A/N: So here's my new story but I don't expect anything out of it. Originally, this story was planned as "Captain Space Pirate Giotto and the Guardians from Mars" but my concept developed into more than that rather quickly. I hope everyone will understand that I wrote this just for the heck of it. Please don't take it seriously. Don't expect the characters to actually be in character. As already said in the summary, this is a crack fic and I mean that, guys. Seriously. Anyway, enjoy!
Giotto's Midlife Crisis
It was a rather boring day for Sawada Tsunayoshi, the tenth boss of the internationally feared Vongola crime family. He could be hardly surprised by anyone or anything anymore because his lovely job made sure that he developed nerves of steel. Stainless steel to be exact.
Other than that, his life was almost permanent on the verge of a nervous breakdown. He had already, like, 29 in just ten years in business. Still, he was better off than some of the previous bosses. For instance, the fourth boss (also known as the freaky fork guy), was said to have a breakdown every second month. The only one who was reported to have stayed as perfectly sane was the first boss and the founder of the Vongola, the legendary Giotto. He was so legendary that he didn't even have a last name. Because he was just as awesome as that, folks.
Giotto himself stood out so much as a prime example of what a mafia boss should be that nobody could adequately surpass his achievements. Not even Tsuna could, on a good day, come even nearly close. This fact was even made more impressive by the fact that Giotto never wanted to be a mafia boss and insisted that he founded a "vigilante group" with his friends. And everybody believed him. Because anything different would be heresy and just completely unthinkable. Yeah...
But Giotto was not only unsurpassed, no, on top of that his mere existence was shrouded in mystery. His life was so mysterious that it confused researchers profoundly. According to the most advanced scientist, he lived 400 years ago. Of course that made perfect sense. It totally fit into what human know about history, especially the Japanese history. The seclusion during the 1640s in Japan that made it impossible for foreigners to settle down there was not an obstacle for awesome Giotto. He managed it because he had a freaking flame on his forehead.
If you have a flame on your forehead you're allowed to do anything. Sadly, Tsuna was not there as the Council of Awesomeness had decided on that topic. He was busy fighting robot pirate zombies in Belgium, believe it. Or he had taken some random "medicine". Sometimes he did that. I mean, coping with psychopathic maniacs which called themselves his guardians was not a piece of cake.
As luck would have it, he was still young, only twenty-four. Before he went overboard he could just pass down his beloved job on someone gullible and naïve. Exactly the same what the Ninth did, that cunning bastard. Maybe someone else was also somehow related to Giotto so that these poor idiots could do the job and not him. Who knew what Giotto did in his spare time? Everything was possible.
Aside from wishful thinking, Sawada Tsunayoshi looked forward for his upcoming vacation. Finally, he would be miles away from his stalkers also known as "guardians". As time went by, Tsuna wondered what they were supposed to guard. It couldn't possibly be his sanity. Maybe, just maybe, he did something really bad and being forced to be surrounded by them was his personal purgatory.
All of a sudden, Tsuna was violently interrupted in his musings about how much his life sucked and that it was all the fault of Reborn, as he heard a loud knock on the door.
Tsuna mentally cursed at the person who dared to intrude his privacy. He planned to take a nap after his "emo-hour" where he pitied himself like there was no tomorrow and someone had to disturb him. Apparently, this was just Sawada Tsunayoshi's luck.
Grudgingly, he gave an answer that indicated that this person could come in. He only hoped that this person had a good reason for disturbing him because if not, he would beat the crap out of that person. Hey, even a guy like Tsuna was not free of the influence of the insane guys around him.
He had already made the plan that he would not even look at the person who would come in. He'd just shun him or her with his cold indifference and that they would go away. The plan was absolutely foolproof in Tsuna's opinion. (It's needless to say that Tsuna still had moments of being tremendously stupid. This was one of them.)
The door opened but the person who went in made no sound. Although this was pretty strange, Tsuna wasted no thought about it. He had better things to do like watching pictures of cats with funny captions on the internet.
Which he even did while he pretended to do important paperwork. But alas, the person who might or might not entered the room remained silent.
Just as he was about to start his nap (he was convinced that either the person had already left or that some bastard tricked him), Tsuna heard a familiar voice. Namely his own voice. Great, now he was talking to himself without his knowledge. What a great day. Hooray.
"Sawada Tsunayoshi, look at me" commaned his voice. Sure, why not. He didn't care anymore, anyway.
As Tsuna looked up, he stared in downright shock with his mouth stupidly open.
Right before him stood no one other than Vongola Primo A/K/A Giotto (just in case you couldn't tell).
Nice, now he was going to be haunted by the ghost of his ancestor, Tsuna thought. Another day that would go down into his personal history as one of the best days ever. How super special awesome.
Tsuna gave Giotto a deadpanned look. After saving the world several times, this occurrence was comparably nothing.
"Just why?"
Giotto took his sweet time to answer the man in front of him. Unfortunately for Tsuna, Giotto's expression was unreadable, just like a statue. After what seemed to take hours, he finally opened his mouth and spoke.
"Sawada Tsunayoshi, after I helped you out numerous times, I expect you to return my favours. Lately I had some problems in my time and I wanted your opinion on it. Originally, I planned to ask other more acknowledgeable candidates but you were to only one available. So please listen and give me your opinion."
"Yeah, I'm being insulted by a hallucination." Tsuna mocked. He really didn't care he just wanted to get some sleep after half of his guardians started a fight last night that didn't even gave him one minute of sleep. Maybe he should just fire his guardians and all the problems would be solved, Tsuna quickly thought and wrote a note to not forget this brilliant idea.
Giotto just shot him a glare. He was Vongola Primo, he had the right to be respected, dammit!
Being glared at, Tsuna went back to business mode. After all, he didn't want to get killed or anything like that.
"So, what's your problem?" Tsuna asked quite nervously.
Giotto decided to make things short.
"Currently, I live through a thing called midlife crisis. Don't ask. As a mean to cope with that I had a, let's say, rather interesting idea."
"I don't know, you're a ghost, you know that. I'm not trying to be rude but you're dead. Your problem is, well, impossible for a dead person. And who says that you're even real. You could just be one of Mukuro's illusions as revenge because I only pay him minimum wage. It's not my fault when he doesn't read his job contract right!"
By now, Giotto was really annoyed. That person in front of him was supposed to be his successor? Really? A dog could do a better job.
"If I'm not real, than how could I do that?"
Before Tsuna could ask what exactly Giotto could do, he was punched out of his seat and across the room, nearly missing being thrown out of the window.
"I stand corrected."
After some minutes, Sawada Tsunayoshi made his way back to his desk. Regaining his composure again, he tried to make the best of this situation. Namely not cry like a baby because of the immense pain because that would have been to lame, even for Tsuna.
"So, what's your idea?"
Surprisingly, Giotto began to smile. First, this smile was quite nice, even charming, but quickly his smile resembled more the one of a maniac.
"I want to be a rapper."
Silence engulfed Tsuna's office. One could almost hear the birds singing and herbivores screaming in pain as Hibari Kyoya bit them to death.
"What."
Tsuna's face was completely deadpan. In front of him, Giotto merely laughed.
"And you're the one who's going to help me."
Yes, you read right. Beware the next chapter where Giotto will actually rap. It will get insane, folks. Also, the rating likely may change.
