A capella was hard. Not that she had ever thought about it before but now that she was pretty entrenched in A ca-land she could admit how much she had underestimated it's worth. She would never say it when there were witnesses present but it had given her some things she would have never even known she had wanted; a place to belong, friends who didn't grow stubble, and a chance to be creative musically in a way she had never imagined.

She looked around the bus at her girls. They were all sitting casually amongst the guys. The Treble Makers and Bellas were intermingling quite happily even in light of their 1 - 2 finish. Beca chuckled as she watched Fat Amy bounce from one conversation to the next, always having something random and oddly hilarious to add. At the moment she seemed to be demonstrating some dance move that involved touching her toes to her face, which made her turn out looking something like a human pretzel on ecstasy.

She shook her head and returned to her somewhat less fascinating inner monologue. Winning the ICCA finals was a rush and she had known as soon as they had been half way through the number that they were going to end up on top. She could read it in the faces of every person watching. All the judges had stopped looking down at their score sheets and were enraptured by the Bella's unexpected performance.

They had broken out of the mold that had been uncomfortably forced on them and it had enabled each girl to shine in their own way. Once Aubry had loosened up, literally letting her hair down, everyone had relaxed into their own natural role in the group, making their cohesion obvious. Singing as a ensemble transformed from something slightly awkward to something extraordinarily fun in the weeks leading up to the competition.

They'd flown home the morning after their victory and now it was just a matter of making it back to campus from the airport. Looking back Beca was just happy that they had all landed in one piece after Fat Amy had locked herself and Benji in the tiny airplane bathroom. She didn't even want to think about the sounds that had emanated from that tiny cubicle of a room. Not to mention that the flight attendant had given up on wrangling the whole group thirty minutes after the refreshments were handed out.

The ruckus was however useful in distracting her from her somewhat dour thoughts. She had spent the entire flight trying to figure out why the hell she was feeling off after such an emotional high. Truthfully, she had never been that in touch with her feelings. Her MO was to wall them up behind a facade of bravado and uninterested coolness but in the last few months she had opened up a little allowing doubts to cloud her usually quick thought process.

The year had taken her to some very interesting places so far. There wasn't much she could complain about and no reason for her to feel like she did. She rooted through the her recent memories to find the source of her discontent. Now, it seemed that deep introspection was kind of dangerous for her. She glanced up at Jesse. The forgone conclusion that had seemed so right ten hours ago now seemed uncomfortable. He slept beside her, gently resting an arm over her shoulder while they both reclined against the side of the bus. She winced and pulled away, letting his arm fall between them. When he didn't stir she sighed in relief and looked down the length of the bus.

She caught Aubry's eye. Her old nemesis turned friend smiled thinly and sent her a questioning look. Obviously, Aubry had seen her dislodge Jesse's arm.. She might not be as self obsessed as Beca had previously thought but thankfully she had spent so much time hating the change that Beca represented that she didn't know her well enough to ascertain that there were deeper reasons for it.

Chloe however could see right through her. From the beginning it had been clear that they had an inexplicable chemistry. A way of interacting that Beca refused to analyze out of fear. Her gaze strayed from Aubry to Chloe whose eyes were fixed on fleeting scenery outside the vehicle. She had turned her body away from everyone else and looked lost in thought. Her ear buds and transfixed expression were as clear as a "do not disturb" sign.

Beca looked back at Jesse, focusing on his face. He was cute, charming (in an almost annoying sort of way), and sweet. Why couldn't she feel it, the spark. It just didn't click. She had bought into the romantic ending. Girl gets boy and they live happily ever after... at least until the sequel and it's required suckiness. Her shoulders slumped. He was everything described in the movies that he had gone through great pains to make her watch but maybe she had expected too much. That kiss at the end of the competition wandered into her mind. It was great on paper. Climactic moment, big romantic gesture, and all following the most exciting experience of her life. When their lips had met she had expected fireworks or at least a weak ass sparkler. Apparently, it didn't have the magic, at least not for her.

Now she was at a loss. Part of her wondered if she should just tell him how she was feeling and let them both get out of danger while they could still salvage some sort of friendship but the competing voice in her head couldn't help but wonder if she wasn't being a bit hasty. They had spent a lot of time dancing around this and what if her fear of getting close was still lingering like the remnants of that burrito that Bumper had plastered all over Fat Amy. No, she owed it to them both to at least explore this. She immediately felt better. Sometimes making a decision was satisfying in itself.

Her eyes strayed to Chloe again. Her hair flowed down loose and free, unlike past trips where it had been harshly restrained in a tight bun to accompany the stodgy uniform that the Bella's had worn for so long. She looked relaxed but maybe a little tired, her legs were crossed and angled toward the window, the foot on top bobbing absently. Ever since they had first met at the activities fair she had found herself drawn to Chloe, her awareness always seemed to focus on the red hair, bright eyes, and shining aura even in a group.

The shower incident had been a breakthrough of sorts for Beca. She had connected with Chloe on a level that she had never experienced before. It was an amazing feeling and it filled her up, making her forget about her reluctance to let people see her. Chloe had a sort of calm, quirky confidence that immediately relaxed her and naturally lowered her walls. She enjoyed being with her and it was rarely awkward on an emotional level.

She found herself willing Chloe's eyes to turn on her. She wanted and needed to see their clarity. In a weird way it might reinforce her decision to give dating Jesse a shot. The bus came to a stop in the parking lot of the music building. She was surprised that she had missed the inevitable buzz that accompanied their arrival on the Barden campus.

Then it happened, their eyes met. Just as Chloe was taking her ear buds out, their eyes snapped onto each other like opposite poles. Without realizing it she was smiling into the shining blue eyes. She received a half-luster smile in return that didn't reach the blue orbs. Beca swallowed a hard lump that formed in her throat. Her smile faltered and she felt the need to say something that she couldn't fathom.

All the doubt returned,crashing on her like bricks. Her stomach turned sour suddenly and she lost her mental balance when Chloe looked away to retrieve her bag from the floor of the bus. Jesse stirred and opened his eyes. He touched her arm affectionately and smiled when she turned to him.

"Hey, you okay," he asked.

She nodded. "Yeah," she replied quietly.

An alkaline taste appeared on her tongue and panic gripped her but she stuffed it down and stood up to follow Jesse off the bus. Why did she feel like she was missing the plot? She concentrated on getting down the stairs in one piece and breathed easy as her feet hit asphalt, first one then the other. She searched for Chloe without realizing that she was literally ignoring Jesse talking to her.

"Beca?" He tapped her arm playfully. "Did you hear me?"

"Huh?" She tuned in despite being preoccupied.

He laughed nervously. "I've been talking to you for like thirty seconds but you were spacing out." He waved his hand in front of her face. "Are you that tired?"

"Oh, yeah... sorry. I was just..." She fiddled with the strap to her messenger bag and tried to focus on giving an acceptable answer. "Yeah, I'm exhausted. I actually think I'm going to head to my room and get some sleep." She ducked her head and tried unsuccessfully to seem less awkward.

"Oh," he said. His eyebrow raised and confusion colored his face. "Okay, well, I'll walk you there." He reached for her hand and grasped her cold fingers.

She smiled back at him. "You don't have to. It's in the opposite direction from your dorm and the walk will clear my head." She shuffled her feet. "All the post kicking your ass cobwebs, ya know." She gestured lamely, trying to lighten the interaction.

He stepped back, considering her words and body language. He was mystified at what could have happened between yesterday and today to make her seem so awkward around him. If there was one thing he had learned from dealing with Beca was that not only could you not lead her to water, you couldn't make her talk to you if she didn't want to. Anyway, he was tired and didn't think he was up to wading through her mixed signals.

"Okay, well... I guess I will talk to you tomorrow." He stepped towards her and placed a kiss on her forehead. "Text me when you get to your room so I know you're safe." He smiled and turned to walk toward his dorm.

She watched him go and lamented her inability to control her emotional roller coaster, then made her way to her dorm and climbed the stairs to the third floor. He key scraped the lock as she shoved it in and turned the knob. The room was dark and deserted, perfect. The bag slid from her shoulder to the floor beside her desk. She collapsed onto the bed and tried to succumb to the aching desire to rest but her mind would not settle. Nearly incoherent thoughts raced through, taking shape behind her closed eyes. Nevertheless, she eventually dozed off but woke nearly thirty minutes later to the sound of someone quietly knocking on her door.

She jolted awake, unaware of what had woken her until she heard the soft tap again. Her eyes rolled as she sat up and forced herself to her feet. When she opened the door she was already severely annoyed at being disturbed but when she saw Jesse standing there with a worried expression she nearly exploded.

"Hey," he said, "You didn't text me so I got worried"

She closed her eyes and focused on reigning her temper. "Yeah, I forgot," she sighed, "And anyway you didn't have to come all the way over here" She grimaced as his face fell. Obviously, there might be a bit more to his showing up at her door but she refused to acknowledge it right now. She didn't mean to reject his gesture so outright but she also didn't want to encourage the behavior. "You should have just called."

"I did" he said, "three times."

"I'm sorry," she gestured into her room, "I must still have it on silent from the bus."

"That's okay," he replied, "Can I come in?"

She leaned on the door frame. "Not right now, Jesse. I am literally exhausted and I'm so not going to be good company right now."

"Oh, okay," he replied, "Well, just call me tomorrow when you feel like it." He turned to go but paused and then turned back to face her. Gently he rested a hand on her face and leaned in. The kiss was light and quick. He smiled slightly. "Goodnight"

He was down the hall and to the stairwell before she shut the door. His lips felt foreign, like they didn't belong on her skin. They had left a mark of unease that lingered minutes after. She returned to her bed and got under the covers. Her phone lay on top of the comforter beside her and she picked it up and checked her notifications.

There were the three missed calls from Jesse but just under his name was another; Chloe. She had one voice mail and since she knew that Jesse didn't leave voice mails, it had to be from Chloe. Part of her wanted to save it for later, to wait until tomorrow when everything would be more clear. That part was shouted down by her curiosity and unnamed desire.

She tapped the screen and put the phone to her ear. After getting through the requisite automated voice mail message telling her what she already knew she heard Chloe's voice. A small smile captured her lips.

"Hey Beca, I still have the jacket you loaned me and I would have waited to call you tomorrow but it had your IPod in the pocket and I was afraid you would be looking for it. So, just give me a call tomorrow and I can drop it by. Have a good night."

A dizzy satisfied pleasure infused her consciousness throughout the message. She remembered offering Chloe her jacket when they stopped for a break during the drive. It had made her feel a little chivalrous and she liked the idea of Chloe wearing her jacket. It looked better on her anyway. Of course, she had been scoffed at when she had suggested that. It was that simultaneous confidence in her body and humble nature that endeared Chloe to those who saw it.

She wasn't going to analyze any of this. It was three in the morning and she was liable to have any number of ill wrought emotions swirling within her. Lady crushes and boy problems could wait and in spite of her predicament she smiled. She would definitely see Chloe tomorrow and that, she decided, would help her sort out what was going on with her schizo emotional state, but something niggled at the edge of her consciousness.

Would she normally be this excited about seeing a friend? Chloe was different though, they had a different kind of connection to any she had experienced before. She had never had a close girl friend so maybe it was just a matter of gender difference. At the moment she was happy to build a wall to keep out the obvious conclusions.

She reached back for her headphones and pulled them onto her ears with every intention of retreating into her refuge. She turned her media player on and curled into a ball. Music would make her forget, at least until sleep overtook her and the confusing dreams involving one redhead took center stage. Maybe she shouldn't have put Titanium on repeat after all.