. He owed him that much. "I told him," he whispered plainly.
Remus was taken aback. He jerk away from his friend slightly, finger flexing over Sirius's hand, digging the sharp nails into his bare flesh. It was enough for Sirius to realize that Remus had been grasping around his hand still. He regarded it before he looked at his hurt face, eyes flowing over with remorse for his ill-fated words to Snape. In the depth of his bluish-gray eyes, he was begging Remus to forgive him. Their eyes locked and Remus's hand relaxed, fingers tracing their way into the cuff of Sirius's long sleeved, tight, dark blue shirt, which Remus always thought brought out his eyes. He still didn't seem to realize he was doing it. Sirius took this as a positive action, though, and continued.
"I know I shouldn't have told him, Remus," he said gently, words injected with inflection to show Remus how bad he felt.
"I could have killed him, Sirius!" Remus burst out loudly, showing real anger—a very unlike Remus trait.
"I know," Sirius replied meekly.
"Really?" Remus chided, "Because I don't think you do! I could have taken a human life! I could have murdered him! Did you ever thing of that? It's not just Snape you were condemning—it was also me!" He was quiet and an uneasy silence filtered between them. When he spoke again, it sounded as if it was with great pain for it was in a nearly unperceivable tone, which carried a dead inflection. "I never want to be that close to it again, Sirius," he whispered shrilly. Sirius looked at him puzzled. "I never want to be that close t-to… loosing myself to the beast within again." He rested from speaking for a moment, allowing Sirius to have the revelation sink in. "I-I remember seeing him standing there, frightened and frozen in one spot. Something within me just wanted to charge him, rip the meat from his bones, claw at his face—and the worse thing is that I could do nothing to stop it. It wanted it, I did it. Do you know what's it like? Do you what it's like to have that monster in you and have to conform to its every want? Its every whim? To have it look at your friends and family and think of the best way to find them when they least expect it, kill them, eat them for dinner? It's with me every single moment, and usually I can control it, usually I can stifle its ravings out of my head enough to live a relatively normal life. But at that moment, I couldn't. It was in control and I was just another victim along for the ride. At least Snape would have been dead then and not felt anymore pain—I would have to live with it for the rest of my life." He looked up sadly at Sirius.
"I-I never thought, Moony," He managed to babble to Remus. "I know I shouldn't have told him." He looked over at Remus, seeing how much pain was in his eyes and in his soul; he cursed himself and Snape more for placing it there—himself especially.
The former was about to say something else but Sirius cut him off. "I don't why I did either," he went on, sensing Remus's next question. "I just did. I just hated him so at that moment." Sirius clenched his free hand into a fist, gathering up a clump of the bedspread as he did so. His eyes had a far off look and his expression showed that of true disgust. "I just wanted him to see—no, to know—what we went through was important. It was real!" His voice echoed with emotion. "He had been saying how we stayed in a group, a mindless group, pulling insignificant tricks on people just to get noticed. He said that James was a show-off jock, only so that he have people think something of him; Peter was a sniveling prat who knew nothing." He panted in fury, hand clenching tighter in rage. "And you—oh he went to far then!" His glazed eyes looked down into Remus's and he whispered, "I could never let him say those things about you, even if he was doing it just to get a rise out of me." He looked deeply in the other's eyes and continued in a low, serious tone that Remus had only heard when he knew Sirius was being completely honest. "You're the best one of us all, Remus," he said tenderly. "You're only flaw would be that you give too much, that you care too much—I'd be lost with out you in my life, Moony. All I would be is a scared little kid with a quick temper and prankish mind. I owe you everything. That's why I told him how. I wanted him to see that person he thought he knew so well. I wanted him to know how strong you really are—not just physically, but mentally and emotionally. I wanted him to know exactly why I look up to you, respect you, cherish my relationship with you." Remus noted that he said "relationship" and not "friendship" but did not say anything. "I know I shouldn't have told him, but I wasn't thinking. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry that I almost caused you to loose yourself. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry…"
Sirius still whispered the same phrase over and over again, but he buried his head into Remus's exposed chest. His lips gently shuffled across the smooth milky skin. Remus laid still for a minute, contemplating the heart that Sirius had just poured out to him and the sensual feeling of Sirius's lush, velvety lips against his beaten and battered skin. Finally, Remus realized that his other hand had been grasping on to Sirius's throughout their entire conversation. His skin was turning white from the tightness of the grip. Remus gently ran his fingers up the cuff, submerging his entire hand within the shirtsleeve and ran it up Sirius's muscular arm. He placed his other hand on the top of Sirius's head, running his slender fingers through the glossy, raven hair. Sirius went on apologizing, lips brushing up and down against the tender skin.
"I'm so sorry, Moony… I never meant to hurt you… I'm sorry… I'm sorry… " He kept whispering the words over and over again until the "I'm"s didn't seem like words anymore, but really just small, gentle kisses. Sirius began to move his head over Remus's torso, whispering only "sorry" and placing little kisses elsewhere.
He first worked his way down in a straight line until he reached Remus's bellybutton. Then he moved to tracing the small scraps and scratches, new and old, which were riddled over his chest. They were a strange combination of human fingernail slashes and animal marks. He found them by the rough texture on his lips, which contrasted greatly from the warm, honeyed touch of the unharmed skin. Exhaling a little, he pressed his mouth sensitively over the tip of the outline, sliding down over the length, kissing and nipping with his lips slightly along the way. After he finished one, he'd moved onto the closest one, locating it again with only his lips.
The even pace of Remus's breathing guided him alone his stomach. It calmly rose and fell as kissed his way across the surface. He found the constant rhythm soothing, easily falling into it, letting Remus's sweet, freshly showered scent sink it his nostrils. Pulling slightly with the outside of his lips, much like nibbling, proved to be pleasant for Remus, whose fingers slid through Sirius's hair, and massaged his scalp when he's found a good spot, allowing his breathing to remain steady. When all the scars were kissed on his stomach he slowly moved back up to his chest.
Soon, the word "sorry" was completely cast aside, and Sirius continued to kiss his chest. His right hand that had been covering the ragged scar across Remus's side began to move slightly. Remus pulled his hand away from Sirius's arm. Carefully, as not to disturb the bandage, Sirius brought his hand above his head, delicately placing it on the pillow, and slid more onto the bed, raising his head to kiss his collarbone, then the nape of his neck.
Remus sighed sensually as he began to nibble daintily at the skin on the base of his neck. He wrapped his arm around Sirius, who was now just about on top of him, though he wasn't leaning into him. His hand wandered down to the small of his back. Muscles rippled underneath a tight layer of smooth skin and shirt. He ran his fingers further until he found the bottom of the shirt resting of Sirius's belt. He pushed his fingers underneath and ran his warm hand up the bare skin of his back, causing Sirius this time to moan with pleasure.
Sirius had exhausted the patch of skin he had been nibbling at, and decided to work his way up Remus's neck. Pressing his mouth softly against the tender flesh, he took small steps up to Remus's chin and then pulled away, preparing to kiss him next on the lips.
The realization registered with them both at just about the same moment. How easily they had fallen into this pattern with Sirius pressing small butterfly kisses into Remus's flesh and Remus stroking his lean back, moaning with contentment. It felt so natural, so normal, and it was something they both desired. Yet, it was then that they regained recognition that they both were male and friends. The idea passed between them, reflecting in each other's eyes.
A perplexed look and wonderment glowed from both pairs. Sirius knew that he had been kissing Remus's body, gently twisting his lips over the cuts and scraps. He had almost regarded himself as sealing the old wounds each time his mouth pressured against each one, creating an invisible armor over him, shielding him from being hurt again. He felt such an urge to protect Remus, especially from the little voice inside his own head that condemn him for being a werewolf. He wanted to take away all the pain Remus felt, he wanted to kiss it away. Yet he also wanted to have his lean, muscular arms wrapped around him, and his soft, velvety voice comfort him, keep him, tell him he was wanted, and needed, and safe… He needed Remus to make him not be scared.
Remus had become blatantly aware of the proximity of Sirius's lips to his. He saw a blush melt over Sirius's face and then felt one mirror on his own. He knew of the fact that Sirius had been kissing him, that he had been enjoying it and now that his arm was completely up Sirius's half removed shirt, fumbling against the skin of his back. His other hand might have been bandaged, but it was covered by Sirius's and laid above his head on the pillow. The soft touch of Sirius's other fingers was stroking his bare stomach, tickling the sensitive skin in a very sensual manner. Remus was all very conscious of this, but he as also conscious of the fact that he wanted this with Sirius. He wanted to completely loose himself in Sirius, to be enveloped in his arms, to be devoured by his kisses, and to just plainly be. It was the only thing he desired most in the world. He felt safe with Sirius, he felt wanted, he felt like he was good and that there was no monster inside… Being with Sirius was like coming home.
His eyes posed the question to Sirius: Are we? Should we? Sirius looked back at him, answering him gently. "Why not?" he whispered, leaning in, erasing the space between them. He pressed his mouth against Remus's chapped lips. They were raw and dry, but he didn't care. He pressed his body against Remus, who let out a startled gasp of pain as Sirius weight sunk into his. Soon, though, he ignored the pain, wrapping his arms around Sirius, deeply drinking in all that was him.
At first, the kiss was just two pairs of lips, pressed against one another, moving slowly as they found their way. Sirius's tongue massaged its way against Remus's lip, begging him to deepen the kiss. Remus opened his mouth, allowing their tongues to meet and caress each other. Sirius pressed harder into his friend, causing him to feel a moan vibrate through his mouth. It was one of pain that faltered into one of pleasure.
Remus adjusted under Sirius's weight, running his hand up and down his exposed back. The hem of his shirt was already up to his shoulder blades. He began to move the fabric up more, slowly coaxing it over Sirius's head, interrupting their lip lock for but a moment. He then traced the curves and valleys of his back as he arch his shoulder blades leaning forward. Sirius brought his leg out from under him and placed it on the other side of the bed, next to his left hip. He was now straddling Remus, releasing the pressure of his bruised rip cage. Remus moaned in complacency.
He moved his hands from Sirius's back to his naked chest, still kissing his as passionately as before. He pulled the bandaged hand the Sirius had pinned down long ago away and caressed Sirius's broad shoulder with it, doing the same on the opposite shoulder. Sirius then took both his hands, which were then free, and ran them over the tufts of light brown hair that were spread out over the white pillow case. He ran them down the length of his cheeks and over the curve of his jaw line.
He was teasing him now, tongue moving playfully over his between his lips. He pulled Remus's arms down from around his neck, where they had been resting for the last moment, and placed his own hands on Remus's chest, caressing the warm, voluptuous skin. He pulled back from the kiss and straightened his back so that he was kneeling over his companion. Remus looked at him curiously, mild passion and lust mounting in his eyes. (They were, after all, still in the hospital ward.) Sirius leaned forward and lightly kissed his neck, working his way down to his chest, like he had before. Remus moaned delightfully as Sirius traced a nipple with his tongue. He tried to wrap his arms around Sirius, but that caused Sirius to sit back up, much to his disappointment, and push his arms down. His fingers clasped around his wrists and as he pushed both Remus's hands up onto the pillow above his head, he lowered his own torso, sinking his full body weight against Remus.
The bare skin of the un-shirted boys touched, sending electric waves through each body. Sirius released his wrists and kissed Remus passionately again, letting Remus ask him to deepen the kiss. The lean arms once again fastened themselves around Sirius torso, but this time Sirius let them stay, rather enjoying the sensation of the fingertips lightly stroking his lower back and shoulder blades. Sirius moved his own hands down Remus's chest. A cool, stray finger brush over an exposed nipple, causing Remus to let out a loud convulsive moan. He did it again on the other nipple, triggering another one of Remus's whimpers of lust and made him shudder. Sirius let out a small, appreciative chuckle, pulling his mouth momentarily away. Remus responded by closing the gap, returning the kiss to its deepness and passionate style that it had once before.
They kissed for several most minutes, hands wandering over each other's body like before. They were both totally engrossed with each and unaware when another person entered the room. It took them until that person sharply cleared her throat.
Sirius broke his kiss with Remus and sat up, crushing Remus's hips under his weight. He looked around the room until his eyes fell on the lantern the illuminating the air around them. His eyes then distinguished the figure that was holding the lamp—Madame Pomfrey. Remus seemed to see her at the same time as Sirius and both boys looked at her dumbfounded, dark red creeping up their cheek.
Madame Pomfrey regarded the picture of them. Both were naked from the waist up, both had lips that were redden and swollen from an obvious amount of kissing, and both were now turning dark crimson. Sirius was straddling Remus, arms entangled over each other's chests. A thin linen bed sheet and pair of dark green corduroy pants separated them from going any further. She was sure they would have if she hadn't come as soon as she did.
She gave a piercing look at Sirius, who took the hint and climbed off Remus, placing both feet firmly on the floor. He leaned over a grabbed him shirt that was in a small lump on the floor. Remus wrapped an arm around his shoulders, pressing his palm against the back of Sirius's neck and brought him down in a deep kiss again, though it only lasted for but a minute. Sirius pulled back and swallowed to moisten his throat.
"Guess I have to back to the tower…" he said quietly, a small, guilty smile playing over his lips.
"Guess you do," Remus whispered back, the same grin on his features.
Sirius's face became more somber and his tone tightened. "James will know what I've been doing. He always knows. He also knows I went to see you. What should I tell him?"
Remus's expression tensed as he pondered for a minute. "Tell him the truth," he finally murmured, looking up contentedly into Sirius's beautiful, syrupy gray eyes. He stroked a set of clammy fingers against Sirius's briskly cheek.
They stayed, drinking in each other's smells for too long. Madame Pomfrey cleared her throat sharply again. "You should go," Remus said. Sirius nodded and, giving a disobedient glare back at the nurse, leaned in a kissed Remus.
" 'Night," he whispered, smile back on his face.
"G'night, Padfoot," Remus replied.
Sirius pressed their foreheads together for one last savored moment, and then pulled away, giving Remus a quick peck on the nose. He walked briskly past Madame Pomfrey, who was eyeing him oddly—perhaps because the dark blue shirt that he had been clutching earlier was nowhere in sight. Just as he reached the door, he spun around and called back to Remus, "Until later!" A suggestive grin was plastered over his features. With that, he exited and disappeared down the dark hallway.
Remus smiled to himself and rolled over in bed, feeling much better than he was expecting to. He wrapped his arm around the balled up shirt that Sirius had deposited behind his back. He could hear Madame Pomfrey's loud breathing and shuffling behind him, inspecting the place a little more, but then she too left, and Sirius and Remus were left alone in their thoughts of each other and the journey they had just embarked upon.
To be continued…?
A/N: Well I hoped you liked it. I think I would like to do a sequel or some more chapters at least about Sirius and Remus and their new relationship. The scene when Sirius waltzes back into the dormitory with no shirt on and obvious signs of kissing, and needing to explain that to James should be interesting… Anyway, if you think I should continue please say so! Your words mean a lot to me! Thanks!
P.S. ~ Read my other story please?
