Is a good conversation starter "Hi, I'm Hanna Marin and I over-analyze everything. I think too much about little things and I worry about people who will never even second glance at me." Yup, I'm starting to realize high school is a nightmare. I'm pretending to not be dating my boyfriend, my mom is dating a paster, I've been getting stalked by a couple of manics for two years and my best friend refuses to answer my texts and my calls. "Any luck Han?" Spencer, one of my three best friends ask. "No. I'm worried you guys. What if A has her?" "You mean Paige?" Spencer commented. Before I could retort Aria stepped in. "Spence.. please. That's Emily's girlfriend." "She's only her girlfriend because she managed to kill all of her competition. She's no Maya. Definitely not like Alison. I liked Maya and well I loved Ali but Paige is a creepy bitch and I don't like the fact she's near Emily all the time now. Can she like evaporate?" Spencer had the most pissed off look on her face. I hate that look because it's the one thing in the world that could make Aria belly laugh at a moment like this. "Spence stop tensing you're face. I'm dying of laughter over here!" Spencer looked at Aria with an annoyed expression. I thought Emily's death glare was bad but Spencer's is much worse. "Aria, can you not. I really not in the mood for you being perky." "Woah, Han. Sorry I'm just trying to be a little more bright about this. Emily is safe at home." Spencer mumbled something about being with Paige and something else I couldn't make out. "How do you know that, Aria? What if she's with Paige like Spencer has been saying and we're going to get a text any minute now saying we have 15 minutes to rescue her or she'll kill her and then us?" Oh god, I'm so out of breath. Spencer is rubbing my shoulder. This is supposed to calm me but it's making me more nautious. The thought of losing Emily makes me never want to see daylight again. Emily means the world to me and to not be able to see her beautiful face everyday would destroy me. Yes, I have come to terms with being gay. I became curious when I saw the pictures of Emily and Maya in the picture booth. Ever since I've wanted to be the one that she kissed. Not just her over protective best friend. It might sound selfish but I want to mean more to her than anyone else. I hate Paige not who she is but how she's the one Emily can't wait to see at night. The one she kisses and embraces in the darkness of her room. It made me sick thinking of it. I wish Spencer would stop saying Paige's name. I wish Aria would stop laughing. I wish I had the guts to tell Caleb he's just a beard and I wish I had the courage to tell Emily that I love her. Most of all, I wish Emily Fields was mine. I sighed even though nobody else could hear my thoughts I was hoping someone, anyone would tell me that Emily was fine. I wish people knew things about me without me having to tell them. It would make things a lot easier, especially with Emily. I don't think I could just say 'I've been in love with you as long as I can remember and I need you to know that.' Then again maybe I could make Emily fall for me. If I sucessfully do that and she confesses her love before me then there's no problem. I wouldn't seem so desperate and weak. I look at Spencer and Aria with a small tear in my eye. Thinking about being in a relationship with Emily hurt. I wanted it to happen so bad but it's as if it's the hardest thing in the world. "Han, are you crying?" Aria asked concerned. "I'm fine. I'm just going to make some coffee. Spence, you're machine is in the kitchen right?" I got up from her bed and I was now looking at Spencer, who was fixed on the wall in front of her. "What if they have sex?" Aria and I look at eachother, purely baffled. "What do you mean? Who?" Aria asked with a light chuckle. "Emily and Paige. What if they have had relations. What if the mornings she comes to school all smiles and cheery is all because she's been intimate with the devil." Aria and I share another confused look. "Okay Spencer that's going too far. Can't you tell no one here is interested in Emily's relationship with Paige like you are? Sure, me and Hanna are concerned for her since you put the idea in our heads that Paige was A but I mean she's still with Emily and Emily can't see things like we see it. I think we have to maybe give up the idea and let Emily be happy with Paige. Don't you agree, Hanna?" I was shocked by what Aria just said. She's really giving up on trying to protect Emily? I mean coming from Aria 'giving up' is usually not an option. Aria always pushes forward with her actions. What was wrong with her? And Emily happy with Paige. No. Emily should be happy with someone who will love her no matter what and who will never tear her down. I couldn't just stand here and say I'd be happy if Emily was happy with Paige. No. "I do but I don't." Instead of biting Aria's head off about not being a quitter and refusing to let them know about my feelings for Em, I said that. It's not clear but I don't want to bicker any longer. "I'm getting some coffee now." My words left my lips harsher then I intended. My words must have hit Aria like snake venom. Judging by the look Aria was directing to Spencer she didn't feel too tall. At least I knocked her down a notch. I actually agree with Spencer after all. I strongly believe Paige is going to hurt Emily. Maybe she's A and maybe she's isn't but all I know is Paige tried to drown her. It ruffles my brain how Emily started dating Paige after her little homophobic stunt. Alison had told me a long time ago that Paige had some sort of 'lesbo' crush on Emily. At the time so did I. I couldn't tell Alison that though. She'd use it against me just like she did with Paige. How could Paige do that? It's hard enough that Emily's first girlfriend was sent off to druggie camp and then gets murdered but then she gets a psychopathic girlfriend like Paige. Okay, maybe psychopathic wasn't the right word... two-faced. Yeah that was right. Paige was a two-faced bitch that can't make up her mind when it comes to Emily. One day she's dating Emily and they're alright and the next she's storming off saying 'You don't love me.' How does Emily not see that I'm right for her? I could love her more than Paige, Maya or Alison for that matter could. I do love her more than them. Do my thoughts sound diabolical? I roll my eyes and walk downstairs. The Hastings home had always felt so.. cold. Like it had a bad atmosphere. It was so beautiful but the family that resided in it was a mess. Spencer and Melissa constantly fight and Spencer's parents stick their noses up at anything Spencer ever had to say. Spencer's parents remind me of Isabel. The girl my dad married around six or seven months ago. She's awful and unpleasantly stuck up. I couldn't stand being in the same room as her and her 'perfect' daughter. Mr. and Mrs. Hastings are standoffish and always have their best poker face on. They're a 'no bullshit' type of duo. Speaking of Peter and Veronica, they were sitting on the couch in front of the fire place. I give them my best smile and head over to the kitchen for that coffee I've been craving for hours now. Spencer is a coffee addict but she's always preaching us about how addictions are bad. Caffeine is an addicting element, my friend. I put a mug under the tap and pressed the 'start' button. Coffee immediately coursed out. I picked out French Vanilla because it soothes me when I get too riled up. I don't like fueding with my friends. I really hated it when I got in arguments with Aria. Aria might be a mellow, easy going girl on a normal day but piss her off and she's like a rampant lion and of course I've managed to rattle her cage. I'm quite afraid of going back up there. What if she's discussed the 'fight' with Spencer and Spencer gave her more reason to be aggresive. I rest my head on the marble counter top with the coffee machine beside my head I hear a beep go off. I huff and remove my mug from the device. I grab the milk from the frigde and two packets of Splenda. I knew Spencer wouldn't have real sugar she had dietize everthing. That girl is like a twig and worries about gaining weight. As I'm stiring my drink I look over to the couple. I was staring down Mrs. Hastings. She was entranced in a home & garden magazine. Once I caught her eye I dropped the spoon in the sink and bolted up the stairs. Pressing the palm of my hand against the top of the mug so nothing spilled out. I did lightly burn my hand but no big deal. I rub my palm as I venture back into Spencer's room. Aria and Spencer's ears were pressed against Spencer's phone. I heard breathing on the other line. "Who's on speaker? Is it A?" I whisper to them. They shush me and demand I sit down. I do as I'm told and pick a sit on a pillow in front of Spencer and Aria on the bed. "Who walked in?" My eyes widened and I nearly spilled my coffee all over Spencer's silky bed covers. It was Emiy! They managed to get a hold of her, this is great! I leap for the phone but Spencer pulls it away from my grasp. She mouths to me 'No!'. I give her a 'What the fuck are you doing?' look. I'm in love with that girl give me the phone. "Uh, it was my mom. She was asking me and Aria if we wanted a slice of pizza. I told her no obviously." Spencer nervously laughed while giving me apologetic eyes. Emily thinks I'm not there. I'm the one who's the most worried and Emily's under the impression that I'm not even there! I open my mouth to speak but don't know what to say. Aria is shaking her at me as if to say 'She doesn't need you to screw things up.' Suddenly Aria gets up from the bed and pulls me into the hallway with her. Spencer beings to talk again once we left. "Okay. Give me an explanation. Now." I know I should use a calmer tone around Aria but I can't help it. I needed to know if Emily was okay and I need to tell her love her but she doesn't even know that Spencer and Aria aren't the only one there for her. I could help too. "Han, look... We told Emily you were at home, not with us-" "Why would you do that?" I asked in the loudest voice I've ever used. "Let me finish!" Aria barked at me. "We told her you were worried sick at first and then she asked if you were there. I didn't say anything because Spencer quickly said no. I figured out why though. If Emily doesn't think you're here, she'll come over. Once she's here you'll walk in and explain everything. Paige, why we lied and stuff like that." Aria gave me a sort of knowing look but I've never told anyone about my feelings for Emily. What did she mean by 'Stuff like that'? "I can't. Why did you lie to her?" "To get her over here... Hanna come on. You woud too if you had to." "Not to Emily.." I mumbled so Aria could barely hear me. Why did Emily have to be so mad at me? I didn't do anything that Spencer or Aria didn't. I dug through Paige's purse, yes. But so did Spencer and now Emily is chatting with her not me. I'm distraught. What am I going to tell Emily? I'm not sure what they expect me to say and why they want me to say it. After a long pause and Aria giving me a sympathetic look we walk back into the room. "She's on her way over. Hanna are you ready?" Woah, already? How do I tell Spencer I can't do this now? I can't face Emily. What if I blurt out something I'm going to regret telling her. Like, I love you. Ugh I wish Emily wasn't so mad so she could just hold me andwhisper to me it'll be okay. Why couldn't I have pissed off Caleb then I wouldn't care that he didn't answer my calls or reply to my texts. I wouldn't even try to call or text him. All three of us turn our heads to each other when the doorbell went off. "Mom, It's Emily. I'll get it!" Spencer yelled down to her mother. "Hanna, you go hide in the bathroom or something. I'll send Aria to get you once we feel she's ready to know you're here. Okay?" Not okay. "Fine..." I walk down the hall to Spencer's bathroom. At least it was a nice bathroom. It had bath mats and the toilet had a plush cover on it. The shower curtains were a beige colour and the walls were the same. Wow, my bathroom is just plain white. Oops. It took Aria and Spencer 8 minutes to talk to Emily. Only small talk because they were using me for the big stuff. Great. Aria came to get me and said: "Don't say anything insulting. Start with 'I'm sorry' and then talk about Paige/A. Good luck, Han." She smiled at me and I weakly smiled back. Spencer left the room as well and gave me a thumbs up for encouragement. I still don't understand why it had to be me. Or why Emily was so mad at me. Maybe Paige made Emily hate me. That bitch. I grab the door handle with a shaky hand. Did they tell Emily I was coming or... did they leave me with a clueless Emily? One way to find out. Brace yourself for hell. Was my only thought while pushing the door open. Just as I cracked the door open I feel a buzz in my pocket. My screen displayed '1 New Message(s)". My heart races and my mind quickly goes to -A. I press 'read' on the keypad. I was right it was -A. "You have until midnight to tell Emily about your crush, porkers. Or we tell her for you."
Authors Note: End or the first chapter. I hope you guys like this one. I spent my last day of summer making so be appreciative! Haha, no but really I will be continuing it soon so keep up with this story for more :)
