I hate when memories flood back and just completely drown your mind, engulfing it in salt water that it just can't tread out of no matter how hard it tries or what it was previously engrossed in doing. It's sometimes worse when you consider what brings you back to a particular moment in time, whether a passage in a book, a line in a song or a scene in a movie. It just completely takes you away from the reality you were just experiencing into an utterly different one. A fuzzy, foggy, hazy memory you wish you weren't reliving, considering its focal point or its outcome. No one wants to remember a broken heart. That's not something anyone in the entire world can disagree with. It's extremely painful, unpleasant, and unnecessary.
I don't want to remember Elena with the happiness that I was surrounded with when I was with her completely blocking out the end of everything that became all of my existence for such a short period of time until my mind snaps back into reality and my heart back in two. I don't need to remember how I felt about her that one fateful night that turned everything upside down in a lightly drunken state or the intense butterflies or racing heart every time she looked at me or touched me. I can't have the highlight reel playing all day almost everyday. I don't need the reminder that I can't move on and she just discarded me like a bad hand in poker.
I need to stop remembering the smell of her room or the taste of her mouth, chocolate and peppermint. My memory is not happily jogged of when she would smirk when she looked in my direction or the way she was so ecstatic I knew the bands she enjoyed, or loved songs with piano just as much as she did. I don't want to hear her favorite music and instantly have the feeling of needing her. I can't go somewhere or do something without wishing she was there or thinking of her reaction when I shared too much. I remember her with so much love. She doesn't deserve it, or care for that matter. She doesn't remember, why should I?
There's so much of my life that's connected to her. I'm not sure how much more of this insanity I can take.
This is my story, OUR story. If I don't get it all down, I fear I might just burst. Relive
A/N: this is my first story EVER, so please, be honest. it's short right now, i know, but i promise that it'll get longer as i go on. please review, i can't wait to hear what you have to say!
