Lost in the Stars
(Names, situations, characters, my firstborn, etc, belong to Hasbro).
"Maybe you can give her cash, so we don't have to bother with all this junk!" Roxy gagged at the sight of a mobile made up of little blue dolphins, attached to one of the display cribs. She turned a dolphin over in her hand for a moment, before tossing it over her shoulder.
"I can't do that," I reminded her, as I examined a gorgeous cashmere baby blanket. "She's my sister-in-law!"
"Whatever," she grumbled. "Jeez, remind Craig to pull out next time!"
I chuckled. "Like he ever listens to me?"
Craig and Aja had been trying to get pregnant since they got married. It took more than four years, but a baby was on the way, and they couldn't be more thrilled.
Me, I'd spent the last several months preparing to become "Aunt Mary." As Aja's due date approached, I found myself so wracked with nerves, you'd think I was the one about to give birth. Outside of my work with the Misfits, this was the most exciting experience I'd ever had.
My bandmate didn't exactly share my enthusiasm, nor could I expect her to.
"How much longer are we gonna be here, Stormer?" Roxy moaned. "This is just a buncha kid's stuff!"
"I've gotta find the perfect gift for Aja's shower," I told her.
"I told you already: cash!" Roxy folded her arms and kicked a defenseless plush hippo out of the way. "Anyway, you've got her wish list, so just get her something from that."
I pulled the list from my purse and gave it a glance. "Yeah, but she's family. I can't just give her the first thing I see off of here—it's gotta be something from the heart…"
I glanced down at the sheet of paper and stuck out my tongue. "And not a breast pump!"
Roxy tried to look over my shoulder. "Does it really say that?!"
I pointed it out to her. We scowled in unison.
"I don't know why we gotta get her all this crap, anyway," Roxy moaned. "They can afford it."
I didn't feel like explaining to her again that the demands of the Starlight Foundation meant that the Holograms never made anywhere near as much money as us. "Roxy, you know, you really didn't have to come if this is too boring for you."
She slumped into a tiny car seat and stretched her limbs. "Who says I'm bored?"
The seat broke in two under her weight; she put her finger to her lips and shoved the pieces under a nearby changing table.
Behind us, we heard the voice of the manager. "Are you finding everything ok?"
I nodded, "Absolutely. Really nice selection. Thank you again for opening for us." Like most of our shopping trips since the early days of the band, we paid to have the store all to ourselves after the usual closing time.
The manager smiled, and then stopped when she noticed Roxy awkwardly posing in front of the smashed car seat. "Can I help you, Miss?"
"Nah, I'm good," Roxy replied, with a plastic smile.
"Well, if you need anything, just let me know." The manager gave Roxy another once over before turning the other way.
Once she'd left, I turned back to Roxy, who hadn't dropped her fake smile. "It'll freeze like that if you don't stop."
She returned to her usual scowl. "Can we go now?"
I examined a high-end crib, which made me regret being unable to find out whatever happened to the old brass one Craig and I each used as babies. "Like I said, you didn't have to come if you didn't want to."
I knew that wasn't really true.
After our latest tour had ended a couple months earlier, Pizzazz had decided to spend the summer at her father's villa in Monaco; just her and her son. Then, a few weeks later, Jetta and her husband took off on a trip to Tahiti.
That left us two single gals: me and Roxy.
I'd been keeping busy, writing new songs for a solo album to fill the gap before the next Misfits album (and for the first time, I'd begun to think "If there's another Misfits album"—not that I'd say that to the others, yet).
As for Roxy? Well, I don't know how she was filling up her time, besides hanging out with me. I always let her, even at moments like these, when she wasn't exactly a big help.
My gaze wandered over to a set of pillows and blankets, adorned with hearts and yellow ducklings. "Oh my God! Aren't these just adorable, Roxy?"
I knew her well enough not to expect her to agree, but I wasn't expecting "Isn't her kid supposed to be a boy?"
"Yeah."
She groaned. "Well, what kinda sissy-ass boy do you want him to grow up to be, givin' him all those hearts and crap? And ducks? What a wimpy bird! Now, if it had a vulture or something, that'd be pretty kickass!"
I thought for a moment before I replied. "Well…I don't think they'd go for a vulture-themed bed set. But, maybe you're right; it's gonna be a boy, and maybe the cutesy stuff's not the right way to go."
Roxy grinned as she took a knife to the fabric of what was an admittedly ugly stroller. "See? What would you ever do without me?"
I nervously rang the doorbell of Starlight Mansion.
Nervous because despite being Aja's sister-in-law, and one of Kimber Benton's best friends, I always felt out of place here.
Nervous because despite the gestures of friendship I'd received from Kimber's sister and the other Holograms, I could never quite shake the feeling that it was all conditional on me acting as little like a Misfit as possible.
And, nervous because Roxy didn't have anything else to do that day, and invited herself along.
I knew one of these days, I'd have to learn how to say no.
"They're takin' their sweet time answerin' the door, aren't they?" she grumbled.
"They don't have a maid, or butlers, or anything, remember?" I fidgeted with the heavy package that was officially from the Misfits as a whole, since I couldn't bring Roxy to the baby shower empty handed. And she did help pick it out.
Roxy shook her head with disgust. "What is this, the Stone Age?"
The door finally opened to reveal Kimber, in mid-laugh, before she noticed me and pulled me into a hug. "Stormer! It's so outrageous to see you—it's been way too long!"
"Oh, same here!" I hadn't seen Kimber since she'd gone through a rough patch in her marriage a few months earlier, but the excitement over Aja's pregnancy seemed to have lightened everyone's mood.
Kimber grinned, until she noticed Roxy next to me. "Oh. Hey, Roxy. I didn't realize you were coming." Kimber dropped her arms to her sides and backed away from us.
"Yeah, well, if Stormer's gonna spend the day bored out of her mind with you guys, I figured I might as well come and keep things entertaining."
I didn't like the sound of that. From Kimber's expression, I could tell she didn't either. "Well," she shrugged, "come on in. Jerrica's really outdone herself getting everything set up."
We made our way through the foyer and into the large living room, where everything was arranged for the shower. Over a dozen women were already there: most I recognized; a few I didn't.
Under a large banner that said "CONGRATULATIONS AJA," one of the ex-Holograms, Shana, was holding a drink and discussing something with the choreographer Danse Dvorak, and a brunette I didn't know. (We'd tried to hire Danse on several occasions, but our reputation preceded us, as it often did).
On a long table on the other side of the room, the gifts had been piled up. Next to it was the buffet, with drinks, as well as a cake with blue, white and yellow frosting, and a large stork design on the top. Next to the table, Kimber's sister and manager, Jerrica, was speaking to the Countess DuVoisin (another big name we'd managed to alienate), and another young woman I didn't recognize. I soon realized most of these unknowns were former Starlight girls, who I hadn't seen since they were kids.
I heard the Countess tell Jerrica, "My representatives at the New York office tell me Deirdre's been a wonderful addition to our public relations department."
Jerrica beamed and gave the young blonde next to her a smile that reminded me for a moment of my mother. "That's great news! You should be very proud."
The blonde, Deirdre, told her, "You should see our offices the next time you're in town. We're up on the 106th floor! You can see all of Manhattan from my window!"
"Oh, Stormer, you're here!" Jerrica noticed me as I put Aja's gift with all the others. "Aja'll be thrilled to see you."
Jerrica excused herself to the Countess, put her hand on my shoulder, and gave me a warm smile. So warm, in fact, that it dawned on me that Roxy wasn't next to me anymore. "Oh, Jerrica, I-"
"Aja, look who's here!" Jerrica guided me over to the sofa, where the one remaining ex-Hologram, Raya Alonso, sat on the arm and shared a private joke with another one of the Starlight girls.
Seated in the middle was the woman of the hour herself. Aja had been trim and angular the whole time I'd known her, so it was a shock to see how round all over she'd gotten in these last months of her pregnancy.
She looked up and smiled, as she opened her arms for a hug. "Hey, you made it!"
I reached down and tried to wrap my arms around her; easier said than done. "Of course I did! Sorry I haven't made it up there to see you guys lately."
She grinned. "Ah, no problem. Between all the work Craig's been doing getting the nursery fixed up, and my baby bump, neither of us feels much like playing host and hostess these days."
"Well, you're lookin' great," I told her. I decided not to tell her she kept reminding me of some ill-conceived gumball outfits we once wore for a Misfits video. (In fact, a few years after this, the unfinished footage sold on eBay for over $10,000. I know, because I'm the one who bought it!)
Jerrica turned to me and said, "Excuse me; I still have a few things I have to take care of in the kitchen." Before she left, she added, "Did Aja tell you the news yet?"
"What news?"
Aja smiled, as Raya leaned over and explained. "Jerrica asked Aja to stay here until the baby's born!"
"Well," Aja added, as she adjusted her seat, "this way, I won't have to do everything by myself as I come up on my due date." She paused for a moment and added, "Well, I mean, Craig does what he can, but…you know."
"Oh, no need to explain," I told her. I knew all too well that feminine issues aren't exactly my brother's forte!
Kimber came up to us with a peach daiquiri in her hand and asked, "Hey, where'd Roxy go?"
Uh oh.
"Roxy's here?" Aja's eyebrow arched so high, it was practically on top of her skull.
"I…I invited her," I admitted. "But she promised she wouldn't cause any trouble," I lied.
"We all know how much a Misfit's promise is worth!" Kimber announced, as if she'd forgotten my day job. "Raya, Krissie, will you help us look?"
Before I knew it, Kimber and I were ducking into and out of rooms on the first floor of the mansion, as we searched for Roxy. We'd just had a look through the Holograms' old music room when we heard a crash from down the hall.
"Maybe that was a coincidence," I hoped aloud.
Kimber snorted. "Wanna bet?"
We followed the sound of arguing to the kitchen. Inside, Roxy dangled a frozen turkey over a trash can, as Jerrica demanded she return it to the fridge.
"Roxy, I swear, I can have the police over here in five minutes!" Jerrica threatened.
"And charge me with what?" Roxy laughed. "Reckless endangerment of a Butterball?"
"Roxy, what the heck's going on?!" I demanded.
She hid the turkey behind her back and gave me a sheepish grin. "I was hungry. Just lookin' for somethin' to eat."
"A whole frozen turkey?" Kimber asked.
Roxy dropped the turkey onto the counter, which made Jerrica cringe (and me too, to be honest). "Hey, I was lookin' for some food, and Miss Smarty Pants over there came in and started givin' me crap, so I decided to have a little fun. What's the big fuckin' deal?"
Jerrica countered with, "We have food for all the guests in the living room, Roxy. This food is for the girls." She proceeded to give Roxy a fierce stare-down.
"All right, whatever." Roxy hissed. "Jeez, Jerrica, try pullin' that bug outta your butt once in a while—I bet that thing could use some fresh air!"
I had to stifle my laugh fast when Jerrica gave me an angry look.
"This has just been a big misunderstanding," I suggested. "Right, Roxy?"
She shrugged as she drummed her fingers on the turkey. "Yeah, sure. It was all just a joke."
I turned to Jerrica and added. "It won't happen again, I promise."
Jerrica turned her glare back to Roxy. "And do you promise?"
I gave Roxy my most pleading expression, hoping she'd get the message. She squinted at me for a moment before replying. "Yeah, no sweat."
Jerrica folded her arms and tapped her foot on the linoleum. "Kimber, could you escort these two back to the party?"
I nearly said something, but thought better of it.
As we walked back down the hall, Roxy elbowed me and whispered, "You shoulda seen how cheap that turkey was—I wouldn't feed that crap to Jetta."
I couldn't stop myself from laughing this time.
Aja tore into the next package: a skinny box with blue bunnies on the wrapping paper.
"Looks like it's…aw, booties!" Aja held up the two pairs of tiny blue booties, which earned appreciative "oooh"s and "ahh"s from almost every woman in the room.
Everyone but Roxy, who stood apart as she sipped her rum and coke.
"These are adorable," Aja said. "Thanks, Ashley."
The petite blonde with the Rachel haircut leaned in to give Aja a hug. "Hey, I'm glad you like 'em. There's little socks in there too."
Shana looked into the box. "Oh, she's right!" She proudly held the socks up, for all to admire.
I glanced over at Ashley. Her eyes caught mine for a moment.
Her smile disappeared.
"Excuse me," I announced, mostly so Kimber could give me some room as I got out of my seat. "I'm gonna freshen my drink."
I felt Raya's hand reach over towards my glass. "Here, let me, Stormer."
I pulled my hand away. "No, I can do it!" Raya's eyes widened, so I added, "It's no trouble, but thank you."
I made my way away from the rest of the partygoers and soon found Roxy sitting on the long table, with her butt only inches from the deli platter. "I could use another drink," I told her, as I mixed myself a bay breeze.
"I know what you mean," she snickered. "I'm gonna have to get hammered to survive this wingding!"
"Do you think…?" I stopped, as I considered whether Roxy was the right person to ask. "Do you think Ashley's still upset with me?"
"Who?"
"The girl over there, next to Jerrica." I pointed her out.
Roxy shrugged. "What do you care? Have you ever even met her before?"
I sighed. I still got cold chills whenever I thought back to the day, years earlier, when Pizzazz and Roxy locked Ashley in a trunk to keep her out of their hair.
I could still hear her voice as she pleaded with me to let her out.
I didn't.
I was a loyal Misfit.
Winning was all that mattered, when you were a Misfit.
She could have died, and it would have been my fault.
I glanced across the room at Ashley, all grown up (no thanks to me), and reminded myself that she had every right to hate me.
For a moment, I envied Roxy. She didn't carry any guilt at all about what happened.
She didn't even remember it.
"Earth to Stormer!" Roxy snapped her fingers in my face, and scratched my nose with her jagged nail. "Hey, what's with you? You ready to go?"
"What? No, I can't go—she hasn't even opened our present yet!"
Roxy gave me a quick roll of her reddish-brown eyes. "Jeez! I'm so glad Pizzazz never had one of these things."
"Yeah," I replied.
I had wanted to throw a shower for Pizzazz when she was pregnant with little Stephen, but instead, she made her father buy her a maternity store, and had its entire inventory shipped to the mansion.
In fact, since we were out on tour when Kimber was pregnant with Sara, this was the first baby shower I'd ever been to.
On the other side of the room, another round of "ooohs" and "ahhs" began, after Aja opened the case of diapers Video Montgomery gave her.
I sipped at my drink and glanced over at Roxy. "I better rejoin the party. Are you coming?"
Roxy ran her finger along the rim of the glass. "Let me know when they open our present. Somebody's gotta keep an eye on all this prosciutto, right?"
"Sure," I nodded.
As I began to head back to the rest of the group, I heard a knock at the door, which Jerrica rushed to get. She returned a minute later with a willowy young Asian woman, who cradled a package in her arms. "Look who's here!" Jerrica declared.
"Hey, I'm so sorry I'm late, everyone." The girl flashed a crooked smile that made my pulse race.
Then, I got to enjoy the experience of being left in the dark as everyone rushed to say hello to the stranger. Aja must have seen my confusion, since she reached over, patted my knee, and softly told me, "Ba Nee."
I remember my jaw dropping. I hadn't seen her since her going away party, in that very room, nearly a decade earlier. She was only a little girl back then, but now…
I wasn't sure what was more awkward: finding myself attracted to a girl who was 95% likely to be straight, or finding myself attracted to a girl who was barely legal and way too young for me.
The first is pretty much my daily life, not that it makes it any less frustrating.
The second, for the first time I could remember, really made me feel old.
I chugged down my bay breeze in only moments.
Ba Nee bent down to give Aja a hug, and spent a minute or two rubbing Aja's belly in the hope of feeling the baby kick. Unfortunately, my nephew was in a solemn mood that day.
Since the baby had been a no-show, Aja went ahead and opened Ba Nee's gift: a bib, with a blue-green seascape painted in acrylics, and an orange sailboat in the middle of the tiny canvas.
"Oh, it's beautiful, Ba Nee!" Aja smiled. "Thank you."
"You're welcome, Aja. My dad could have painted one ten times better, but he kept encouraging me to make it myself."
Jerrica tousled Ba Nee's long dark hair. "And your father's right—it made it that much more special."
I stared at my drink. I noticed Kimber watching me, so I put on a smile, which seemed to satisfy her concern.
I didn't expect what happened next.
I noticed that Roxy was suddenly behind me. She pushed past me and approached the couch, where she tapped Ba Nee on the shoulder. "Ba Nee?" she asked her.
Ba Nee grinned. "Roxy?" She flung her arms around my bandmate.
Then, to my surprise, Roxy didn't push her away. She didn't mock her and tell her to get lost. She certainly didn't sucker punch her.
She pulled her in closer and returned the hug.
Aja leaned over to ask me, "Do they know each other?"
"Dunno," I mumbled.
Roxy, her arm on Ba Nee's shoulder, faced the rest of us. "Can you believe it? She used to be a little kid!"
Aja grinned. "Yeah, that's kinda how it works, Roxy."
Roxy pulled Ba Nee into another hug and whispered something to her.
I wished I could read lips.
A moment later, Roxy sauntered back to my side and plopped herself on the arm of my chair. She must have noticed me staring at her, since she soon barked "What?" at me.
"What was that all about?"
She looked down, then away from me. "What, I can't say 'Hi' to somebody? You wanted me to be polite, remember?"
I'd have tried asking again, but Jerrica announced that Shana's present was next. As soon as everyone got a chance to "ooh" and "ahh" at the set of beautiful baby clothes Shana had designed, I made a quick excuse and slipped out of the room.
The stars had begun to show themselves as twilight fell. I set my glass next to the pool, slipped off my shoes, and took a seat on the diving board.
After living in and around L.A. for over a decade, I'd learned to treasure the nights when the smog cleared up enough to see the stars. I let my feet dangle in the water as I tried to pick out the constellations Daddy showed me as a girl. I remembered an old song he used to sing:
Little stars,
Big stars…
I found Orion, right when I heard "You ok?" behind me.
I almost lost my balance and fell in; I'm a crappy swimmer, so that wouldn't have gone well.
"Aja!" I called out. "You shouldn't be out here! Not in your condition!"
She laughed as she took a seat in one of the patio chairs. "Relax—it's not like there's a bomb in my uterus! It's just a baby."
That didn't make me any less worried as I scooted around on the board to face her.
"You didn't have to come out here," I told her. "It's your shower."
"And you're my sister." Aja patted the table and smiled. "Now, what's wrong? Spit it out, kid!"
"It's not important," I shrugged.
She clasped her hands together and watched me for a moment. "You know, for a Misfit, you're an awful liar."
"Tell me something I don't know." I watched the reflection of the moon and stars on the gentle ripples of the pool beneath me. "It's nothing really. I'm just not very happy."
"About what?"
I tried to be as vague as possible. "About everything."
I immediately realized I'd said more than I intended.
I looked up at Aja, who nodded. "That sucks, Mary. I'm sorry."
I didn't know what felt odder: being called by my real name, or getting sympathy.
"So," she went on, "what do you think's wrong? Why are you unhappy?"
I so didn't want to have this conversation. "It's nothing big, I guess. Just lots of little things, really."
"Are you thinking of quitting the Misfits?"
If there's one thing I've learned about Aja, it's that she doesn't tiptoe around.
"Maybe. I don't know. I don't know what I wanna do." I watched my sister-in-law, all full of that maternal glow that I figured was just romanticized until I grew up and saw it for myself, as she tried to get comfortable in her chair. "You're so lucky," I told her.
"Because I've got stretch marks and I have to pee every half hour?" she smirked.
"Because you know what you want, and you get it." A devilish thought crossed my mind. "You know, you're the type of woman Pizzazz wishes she could be."
Aja cracked a smile. "That's an insult, right? You're gettin' pretty good at that, Misfit!"
I looked down at my feet as they tapped at the surface of the water. "Well, I should," I laughed. "I've been doing it for so damn long, now." The words hit me as I said them, and I stopped laughing.
Aja drummed her fingers on the table. "Hey, you know, just getting what you want doesn't mean everything in your life is always easy." She paused for a moment, and looked up at the night sky. "I haven't told you this…I haven't told anyone but Jerrica…" She leaned forward and looked me in the eye. "About a year ago, Craig and I were arguing a lot; you know how stubborn he is, and the only person more stubborn is me, right?"
I gave her a laugh, as I wondered where she was going with this.
"Anyway, one day, we had a fight, and I walked out on him."
"Oh no!" I gasped.
She continued on: "I made it to a hotel in Denver before I finally checked my phone and called him back. We spent two hours talking things out before my phone died, and I began the drive back home that night." She grinned and added, "The point is, the things in life that make you happy are usually the things you have to work hardest at." She patted her belly and smiled. "But they're worth it."
I bent over and ran my fingers along the cool water of the pool. "I know. But I'm sure I can never be like you."
Aja pulled herself to her feet. "I need to get back to the party. I told them I'd only be a few minutes." She paused for a moment, and added. "I hope we can talk more soon. Just remember: you won't be happy if you try to be Pizzazz, or me, or anyone else. Just be yourself."
I couldn't decide if I wanted to hug her, or say something smart-alecky. So I did nothing.
"You coming?" She held out her hand to me.
"Sure." I scooted off the diving board, slipped my shoes back on, and took her by the arm.
"Hey, Aja?" I asked. "Is Ba Nee…I mean, do you know if, maybe, she might be…?"
"Nope, and even if she was, no way! You're both like family!"
"Ok." I tried not to look at her, so Aja put her finger to my chin and turned my face towards hers. Her smile was broad and warm.
We dissolved into a fit of laughter as we went back inside.
"The carvings are a traditional Slovenian style that my grandmother made. My father found them and sent them to me when I mentioned my friend was going to have a baby."
Danse beamed as Aja held up the mobile for us all to see. The colorful wooden birds and salamanders glistened in the light.
For a moment, I forgot who was sitting next to me, and asked Roxy, "Isn't that beautiful?"
"Talk about a cheapskate!" she sneered, as she dunked a slice of capicollo in her Buck's Fizz.
"Danse, it's lovely!" Jerrica gushed.
"She's so right. Thank you so much, Danse!" Aja reached out for a hug, and was momentarily obscured by Danse's rainbow of hair.
"I think that's almost everyone," Jerrica announced, as she stood with her hands on her hips in the middle of the room.
Kimber grabbed my hand and raised it high. "Ooh, there's still Stormer's gift!"
Aja grinned and reached over to pat my knee. "I've been dying to find out what you got me, kid!"
"Well," I spoke up, "it's actually from all of us in the Misfits."
"Fuck yeah!" Roxy so helpfully added.
I noticed Video whisper something to Shana, who cracked up, then put on a straight face when she noticed I saw her.
"Here we are!" Raya announced, as she presented the gift wrapped box to Aja.
Video got back into position with her camera, as everyone else crowded back around to watch the unwrapping.
I held my breath as Aja tore off the paper.
"Wow!" she announced, with a tone I couldn't quite decipher. "This is totally unexpected."
She held up the box, which displayed the bright blue child's-sized synthesizer inside on the front. The gift received a healthy smattering of "oohs" and "ahhs."
Kimber leaned over and asked, "Wow, where'd you find that?"
"At Bay-B Chic." I told the room. "Aja, I know it wasn't on your list…"
"Oh, no, it's really impressive, Mary." She smiled. "Thanks a bunch." She reached out for a hug, which I happily gave her.
As I sat down, I announced, "It was actually Roxy's idea." I nudged her. "Right?"
"Hell yeah!" She stood and acted out her words. "I mean, with your guitar playin' and Craig's drumming, your kid's bound to have some talent, right? So when I saw that thing, I told Stormer how much ass your baby's gonna kick with it!"
"Well, when he's a little bit older," I added.
Jerrica picked up the box for a moment, then handed it to Shana. She tried to crack a smile as she told us, "Yes, very…thoughtful, both of you."
At that moment, I felt Roxy's hand on my shoulder. Her nails dug into my skin. I winced, but said nothing.
"Who's left?" Jerrica asked, as Shana took the keyboard to the pile of opened gifts. "Becky?" She turned to a wavy-haired brunette standing behind the couch, "We haven't done yours yet, right?"
As she spoke, we heard the crash, and a yelp of pain. Kimber shouted, "Shana!" and jumped to her feet.
Soon, more than a dozen women rushed to Shana's aid. Jerrica asked for everyone to step aside so Lela could have a look at Shana's ankle. (I remembered Aja telling me about Lela starting her internship a few months before).
Then, I noticed Roxy wasn't next to me anymore.
Right as Lela said, "Looks like it's just a bruise," Roxy pushed her way through the crowd and jerked Shana to her feet.
"You did that on purpose! Admit it, you bitch! You fuckin' broke it on purpose!" She shook Shana silly before slamming her against the wall. "You're gonna be sorry you ever did that, turkey!"
In the bedlam, Roxy swung her fists wildly at anyone who tried to pull her off the helpless ex-Hologram, who pleaded, "I tripped! It was an accident!" repeatedly.
"Roxy! Please! Stop it!" I shouted over the din.
Shana tried and failed to squirm from Roxy's grip.
Please don't let her land a punch, I prayed, over and over.
It wasn't my pleas, or Jerrica's, or Aja's, or Shana's own that quelled Roxy's rage. Ba Nee pushed her way through the crowd and grabbed Roxy by the arm. "Stop this!" she shouted.
Roxy looked at her, and loosened her grip on Shana.
"Fine," Roxy groaned, "she's not even worth it."
Kimber and Danse rushed to Shana's side and helped her to her feet.
"I warned you," Jerrica declared, as she stared Roxy down. "You had your chance. I'm calling the police."
Roxy didn't flinch.
"Jerrica, please don't!" I begged.
"I warned her." She picked up the receiver and began to dial.
I held down the little dealie that cuts off a call and asked again, "Please, don't involve the police! For me?" I wasn't sure how far that'd get me with Jerrica, but I knew I had to try.
She paused for a moment. "Well, I suppose it's up to Shana to decide what to do. She's the one who's been assaulted!" Jerrica shook her head and turned to the couch, where Shana struggled to regain her wits. "What do you want me to do?"
"Just make her go away," Shana moaned, as she choked back tears. "She's probably doped out of her mind again!"
I felt my cheeks burn.
Jerrica faced Roxy. "Leave now. You're not welcome here any longer."
Roxy threw up her hands. "Typical. You're such a phony-all of you are! You always have been! C'mon Stormer, let's blow this hellhole!"
Ashley and another ex-Starlight girl began to escort her to the door. "Watch your hands, twerps!" Roxy hissed.
Jerrica turned back to me, her expression stern. "Mary, you're welcome to stay, as long as you don't cause any trouble."
I looked over at my sister-in-law and the other shower guests, as they struggled to recreate the happy atmosphere of a few minutes earlier. I looked to the door, and Roxy being led away. I looked back to Jerrica, and felt ten inches tall when I saw the steely glint in her eyes.
I shook my head. "The name's 'Stormer.'" I pushed past her, stepped over the box with our shattered gift inside, and caught up to Roxy.
"Between June 1994 and September 1996, we collected over a dozen unidentified footprint casts."
Buzz Kraft's voice peeked back through the AM radio static, as he asked his guest, "And you believe these may have been left by Bigfoot?"
"Some yes, though we're not discounting the possibility of extraterrestrial involvement…"
"Can we put on some music, or something?" I asked.
Roxy took a swig of her beer, half of which ended up on the front seat of her Ferrari. "No way, it's just gettin' good!"
She had wanted to drive back to the Gabor mansion, but I'd had my fill of mansions for the day, so instead we picked up a case of Natty Lite, drove to a deserted spot Roxy remembered outside of the city, and set a blanket on the ground, under the stars.
I heard what sounded a lot like a rattlesnake in the distance, and realized this spot might be a little too deserted.
"Hey, Stormer?"
"Yeah?"
Roxy sat next to me on the blanket and looked off into the distance. "You didn't have to come with me. You coulda stayed."
I had so many things I wanted to say, about friendship and family and growing older and loneliness and shame and what the hell happened between her and Ba Nee and how I wanted to die when she attacked Shana but I felt like I had no choice but to go with her and how I just don't know who I am anymore and how I hate that I don't really want to be with her tonight even though she's my best friend and I can't imagine her not being my best friend and how I'm changing and I want her to change with me and how it hurts that people like Jerrica will always think less of me because of who I was when I was 21 and I wish Mama and Daddy were still alive and I'm glad the baby's a boy because Craig wouldn't have any idea what to do with a daughter and that I hope I'll be able to show my face around Aja and her family before the baby's born and that a part of me would always resent Roxy if her stunt means I end up missing my nephew being born and yet there's no one who means more to me than her and how I'm so tired of not being able to say how I really feel and how I feel so lost when I look up at all those stars in the inky sky.
Instead, I said, "Hey, you were my ride."
Roxy laughed and laughed as Kraft pitched a commercial for a crank-operated radio (perfect for when the grid goes down, whatever that meant).
She leaned back and propped her feet on the door of her car. "She encouraged me to learn to read, a long time ago."
"Huh?" I asked, as I sipped at my beer.
"Ba Nee. When I…when I went home to Philly, 'bout ten years ago." She looked over at me. "I saw you lookin' confused."
"Yeah, I just didn't know how you knew each other."
"Well, now you do." Roxy started to laugh again. "Hey, wouldn't that be weird if we saw a bigfoot out here?"
"We already saw a yeti once, so there's probably one out there somewhere," I reminded her.
"That's right, we did! See, you're good at rememberin' stuff like that!"
I smiled. "What would you ever do without me?"
"Dunno," she replied. "I just…"
We listened to the radio as I watched the stars.
Little stars.
Big stars.
Blowing through the night.
(Big thanks to my ever-helpful beta tester, AllieGee).
