Title: Thoughts from the car (Logan)
Name: Joy
Email: SleepingBeauty2@ziplip.com
Rating: G
Summary: Blah blah…Woof woof
Disclaimer: Not my characters
This is it. I am dropping her here. I don't want to but I have to. She is going, going with him. She is reluctant. I tell her she will be ok. She says it is me she is worried about. I know she cares. She looks like she is in so much pain. I have to say something to let her know how I feel. "I'll miss you" is all I can manage. This is so strange. I have only known her for a few months. It hurts deep in my chest. Why?
I am waiting for her to say she will miss me too or she cares about me. Something. We just sit here in silence. She looks like she might cry but I know she won't. I want to make it better for her. I can't even look in her eyes right now or she will see the pain I am in.
She says I can come with her. Meet new people; see exotic places. I laugh. Me, a paraplegic go with her and wonder boy. He wants her to himself. I'd slow her down. I tell her so. She says that's ok. She doesn't mind, but I do. I mind if I got her caught. I mind being a third wheel to the super twins. But still she wants me there. She doesn't want to leave. Not just here, but me. She doesn't want to leave me. She can't stay for me.
I have to go back: the downtrodden; Blah Blah woof woof I say. That she will understand. Greater good and junk like that. That will make sense in her mind.
Every time I look at her it hurts more. I look at my hands. I can't stand to see her pout. I hate that she is hurting.
She moves to leave. She is really going… "Take care of yourself" I say. "You too," she says. We are more to each other than this. I feel like I have a chest wound. I ache. I watch her walk away. She stops & turns around. She is walking back to me. What is she doing? Her eyes are filled with emotion. She kisses me, holding my head. Her lips that I have longed for are now on mine. She cares for me deeply. I kiss her back. I don't want her to go. I hold her head, kissing her long and hard. I look into her eyes, touching her cheek. She is looking into my soul. It hurts so much. Don't go! Don't go. She doesn't want to leave. She has shown me her feelings for me. I hold her face.
"Just go," I say. I look into those eyes, then at those lips, memorizing her face. I hold her tight then let her go. I hold my breath as I watch her walk away. She doesn't look back. I swallow hard. She is really gone…
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Back at my apartment, I stare at the rain. She is gone. My friend tries to comfort me with teas. I suggest drugs. We watch the rainfall. Maybe she is watching it too. I hurt. I miss her. He can tell. He says I could go with her.
She is too young and I am too crippled. She would tire of me quickly. She needs to be able to go in a heartbeat and I cannot. It was right to let her go I say. For a thousand different reasons and I always do the right thing?
It sucks. I want to be with her. I want her here with me. I miss her. I don't want her gone from me. Now what do I have? A crusade. A crusade without her. That is nothing. My heart aches. I have nothing now, now that she is gone.
I give in. I give up. I will let my pain take me.
