Note: This is soft BDSM. Nothing too kinky. Please note that the story refers to the fact that Lexa and Clarke have had previous conversations about scenes and safe words. Lexa knows she only has to say one word for it all to stop.
Note: Chapter 2, which is the last chapter, will be up in the next couple days.
Clarke looked up from the pad of paper balanced precariously in her lap when she heard the creak of the heavy door open just enough to let someone pass through. She smiled when she heard the heavy whump, and she turned back to the pad of paper, charcoal in hand as she carefully smudged the lines she'd just drawn.
She continued to work for a few minutes, the portrait slowly taking shape under the scratch of her charcoal. But soon the silence was enough to make her raise her head again, her brown knit in confusions. She cocked her head, her hands still as she listened for the sounds that never came.
She got up, placing the pad of paper and charcoal on the small table in front of the chair she'd been curled up in, and cautiously walked across the room to the antechamber with the entrance door. She hesitated for a moment, straining to hear any sound. Nothing. She reached behind her wrapping her fingers around the dagger in the back of her pants. She counted slowly to ten, trying to calm her racing heart before she slowly inched the door open, just enough to peer through. What she saw made her open the door immediately, her hand coming out empty from behind her back.
"Lexa?"
The other woman didn't move, just stood there, hands wrapped around the edges of the small table holding a cracked enamel basin of water. She could see the white of Lexa's knuckles even from ten feet away, the harsh lines of her stiff shoulders despite her head hanging low.
She stepped carefully into the room, her eyes scanning the room quickly for an unnamed threat, but she found nothing. She stepped up behind Lexa, the only indication the other woman knew it was her was the way she tilted her head slightly. She placed her hands lightly on Lexa's hips, her fingers catching at the heavy fabric of her coat. She eased her arms slowly around Lexa's waist, pressing lightly into her back. She pressed her face between Lexa's shoulder blades, ignoring the way the crimson sash tickled her nose.
She waited a few moments, her concern growing with each passing minute that Lexa didn't acknowledge her. It was unusual for Lexa to do such a thing, Clarke couldn't actually recall a time when Lexa had ever blatantly ignored her. She pulled away a little, stepping back a few inches and pressing her palms firmly against Lexa's abdomen. She kept pushing against her belly, slowly coaxing the other girl to release her grip on the stand and move back into Clarke's arms.
"Lexa, can you turn around for me?" She kept her voice low and soothing. She had only ever seen Lexa like this one other time, when Wren, Lexa's youngest natblida, had died in a training accident; and it had frightened her then, just as it did now.
She relaxed slightly when Lexa finally released her grip on the table with a heavy sigh. The older girl shook her hands slightly, before rubbing them together, trying to get the circulation flowing again. But she still didn't turn to face Clarke.
"Did the meeting not go well?"
Lexa shrugged her shoulders slightly, before shaking her head, her voice was thick and grating, "No. They do nothing but argue and whine. The weeks we spent hammering out the new trade agreements just became null and void because the Horse Clan ambassador backed out." She snorted harshly, "Apparently the Delphi ambassador insulted their Chief's son last night while they were all out drinking too much ale. And now Horse Clan refuses to lease the pasture rights to Delphi."
Clarke groaned, mentally cursing both the Horse and Delphi clans. She knew how much Lexa had bartered and bribed in an effort to get the two clans to agree to the lease, so she could then convince Horse Clan to provide the horses needed to the Blue Cliff clan, who would in turn cede land to Skaikru. One deal depended on the other, and now they were back to where they had been weeks ago.
"I'm sorry." She rested her hands lightly on Lexa's back, before turning her gently to face her. She bit her lip when she saw the dark circles under Lexa's eyes, the haggard lines stripping her face of her youth. "How can I help? I can return to Arkadia and ask Kane to offer more of an incentive to the clans, so they will be more willing to come to the table?"
Clarke stepped back, her hands catching Lexa's. She didn't want to return to Arkadia, but she would if it would help relieve Lexa's burden. "I know the coalition is fragile since the rebellion. What if we speak to Roan again? He was helpful in overthrowing Ontari, maybe he will help keep the Horse Clan in line?"
She dropped Lexa's hands bringing her own to her hips before spinning on her heel and pacing back and forth while she tried to figure out how to bring the clans back to the table. "We could talk to Luna too. I know she doesn't really want much to do with Skaikru, but we have medicine that we could use, and she could use her influence with the Blue Cliff Clan? Or we could talk to the Shining Forest Clan?" She rubbed her brow, feeling the beginnings of a headache as she continued to pace, forgetting about Lexa for a moment.
"No, we can't do that," she muttered as she came to a halt, frown cutting across her face. "If we go to Shining Forest, that will just increase hostilities with Sankru, and they are batshit crazy as it is…no…we need something else…"
Lexa winced as she watched her lover pace back and forth, hands gesturing to the empty air as she thought out loud. It was a cute habit of Clarke's, to speak to the air while she tried to work out a problem, but tonight it wasn't cute. Not after eighteen hours of fighting in the council room with the ambassadors, not after three solid weeks, day after day of listening to their petty squabbles, each childishly demanding more than they wanted to give. She had argued until she was hoarse, her voice scratching, her throat too tight to swallow.
"Clarke." Nothing.
"Clarke!" The blonde finally came to a halt, surprise splashed across her face as she hesitated before nodding, and stepping closer to Lexa.
"Lexa, we can figure it out. Sankru doesn't have much to offer, but we need to make them feel important. How do we do that? Lexa?"
"Please, stop."
Clarke froze, her arms dropping to her side as she stared at Lexa's pale face, the dark shadows hollowing out her eyes. She bit her lip and nodded. "I'm sorry. You're right. This isn't what you need right now." She reached down, grasping Lexa's hands and bringing them to her mouth, dropping soft kisses on the scarred knuckles.
"What do you need?"
Lexa gulped, knowing she should just shrug it off, tell her lover she didn't need anything, that she was fine. That she wasn't weak, she was strong enough. But she was too exhausted, the burden of leadership laying heavy on her head and shoulders. She bit her lip, her teeth catching roughly at the skin, and she winced as she felt the skin pull slightly, tasting the rust that sprang from it.
"I just…" she shuffled, her head hanging, her messy hair tumbling down past her shoulders to shield her from Clarke's warm eyes. "I don't want to talk," she whispered, voice barely audible. "I just want to be."
Clarke stared at the crown of her head for a moment, her heart breaking a little for the older girl. She let go of her hands, and brought her own up to raise Lexa's chin. It took a moment before Lexa would meet her gaze, and when she finally did, she leaned in and pressed her mouth gently to Lexa's, tasting the copper tang on her lips.
"You don't have to speak." She pulled back, grasping Lexa's hand and pulling her into the chamber she'd been in earlier. She bypassed the chairs, tugging Lexa gently towards the bed. Once at the foot of it, she raised her hand, cupping Lexa's face. She smiled at the way the older shifted, her eyes nervously flitting about the room.
"You don't have to do anything or be anything here. Just you. Just Lexa. You don't have to speak." She pushed Lexa's hair out of her face, her gaze searching Lexa's to make sure she understood.
"Don't speak." The words were firm, a little heavier than her previous words, and when Lexa's eyes widened slightly, she knew the brunette understood. She waited until Lexa nodded, her shoulders suddenly sagging, the harsh lines of her body folding in on themselves.
Clarke smiled and reached up, tugging her pauldron off. She carefully wrapped it in the crimson sash and set it aside, before brushing her palms up Lexa's clothed belly, and over her breasts to rest on her shoulders. She waited for Lexa to look at her, and when the older girl did, she leaned in, brushing her lips across her chin, kissing along her jawline while she pushed the heavy coat from slim shoulders.
She let it fall to the ground and kicked it away, smiling at the way Lexa winced slightly. The coat was part of her station, but she wanted Lexa to remember that there was more to her than just Heda. And Heda had no place in their bedroom. She wrapped her hands around Lexa's neck, clasping them behind. She pressed her body lightly against Lexa's, grinning when Lexa automatically moved to wrap her arms around Clarke's waist.
"Uh uh. I didn't give you permission, did I?"
Lexa's eyes widened, and she hesitantly dropped her arms from around Clarke's waist. She licked her lips, slightly unsure. This was a relatively new dynamic, and normally Clarke was the one on the receiving end. They had discussed it before, and Lexa had shyly admitted, after a little coaxing, that she wondered what it would be like to just be able to give up all control, to not have to worry about what to say or do. She knew the safe words, the same words they'd discussed at great length. All she had to do was say "Arkadia," and everything would stop. Come to an end. She moved her hands behind her back, nodding that she understood, that she accepted how this worked. Her shoulders slumped forward a little, and she knew it wasn't the correct posture probably for this, but she was so tired. Everything felt dull and heavy, even the air around her.
Clarke leaned forward, pressing a kiss to Lexa's forehead. "Good, girl," she murmured, smiling when the dull green of Lexa's eyes brightened slightly. She ran her fingers along the older girl's throat, marveling at the satin feel of her skin. She pressed her fingertips lightly into her throat, biting her lip when she could feel the movement of Lexa's throat when she smiled. She imagined what it would feel like to have her fingers pressed inside Lexa's mouth, the feel of the other girl's tongue circling her fingers, sucking lightly before she pressed down on her tongue. She wondered if she would gag a little, and would Lexa enjoy it. She bit her lip harder, stepping back and dropping her hands to her side.
She stared at Lexa for a full moment, enjoying the way Lexa shifted under her heated gaze. "You are so beautiful," she murmured, her voice low, slightly husky. She smirked when Lexa blushed, dropping her head to hide her face. "Uh uh. Look at me. I want to see your beautiful green eyes, the noble arch of your brow, the gentle kisses on your lips."
When Lexa shifted and looked up at her, her eyes shining in the low light from the candles, Clarke stepped closer, her hands catching the hem of Lexa's shirt. She palmed her belly, smiling a little when Lexa instinctively sucked in her breath. She rubbed her palms across her belly, her fingers tickling along the bottom ribs that jutted just a little too much.
"Lift."
Lexa raised her arms over head, before she even realized she'd done it. She bit her lip, worried that maybe she enjoyed it too much, Clarke's ability to command her with a simple word.
"Stop thinking, love." Clarke reached out, her fingers tracing Lexa's eyebrow, smoothing out the furrow born there. "It's ok for you to just act. You don't need to think or speak. Just relax." She tugged the shirt up and over Lexa's head, tossing it to the side.
"Keep your arms up." She sifted her fingers through the wrapped linen until she found the end piece carefully tucked in along her side. She started to unwrap the long binding, grinning at the way Lexa's sucked in her breath when Clarke had to lean forward to unwind it from around her back, both her arms encircling Lexa's waist, her breasts brushing against Lexa's.
Once it was fully unraveled, she tossed the pile of linen to the side. "You can lower your hands now, behind you." Once Lexa had complied, she pressed against her, wrapping her arms around her waist.
"You remember what we talked about before? You remember your word?" She kissed Lexa's chin when the girl nodded quickly. "Good. Now I'm going to give you one last chance to speak, after this no more speaking unless you need to say your word. Ok?" She pulled back, her hands resting on Lexa's hips.
"Anything?"
Lexa took a deep breath, straightening her shoulders slightly and shook her head. She was tired of speaking and yelling, of offering solutions only for them to be rejected, exhausted from compromising and accepting empty promises, only for it to blow up in her face. She simply wanted to be here. Quiet and unassuming, strong and pliant. Here. With Clarke.
Clarke nodded, noting the way Lexa lifted her chin and met her stare, her eyes no longer so dull, confidence shining from them. She was ready.
"Get on the bed."
Note: Thoughts?
