Tris/

I walk up to the stage with my heart in my throat. Caleb left, Caleb. If he didn't feel selfless enough to stay with Abnegation, then how could I?

No.

I have to be the child that stays. I saw the surprise mixed with sadness in my parents eyes when Caleb transferred. I have to stay, I have to. For them.

As I pick up the blade, I catch Marcus Eaton's eyes. I can see some surprise from Caleb's decision. His eyes are piercing, as if he's telling me to stay in abnegation.

I cut the blade into my palm deep, but I barely register it, I'm too hyped on nervousness and adrenaline.

My eyes narrow on three of the bowls in front of me. Erudite, abnegation, and dauntless and the factions I had equal aptitude for. Divergent.

My hand is stuck between the Dauntless and Abnegation bowls.

I'm not selfless enough, I'd never fit in. My hand starts to travel to burning coals symbolizing Dauntless.

No. Be selfless. My parents, I have to stay.

Beatrice you have to! My mind screams at me.

I gasp and almost forcfully pull my hand to the abnegation rocks.

My blood drips on the rocks. I'm am Selfless.

"Abnegation!" I hear Marcus say to the crowd. The abnegation clap lightly and keep their heads down as they welcome me back to my faction. I take my place back next to my parents.

I feel my mother slip her hand into mine and squeeze it. She looks at me with pride and an almost knowing look. That look makes almost makes me glad I staying in abnegation.

Dinner is solemn and quiet, well more quiet then usual. Father has me cook my part of the dinner as usual, but he does what Caleb was usually in charge of. I feel my throat tighten as I look at him cut the lettuce. The resemblance in so uncanny I almost feel like Caleb is still here.

I remember yesterday when he told me we have to think of ourselves.

After dinner I excuse myself to my room. I lay in my bed thinking about Caleb. I get angry. How could he just leave us, he was supposed to be the one to stay. I felt like I wasn't selfless enough for abnegation yet here he is, my supposedly good natured brother, going to erudite. Erudite of all factions! He knows they have been writing articles about Abnegation, about our own father.

My hands grip the sheets of my bed so tight, my palm that I cut starts to hurt. My eyes well up with tears of anger.

How could I not have known? How did I miss all the signs? He was so knowledgable with many things.

My mother once hurt her wrist, Caleb told her not to worry, it was just a hairline fracture. I though he was just saying that to comfort her, but now I realize he must know that from careful reading and study.

My anger becomes too much, my room feels to small. I have to run, move do something. Or else I may blow up.

I open the only window in my room and jump out.