A/N: Ok, so check out the homepage. I wrote this for this site for a contest. I'm thinking of doing another chapter for it from Severus' POV, but I'm not sure yet. Hope you like it. . Ali

Fanfiction #

Author: alichan951

Total Word count: 3600

Title:
Masquerade

Sirius' POV

December 18, 2018

I remember it all so clearly. I remember when he died, and how he died. When both of us that were in love with him, I remember that love clearly. This transparent curtain cannot hide what I felt that day, when I held him in my arms as he said his last goodbyes to Severus and I.

This was how it all began, and how it turned, somehow, into a play-one that involved our emotions in their entirety. It turned into a masquerade, where no person knew whom the other was anymore, or how they were feeling. This is how the death of the person so dear to both of us came to be.

"Remus, where are you?" I called through the walls of Hogwarts. I was residing here because I had nowhere else that I could go and still be safe from the authorities. "Remus, I'm going to find you eventually." I chuckled as I took out the map that we made back in our own student days. I'd borrowed it from Harry, and said the words to get the lines and people to appear on the map. I found your dot… in the library. I had a feeling that if you were going to hide from me, that's where you would go, considering that you always hid there from me when you wanted to be alone.

I smiled at memories of looking the castle up and down to find you only to find you in the library, studying your brains out. I sighed as I realized that you haven't really changed much. A smile crossed my face as I saw your dot moving to go into… the library even further. The 'Remus' dot was moving toward the- I was in shock! The 'Severus Snape' dot! What was he doing there, and why were you with him?

I felt my heart clench in jealousy, and I stalked off towards the library. I'd erased the map and stuck it back in my pocket. The rage I felt wasn't subsiding as I burst into the library, disturbing the few people that were inside. I walked to the back corner where I knew you were residing and saw the sight that made me stop dead in my tracks. Snape was giving you a massage! He leaned close to your ear and I had to make sure that I wasn't going to snap. I paced the length of the library for a few minutes and when I came back, I noticed that he was closer to you than he was before. I wanted to kill him there and then, but I might hit you in the process.

I gritted my teeth together and ground out the words, "Remus, can I talk to you for a minute?" Your eyes snapped open at my voice, and Snape glanced up to give me a sneer and a glare.

"We're kind of busy right now, mutt," Snape said, hatred clearly lining his voice. "Come back later to get Remus. I'm helping him right now. Now scat!"

My hands at my sides turned into fists. I shook my head and I heard a sigh. "Severus, I'll be back later." Remus stood and followed my quickening pace out of the library and outside.

As soon as I had him partially into the forest, I grabbed his shoulders and pushed him against a tree. "Remus, why were you letting him do those disgusting things to you?" Remus looked confused.

"Where the things he was doing disgust you, or was it the person doing them that disgusts you?" he asked me calmly, not fazed about my rough handling of him.

"I can't believe you would let himSnape, touch you in such a way. I can't believe that you're being subdued by that Death Eater!" Tears jumped to my eyes, and sadness lined my voice. "I can't believe that you can't understand how much it hurts me to see the both of you together like that! It's not the first time that I've found you like that either! I've seen you k-ki-- " I broke off, unable to continue in my current condition. "I saw him kiss you!"

I looked up to see a glare in your eyes. "You spied on me?" I could only nod, and I felt you shove me away from you as I caught myself from falling on the ground. "You know what I can't believe? I can't believe that you went so low, Sirius! I can't believe that you really know what it is that I feel for him, or what he feels for me, or if either of us feels anything for the other at all!" You started to stomp your way back to the castle when I jumped up and grabbed you around the waist.

"There's a reason that I can't stand to see the both of you together like that," I said, and I felt you turn in my arms. "The reason is," I paused and bit my lip. "Because I've been in love with you for a long time, years in fact. I've loved you since our last year of school, and you were the only thing I thought about while I was in Azkaban. The love I felt for you then is stronger now, and it was the thing that kept me sane for those thirteen years. Can't you understand why seeing you two together hurts me so?" I dropped my arms and turned away. "Can't you understand why it hurts me knowing that my love is unrequited by the person that I was more close to until recently, when you started paying attention to-to him!" I fell to the ground as the tears started to overtake me.

"I can understand, but you have to understand something as well Sirius. I fell in love with you back then, back in our seventh year, but you were always spending so much time with James that I thought you would choose him over me if I ever decided to tell you how I felt." I felt you settle onto the ground beside me, and I felt your arms wrap around my waist. "I'm sorry that I hurt you Siri, but I need you to understand something else as well. I didn't stay hung up on you as you did me. I moved on. It's been five years since the downfall of Voldemort, and I've been living in the castle since then. I know that this is hard to hear, but I'm in love with him. I fell in love with him after a year of being here. You didn't arrive here for another year, and it was just a few months ago that I gathered my courage to tell him. He accepted me as I was, and told me that he loved me too."

"Despite what you may be thinking right now, I really do love him, and I can tell he really, truly cares for me. I'm sorry that I can't make you happy, Siri. So, I'm thinking that it might be better if you decide to let me go with grace and don't make another big commotion like the one you did today." I felt you squeeze me and stand. "But know this, I did love you once, but not now. I can't say that I might love you in the future, because I don't think that will happen." You walked away from me, and the tears came back in ten-fold.

Why did this happen to me? Why did you have to go and fall for that undeserving man? Why can't you promise me that we'll be together?

Reflecting on it now, it was thoughts like these that eventually led to your downfall.

I wandered the castle after that, in a daze. I'd been rejected by the person that I truly loved. I felt a hollow empty shell start to form where my heart had once been, and that shell would turn into a dark hole of despair and pain soon. My light filled heart would become a pit of black that would swallow any positive emotion that I had. The whirlpool in my heart would become my own downfall, and perhaps I would take Snape with me when I died. That would have given me satisfaction.

I wandered like a lost person, tears continually streaming down my face. I got stares from other staff, and concerned looks, and concerned comments on my current condition. I talked to few people that day, and as soon as I found my rooms while I was wandering, I went inside and flopped down on the bed. I felt more tears erupt, and again, I cried.

A few months passed, and I managed to avoid you and Snape while you were together, and I would joke around with you like we used to before he was in the picture. Neither of us mentioned that day, which was fine with me. I should have been happy with the way things were, but I wasn't. I felt that hole in my heart grow more and more each day, and it finally got to a point where I met Snape in the corridor and decided to get even.

I saw him, and the expression on both of our faces turned to hatred, and I pulled my wand. Just as he got his out, I shouted, "Expelliarmus!" and managed to get your wand. "Crucio," I muttered and you fell to the ground in pain. I realized what was happening, and I stopped the spell and threw the wand back at Snape. I ran down the hall to McGonagall's office. "Phoenix down," I said the password and ran up the spiral staircase to her office.

"Welcome Sirius. Tea?" I shook my head and collapsed into a chair. "Are you alright Sirius? You look rather pale, and you're shaking. Do you need to go to the hospital wing?" I shook my head again. "Then what do you need Sirius?"

"I need you to fire me, or send me to Azkaban or kill me." I said, and none of these fazed you in the slightest.

"Now, tell me Sirius, why would I want to do that, and why would you need any of those options?" You asked, stirring your tea.

"Because I preformed an Unforgivable on another member of the staff." Tears sprung to my eyes as I recalled the pained look in Snape's eyes as he felt the effects of the curse.

"I see. Crucio was it?" I nodded. "I see, but that's not expel worthy for a teacher. Unless you really believe you should be punished. Ah, I know the perfect punishment. You have to spend the next week with Severus Snape in all his classes. I will find someone to cover yours, and you will be one of Severus' students. I believe that will be suitable." She sipped her tea as I stared at her in shock.

"But, Minerva, he is the one I used it on!" I cried out, "I might do it again!"

"Oh, I highly doubt that, seeing as how neither of you will have wands for the next week." She pulled open her drawer and sure enough there were two wands in her hand. "See? This way neither of you can hurt the other magically. Now leave, I have a mountain of paperwork to do."

Over that week, Snape and I got into several fistfights, but had no magic to use against the other. Remus didn't look at me that entire week, and paid extra attention to Snape. I ground my teeth at the end of the week when I felt my pocket go heavy with my wand again.

Another year passed, and to no avail of notes or talking did Snape and Remus ever break it off. They were happier together as a couple than I had seen for a long, long time. Nor have I seen any as happy as they were. Finally, I got the courage to talk to Remus about that night again.

"Remus, I just want you to know that I'm finally moving on from you. I know that you won't ever love me like I want you to, and I'm finally accepting it." I bowed my head as I said it. "I'm sorry for everything that I've done to only cause you pain."

"Siri, you were right in a way. Sev and I have been having problems for the last few months, and last night I found him in bed with someone else. I found myself watching you this last couple of months, and I realize that the love I felt for you once is coming back, twice as hard. If I can, I would like a second chance to be with you. I just want you to know that I'm still partially in love with Sev, and if you can accept me with that in mind, I'd be more in your debt than you could ever imagine." I felt your eyes scanning my back and my heart clenched.

Why then? Why did you decide to choose then to tell me that you were falling in love with me again when I was finally almost over you?

I felt myself turn and pull you towards me. I hated that you were taller than me, but I still loved you. I wrapped my arms around your neck, and pulled your head down to receive the first and last kiss that I would ever get from you. When our lips met, I felt electricity between us that I'd never felt before. You wrapped one arm around my shoulder and one against the small of my back to pull me closer to you.

Our lips melded together, and I felt a happiness bloom in my heart of despair, and right then is when I finally began to heal. As you slipped your tongue into my mouth, you tore away suddenly and collapsed. I was in a panic. I picked you up and carried you to the infirmary. I laid you down onto a bed and called for Madame Pomfrey. She walked in, took one look at Remus and then shoved me out the doors.

A little while later, Snape came running up and asked, "Is Remus alright? I heard from McGonagall. Is he going to be alright?" I shook my head for two reasons: one of despair and one of disgust. This bastard had decided that now he was going to be worried now? Madame Pomfrey showed up in the doorway and said that we could both see him now.

I rushed inside and sat down into the chair next to his bed. "Hey, Moony, I'm here. I'm here," I muttered against the hand that I picked up. "I'm not leaving your side, I promise."

"Siri? Is that you?" Tears sprung to my eyes.

"Yes, love, yes. It's me. I'm here now." I smiled a sad smile through my tears. Remus looked like he was in bad shape. "I promise that I won't leave your side until you get better."

"I'm not going to get better. I found out just now that I have no chance of getting better. Apparently there was a curse from the war that became active just a short time ago- probably about a week, at least according to Madame Pomfrey. It's one that I've never heard of, but it's fatal. Could you go and get Sev for me?"

"He's here already."

"Let me speak to him."

I nodded, even though I knew he couldn't see it. "Ok." Snape went over to his bed and sat down, grasping the same hand that I'd dropped. I never found out what it was that they talked about, just like Snape never found out what Remus and I had talked about.

While they were talking, I went up to Madame Pomfrey. "Do you know how long he has?" I asked, refusing to let the tears fall from my eyes.

"I'm afraid not more than twenty-four hours. You are both permitted to stay with him for his last hours. You are the only ones that I'm allowing though, so don't go telling his other friends about all of this." I nodded my head.

Snape came back over to me and said, "He told me his goodbyes, and he told me to tell you that it was your turn."

I nodded and walked over to the bed. "Love, I just talked to Madame Pomfrey. This is your last day with us. What do you want me to do for you?"

"Will you just stay and listen for a little while?"

"Yes."

"Siri, did you know that I loved you more than life itself when we were in school? Did you know that I'm truly sorry that I never told you how I felt then? Did you know that I want to go back to those days so that we can finally be together if only for a little longer than this? Did you know that I would do anything for you, even if it hurts me to?"

"Moony, did you know that I loved you more than you could imagine all these years? Did you know that I've never stopped loving you even after everything that has happened to us? Did you know that if we got together back then, it might not be any different than it is now? Did you know that I would gladly give my life so that you could live?

"I know all of that. But you never answered me. Did you know all of that?"

I smiled and choked slightly on the tears that were flooding my voice. "Of course I knew all of that you silly werewolf." I heard a small laugh come from him.

"I love you, Siri. Don't ever dwell on the bad. Think of everything good in life, and live for now and for the day. Don't give in so easily, and know that I'll be waiting for you forever more. I love you, Siri, and know that I didn't mean to cause you so much pain. Can you forgive me?"

"I forgave you long ago. Don't you know what it means to love someone? It means always putting their feelings before your own, even if it causes you pain. That's why I didn't do more to interfere with you and Snape. I love you, and that's all that matters now. I love you, now and forever." I closed my eyes and held your hand in both of mine.

Snape came over a few minutes later and took his other hand. "We'll be staying with you until you leave this plane."

"Thank you, both of you. Thank you for staying."

"You're welcome," we both answered at the same time. About 9 hours passed, and you took your final breath. Both of us were staying with you, and neither of us had fallen asleep. Both of us wept as you left us, but we knew that you wouldn't have to endure any more pain.

We arranged the funeral. Only close friends were allowed, so not many people attended the funeral. Everyone paid their respects, and watched the coffin put into the ground. Snape and I stayed the longest though, neither wanting to move from the spot in fear that it might disappear. "Did you forgive him?" I heard Snape ask me after a long silence.

"Yes. I loved him with all my heart for almost twenty years. How could I not forgive him?"

"He asked if I could forgive the fact that he didn't love me as much as he used to. I fell out of love with him too, so of course I forgave him."

That was the last we said to each other that day. Another hour passed, and Snape stood and left the grave. I stayed, and it started to rain. Snape and I had decided on the gravestone with much debate. But it had finally read:

Remus Lupin
1960-2008
Devoted Kind Loving
Will be remembered fondly

And as I'm writing this, I'm sitting in front of that very gravestone. Tears are falling.

Yes, I remember now, it's been over ten years since you died. I still love you, and I haven't found anyone new, because I am still in love with you. All throughout this, this masquerade that we had came to and end with your death.

Our play of emotions and lives came to and end with you, and I realize now that it wasn't just a masquerade, but a shield to protect us in our own little worlds. Yes, I realize now, you did it for protection, and tried hard to keep everyone else out. Your world was the most important, and you let two people that were important into it.

These ten years have given me all the time I wanted to think about the past, which I refuse to let go of. I think I finally can now, considering that I'm more than convinced that you love me, and you love just me now. I'm the only one in your heart, and I think now that I can move on with my life.

Thank you for everything that you did for me, even when you didn't return my feelings until the last possible moment of your life. I will treasure these memories forever as I look toward the light of the future of when I can finally join you in heaven and be with you forever.

I'll see you soon.